SWY 62

Sharhan was caught off guard by the sudden kiss and tried to push Lestel away, but Lestel only pressed his lips even harder. Wrapping his arms tightly around the struggling Sharhan, he pried open his mouth and forced his tongue inside.

‘You crazy bastard! I warned you not to kiss me!’

Sharhan had clenched his fist, ready to slam it into the back of Lestel’s head, but his strength slipped away. The way Lestel’s tongue tangled with his own, sucking as if desperate, somehow made him hesitate.

Sharhan hesitantly reached up and hugged Lestel. At the feel of his arms, Lestel twitched and pushed him down onto the bed. Collapsing with a thud, Sharhan couldn’t resist Lestel’s fierce kiss, which seemed determined to consume every inch of his mouth. He opened wider.

‘Just this once, I’ll let it slide.’

Whenever Lestel showed weakness, Sharhan’s resolve would crumble too. It had always been that way since they were young.

Only after their tongues had gone numb from the intensity did Lestel finally pull away. A thin string of saliva connected their glistening lips.

Breathing hard, Sharhan looked up at Lestel. The green eyes staring down at him seemed damp, as though he might cry, not that he was, but it felt that way.

After silently holding his gaze for a long moment, Lestel brought a hand to his left chest and began to grope around. It wasn’t a sexual gesture, but something about it made Sharhan’s lower stomach tingle. He tensed his thigh and asked,

“What are you doing?”

“How much did it hurt?”

“…What kind of question is that?”

“When I got hurt earlier, how much did your heart hurt?”

“What if I said it hurt like hell?”

“…Didn’t you say you hated the pain?”

“What? When did I–Oh, right. I think I said that the day we left Verden.”

“Actually, I kind of liked it.”

“Not surprised. Of course you did.”

That was the kind of relationship Lestel and Sharhan had always had.

“I definitely did but…”

“Anyway, can you get off me now?”

Lestel was still hovering over him, trapping him between his arms. Feeling awkward, Sharhan pushed at his chest, but Lestel didn’t budge.

“It felt good because it meant you were in pain because of me. That we were still connected.”

“I said move.”

“When I found the magic contract, my first thought was, ‘Ah, now I can tie Shan to my side forever.’”

“What are you even trying to say?”

No matter how hard he pushed, Lestel refused to move. He was acting strange, ever since they’d escaped the archer and Lestel realized that Sharhan’s stumble had been because of the contract’s effect. From that moment, he’d trembled as if in fear and refused to leave Sharhan’s side.

“I wanted you to hurt because of me.”

“What the hell are you trying to say? Speak so I can understand!”

“Not once, since we came here, have I gotten hurt.”

“So?”

“I thought that’s how it would always be.”

“Then that’s your…”

“Yeah, I know. That was my arrogance. In a world like this, where anything could happen, to believe I’d never be touched, that was pure madness.”

Lestel’s voice was laced with bitter self-mockery.

“…”

“Honestly, I didn’t mind if I got hurt and you suffered for it. I like it when you hurt because of me. I want you to cry because of me.”

“Lestel, you…”

Sharhan wanted to ask if he’d lost his mind, but the words caught in his throat. Instead, he found himself swallowing hard. Lestel’s hand reached for his throat, gently brushing his Adam apple. His touch was soft, affectionate, warm. Sharhan’s heart pounded faster.

“Shit… But then I thought, what if you die because of me? That terrified me. If I’m the one in pain and you share it, I can bear it. But if you die, if you’re gone forever, I can’t accept that. I swore that if I ever found you again, I’d never let go. I bound you to me with a contract, but I never once considered death. I was foolish. If you die, I might as well die with you, but still… I want you alive. By my side.”

“……”

Sharhan’s heart now felt like it would burst from his chest. The pounding was so violent it made him dizzy. He held on to consciousness by a thread, replaying Lestel’s words in his mind, and felt his face burn red.

Heat climbed from his nape to his scalp, his palms were sweaty, and his mouth kept drying out, forcing him to swallow over and over.

‘He said he was looking for me? So it really was me.’

What had once been a guess now solidified into certainty, and it made his throat tighten. The odd, awkward feeling overwhelmed him, making it hard to meet Lestel’s eyes.

‘It, it really sounds like a confession.’

The voices of Derry and Abel, asking if they were lovers, echoed in his ears, adding to his confusion. His eyes darted around, desperate for an escape, when–

“So I’ll tear this up.”

Lestel sat up and pulled out the contract.

“W-wait!”

Sharhan lunged and snatched the parchment just before he could rip it.

“What are you doing?! Why would you tear it up?!”

“What do you mean? Isn’t that what you wanted me to do?”

“O-of course I wanted it! You think I like being chained to you like a damn dog? The world’s ended, I can’t even get my gold anymore!”

Though yelling furiously, Sharhan clutched the parchment tightly, unwilling to let go. Lestel furrowed his brows.

“I’m telling you I’ll tear it. I wouldn’t have if I hadn’t seen with my own eyes that you might die because of me. No matter how much pain you were in, I probably would’ve felt secretly pleased. That’s why, give it to me now. I won’t want to tear it tomorrow.”

“Just answer me one thing. If you die, do I die too?”

“What?”

“I said, if you die, does this damn contract make my heart explode too?”

“No. According to the manual, if I get hurt, you’ll feel pain, but if one of us dies, the contract breaks. That’s the loophole. We’re not supposed to tell anyone. Magic contracts aren’t perfect, apparently. Ugh, I wasn’t gonna say anything. Damn that bastard Lord Luhas. I wish the contract had bound our lives together too.”

Lestel’s feelings, cursing and regret, spilled out raw and unfiltered. Sharhan, now just as shaken, tried to calm his pounding heart and said,

“You’re insane. Anyway, as long as I don’t die, it’s fine.”

But his voice trembled as it left his mouth. Grinding his teeth, he tucked the contract into his coat.

“Why are you keeping that?”

“It’s mine now. I’ll tear it when I feel like it.”

“Are you insane? You’re the crazy one, not me.”

Lestel looked genuinely worried. Sharhan turned away, sulking.

“I’m perfectly sane.”

“You know how long it took me to make this decision? If the world hadn’t ended like this, I’d have never let you go. I would’ve kept you by my side forever.”

“I know. You’re exactly the type to do that. But hey, don’t we have something else to talk about? Did you really… come looking for me–”

Trying to change the subject with flushed ears, Sharhan was cut off again.

“I’m offering to tear it up, and you won’t let me. Why?”

“I’m keeping it because if we ever get separated, this will let me know if you’re still alive!”

His head was spinning from Lestel’s words, his heart was racing, and he didn’t even understand why he hadn’t torn it himself. Now with Lestel shouting, he snapped.

“…What?”

“You said it yourself. In this messed-up world, anything can happen. Sure, I hope we make it to Serman safely, but one of us could die, or we could get separated. This contract, at least, can tell me if you’re still alive. If we get separated and your body’s fine, hurt yourself slightly within a day. If my heart reacts, I’ll know you’re alive. Don’t cut too deep, just a nick. If a day passes and I feel nothing, I’ll assume you’re dead and go to Serman alone. Remember, I’ll only wait one day. Iris is what matters most to me…”

Sharhan had tried to speak coldly, to justify what he thought was a reasonable decision. But once again, his sentence was cut short. Lestel suddenly wrapped one arm around his waist and kissed him again.

This crazy bastard, always going for the lips.

Still, Sharhan found himself parting his own lips, arms winding around Lestel’s back.