TOPWL 109

Why am I crying?

Even though he knew Selena might find it strange, Yudit couldn’t control his emotions. What if Khalid is dead?

“…Ugh.”

He lowered his head, clutching his shirt. He never imagined that a heartache could manifest as real, physical pain. It felt like someone had taken his heart in their hands and was squeezing it relentlessly. This was different from when he had liked Bashur. It couldn’t be love—love couldn’t be so wild and uncontrollable.

“Your Highness, are you all right?”

Selena held his hand, her palm burning hot—his own was ice cold in comparison. Even Shane had stepped closer, worry written across his face.

“…!”

Yudit sucked in a breath like someone who had just broken the surface of the water after nearly drowning. He had to get a grip on himself.

“I’m sorry. I’m just… a bit overwhelmed right now. I’ll eat later.”

“No, I’m the one who’s sorry. Please rest.”

He wanted to reassure her that it wasn’t her fault, but no words would come. Yudit staggered out of the room. Shane followed close behind, concern in his expression, but he didn’t ask anything. Thankfully, it wasn’t Huyan’s turn to stand guard today.

Once back in his room, Yudit didn’t even wash up—he just collapsed onto the bed. Changing into indoor clothes was the best he could manage. He crawled under the blanket, but all he could see were dark, tormenting images: beasts with no name tearing Khalid apart.

Was it because I hated him? Is that why these images keep coming to mind?

The thoughts were cruel enough to make him question himself.

“….”

Yudit squeezed his eyes shut. He was in no condition to lead today. His mind was consumed with thoughts of one man alone. The soft wool of the blanket under his fingertips suddenly felt like a luxury he didn’t deserve.

He had thrown himself into bed because he couldn’t handle his emotions, but he was too agitated to sleep. Only belatedly did it occur to him that Shane hadn’t eaten either.

“Shane, I’m sorry. I must’ve kept you from dinner. Go and eat something.”

“It’s fine. I’ll eat later.”

“No, really—go now. It’s all right.”

Shane hesitated for a moment before speaking.

“Your Highness. We should increase the guard detail for the time being.”

“Hm?”

“That cry we heard earlier—it didn’t come from an ordinary monster. If danger comes, I will protect you with my life. But there must also be someone else to help you escape.”

“Ah…”

He was right. Still, even if it made sense logically, it didn’t sit well in Yudit’s heart. While the subjugation force was out there risking their lives, here he was under a warm blanket in a safe village.

“…Very well. See to it.”

Yudit answered with a bitter expression. Shane, after another moment of hesitation, added softly:

“He’s a strong man. He’ll be survived.”

Yudit felt oddly exposed, as though Shane had seen right through him. It was a bit embarrassing—but those were the exact words he needed to hear.

Straightening his posture, Yudit set his expression and spoke firmly.

“Yes. He will.”

***

The sharp clack of wooden swords clashing rang through the training ground.

“You shouldn’t take the blow head-on. Deflect it while watching for an opening,” Shane said, driving Yudit back with relentless attacks—his voice calm and unbothered, not even out of breath.

Yudit, on the other hand, was gasping and barely keeping up. He managed to deflect a strike successfully, but his counter was too exaggerated—he stumbled six steps backward.

“Don’t retreat too much. If you’re backed into a corner, things will get worse. Anticipate the direction of the attack, and dodge with the smallest movement possible.”

Yudit gritted his teeth as he blocked another overhead strike. Shane shifted direction swiftly and slashed horizontally as he spoke.

“You must stop clenching your teeth. You could crack them or bite your tongue.”

“Ah, got i—”

“No talking. Focus on the bout.”

Their spar had gone on for over thirty minutes. Both were drenched in sweat, steam rising from their bodies. Yudit’s palms were burning, as if the skin had been torn—but he didn’t let go of the sword.

“You’re clenching your teeth again.”

At Shane’s remark, Yudit released the tension in his jaw. He hadn’t even noticed—he’d been so fixated on blocking Shane’s strikes that he’d done it unconsciously.

This won’t do.

When Shane swept in with another horizontal slash, Yudit ducked low and quickly spun behind him, swinging with all the force he could muster. Early on, he had hesitated, afraid of hurting Shane—but now, there was no room for hesitation.

Smack!

Shane twisted his wooden sword at an odd angle, parrying Yudit’s strike with ease. As always, Shane had never once failed to block a blow. Their difference in size and skill was vast, but Yudit didn’t give up.

If there was one thing he’d learned through countless bouts, it was this—Shane’s weakness. Though right-handed, Shane would often leave his right side open, surprisingly often.

Thwack, thwack. Yudit gradually deflected Shane’s strikes, searching for an opening. But Shane left almost none. His body was at its limit.

Yudit finally went all in. He purposely revealed an opening to draw Shane in, then angled his blade to deflect in a diagonal arc. The moment Shane’s sword lifted, Yudit lunged in to slash at his exposed side.

Or so he tried.

As if it had been planned all along, Shane twisted his sword mid-air and smacked Yudit’s blade out of his hands. It cut through the air and clattered to the ground.

“Ugh…!”

The blow was so powerful it sent a jolt of pain from his palm all the way to his elbow. Shane looked down at Yudit’s trembling wrist with a troubled expression.

“Are you all right?”

“…Yeah. No problem.”

Shane rotated Yudit’s wrist gently to check its condition, then sighed in relief.

“Thankfully, the bone’s fine. But there may be some swelling later.”

“Could you spar with me again after dinner?”

Shane shook his head.

“It would be best to stop for today. You’ve pushed yourself far enough.”

“…All right.”

Yudit gave in without protest. He already knew his body had hit its limit some time ago. He dragged his aching body forward.

“Still, your skills have improved a great deal.”

“Really?”

“Yes. Though I’d advise against staring too obviously at the spot you intend to strike. You were watching my right side too clearly.”

“…Hmm.”

“I was aware of it the entire time, and still, I was surprised when you managed to break in earlier.”

A faint smile curved Yudit’s lips. Shane wasn’t one to hand out empty praise—so his words were especially gratifying.

“Please rest today. Pushing through fatigue leads to injury, and injuries lead to defeat.”

Shane’s tone had grown more rigid with the increased frequency of their sparring sessions.

“That’s right, Your Highness. You were doing really well earlier,” Wadiram chimed in cheerfully from the side.

Lately, Yudit had taken to moving with two guards at once. Today it was Shane and Wadiram. Shane had suggested adding a third, but Yudit dismissed the idea—it was cumbersome, and someone had to rest in order to keep a clear head on duty.

“I wonder what we’re having for dinner tonight.”

“You two eat without me. I’ve no appetite—I’ll eat later.”

Yudit rubbed his churning stomach. He’d expected sparring to leave him hungry, but this time he learned that pushing too far only brought nausea.

“In that case, I’ll go up with you.”

Yudit wanted to refuse, but after days of enduring Shane’s persistence, he was too worn out to argue.

As soon as he entered his room, his eyes instinctively scanned the bed—it was neatly made. Probably Hess’s doing.

The small desk beside the bed was buried in documents, groaning under the weight. Yudit had once ordered that nothing on top of the desk be touched, and now only the desktop remained a realm of chaos.

He dug through the piles of paperwork until he uncovered the silver tray where letters and messages were placed. There was an unfamiliar envelope on top. Could it be a message from the subjugation force?

“…!”

Crash! In his rush to find a letter opener, his hand bumped the stacks, sending papers fluttering to the floor.

Instead, Yudit simply tore the envelope open.

As he read the contents, his expression hardened—utterly devastated.