TSBDRA 14: I’m Going To Carry the Baby on Term

Yan Yushan’s hand trembled.

The stack of medical reports rustled as they slipped slightly in his grip. He looked up, stunned, at Xu Xishuang’s calm expression, as if he still couldn’t fully comprehend the meaning of the words he’d just heard.

His thoughts were in complete disarray yet one thread suddenly became clear, connecting the dots. The discarded birth control pills he’d seen in the trash that morning, Xu Xishuang’s recent irritability, and that sudden wave of nausea at dinner…

In a daze, he heard Xu Xishuang speak again, “You don’t need to question it. I’m not out of my mind, and I have no reason to lie to you about something like this. A man getting pregnant does sound unbelievable, but it’s really happening to me.”

“If you don’t believe me, you can call Dr. Xu. He’s the one who did my physical exam,” Xu Xishuang said coldly. “Whatever you’re thinking, I don’t really care. I’m just here to inform you.”

“Wait,” Yan Yushan managed to speak. “Wait a second, you…”

He quickly skimmed the medical reports in his hands, then carefully set them down on the table. Forcibly regaining his composure, he looked at Xu Xishuang and said, “Please, sit down first.”

He was staring at Xu Xishuang’s flat belly with a complicated expression. Though nothing was visible through his clothes, Yan Yushan still found it astonishing.

He didn’t know why, but deep down, he believed every word Xu Xishuang had said. Somehow, he just knew that Xu Xishuang was really pregnant with his child.

Xu Xishuang nodded and sat back down in the same spot as before, meeting Yan Yushan’s gaze as he waited for his next words.

Yan Yushan sat down as well. He tried to appear calm on the outside, but his tightly clasped hands betrayed his nerves—something Xu Xishuang noticed.

Yan Yushan had never once imagined himself having a child. There was never a place for marriage or kids in his life plan. It wasn’t just because he had thrown himself entirely into his work when he entered the entertainment industry, it was also because he had little interest in sex. Other than that night with Xu Xishuang, he had never been intimate with anyone else.

Strangely enough, ever since that night, a restlessness had been simmering in his body. Every time he saw Xu Xishuang, the feeling would stir again, and it took all his self-control to suppress it.

He wasn’t oblivious. Over the past month, he had become aware of the subtle possessiveness and concern he felt toward Xu Xishuang. He wasn’t sure if those feelings counted as affection or more but before he could sort them out, Xu Xishuang had thrown this bombshell at him and left him reeling.

A child.

A child between him and Xu Xishuang.

Yan Yushan asked himself honestly—aside from the initial shock, he was… happy. It was the instinctive joy of seeing his bloodline continue, a primitive surge of desire and longing. He wanted to keep the child, wanted to see their baby come into the world.

Then he saw the exhaustion in Xu Xishuang’s eyes. It hit him like a bucket of ice water.

Xu Xishuang wasn’t happy.

Of course not. Yan Yushan reminded himself—Xu Xishuang was a man. A normal man. He already wanted to pretend that night had never happened, and his attitude toward Yan Yushan had been cold from the start. Now, he was suddenly pregnant with the child of someone he couldn’t stand, facing pain and humiliation he never should’ve had to go through. How could he possibly be happy?

Yan Yushan clenched his fists. His heart sank. After a few seconds of silence, he spoke to break the tension between them. “I’ll call Dr. Xu.”

“Don’t get me wrong. I’m not doubting your word,” he quickly added, watching Xu Xishuang’s expression carefully, afraid of making him hate him even more. “I just want to check on you and the baby, understand your condition, and ask for professional advice. Then we can talk about what to do next, okay?”

Xu Xishuang wasn’t particularly concerned about Yan Yushan’s attitude, but he had to admit that this reaction was surprisingly decent. It made him feel slightly more at ease.

So his expression softened a little. He adjusted his posture and nodded. “Okay.”

Yan Yushan looked visibly relieved. He let out a breath and quickly pulled out his phone, dialing Dr. Xu’s number.

Dr. Xu, known for both his skill and ethics, initially refused to reveal anything, firmly protecting Xu Xishuang’s privacy—even though Yan Yushan was his biggest sponsor.

When he heard Xu Xishuang’s voice on the other end, confirming that he wanted to share his condition with Yan Yushan, Dr. Xu finally relented and explained everything—clearly and seriously.

He told Yan Yushan that Xu Xishuang’s condition was extremely poor, that abortion wasn’t an option, and that childbirth would be incredibly dangerous. If his body didn’t recover significantly, there was a very high chance… he wouldn’t survive.

As Dr. Xu spoke, Yan Yushan’s expression grew darker and darker. By the time he ended the call, his face was grim, and his hands were faintly shaking.

He took a deep breath, lowered his hands to the table, and looked across at Xu Xishuang with a solemn gaze. “I’m sorry.”

Xu Xishuang said nothing.

Yan Yushan gave a bitter smile. He knew that an apology wasn’t enough to make up for his mistake. Yet other than “I’m sorry,” he didn’t know what else to say. Nothing he did would earn Xu Xishuang’s forgiveness and truthfully, he didn’t deserve it.

Overwhelmed by guilt, he suddenly stood up. “Sorry… I want to step out onto the balcony for a smoke. Is that okay?”

Xu Xishuang nodded.

He knew Yan Yushan needed time to calm down. After all, accepting the fact that a man you slept with is pregnant with your child isn’t exactly easy. Yan Yushan didn’t yell, didn’t call him crazy, didn’t shift the blame—that was already far better than expected.

Yan Yushan stood up, fished out a pack of cigarettes from his suitcase. It was a gift from the assistant director. He hadn’t smoked in almost three years. He had only taken the cigarettes out of politeness, never expecting to actually use them. He grabbed the lighter on the counter, walked out to the balcony, and shut the glass door behind him.

He rarely used alcohol or nicotine to cope with his emotions but this time, he couldn’t hold back.

He stared at the swirling smoke, not even taking a drag. His thoughts wandered. He knew childbirth was dangerous for women so how could it not be worse for men?

He hadn’t expected things to be this bad. Xu Xishuang’s situation was far more severe than he had imagined.

All he could feel now was fear and regret. He bitterly regretted that night—regretted going into the wrong room and leaving Xu Xishuang pregnant.

If Xu Xishuang really died because of this child… What would he do?

Xu Xishuang was still so young, with such a promising future. His life shouldn’t end because of a pregnancy.

Yan Yushan punched the brick wall of the balcony. It hurt, but not enough to ease the remorse gnawing at him. A few seconds later, he lowered his reddened hand, stubbed out the cigarette, and pressed a hand over his eyes.

He was such a—

While Yan Yushan was cursing himself, Xu Xishuang was quietly deep in thought.

He had made his decision. In the book, the original Xu Xishuang ran away, told no one anything but he wouldn’t run. He would do the opposite and he would tell Yan Yushan.

Why should he suffer alone, while Yan Yushan simply picked up the child after his death and went on with life?

If he had to suffer, then they would suffer together. The child belonged to Yan Yushan too so why should he get to be hands-off and still hold the baby?

The glass door clicked. Xu Xishuang turned and saw Yan Yushan returning to the table. He didn’t smell like smoke—he probably didn’t even smoke, just needed the quiet.

After Yan Yushan sat down, Xu Xishuang spoke first. “I’ve decided to carry this child to term.”

Yan Yushan nodded. “Okay.”

They had no other choice.

Xu Xishuang continued, “If I survive the birth, then I’ll raise the child. You won’t have any involvement. You’re not allowed to see the child or contact them in any way, and I don’t want your financial support.”

Even though he was convinced he wouldn’t survive, he couldn’t help hoping because what if? What if he beat the plot?

If he worked hard for ten months and actually survived, then of course he’d raise the child himself. As for Yan Yushan, he could go off and live happily ever after with Chi Siyuan. Xu Xishuang had no intention of handing his child over to them.

Yan Yushan opened his mouth, wanting to say something, but the guilt was too heavy. He suppressed the impulse and nodded. “Okay.”

Once the child was born, and if Xu Xishuang survived, then he would fight for his place but not now.

Xu Xishuang hadn’t expected Yan Yushan to agree so easily. He was a bit surprised, but quickly continued, “If I die… then you’ll raise the child. I only have one request. Don’t let them know they were born from a man. Don’t tell them who their biological mother—father—is. Just pretend I never existed.”

He had made peace with it. He hadn’t wanted the child at first, but if the child insisted on being born into this world, then of course he hoped they would grow up safe, happy, and healthy.

Even if they didn’t remember him, even if they never knew about him—so be it. Let the child grow up believing Chi Siyuan and Yan Yushan were their family, just like in the novel. Let them live happily ever after.

Yan Yushan’s brow furrowed deeply at those words. He wanted to argue but in the end, he swallowed it down and forced out a sound. “Mm.”

If something really happened to Xu Xishuang, then he would raise the child well.

He would never follow this request.

He would make sure the child knew who brought them into this world, how much their father suffered, how much he endured, and that in the end—he gave his life.

Xu Xishuang should not be forgotten.