DMHS 110

“If a man kills a stranger just because he is in a bad mood, he should be punished. If a man already has more than enough and yet harms others out of greed to take what is not his, he should be punished the same.”

“……”

“But what about the man who sets a fire as a last resort to protect the people he loves? Should he also be punished only because lives were lost? Even though the elves knew what would happen to them, they still waited for death.”

Kian opened his mouth, then closed it again. Hearing such words from a dragon who had always treated humans like pebbles underfoot was strange and unexpected.

But that didn’t change Kian’s thoughts.

“In the case of Betias, I believe there was room for leniency. But what about Yan? He killed someone who was a civilian.”

“Since when did we start calling a man in armor holding a sword a civilian?”

“Yes, he was armed. But he only went out to make a living. He wasn’t a trained soldier.”

“So what? Once he held a sword, mercy was meaningless. Besides, the one who struck first was on his side.”

Kian had thought the same before. After replaying that event tens of thousands of times in his mind, such thoughts had crossed him too.

Even so, his conclusion never changed.

‘I must not give myself forgiveness.’

Because innocent lives had been lost that day.

“I can accept that about the soldier. But what about his father? He was forced out of the village and met his end. As far as I know, the boy’s father was executed publicly afterward. Do you think it was just that the father paid the price for the son’s crime?”

“You’re skipping the heart of it and clinging to what’s beside it. Isn’t what you should really be questioning something else? The martial tournament Yan joined was a trap meant for his father.”

“That’s true. Yan fell into it without realizing…”

“No. You shouldn’t blame the one who fell into the trap. You should blame the one who set it. It was that count who started it in the first place.”

Kian pressed his fingers against the corner of his eyes.

“I never said the count wasn’t wrong. But the boy had his share of fault too.”

“If you go by that logic, then there isn’t a single flawless human being in the world.”

“No. That’s not true.”

Kian’s tone grew harsh. He had once told himself it was only the past, but seeing his younger self through another’s eyes made him realize how foolish he had been.

He had thought that part of him had already healed, leaving only a scar.

But it hadn’t. He had only pretended not to notice it, and he had never really moved on.

The wound was deep and refused to heal. Even the smallest touch made the raw flesh show again.

Kian hated his weakness. He wanted to hide the truth that the hero who defeated the Demon King, the kingdom’s greatest swordsman, Yan, was in truth just a fragile man.

At that moment, Lucien lowered his gaze and spoke softly.

“…Sorry. I didn’t mean to upset you.”

“Ah.”

The heat in Kian’s head cooled instantly.

It wasn’t Lucien who owed an apology. It was him, who had lost himself in the past and spoken without thought.

Kian had lived a long time under false names—Sham, Peter, Emil—hiding who he really was.

But just now, the one standing here had been Yan himself.

Seeing that self again without meaning to was only pitiful.

‘I almost argued with him over something long gone.’

Kian brushed back his bangs with a sigh. He was about to admit his own rashness when Lucien blinked slowly.

“As you know, there’s much I don’t understand about humans. I never cared to, either. But living with you has made me curious. I find it strange myself.”

“I feel the same about that.”

“So what I say isn’t absolute judgment. Just know that someone can think this way too. When I looked at their past, I thought this: the elves and Yan’s father must have been happy.”

“What?”

“I only saw them at their worst, but choosing that path in that moment means they loved their heroes. Yan’s father must have been glad to protect his son even then.”

“……”

“And he must have wished for his son to live happier than himself. It would be the same if their places were switched. Don’t you think so?”

Lucien smiled.

Kian stared at him.

Tens of thousands of times, he had examined every possibility about that day. Every time, he had come to the same conclusion: he must never forgive himself.

But Lucien’s words shook his heart.

‘Would Father have wanted me to suffer under guilt and pain?’

The answer was no. The father Kian remembered would have said this.

–Yan, I want you to live unburdened. Don’t cling to what has passed. Live and embrace the present that comes to you.

Plop.

Tears fell from Kian’s eyes. Only when he wiped his face with his hand did he realize he was crying.

“Uh…”

Kian looked flustered.

“No, this is… strange. I don’t feel sad, and I don’t feel like crying.”

“That can happen. Anyone would be moved by Yan’s story. It’s alright to cry.”

Those words were like a spell. His eyes suddenly burned, and tears poured down.

Kian lowered his head. His jaw clenched, and his muscles stood out.

Plop. Plop. Plop.

The falling tears darkened the floor. He tried to stop them by furrowing his brow, but his body refused to obey. It took all his strength just to keep any sound from escaping between his tightly closed lips.

“It’s alright.”

Lucien’s indifferent comfort only made him cry harder.

“……”

Kian wept in silence.

Even at his family’s funeral, he hadn’t shed a single tear, but now the tears poured down like rain.

He had thought he had done enough—enough regret, enough self-blame, enough resentment.

But he hadn’t. He had only run away from grief he couldn’t bear. The fact that he was still bound to the past proved it.

‘He said he walked that unwanted path because of love.’

Once, Kian would have dismissed such words as nonsense. But when he thought of his father, who had been taken away after sending him off, he knew it wasn’t wrong.

Only then did Kian understand why he had never been able to forgive himself.

There was one reason the man who had always been lenient toward others could never turn away from his own guilt.

‘Because I loved my father too much.’

That love had tormented him.

Even his regret had been love. His self-blame, his resentment, all of it had been born from love for his father.

Kian exposed the emotions that had tormented him. Then, like a small pond hidden behind thick grass, his true heart appeared once he pushed through the layers concealing it.

‘I was sad because I couldn’t see my father again. I was afraid because I couldn’t go back to the time when I spent my days with my family. I thought everything was my fault because the things I had wished for foolishly as a child had come true in the worst way.’

When he admitted how childish his heart had been, he strangely felt relieved.

The man who had believed he could never be forgiven for anything felt, if only a little, lighter.

‘That strange one.’

The past couldn’t be changed.

But the way one looked at the past could be.

That was what he had come to understand through Lucien.

As his tears slowed, Kian wiped his face and chuckled.

“Crying like this makes me feel like a little kid.”

“See?”

When he lifted his head, he felt a hand touch his face. Lucien wiped the corners of his eyes and examined his features.

“I’d like to see what you looked like as a child. I bet you were adorable.”

“Do you think you were any less, Lord Lucien?”

“They said I wasn’t the cute type but the beautiful one. My skin was white as snow, my hair shone like gold, and my eyes were bright and clear.”

The description was specific. Kian realized that it was exactly what he himself had once told Lucien.

‘It was shameless.’

Kian lowered his gaze and muttered.

“Whoever said that, didn’t they fall for you?”

“The one who fell was me.”

Lucien’s lips brushed against Kian’s cheek with a soft kiss.

A smile appeared on his flushed face.

“I like you, Kian.”

It was a confession stripped of ornament.

It wasn’t the first time Kian had heard those words, but his chest tightened with emotion. His lips parted, and he spoke before he could think.

“I… like you too.”

“Hm?”

When he lifted his head, his eyes met Lucien’s.

Thump. Thump. Thump.

He felt the beat of his pulse under his skin. His blood rushed too quickly, and he felt a little dizzy.

Thump. Thump. Thump.

Those beautiful green eyes looked confused. As Lucien tilted his head, his golden hair softly fluttered.

Kian closed and opened his fist.

After the storm of emotion had passed, what remained inside was a single feeling.

‘I like him.’

Kian couldn’t deceive himself anymore.

‘I like Lucien.’

It was complete surrender.

The excuse of the elixir no longer worked. The way his heart fluttered whenever he looked at Lucien was not something the potion had forced out of him. It was different in kind.

Kian recalled the conversation he had once had with Frederick.

It had been at the academy.

He had been preparing to enter the third basement floor at midnight and was asking both Lucien and Frederick for help.

–So, Sir Frederick, please prepare protective magic over the entire dormitory. And…

After a brief pause, Kian had continued.

–That elixir I drank before. How long does its effect last?