Chapter 46

It had been nearly half a year since Lian Ai last returned to Zhongzhou. The moment he stepped into the Helian estate, Lady Helian summoned him over and scolded him at length, saying he only cared about playing around and how he could possibly stay away from home for so long.

“It’s my fault. I’ve made mother worry,” Lian Ai said, looking at Lady Helian’s ever-gentle face. The past few months suddenly felt like a fleeting dream.

Lady Helian gently stroked his cheek. “You look thinner than before. Was it from playing too hard, or from suffering too much?”

Lian Ai took her hand and held it tightly in his palm, warmth and sorrow mixing in his chest. “I haven’t had mother’s sweet soup in so long. I think I wasted away just craving it.”

The warmth came from being loved by someone like Lady Helian. The sorrow came from knowing he was not truly her son.

As soon as he left Lady Helian’s room, he was called into the study by Helian Qiufeng, who wasted no time scolding him. Lian Ai knew that by the time he returned home, Helian Qiufeng would have already received news from the capital and learned everything.

“What were you thinking?” Helian Qiufeng slammed his hand on the table. “No wonder the General was furious. You act without thinking. First it was Numbroot, now Fentian. If something had happened to you, did you ever stop to think how your family would feel?”

Lian Ai lowered his gaze and truly meant it this time. “I didn’t think it through. At the time, Zuo Lingxue gave me two choices. Either I swallowed the Fentian, or she would destroy it right in front of me. I thought it was better that I test the poison than force the General into that decision, so I chose to take it myself.”

What he hadn’t considered was how painful it would be for Lady Helian if she lost the son she had only just gotten back. Or how hard it would be on Helian Qiufeng and the master of the house. If he had died in the capital, if he had died from the Fentian, their hearts would have shattered.

Helian Qiufeng glared at him. “What part of that was good? Tell me, how exactly was that good? Does your life not count? Is your life so worthless? I used to think you were the most well-behaved, but turns out you’re the most headstrong. You didn’t even discuss it with me, and worse, you kept it from the General too.”

He scolded Lian Ai for a full half-hour, only stopping when it was time to eat. Lady Helian came to call them, and only then did Helian Qiufeng reluctantly drop the subject.

At dinner, Lady Helian kept piling food into Lian Ai’s bowl, filling it until it was nearly spilling over. Master Helian raised his cup again and again, toasting him while talking about the recent amusing gossip from Zhongzhou. The table was full of dishes he loved. He was surrounded by people who loved him. The poison from Bu Nian had been resolved. Even though they couldn’t see each other anymore, both were safe and well. Lian Ai felt that this moment was the happiest he had ever been in his life.

“Strange, why hasn’t Xiao Yu come by in such a long time?” Lady Helian asked. Her health was fragile, and the Helian family had always shielded her from stress. They hadn’t told her anything about the Zuo family’s rebellion.

She had always been fond of the Zuo siblings, especially Zuo Lingyu, who was cheerful and sweet-talking. If she knew what had become of their family, it would certainly break her heart.

The smile at Lian Ai’s lips faded slightly. Zuo Lingyu had been weighing on his mind as well. When he last saw Zuo Lingxue, the situation had been urgent, and he never got a chance to ask about him. He still didn’t know what had happened.

“His father brought him back to the Zuo household to train in seclusion. He won’t be coming around for a while,” Helian Qiufeng said calmly, not even blinking as he told the lie. “He’s not a child anymore. It’s time for him to focus.”

Lady Helian nodded in agreement, thinking her son made a good point.

“You’re not that young either. When will you marry? Or is there a girl you like? If there is, I’ll send a matchmaker right away.” Somehow, the conversation twisted around to Helian Qiufeng’s future.

He had reached the age where every conversation with his mother eventually circled back to marriage. Embarrassed, he said, “Mother, I haven’t had time to think about that lately. Let’s talk about it another time.”

Lady Helian frowned slightly, clearly displeased. “You said the same thing last year. What urgent matter could possibly take this long to settle?”

Master Helian and Lian Ai simply watched from the side, not stepping into the argument between mother and son.

“Come, Xiao Ai, let’s have a drink,” Master Helian said and lifted his cup

Lian Ai glanced at the cane resting beside the table and spoke with concern. “This will be the last one. Drinking too much isn’t good for your leg.”

Ever since the conflict over the Zhongzhou governorship, Master Helian’s leg had not fully recovered. Although the injury had healed, it left behind a disability. He now had to walk with a cane, and on windy or rainy days, the old wound ached terribly.

Even if Master Helian himself did not care, Lian Ai still had to worry on his behalf. He could not truly let him do whatever he pleased.

After lunch, the family dispersed. Perhaps because Lady Helian had mentioned Zuo Lingyu at the table, Lian Ai found himself thinking back on many memories he shared with him during his early days at the Helian estate.

When he first arrived in Zhongzhou, everything around him had been unfamiliar, including the so-called family he had returned to. Helian Qiufeng could not possibly stay at his side all the time to help him adjust. It was thanks to Zuo Lingyu, lively and full of energy, that he had found a guide within the household. Zuo Lingyu helped him adapt and feel included.

Having rushed back on a long journey, Lian Ai was tired and wanted to nap. He had just started changing his clothes when he noticed a familiar small porcelain box sitting on the cabinet in his room. The previous autumn, Zuo Lingyu had shown it off to him, boasting that his cricket, the “General,” was invincible.

Lian Ai walked over and opened it. Inside, the once-mighty “General” lay long since lifeless, its body shriveled.

It must have been left behind when Zuo Lingyu last visited. That poor creature had never even made it to the battlefield before dying in this confined space.

Lian Ai gently closed the box, carried it outside, and dug a small hole beneath a pine tree in the courtyard. He buried the little general there.

—

This was the second time in recent months that Bu Nian had come to the Court of Judicial Review. The last time was for Gan Yan. This time, it was for Zuo Lingxue.

Zuo Lingxue was pregnant. Her child carried royal blood and would be a cousin to the Emperor. Because of this, the Minister of Justice dared not treat her poorly. Her conditions were slightly better than Gan Yan’s. At the very least, the room was clean and free from stench.

The jailer opened the lock, and Bu Nian stepped in slowly, stopping directly in front of Zuo Lingxue.

“You’re not dead,” Zuo Lingxue said. She sat beside a worn wooden table, still wearing that same rough linen dress. Perhaps because she no longer had to hide and run these past two days and had been eating and resting better, her complexion had improved.

Bu Nian couldn’t tell whether that sentence of hers held more surprise, or more disappointment.

He lifted the corners of his lips into a faint, mocking smile. “Heaven has not forsaken me. What can anyone do about it?”

Zuo Lingxue laughed as well. Yes, the heavens were on his side. How could those who were not blessed by fate ever hope to defeat him?

“I admit defeat. Completely and utterly,” she said. “Bu Nian, you can kill me. You can even kill the child in my womb to eliminate any threat. But I beg you, spare the rest of the Zuo family. They pose no threat. They won’t stand in your way. Instead of wasting time hunting them down, you’d do better to focus on climbing higher and walking farther.”

Her words carried a deeper meaning, and Bu Nian understood exactly what she meant.

But instead of replying to her plea, he brought up something entirely unrelated.

“Do you remember how we met in the border town more than ten years ago?” He didn’t wait for her answer before continuing. “Even if you’ve forgotten, I haven’t. That day I was chasing a group of Huayue raiders. They had been burning villages and looting towns along the border. They tied women, food, and treasure to their horses and took off with whatever they could. Along the way, they dropped bits of silver and gold. Then I saw a woman fall from one of the horses. I went to check on her and found she was still alive, and pregnant.”

Zuo Lingxue’s eyelids trembled. The memory stirred within her as he spoke.

Back then, Fancheng had fallen. The surrounding towns along the border were also under siege by Huayue forces. The Zuo family had managed to maintain relative safety in Wancheng, where they opened medical halls and porridge kitchens to treat the wounded and feed the displaced.

One day, while Zuo Lingxue was tending to the wounded inside a tent, she suddenly heard a commotion outside. Fearing something had happened, she grabbed her twin blades and rushed out. From a distance, she saw a young man in black armor, cradling a blood-soaked woman in his arms, frantically searching for a physician.

Unfortunately, despite the best efforts of the doctors, both the woman and her unborn child could not be saved.

When Zuo Lingxue delivered the news to Bu Nian, who had been waiting outside the tent, he punched the earthen wall beside him with all his strength. His face was dark with fury.

“Innocent lives. Even a pregnant woman, and they showed no mercy. Worse than beasts.” She still remembered the words he spoke back then.

Now, standing before her, Bu Nian looked her in the eyes and said nearly the same thing again. “What crime has the unborn committed? If my heart were cold enough to do such a thing, how would I be any different from those raiders who slaughtered and plundered without restraint?”

The image of the young general from her memory began to merge with the man standing before her now. He had never changed. She was the one who had become someone else.

She once thought she knew him well. But now, it seemed she hadn’t known him at all.

Or perhaps it wasn’t that she didn’t know him anymore. It was simply that their paths had diverged. They no longer thought the same way.

Bu Nian said, “I won’t kill you. And I won’t harm your child. But you must abolish your martial arts and spend the rest of your life imprisoned with Gan Yan.”

Zuo Lingxue let out a cold laugh. “Destroy my cultivation. Live out my days in captivity. You may as well kill me.”

As a martial artist, losing her strength was a death sentence. As a woman, losing her freedom and being confined alongside a man she loathed, was worse than death.

Yet even as she said this, she reached out her hand toward Bu Nian. “Lend me your dagger.”

Bu Nian did not fear her playing any tricks. She had lost everything. There was no chance of turning the tables.

Bu Nian handed her the dagger at his waist. She drew it and stared at the reflection of her current self in the gleaming blade. After a moment of silence, she seemed to have made up her mind. She raised the dagger in her right hand and slashed across the tendons of her left wrist. Then, gripping the blade between her teeth, she dragged her right hand firmly along the edge. The tendon in her remaining hand was severed just as cleanly.

She spat out the dagger. Blood dripped from her hands, staining the ground. A cold sweat broke out on her forehead from the pain.

Bu Nian had gotten what he came for, so he said nothing more. He turned and left the cell.

“Send for a physician to dress the prisoner Zuo Lingxue’s wounds. She is to be transferred to Xinghe Garden tomorrow.”

Xinghe Garden sounded pleasant, but it was just a small compound near the imperial city walls. It wasn’t large. It had once been a place where the late emperor viewed the spring blossoms. Now, it served as Gan Yan’s prison.

With her hands ruined, Zuo Lingxue could no longer care for herself. Eating, bathing, even basic movement became a challenge. Fortunately, someone in Xinghe Garden was already living in that same state. One more didn’t make a difference.

An old maid opened the damp, gloomy room and jerked her chin toward the inside.

“He’s in there. The Prince of Yong. Go have a look. He’ll probably be glad to see you.”

Zuo Lingxue didn’t hear Gan Yan’s voice and felt a strange sense of unease. She carefully stepped inside. When she reached the bed, veiled in gauzy curtains, she raised her bandaged arms and pushed them aside.

There was a faint figure on the bed. She could hear labored, strange breathing. At first, she thought Gan Yan was merely asleep, but when she got a clear look, her eyes widened and she stumbled back several steps in horror.

It was Gan Yan, but he had no limbs, no tongue, and no eyes.

Whether it was from the shock or a wave of nausea from pregnancy, she couldn’t hold it back. She doubled over and vomited, retching until there was nothing left but bile.

Something inside her broke. She was a woman who rarely cried, who hadn’t shed a single tear even after learning of her father’s death. But now, tears streamed down her face. With vomit staining the corners of her lips, she looked utterly wretched.