TOPWL 50

“…….”

It had been an oddly vivid dream. Even after waking, Yudit couldn’t collect his thoughts for a while. Just then, someone approached him. As if by habit, Yudit reached between the bed and mattress, clutching his dagger close.

“Your Highness, you’re awake?”

The nanny approached with a damp towel in her hands. Was he still dreaming?

“Nanny, wasn’t your leave until tomorrow?”

“It was. But I came back early. Your Highness has been pushing himself too hard lately. I had a feeling you’d fall ill. And sure enough, you’ve come down with something, haven’t you?”

“Ah…”

The nanny placed the towel back in the large basin and brought over some lukewarm tea and medicine.

“This is for the fever. Please take it.”

“…Alright.”

Yudit obediently took the medicine. When he closed his eyes, the desert from the dream remained vividly etched in his mind. That voice, too. As the nanny sat before him to wipe him down, she chuckled softly.

“Your Highness, really. Even if you were out of it from the fever, how could you put on such an old outfit?”

“What do you mean?”

“The clothes you’re wearing now. Those are ones you used to wear years ago.”

Yudit looked down at what he was wearing. As she said, he was dressed in clothes from four or five years ago.

“Didn’t you dress me?”

“Me? No, I didn’t.”

Yudit tried to recall his memories before the dream. It had been so vivid that it was hard to remember anything before it. He finally managed to pull up the memory of wiping himself down in the bathroom and then collapsing. Yes, it was around that point that he’d blacked out and fallen asleep. When he woke up, he was already dressed and lying in bed.

“What was I doing when you came in?”

“More or less what you are now. Lying on a pillow, covered with a blanket. Oh, and there was a wet cloth on your forehead.”

“……”

Hearing the nanny’s words, Yudit became sure of it—someone had been here. But who? It wasn’t an assassin… Someone had come to see him, found him ill, and nursed him with care before leaving. Was it Wadiram? Or Huyan? He didn’t recall giving directions to his room, but… could they tell where he was by sensing his aura?

His thoughts spun in circles until a wave of headache made him stop thinking altogether.

“I told you, Your Highness isn’t made for banquets. All that effort just to fall sick like this… what good does it do?”

The nanny said this while gently wiping the sweat from Yudit’s temple.

“Why don’t you drop out of this competition and find someone good to marry? Someone wealthy, if possible.”

“Then why didn’t you remarry, Nanny?”

At Yudit’s counter, the nanny pouted.

“I was busy raising Your Highness.”

She had lost her husband while pregnant, and the child had followed the father not long after birth. After that, she was recommended to the palace and had raised Yudit ever since.

“Nanny.”

“Yes?”

“Am I precious to you?”

The nanny looked at him quietly at his question.

“Why do you ask?”

“No reason.”

“You’re unusually sentimental today. Of course you’re precious.”

“…I see.”

“You’re not hiding something from me, are you?”

“No. I just… wondered, that’s all.”

But nanny… why is it that, sometimes, the meals you bring me have poison in them?

Yudit swallowed the words he couldn’t say, and smiled bitterly.

***

At dawn, Yudit woke to the sound of knocking. Thinking it might be the nanny, he spoke with his eyes still closed.

“…Come in.”

Though he usually locked his door, the nanny had a key. But no matter how long he waited, the door didn’t open. Suddenly, the hairs on the back of his neck stood on end. Yudit quickly lit his lamp and rose from bed. One hand held the lantern, the other a dagger, as he approached the door.

Holding his breath, Yudit pressed his ear to the doorframe. It was silent outside. Just then, the knocking came again—but this time, from behind him.

Yudit quickly turned and shone the light forward. A long shadow stretched across the glow. Staying in a defensive stance, he cautiously stepped ahead. But when the light fell upon the figure in front of the window, Yudit froze in place.

Wadiram had pressed his cheek and lips against the windowpane, making a ridiculous face. Beside him, Huyan watched him with a look of utter dismay.

Wondering if he was dreaming, Yudit pinched his thigh lightly. It was no wonder—this was the third floor. He stepped up to the window and unlatched it. As soon as he opened one half of it, Wadiram slipped inside smoothly through the gap. After helping Huyan in as well, Yudit closed the window and drew the curtains, worried someone might see them.

“Good morning, Your Highness,” Wadiram said brightly.

It was four in the morning.

Yudit looked at the two of them in disbelief. At least Huyan seemed aware that this was embarrassing—he turned his head and gave a sheepish cough.

“What brings the two of you here at this hour…” he asked, his voice thick and hoarse.

“I thought as much. Your Highness, you were sick, weren’t you?”

“It was just a cold. I’m mostly recovered now. Are you both alright?”

“I’m fine.”

“So am I. If I’d known you’d get this sick, I wouldn’t have done that that day…”

“It’s alright. I enjoyed myself, too.”

That day had already become a fond memory for Yudit. He was often sick anyway—being bedridden for three or four days wasn’t unusual.

“But why the window, at this hour…?”

“The delegation departs today. We came to say goodbye—and to ask how you’re doing.”

At Wadiram’s words, Yudit’s face darkened. He’d been too feverish to keep track of time.

“So the day’s already come…”

“Have you made your decision…?”

“…Yes.”

Huyan looked at him, tense.

“Thank you for showing me such great kindness, though we’ve not known each other long. But I intend to remain here, in Adanauer.”

At Yudit’s answer, Huyan’s expression contorted. He looked both sorrowful and regretful.

“When you first refused me… you said there were three reasons.”

‘There are three reasons. First, all seven envoys must speak with one voice regarding me, and I can’t put you all in that kind of danger. Second, Adanauer might use it as a pretext to declare war on Herut.’

That day, Yudit had only mentioned two reasons.

“The third and final reason is… because I wish to become Emperor of Adanauer.”

He had thought about it for a long time, but this was the first time he said it out loud. And the moment he did, he felt as if the weight of the words would crush him.

Wadiram let out a whistle, while Huyan stood frozen in shock.

“I carry a debt. Over the course of my life, I’ve become indebted to many people. If I turn my back on them and flee to the desert, I’ll live in anguish for the rest of my days.”

“You can only suffer if you live,” Huyan said quietly.

Yudit gave a bitter smile.

“I know. There was a time when survival was my only goal. But even so, there are things more important than living. I understand that now.”

Had such an offer come to him years ago, Yudit would’ve clutched it even if it were a rotten lifeline. But not anymore. Now, he truly wanted to become Emperor. The competition wasn’t just for Azil—it was for himself as well.

Huyan opened his mouth as if to say something but closed it again, perhaps realizing he wouldn’t be able to persuade him.

“At the very least, I want to try—try as far as I can. I don’t want to run away so easily.”

“You’re admirable, Your Highness,” Wadiram said sincerely.

Yudit looked quietly at him, then opened his mouth.

“I’m sorry, Wadiram.”

“Hm? For what?”

“At first… I didn’t treat you kindly because I wanted to be friends. I heard the delegation would vote on their favorite banquet, so I was trying to win your favor—so you’d vote for mine. I even felt guilty about it.”

If not for that, he wouldn’t have taken the risk of sneaking out with them. He confessed everything honestly.

At his words, Wadiram scratched the back of his neck.

“Ah, but I already voted. You’re telling me this now?”

“You… already voted?”

“I did. Last night. You should’ve told me earlier.”

At that, Yudit lowered his head deeply.

“I’m sorry. I was selfish. But I truly enjoyed getting close to you both. That part, at least, wasn’t a lie.”

“I already knew,” he replied.

“…What?”

“I knew you were forcing yourself to spend time with us. That’s why I acted rudely toward you, too.”

At those unexpected words, Yudit’s eyes widened.