Chapter 45

Zuo Lingyu woke from a heavy sleep and stepped out of the shabby earthen hut. He saw Senior Brother Feng Zhang sitting by the fire with the other disciples of the Zuo clan.

He walked over and softly called out, “Senior Brother.”

He was no longer the proud young master of the Zuo family in fine robes and high spirits. His once-fair face was now worn and haggard, and the brightness in his eyes had faded into dullness.

Feng Zhang glanced at him when he saw him awake, then looked away. He shifted his sitting position, turning to face the opposite direction, as if unwilling to speak to him.

Zuo Lingyu’s gaze grew even dimmer. He sat off to the side, cradling his injured hand.

The wound was already severe, and with the constant fleeing and no proper treatment or rest, it had never healed. It flared up again and again, and he remained in a constant low fever.

The other Zuo disciples still looked after him. Someone brought him a bowl of hot soup to warm him and fill his stomach.

Zuo Lingyu stared at the chipped clay bowl in his hands. For a moment, it felt like a dream, a nightmare he could never wake up from.

In the blink of an eye, he had lost everything. His family, his friends, and…

He glanced at his right hand, wrapped tightly in layers of bandages. That hand had once mastered the Zuo family’s twin-blade technique, the very thing he used to take pride in.

He didn’t know who to hate, who to blame. He had never harmed anyone in his life. Why would the heavens treat him like this?

“Third Brother, where’s my sister? I feel like I haven’t seen her in a long time.” Zuo Lingyu took a sip of the soup. It didn’t taste good. In the past, he would’ve spat it out without hesitation, but now he no longer had the luxury of being picky.

Third Brother froze for a moment. His gaze drifted and his words were halting. “Uh… well… she… she had something to take care of, so she left for a while.”

Zuo Lingyu frowned slightly, feeling even more puzzled. “She’s pregnant. Where could she go alone?”

Feng Zhang let out a cold snort. “So you still care about your sister. I thought the only one you cared about was that filthy slut.”

“Hey!” Third Brother cut in. “Senior Brother, can you not say that?”

But Feng Zhang wouldn’t listen. He finally let out all the resentment he had been holding in. “Am I wrong? Everything we’ve suffered is because of that filthy slut. The Prince Regent was captured. Master’s dead. A’xue had to sacrifice herself to protect us. It all started with that damn thing.” He jabbed a finger at Zuo Lingyu. “If you hadn’t stopped me back then, I would’ve killed that slut with my own hands.”

Zuo Lingyu’s face turned pale. Part of it was from his physical condition, but most of it was because of what Feng Zhang had said.

“Sister traded herself for us?” He stared hard at Feng Zhang. “Say it clearly. What do you mean by that?”

Third Brother looked like he couldn’t bear to watch. “Senior Brother, I’m begging you. The Zuo family only has a few of us left. Can’t we just work together? Little Junior Brother is Master’s only son. Before A’xue left, she asked us to take care of him. If you go on like this, how can Master and A’xue rest in peace?”

Feng Zhang opened his mouth, as if to argue, but in the end he looked around at the others, then turned his face away and said nothing.

He said nothing, but Zuo Lingyu couldn’t let it go.

“Where did my sister go?” He carefully set the bowl of awful meat soup on the ground, then slowly walked up to Third Brother. “Did she go to the capital to find Bu Nian?”

Third Brother looked up at him. The depth in Zuo Lingyu’s dark eyes made it feel like staring into a bottomless lake. It sent a chill through his chest.

He swallowed hard. “The imperial dogs were chasing us too closely. A’xue didn’t want us running and hiding forever. And with her being pregnant, the further along she got, the harder it was to escape. She knew she couldn’t run anymore, so she decided to trade herself to Bu Nian in exchange for our safety.”

Zuo Lingyu felt his wounds start to ache again. The pain seared his mind. He wanted to scream, to thrash around, to smash his head until it bled.

“So… you just let her go?” His voice was like a ghost, cold and hollow. “You let a woman protect all of us?”

His words struck deep. Third Brother choked on the spot, unable to say a word. He lowered his gaze. Days of frustration broke through what calm he had left, and he muttered under his breath, “You think we wanted this? A’xue wasn’t trying to protect all of us. The one she wanted to protect the most was you, the only heir left of the Zuo family.”

Zuo Lingyu stood there in silence for a long time. He looked so fragile that a breeze could scatter him.

“So that’s how it is…” The realization hit him all at once.

He said nothing more. He turned and walked back to where he had been sitting, picked up the now-cold soup, and drank it in silence. Even when the broth dribbled down the corner of his mouth and soaked his collar, he didn’t seem to notice.

—

“Has the General made up his mind?” Liang Shao placed the two antidote pills for Fentian into a small, white porcelain bowl and pushed it in front of Bu Nian. “If you choose the wrong one, not even the most powerful healer in the land could save you.”

Inside the bowl sat two pills, one white and one red, each no larger than a fingernail. One was the antidote to Fentian. The other was a poison that would kill instantly.

Bu Nian didn’t care at all. “If I can’t be saved, then I can’t be saved. If I choose wrong, then it just means heaven doesn’t want me alive.”

He reached toward the bowl, picked up the white pill, and was about to bring it to his lips.

“General!” Song Qiao happened to be on duty at the palace today. When the people from the general’s residence came for Liang Shao, he had been there. The moment he heard they were preparing the antidote, he sensed something was wrong. He rode hard, escorting Liang Shao back to the residence, and just as he expected, something serious had happened.

He didn’t agree with Bu Nian taking the risk. Compared to Lian Ai, the General’s life mattered more. It mattered to the people of Great Qi and to the military. If someone had to test the medicine, it should be Lian Ai.

Bu Nian’s hand froze in midair, but he didn’t wait for Song Qiao to speak further.

“I know what you want to say,” Bu Nian said quietly. “I already owe him too much. I can’t owe him a life on top of that.”

Lian Ai was never meant to be part of his life. He was something outside the plan, yet he had become inseparable from Bu Nian’s very existence.

Zuo Lingxue had said it well. To achieve something great, one had to know how to choose and let go. That had always been his belief. It was the principle passed down by his father.

But she did not know what his cause truly was.

When the emperor was foolish and the court overrun by traitors, he had been prepared to kill the emperor, eliminate the corrupt, and give Great Qi a clean world. If the young emperor had turned out to be useless, he would have arranged for him to die during the ambush at Tianfu Temple and taken the throne himself. But the young emperor, though still a child, was not blind to loyalty and treachery. He understood the sufferings of the people. There was none of the former emperor’s cruelty in him. Bu Nian believed that, under Prime Minister Lu’s guidance, he would one day become a wise ruler.

The Gan family’s fate had not yet ended. The imperial aura was not broken. Yet here he was, poisoned, on the verge of death. Maybe this was heaven’s warning to him.

“To have him is my fortune. To lose him is my fate.” As soon as the words left his mouth, he swallowed the pill.

Song Qiao was both furious and anxious, but there was nothing he could do.

—

Lian Ai had never imagined Bu Nian would refuse to let him test the antidote.

In his mind, even if Bu Nian did care for him, it was only a small part of his heart. It was never more important than the lives of the people, the fate of the nation, or his own life.

One was a cloud, the other was mud. For a cloud to embrace the mud and not mind being stained was already the mud’s fortune.

Whether or not someone like Lian Ai existed in this world made no difference. But without Bu Nian, who would defend the borders of Great Qi? Who would protect its people? Who would watch over the emperor?

That young general who rode through the streets on horseback in the golden light of afternoon, surrounded by flowers and handkerchiefs, praised and glorified by all, carried the weight of the nation in his heart. He held the hopes of peace and a bountiful land.

The world saw Bu Nian as a usurper, but Lian Ai called him the one who punished the corrupt and lifted the suffering. Lian Ai didn’t always understand the things Bu Nian did, but he believed they were never harmful to Great Qi. Bu Nian would never stop for love, never slow his steps for affection.

He carried too great a love to care for the small one before him.

Lian Ai understood. He didn’t feel wronged. He didn’t resent him. He only wanted to do something within his power for Bu Nian, and for Great Qi.

But never once had he thought Bu Nian would lock him away.

In that moment when Bu Nian stopped, only to leave him again, Lian Ai suddenly understood what he might be planning to do. Fear surged in him like a tidal wave. He struggled with everything he had.

He had wanted to save Bu Nian. How had it come to this?

If Bu Nian really died, how was he supposed to live with it?

“Let me out!” Lian Ai weakly pounded on the door, his face streaked with tears. “Please, I’m begging you, let me out!”

He didn’t know how long he had been pounding, how long he had been shouting, but finally there was movement outside the door.

The lock opened. A guard stepped in, followed by Fen Zi. The moment Lian Ai saw the porcelain bowl in her hands, with a single pill inside, the world tilted violently and he nearly blacked out.

“Where’s the General?” He was shaking so badly that even his voice trembled.

Fen Zi lowered her eyes and said nothing. She simply held the bowl out to him. “Please take the medicine, Young Master.”

Lian Ai stared blankly at the pill inside the bowl. He brought it to his lips with trembling fingers. The white pill stood out sharply against the blood on his lips.

“Did something happen to him?” He couldn’t bring himself to say the word. He was afraid that if he said it, it would come true.

Fen Zi pressed her lips together, still looking down. Her only answer was the same. “Please take the medicine, Young Master.”

Seeing that she wouldn’t say anything else, Lian Ai had no choice but to swallow the pill. The effects came almost immediately. The burning that had been tearing through his organs faded by more than half.

It had to be the antidote to Fentian.

He grabbed Fen Zi by both arms, his voice rising with emotion. “Did Bu Nian take the antidote? Tell me, did he test the medicine himself?”

Her arms ached under his grip. She heard the choking in his voice and knew how desperate he was. She sighed, and finally lifted her head.

“The General is fine. It’s just…” Fen Zi hesitated, not sure how to continue. “He’s very angry. He said once the Mianmian in your system is cleared, he’ll send you back to Zhongzhou.”

Lian Ai had already relaxed when he heard the first half. Relief washed over him, leaving him weak, like someone who had just survived a disaster. It took him a while to register the second part. But as long as Bu Nian was safe, he didn’t care. Even if he were sent off to a temple to chant sutras and live on vegetarian food for the rest of his life, he would accept it willingly.

Cold sweat drenched his body. With the weight lifted off his chest, he could no longer stand. His knees gave out, and he collapsed onto the floor.

“Young Master!” Fen Zi reacted quickly and moved to support him, but Lian Ai was still a grown man, and she couldn’t hold him up on her own. The guard beside them lent a hand, and together they helped him onto the bed.

Lian Ai clutched Fen Zi’s wrist tightly. “The General really is okay, isn’t he? You’re not lying to me, are you?”

Fen Zi didn’t know whether to laugh or cry. She patted the back of his hand with her other hand. “Don’t worry, Young Master. I would never lie. The General really is fine. But Physician Liang said the poison had been sealed in him for too long. Even now that it’s cleared, his eyes may never return to how they used to be.”

Lian Ai finally relaxed. “It’s fine. As long as he can still…”

He had wanted to say that he could be Bu Nian’s eyes from now on, but then he remembered that Bu Nian no longer wanted to see him and planned to send him back to Zhongzhou. His voice fell, but he still gave Fen Zi a faint smile.

“Go back and tell the General that I understand.”

His body was still weak, so he spent the night resting in the guest room and didn’t get up until noon the next day.

The moment he opened his eyes, he was greeted by a bowl of bitter medicine. Fen Zi said his body had been too depleted and needed to recover. Lian Ai didn’t know what rare tonics had been added to that bowl, but after drinking it, he felt a warmth spread through his body, especially his stomach. It no longer ached the way it had the day before.

For three days, Lian Ai didn’t go anywhere. He stayed in the guest room. He wanted badly to see Bu Nian, to confirm with his own eyes that he was truly safe, but he was afraid Bu Nian didn’t want to see him anymore.

Fen Zi brought over another bowl of tonic and said softly, “Young Master, Physician Liang will come tomorrow to remove the Gu from your body. Once that’s done, the General will send someone to escort you back to Zhongzhou. If you have anything you’d like to pack, I can do it for you.”

Lian Ai reached out to take the bowl, but his hand froze in midair when he heard that. “So soon?” It seemed Bu Nian was truly furious, not even wanting to see him again. “Go ask the General to give me something,” he said, his lashes trembling.

The next day, Liang Shao arrived as promised to extract the Gu from Lian Ai.

As long as Zuo Lingxue’s blood was used as the guide, Mianmian could be removed easily. Physician Liang made his preparations, then handed Lian Ai a rolled-up piece of white cloth.

“It will hurt when I remove the Gu. You must bear it, Young Master. I’ll try to be quick so you don’t suffer too much.”

This was already the second time Lian Ai had endured the removal of Mianmian. He knew exactly what to expect. He nodded and brought the cloth to his mouth. “I understand. Thank you for your trouble.”

Liang Shao truly deserved his title as the top imperial physician of the capital. The extraction took only a moment. But waiting for the male and female Gu to reach the pressure point at the base of his neck still made Lian Ai suffer again.

His lashes were soaked with sweat. A blink would send droplets into his eyes. His nose, temples, and the back of his neck were all glistening with fine beads of sweat.

Perhaps it was the tonics he had taken over the past few days. Or maybe his body really had grown stronger than before. This time, he didn’t faint. He held on until the very end.

“All done. From now on, this Gu will no longer affect your life,” said Liang Shao as he stood up and took the wet cloth offered by the assistant to wipe his hands.

Lian Ai spat out the cloth and murmured weakly, “Thank you, Physician Liang.”

Fen Zi, relieved it was over, rushed forward to wipe the sweat from his face. Then she brought a cup of water to his lips and helped him drink it.

“It’s finally over. I was so scared just watching from the side.”

Liang Shao tucked the porcelain bottle containing the two insects into his robe and went off to report back to Bu Nian.

“Please rest well, Young Master. I’ll take my leave now,” Liang Shao said. At his word, the apprentice picked up the medicine case and followed him out.

“Wait,” Lian Ai suddenly called out to him. “Physician Liang, how has the General been these past two days?”

Physician Liang stroked his beard and replied, “The General is in his prime and has trained in martial arts for years. He’s recovering quickly. As for his eyes, they still can’t be exposed to light. It will take some time before he can remove the cloth covering them.”

Lian Ai had been most worried about Bu Nian’s condition, afraid he might suffer some lingering damage. Hearing Liang Shao say this finally put his mind at ease.

He had already made up his mind. Once Bu Nian’s poison was cured, he would return to Zhongzhou to visit the Helian family. Now that Bu Nian was sending him back, it seemed the timing was just right.

Only, once he left, who knew when Bu Nian’s anger would fade, or when he’d be willing to see him again.

That last night in the general’s estate, he slept deeply. In his dreams, he kept feeling as though someone was watching him. Forcing his eyes open, he saw only the faint morning light. The room was silent. No one was there.

Maybe it was just a dream clinging to him…

Both times he left the general’s estate, it had been only Fen Zi who came to send him off. The first time, neither of them knew if they’d ever see each other again. This time, they knew they would. They just didn’t know when.

Fen Zi handed him the bundle, sighing with a touch of helplessness. “The General really has such a stubborn temper.” She wasn’t supposed to speak ill of her master, but she couldn’t hold back.

Lian Ai shook his head. There was no resentment in his voice. “He’s a general. Discipline and order are everything. Everyone follows his command. He must hate it most when someone acts without permission.”

Fen Zi let out a sigh and reminded him to take care of his health. Once he arrived in Zhongzhou, he should send word back to let them know he was safe. She gave many such instructions before finally letting him go.

Lian Ai got into the carriage. As it slowly moved forward, he opened the bundle Fen Zi had given him. Inside lay a familiar peace peace-lock.

He picked it up, smiling as he rubbed it in his palm, then put it back around his neck.

Only after the carriage disappeared from view did Fen Zi turn back toward the residence and head straight to Bu Nian’s study.

By now, Bu Nian’s eyes were beginning to see again, but his vision was still so blurry that it made him uncomfortable.

He had originally wanted to read, but the characters were too small and left him dizzy. He gave up and tossed the book aside, closing his eyes to rest.

When Fen Zi entered, she saw him leaning back in the chair, one hand pressed against the bridge of his nose.

“He’s gone?” Thanks to those months of blindness, Bu Nian could now recognize people by the sound of their footsteps alone.

Fen Zi gave a small bow. “He just left.”

Bu Nian gave a quiet “mm” in reply and said nothing more.

Fen Zi waited for a while, and when he remained silent, she couldn’t hold back. “Does General truly intend for Young Master to remain in Zhongzhou?”

Bu Nian opened his eyes and looked at her. His voice was calm. “When it’s time for him to return, I’ll let him return. That’s not something you need to worry about.”

Fen Zi quickly lowered her gaze, not daring to say another word.