Chapter 43

Another month passed in the blink of an eye. More and more rebels had been captured, but there was still no sign of the Zuo siblings. It was as if they had vanished into thin air, with no messages and no trace.

Bu Nian didn’t have much time left. Fortunately, over the past two months, he had already made all the necessary arrangements, both in court and in his personal affairs.

He had always been indifferent to life and death, never cared much, and never avoided speaking of it. The twelve deathsworn of the Bu family were more worried than he was about the whereabouts of the Zuo siblings. Banxia led a team across the land, searching without missing a single possibility or clue. Almost every few days, a secret letter would arrive at the general’s estate to report progress.

Bu Nian couldn’t read those letters anymore, so Lian Ai read them for him.

Each time, Lian Ai opened them full of hope, only to lower his eyes in disappointment and quietly fold the note shut. Whenever Bu Nian heard that silence, he could already guess what the letter had said.

“There’s supposed to be a lantern festival at the market tonight. Let’s go after dinner,” Bu Nian said, avoiding anything disheartening. “In a few more days, we’ll set out for Jiangnan.”

Lian Ai’s fingers tightened around the note, gripping so hard that his fingertips turned white. There was still a month left before the day they had agreed on, but Bu Nian was already making plans to leave. He didn’t say it outright, but the meaning was clear. He didn’t think he would live that long.

A promise could still be kept, but life and death were not theirs to decide.

Lian Ai closed his eyes and forced back the heat welling up in them. When he spoke, he kept his voice light, pretending he hadn’t noticed what Bu Nian was implying.

“All right. Leaving early is good too. We can take our time and enjoy the journey. By the time we reach Jiangnan, it should be the most beautiful season.”

His brows were tightly furrowed, but he still forced a strained smile onto his face.

Only by forcing a smile could he stop the grief flooding his chest from crushing him completely.

“Let’s go to the lantern festival tonight. The one in the capital is always lively. I’ve seen lantern festivals in Zhongzhou too, but they never felt as elaborate as the ones here.”

No matter how sharp Bu Nian’s ears were, he couldn’t hear through such a carefully crafted disguise.

He curved his lips into a faint smile. “This is the Emperor’s capital, the grand imperial city. Everything here follows the latest trend. Even a chamber pot comes in all kinds of styles, let alone lanterns.”

That evening, after dinner, the two of them went out. Bu Nian didn’t bring any guards. First, because there was no longer any danger within the capital, and second, because he had complete confidence in himself. Even without his eyes, he was certain no one would dare get close.

Two grown men going out together to look at lanterns was an odd sight, especially since Bu Nian couldn’t even see them. But Lian Ai knew he had agreed to go because he wanted to lift his spirits and keep his mind off Fentian.

They walked side by side down the street. Rows of lanterns stretched overhead, fastened to the buildings on either side. Their glowing surfaces displayed various riddles.

Lian Ai wouldn’t be able to guess a single one. Just recognizing the characters was already a challenge. But since Bu Nian couldn’t see the lanterns, Lian Ai began reading each riddle to him, one word at a time to keep him from getting bored.

Lian Ai hadn’t expected Bu Nian to be so talented at solving riddles. Every time he read one aloud, it didn’t take long before Bu Nian gave the correct answer. He barely paused at all, drawing curious looks from the people around them.

Not far off, a few young men dressed like scholars seemed to get competitive. Impressed by Bu Nian’s skill, they decided to test themselves against him. Each time Lian Ai finished reading a riddle, they would try to blurt out the answer before Bu Nian did.

After a couple of rounds, Bu Nian caught on to what they were doing. He didn’t back down. Most of the time, as soon as Lian Ai got halfway through a riddle, Bu Nian would already be answering it, earning applause and cheers from the onlookers.

“Amazing, truly amazing. May I ask your name, brother?”

“My surname is Bu.”

“Brother Bu, your riddle-solving skill is extraordinary. We can’t even hope to catch up.”

The group of scholars gathered around Bu Nian, praising him left and right. Some even asked how he had mastered such a talent. Bu Nian replied that he enjoyed reading collections of literary riddles, and over the years, solving them just became second nature.

Seeing how none of them looked down on Bu Nian because of his injury, and how friendly their words were, a warmth rose quietly in Lian Ai’s chest.

Just then, he felt someone tug gently on the sleeve of his robe from behind.

He turned around, glancing down, and saw a young boy with his hair tied in a child’s topknot, holding a bright red skewer of candied hawthorn. The boy looked up at him with wide, innocent eyes, full of curiosity.

“What is it? Can’t find your parents?” Lian Ai crouched down until he was eye-level with the boy.

The child licked his candied hawthorn, then reached into his robe with his free hand and pulled out a crumpled piece of paper, holding it out to Lian Ai.

“Big brother, a really, really pretty older sister asked me to give this to you.”

Lian Ai’s chest tightened. The only very beautiful woman he knew in the capital was Zuo Lingxue, the woman known as the most beautiful under heaven. He had a feeling this letter had come straight from her.

“Thank you.” He patted the boy’s head and took the paper from his hand.

When he unfolded it, he immediately recognized Zuo Lingxue’s handwriting. For some reason, just looking at the clean, bold characters of her name in the lower corner made his entire body loosen. Without meaning to, a trace of joy showed on his face.

Zuo Lingxue had finally appeared. She was willing to hand over the antidote. But she asked Lian Ai to go alone to an abandoned site just outside the city to retrieve it. If he didn’t go, or if he brought anyone else with him, she would destroy the antidote.

Lian Ai gripped the note tightly. The happiness on his face was already giving way to anxiety and unease.

He knew what kind of person Zuo Lingxue was. She was absolutely capable of burning everything down if cornered. But her true intentions were impossible to read. If she wanted Bu Nian dead, she could have just stayed hidden. But she had chosen to appear and asked Lian Ai to come in person. Was she trying to save Bu Nian, or was she out for revenge?

But if he didn’t go, Bu Nian would be left gambling on that fifty percent chance of survival. Two options might sound promising, but in reality, neither of them could afford to take the risk.

Lian Ai looked at Bu Nian, who was still surrounded and chatting with a few people. Then he looked down at the letter in his hand. In the end, he gritted his teeth and turned toward the city gates, walking with the flow of people, growing farther and farther from Bu Nian.

Bu Nian had still been speaking when he suddenly noticed Lian Ai’s presence was gone.

“Lian Ai?” He tilted his head slightly, hoping for a response, but no one answered him.

One of the scholars nearby said, “Brother Bu, are you looking for the young man who was just next to you? I think he walked off on his own.”

Another added, “Yes, I saw a boy say something to him. He turned around and left right after. Maybe something urgent came up at home?”

Bu Nian’s face changed slightly when he heard that. He didn’t even have time to properly excuse himself. He immediately found an opening in the crowd and tried to move through it, but the footsteps all around him were chaotic, making it impossible to tell which way to go. The crowd was packed shoulder to shoulder, and someone bumped into him, sending him stumbling a few steps, disoriented and off balance.

“Lian Ai!” he called out through the crowd. The air was lively, full of noise and chatter, yet somehow he felt as if he were the only one left in the world.

He had never realized how difficult it was to walk without his eyes.

If he could still see, he would have spotted the one he was looking for right away in the crowd, instead of wandering blind and anxious, waiting in desperation.

Lian Ai walked toward the outskirts of the city. With the lantern festival happening that night, many villagers from around the capital had come to join the festivities. By now, a large number of people were heading back out. He walked among the crowd with their lanterns, looking no different from anyone else.

He broke away from the main crowd and followed a dark, narrow path leading toward the abandoned site outside the city.

He knew the place. It used to be a Daoist temple. Over time, the incense offerings had dwindled, and the number of priests had slowly decreased until only an old man remained. When the old Daoist died, the temple was left abandoned. The land was close to a burial ground, considered unlucky, so no one ever came near. Even beggars avoided the area, calling it bad luck.

Now, as Lian Ai approached within thirty feet, he saw a faint glow flickering through the broken windows of the ruin.

He knew Zuo Lingxue had to be inside. He reached behind him, took the Yuanmo crossbow off his back, and held it ready as he moved in carefully.

He gently pushed open the wooden door. The woman sitting by the fire turned slightly. Her expression didn’t change. When she noticed the crossbow in his hands, she glanced at it with faint disdain.

“You think I’m as pathetic as Gan Yan?” Zuo Lingxue added more firewood to the flames, then held out her hands to warm herself.

Lian Ai slowly lowered the weapon but didn’t move any closer. He kept a safe distance, standing guarded as he watched her closely.

“Where’s the antidote?”

Zuo Lingxue looked thinner than she had two months ago. The luxurious silk gown was gone, replaced by a plain, coarse robe. Her hair was unadorned. And yet, her beauty hadn’t faded. Even in such a worn and pitiful state, she still looked stunning.

“There is no antidote. Only poison.”

Lian Ai’s chest tightened. He instinctively stepped forward, raising the crossbow again and aiming it straight at her.

“How can you go back on your word?”

Zuo Lingxue raised her brow slightly and glanced at him from the side. “Do you know where the poison that struck Bu Nian came from?”

Lian Ai stared blankly for a moment, unsure why she had suddenly brought this up.

She went on, “It was the poison I gave you. You tossed it aside, and Xiaoyu picked it up. In the end, it was used on Bu Nian.” She let out a mocking laugh. “Call it fate.”

Lian Ai stood frozen. He had never imagined that Fentian had come about this way. A rush of guilt and regret twisted through him.

“You all must have sealed the poison somehow. If not, Bu Nian would already be dead. I heard he lost his eyesight. I’m guessing the poison was sealed in his eyes.” Her casual tone carried a frightening accuracy. In just a few words, she had nearly pieced the whole thing together.

Lian Ai grew even more cautious. His hand was sweating as he gripped the crossbow tightly. “Miss Zuo, the court is searching for you everywhere. You may have escaped for now, but do you think you can run forever? If you hand over the antidote, the General will remember what once existed between you. He won’t make things difficult.”

Though Zuo Lingxue had already married, Lian Ai saw that her hair was styled like that of an unmarried girl, so he changed the way he addressed her. He just didn’t know whether she was dressed that way for disguise, or for another reason.

“What feelings?” Zuo Lingxue’s expression was somewhere between sorrow and ridicule. “I’ve already cut all ties with him. You should know better than anyone how cold he can be toward those who betray him.”

Lian Ai said nothing. He did know, which was why everything he’d just said was nothing more than a lie to coax her.

“Speaking of which, your Mianmian hasn’t been cured yet, has it?”

Lian Ai’s hand froze. “That’s right.” Even with his crossbow aimed at Zuo Lingxue’s chest, he knew it was just to steady his nerves. It served no real purpose. If she wanted him dead, there were plenty of ways to make it happen.

“You know I have more than enough ways to kill you.” Zuo Lingxue spoke as if reading his thoughts. “But I won’t. I have here the same Fentian poison that was used on Bu Nian, made in the same batch. Take it in front of me. It acts slowly, so it should give you enough time to return to the general’s estate. Once you’re there, just take one of the antidotes. Whether you live or die, Bu Nian will survive.”

As she finished, she pulled out a small packet from her sleeve, identical to the one she had once given him.

Lian Ai didn’t take it. His mind was in turmoil.

“Why are you doing this?” he asked.

“I want to see what fate decides. And I want to see just how far you’re willing to go for Bu Nian.”

Zuo Lingxue had done many things in her life for others. She had done it for Zuo Luan, for Gan Yan, even for the other disciples of the Zuo clan. But she had never done anything for Bu Nian. When he needed her most, she had turned her back on him.

She didn’t exactly hate Lian Ai, but she couldn’t say she felt at ease either. What she couldn’t do, this baseborn little thing, always dependent on others, had done for Bu Nian.

She had carried herself with pride her entire life, yet she had lost to someone like him.

“And what does that prove?” Lian Ai said. “If you really mean to hand over the antidote, why make it end like this? If I die, the General won’t spare you.”

He wasn’t trying to use Bu Nian’s favor to threaten her. Everything he said was the plain truth. If he died, knowing Bu Nian’s nature, even if the poison in his body was eventually cured, he would still feel his authority had been challenged and mocked. Bu Nian would stop at nothing to hunt down the remaining members of the Zuo family and would never let a single one escape.

Zuo Lingxue stared at him and said slowly, “So what? I did it for my own satisfaction.”

“Then how do I trust you?” Lian Ai pressed his dry lips together. “What if this packet of Fentian isn’t even the same one used on the General? What if you’re only trying to use me to kill him?”

Zuo Lingxue raised her lips slightly. “You really do overthink.” She lifted one hand and made a swearing gesture. “I, Zuo Lingxue, swear that if there’s a single lie in what I said today, then may everyone in the Zuo family die horribly. May the heavens strike us down, including the child in my belly.”

When Lian Ai heard her final words, his eyes widened. He looked toward her abdomen.

She had been sitting the whole time, her robes hiding the shape of her body. Now that he looked closely, he could see that her belly was indeed slightly rounded, like she was four or five months pregnant.

Zuo Lingxue said quietly, “I can’t run anymore. And I don’t want to. I’ve made my oath. Back then, to harden my resolve, I made sure even I didn’t know which antidote matched which batch of Fentian. Luckily, I still have some of the leftover poison. If you believe me, take it now. If not… or if you don’t have the courage, I’ll throw it into the fire and let fate decide Bu Nian’s life.”

She raised the packet, ready to toss it into the flames, but Lian Ai lunged forward and stopped her.

“I believe you.”

Lian Ai couldn’t take the risk. He couldn’t gamble with Bu Nian’s life. If Zuo Lingxue wanted to leave it to fate, then he would let her.

There was little expression on Zuo Lingxue’s face, but her lowered lashes trembled slightly. She stared at the hand he had placed over hers.

“I’ll return to the general’s estate with you. If you survive, I’ll help you extract the Gu.”

Lian Ai took the packet from her hand, opened it, and after a brief hesitation, tilted his head back and swallowed the entire contents of the white powder.

Fentian acted slowly. There would be no immediate reaction.

Zuo Lingxue stood up. Her gaze as she looked at him was complicated, yet also carried a trace of relief.

“You really did take the poison for him…”

If their positions had been reversed, she knew very clearly that she would never have done the same. She wouldn’t have thrown herself into danger, wouldn’t have swallowed poison just to test it for someone else. She would rather let Bu Nian take that fifty-fifty chance than risk herself.

That, perhaps, was the greatest difference between her and Lian Ai.

Lian Ai wiped the powder from the corner of his mouth with his sleeve. He wasn’t sure if it was just his imagination, but he already felt a faint burning sensation in his stomach.

“I did it willingly. Everything I’ve done, I did willingly,” he said quietly. “The General is someone who would never be held back by sentiment. He’ll live freely even without me. Maybe he’ll think of me now and then, but he won’t drown in grief.”

He looked at Zuo Lingxue, his voice low and filled with sorrow, a quiet acceptance that came from someone who had already understood the reality and knew he was powerless to fight it.

“If the General dies, I won’t be able to move on. I’ll never be able to be happy again.”