SWY 40

It was a relief that Sharhan was unconscious at this moment.

‘Lestel, you crazy bastard. Why are you trembling? It’s not even a kiss, you’re just giving him water.’

Even if it was a kiss, it wouldn’t be any different. After doing it hundreds, thousands of times in his imagination, he’d gotten nervous and messed up the moment Sharhan’s lips came close. It was humiliating.

‘But still, how could I not tremble with Shan’s lips, the ones I’ve always craved, right in front of me?’

Excuses wouldn’t help. Just thinking about what would’ve happened if it really had been a kiss made him dizzy.

‘Sharhan probably would’ve laughed.’

He’d gotten so mad when Lestel called him worn out and bragged about how many times he’d used his lower half that Lestel had gone and spouted nonsense. But if he’d shown how much of a trembling newbie he actually was, Sharhan would’ve pounced on that weakness and teased him relentlessly.

‘Calm down. Breathe. It already kills me that I missed being your first. I’m not letting you laugh at me in bed too.’

The thought that someone else had taken Sharhan’s first time while they were apart made Lestel burn with jealousy. Judging by Sharhan’s reactions when he teased him, he probably wasn’t as experienced as he claimed.

But Lestel didn’t believe he was completely innocent either. Even if it wasn’t much, it was nearly impossible to stay a virgin while roaming around the Empire as a mercenary. Most mercenaries were all about alcohol and sex.

‘So of course Sharhan slept with someone. Fuck. I worked so hard to keep everyone else off him.’

He’d stayed glued to Sharhan’s side so no one could get close. Outwardly they played rivals and enemies, but behind the scenes Lestel was constantly on guard. Not that Sharhan ever noticed, he was annoyingly dense like that.

Even when Lestel had been forced to leave for the academy, the first thing he thought about was how to bring Sharhan with him. The Kaios folks hated losing to House Ailun, so stoking Sharhan’s competitive fire hadn’t been hard.

The real problem was Kaios’s poverty. But even that had been solved. Lestel had paid a hefty price to buy back a Kaios heirloom Sharhan’s father had pawned.

The pawnshop had deemed it worthless, but Lestel shelled out the money so Sharhan could enter the academy without worry. And, of course, Sharhan had no idea.

‘Damn. I didn’t think we’d be apart for three years.’

Just thinking about all the time he couldn’t watch over Sharhan made his blood boil. Lestel had always needed to share every moment with him, and the longer they were separated, the more it drove him mad.

Especially the thought that Sharhan might’ve found someone important during that time, that was unbearable. Just picturing Sharhan tangled up with someone else filled Lestel with murderous rage.

‘I was supposed to be your first and your last.’

He’d missed the first. He didn’t blame Sharhan for it, but it still pissed him off. They said men never forgot their first, and Lestel didn’t want anyone unforgettable living in Sharhan’s head.

To fix that, he’d have to become the most intense, most unforgettable partner Sharhan ever had. He couldn’t have Sharhan’s heart, but he could own his body completely. That twisted mix of obsession and affection boiled over.

“Ha, get it together.”

Lestel took a deep breath. Just like always, he had to play the version of himself Sharhan knew. He couldn’t let his darkness or obsession slip out. He didn’t want to look like some clingy brat either.

Thinking back on all the imaginary sex he’d had with Sharhan in his mind, Lestel calmed his nerves and cooled his burning face with a handful of snow. Then, once again, he filled his mouth with a lump of snow.

“W-water…”

Sharhan asked for water. That sense of urgency steadied Lestel’s hands. He pressed his lips to Sharhan’s and gently pushed the now-lukewarm meltwater into his mouth.

Sharhan gulped it down every time. Once wasn’t enough, Lestel had to melt snow again and again, and each time their tongues touched. Every time it happened, a shiver ran down Lestel’s spine.

“Want more?”

Even after several times, Sharhan’s lips parted again. As Lestel gave him the fifth mouthful of water, he couldn’t pull away.

He slowly swept his tongue through Sharhan’s mouth, now wet and soft from the moisture. He nudged against Sharhan’s teeth, sucked on his overheated tongue, and tangled their tongues deeper and deeper until his lower half ached.

He felt like a beast, getting turned on while Sharhan lay there unconscious from fever. But he couldn’t stop. Even after Sharhan had drunk enough, a thirst still gnawed at him from deep inside.

The thirst called desire, buried in his gut, was something no amount of water could quench.

‘It’s even better than in my fantasies.’

Sharhan’s mouth was more intoxicating than anything Lestel had ever imagined. Feeling half mad, he ravished Sharhan’s mouth again and again, only pulling back when he ran out of breath.

He looked down at Sharhan’s face. Then, unable to resist, he sank his teeth into his pale neck. The skin was too sweet, he licked, bit, and sucked until–

Sharhan suddenly reached out and grabbed him tightly.

“Shan?”

Startled, Lestel lifted his lips. Sharhan’s eyes were half-open. Those violet eyes, usually sharp and clear, were unfocused.

“C-cold…”

His fever had dropped fast, and now Sharhan was shivering violently. Lestel cursed under his breath and hugged him tightly. Their bodies were already pressed together, but Sharhan clung even closer, desperate for warmth. Their legs tangled, their bodies entwined like mating snakes.

Even with Derry’s robe over them, Sharhan was still freezing. He hadn’t been this cold the whole time he was burning up with fever. That meant he was getting worse.

“C-cold…”

His lips were turning blue. His body was growing colder by the second. Hugging him felt like holding a corpse, and fear drained the color from Lestel’s face. His heart felt like it dropped with a thud.

“Shan, hold on. You have to hold on.”

Whispering over and over, Lestel just kept holding him, not knowing what else to do. Then suddenly, he stood up.

He stripped off Sharhan’s clothes, then stripped himself bare and wrapped their naked bodies together. Skin-to-skin would transfer heat better, he thought.

He pressed himself tightly against Sharhan, leaving no gaps for the cold to sneak in, and rubbed his skin over and over. Sharhan’s body was so cold it chilled Lestel to the bone, but he didn’t care about his own comfort.

“Don’t die. If you leave me like this, I’ll never forgive you. Please, wake up.”

Terrified he might lose Sharhan forever, Lestel did everything he could to keep him warm, rubbing, embracing, transferring all the heat he had.

Eventually, the worst passed. The chattering in Sharhan’s jaw eased, and his skin, once cold as death, began to warm again.

But just as Lestel sighed in relief, the fever surged back. This time it was worse than before, Sharhan’s skin burned so hot it looked like steam was rising from his body.

“Ah, Iris… g-going to kill you… Lestel…”

“I’m here.”

“Fuck, who told you… to use your body like that. I’m…”

Sharhan rambled deliriously in the heat. Lestel ran outside naked and scooped up armfuls of snow. The freezing wind bit at his body and made his hands go numb, but there was no time to stop.

He rubbed Sharhan’s burning skin with snow to cool him down. Then when Sharhan started shivering again, he warmed him with his body. Over and over.

Only by late afternoon did Sharhan’s condition finally stabilize. Lestel stayed watching, certain this time the crisis had passed. He lay down, exhausted.

“Shan, I’m collecting interest on this debt.”

***

“Warm…”

With a dry throat, Sharhan muttered weakly and instinctively moved toward the warmth. The heat against his back, the comfort of being wrapped up, it all felt so good that he couldn’t help but rub against it.

“Honey, are you trying to seduce me right now?”

“….”

He knew it was Lestel’s voice, but his mind was still foggy and the words didn’t fully register. Sharhan slowly pulled himself toward consciousness. That’s when he noticed his body felt heavy, and he wasn’t in the best shape.

“You’re still out of it, huh? So what kind of dream were you having that made you grind your ass on me like that?”

Lestel kept muttering weird things to himself.

“….”

“I went through all that to save you, and now you’re humping someone else in your dreams?”

What the hell is this crazy bastard saying?

“Damn, the way your ass is rubbing on me feels way too practiced. Maybe you have been sleeping around like crazy. Fuck, this is torture. Just wait till you’re better.”

When did the marquis’s darling son start cursing like that? Did the filth get stuck in his mouth or something? And what the hell was he planning once Sharhan got better?

“…Don’t tell me you’re dreaming about using your hole?”

What the hell is this guy even talking about? Sharhan’s brows furrowed in irritation.

‘Why does Lestel’s voice sound like it’s coming from right next to my ear?’