Chapter 35 – Slight Ripples

Xie Yi recalled the first time he met Xu Chun, when Xu Chun approached him, and despite knowing that Xu Chun had mistaken his identity, seeing how inexperienced he clearly was, yet indulged in wine and debauchery, patronizing pleasure boats and keeping male courtesans, Xie Yi couldn’t help but taunt him with a couple of crude remarks. At the time, seeing his strong reaction, how he turned around and left immediately, it seemed now that those words had deeply wounded the young man, leaving a scar that had not healed in years.

A five-year-old child, remembering these words so clearly, they must have been seared into his memory, repeatedly replayed over the years, and constantly reflected upon.

Xie Yi reached out and took hold of Xu Chun’s hand, speaking gently, “It was about your father; your mother is reasonable, she knows that you were innocent.”

Xu Chun whispered, “I was still young back then, lacking restraint, I knocked over the screen as soon as I got up, my mother’s face turned pale at the sight, and I burst into tears and ran away. But when my grandmother questioned me later, I only said that my hand hurt. At the time, I also felt that not being liked by my own mother wasn’t a good thing.”

Xie Yi sighed, “You were still young, don’t be too hard on yourself.”

Xu Chun’s eyelids were thin, slightly swollen now, and he whispered, “After that, I started behaving recklessly, causing trouble in school, blocking the master’s water pipe, stuffing bird droppings into it. I started skipping classes and soon was skipping class every day. Whenever he tried to hit me, I ran. Later, he stopped caring about me, as long as I didn’t cause trouble, he treated me as if I didn’t exist. I stopped going to school, and he didn’t report me, so I just skipped school every day.”

“My mother regretted it very much, later she came to talk to me, but I was young and naive, only thinking that what my grandmother said was right: that the Sheng family indeed coveted the power and position of the Xu family, calculating every detail and ignoring my mother. But when I saw my father, I secretly felt that my father was indeed despicable, no wonder my mother despised him.”

“Every time I saw my father acting foolishly in public, I would remember what my mother had said about him being like a dog eating excrement. Once, in the garden at home, he had guests over, in front of his guests, I saw him hugging a courtesan’s waist, letting her feed him wine. Unable to resist, I mocked him, saying he was like a fly, attracted to filth and stench. My father was enraged and felt humiliated, so he beat me harshly that time. Then, I cursed at him with everything I could think of, calling him a freeloader, scolding him for being ridiculous and useless, not being a real man. Later, my mother held me and cried all night.”

“When I was seriously ill, my mother told me that if something happened to me, she wouldn’t live either. Knowing that although I was young, I understood everything, she explained things to me as if I were an adult. She truly disliked my father. When she married into our family, it was out of necessity, but also because of overconfidence.”

“She saw that my father was handsome and weak-willed, assuming she could control him and believing she could reform him. But she never expected that a dog cannot change its nature. This was her own fault, but absolutely not mine. She asked me to forgive her. She also told me that we could separate from my father, if I was willing, she was willing to take me away and start a new life together.”

Xie Yi shook his head, “The Marquisate would never let their legitimate son leave, she could never divorce him, she would only be abandoned, which would harm you too. Even if she appealed to the capital magistrate, they would still rule in favor of your father. Divorce isn’t that easy. A charge of jealousy alone could lead to abandonment. The Marquisate would immediately remarry and have another legitimate son, making things even harder for you. And a woman who has been abandoned, returning to her natal family, even if protected by her father and brothers, would still not have an easy life. There would always be people scheming to take her wealth in various ways.”

Xu Chun said, “Yes, later when I recovered a bit, my maternal grandfather probably found out about the mess my mother and I had created, so he sent my uncle to the capital personally, claiming it was to take me to Minzhou for a change of scenery and recuperation. My grandfather personally taught me along with my three cousins for two to three months, explaining my mother’s difficulties to me, taking me out to sea to enjoy the scenery, bringing me to worship at the Heavenly Empress Temple, teaching me to manage accounts, and instructing me in business.”

“After that, every year when the weather turned cold, my grandfather would send someone to take me to Minzhou for two months, saying that it was too cold in the capital and that my health was poor and I was unable to withstand the cold, and that it would be warmer in Minzhou, perfect for my recuperation.”

Xie Yi nodded, “So that’s how it was, no wonder last time I saw you, you were closer to your cousin. You were so young, yet so skilled in managing businesses, your grandfather is a wise man indeed. For you to learn commerce from him is a blessing.”

Xu Chun nodded, his tears slowly stopping, “Actually, my eldest brother, I was never close to him, his adoption would probably make my mother feel relieved and spare her many worries. In the future, when he gets married and divides the family property, it won’t affect us anymore. I was just upset, my mother has sacrificed so much, yet only I am considered the villain. My mother doesn’t even care about me… Thinking about it, I’m not likable either…”

“For so many years, I secretly learned business, actually wanting my mother to know that I’m not stupid, that I’m not like my father… unable to read books, perhaps I really lack talent, and I also felt that those books weren’t useful. As for favoring men, I… was just experimenting. I felt that since I didn’t like women, I shouldn’t ruin a good woman’s life. Otherwise, it would be another unhappy marriage, and why should she go through such suffering, bearing a child like me?”

“But I really didn’t have any good friends, most of the sons in the capital also spent their days drinking and playing. My mother treated me quite kindly, maybe she was disappointed in me, or maybe she believed that peace is a blessing. Regardless, I was destined to inherit the title. I… I don’t know what to do now, after all, no matter what, I am still my father’s son, carrying my father’s blood in my veins. I’m already this old, yet I’m still upset about whether my mother likes me or not, even I think I’m too weak…”

Seeing that he was still very downcast, Xie Yi thought for a moment and said, “Well… actually, if you ask me about this, I don’t know how to win your mother’s affection either. After all, I wasn’t favored by my own mother either.”

Xu Chun looked up at Xie Yi, his eyelashes still wet, Xie Yi smiled, “Before, I only thought that my mother treated me strictly because she cared about me. Later, I discovered that she was very doting on my cousin, and I assumed that she felt I was destined to inherit the family business, so she had to be stricter with me.”

Xu Chun looked at him, “Isn’t that true?”

Xie Yi replied, “Well, later I found out that my cousin was the result of my mother’s affair with a cousin, that’s why she pampered him so much, planning to pass the family business to him.” Xie Yi paused, “My mother and my deceased father had a terrible relationship, it was very terrible.”

Xu Chun was shocked, “Ninth Brother…”

Xie Yi said, “It’s nothing, later my cousin passed away prematurely, and my mother started plotting. I was young at the time, impatient, so I killed my cousin. That was treason, but there was solid evidence. It was done to cover up my mother’s scandal, without involving others. Only the death penalty was granted, which was already lenient for him.”

Xu Chun was speechless. Ninth Brother was calmly talking about killing someone, yet he couldn’t help but feel that Ninth Brother was pitiful. He squeezed Xie Yi’s hand, “Ninth Brother! It’s not your fault! So that venomous snake last time…”

Xie Yi said, “Yeah, my mother hated me for many years, she wanted to kill me to avenge her beloved little son—she must have had some genuine feelings for that cousin of mine.”

In an instant, Xu Chun forgot about his earlier sorrows, his eyes fixed firmly on Xie Yi, “What should we do now? You must be careful of her!”

Xie Yi replied, “It’s fine, after we return, I’ll send her to the family temple to practice Buddhism.”

Xu Chun breathed a sigh of relief, knowing that in the capital’s high-ranking families, when female relatives made mistakes, they were privately sent to the family temple for confinement, never publicly disclosed. Indeed, Ninth Brother’s family was prestigious. He didn’t intend to pry into Ninth Brother’s background, only sincerely saying, “That’s best, after all, we’re both grown-ups now. Actually, it doesn’t matter if your mother doesn’t like you. Recently, I have been looking at history books and realized that even emperors have mothers who show favoritism. The other day, reading ‘Records of the Grand Historian,’ that story of Zheng Bo attacking Duan at Yan… it’s quite pitiful…”

Hearing Xu Chun speak in an old-fashioned manner, unintentionally hitting the truth, yet consoling himself, even though he was clearly heartbroken just moments ago, this kid had one good quality—he had a big heart, trying his best to console himself no matter how painful it was. Despite being so heartbroken, he hid his wounds and tried to heal himself.

Unable to resist, Xie Yi reached out and patted Xu Chun’s head, “So, first, your mother genuinely wants you to inherit the title, second, she gives you money, third, knowing that you prefer men, she doesn’t force you to change. I think that’s enough. After all, you are her only son, maybe in her life, you are not the most important person, but among her current loved ones, it is clear that you are destined to inherit everything from her. Don’t be too sad.”

Xu Chun sheepishly replied, “I know, with my current situation, I can spend money freely, my mother lets me do whatever I want, even allowing me to secretly engage in business, only having the managers cooperate with me. And yet, I am still unsatisfied, too greedy.”

Xie Yi said, “Being unsatisfied is normal. Because you adore her, you want all of her love. Back then, when I killed my cousin, I probably had the same thought—but after actually doing it, it was just that, later realizing how ridiculous I was.”

“But when I found out that my cousin was my mother’s child, I was already sixteen at the time, but I still felt like the sky had fallen. Although I knew that my father and mother had a bad relationship, I never imagined that in my mother’s heart, I was expendable, that she wanted me dead. Power is truly more captivating than anything else.”

“So, well, you were only five years old back then, feeling very sad was normal.”

“But you’re eighteen now.” Xie Yi fell silent, because he realized that even after growing up, it was still impossible to create a loving mother out of nowhere, one could only see the essence of this world, which still prioritizes profit above all else.

But he didn’t want to emphasize this point again to Young Master Xu, this child was still so open-hearted, it was rare. He smiled, “Alright, we’ve talked enough, shall we go eat? Last time you still owe me a meal…”

Xu Chun quickly jumped up, “I’ll have Nanny Liu prepare it.” Without bothering to put on his shoes, he rushed out of the room in a few steps, leaning over the railing upstairs and shouting, “Nanny Liu, Nanny Liu, set the table, I’m going to eat with Ninth Brother.”

Nanny Liu responded from the kitchen far away.

Xu Chun turned back to look at him with a smile. The lion cat, not knowing when, had leaped down silently from the high shelf and quietly rubbed against Xu Chun’s ankle, its long white fur brushing against his bare foot. Xu Chun shrank his toes as if tickled.

Spring breeze was gentle, Xie Yi saw the young man standing against the balustrade in the spring light, his clothes thin, his sleeves fluttering, smiling at him, his brows and eyes filled with joy, his skin transparent like jade. He sighed inwardly, reciting the phrase, “Do not let the fine days of spring and autumn pass by.”