TSBDRA 15: Mm, My Fault

“What I wanted to say is pretty much all said,” Xu Xishuang said to Yan Yushan. “Do you have anything you want to say?”

Yan Yushan was silent for two seconds, then said, “Dr. Xu said you need to improve your physical condition as much as possible during the next nine months, so I was thinking… Can you let me take care of you throughout your pregnancy?”

Objectively speaking, he had money, resources, and connections so he could give Xu Xishuang the best care possible. If things went well, the odds of Xu Xishuang surviving would increase significantly.

Xu Xishuang thought about it for a moment, then nodded. “Alright.”

Most of the original body’s savings had gone into medical bills. In terms of practical conditions, Yan Yushan could indeed provide a better environment for both the child and himself. Xu Xishuang wasn’t going to be needlessly stubborn.

Seeing him agree, Yan Yushan relaxed slightly and then, pushing his luck, said, “As for filming—”

“I’ll finish shooting the movie,” Xu Xishuang interrupted. “and I’m not quitting the entertainment industry, even if I’m pregnant.”

He couldn’t follow the original plot and left the industry. He couldn’t fail here.

Yan Yushan had wanted to persuade him otherwise, but when he saw how firm Xu Xishuang’s expression was, he swallowed his words. Not wanting to upset him, he stepped back and said, “Then… let me help you find the right opportunities, okay?”

It was better to keep him under his nose than let him take random gigs that might be exhausting or dangerous.

Yan Yushan didn’t want Xu Xishuang filming at all. With how dedicated he was, he would push himself too hard. That could affect his health. So Yan Yushan texted his agent, asking for a list of currently available resources. He filtered through them and picked out a relaxed variety show, then placed his phone in front of Xu Xishuang.

Xu Xishuang took the phone and saw it was a laid-back travel program, featuring several veteran celebrities whom the show had paid handsomely to bring on. It was clearly designed to gently boost a newcomer—lighthearted and healing in tone.

Xu Xishuang wasn’t particularly interested in travel. Before transmigrating, he had already been to all the places he wanted to visit and had his fill of that kind of enjoyment. Besides, once travel became part of a variety show, it turned into performance—not fun.

Still, this was a valuable opportunity, and he could see how high-end the show was so he nodded politely. “Thanks.”

The show would begin filming in four months. Yan Yushan figured by then, Xu Xishuang’s pregnancy would be stable, and the schedule was light so nothing should go wrong.

Yan Yushan never imagined there would come a day when he would be handing out resources to prop someone up but then again, Xu Xishuang was different. He was meant to shine. Even without help, Yan Yushan believed he would become a star in time. Since it was his mistake, it only made sense to give Xu Xishuang everything—money, opportunities, anything he wanted.

Xu Xishuang tapped the phone screen with a finger. He could see the concern in Yan Yushan’s eyes and couldn’t help feeling mildly exasperated. According to the original book, the original character had a fragile body, cried daily in fear, and still gave birth to a big, fat, eight-pound baby—healthy as it could be. He was just working in the entertainment industry so it really wasn’t that big of a deal.

Rebelliously, he thought that once he finished filming Bitter Summer, he would go ask Zhao-jie for more events. No way he would just sit around for four months waiting for one chill variety show.

The entertainment industry was so exciting—he wanted to stir up some… no, explore.

Yan Yushan, unaware of Xu Xishuang’s rebellious thoughts, took the phone back and began contacting everyone he could think of to prepare for Xu Xishuang’s life after leaving the film set.

As he made calls, he asked, “Does anyone else know about this?”

“Other than us and Dr. Xu, no one,” Xu Xishuang replied.

Yan Yushan’s movements paused. It was the first time he’d heard Xu Xishuang use the word us. For a moment, it felt like Xu Xishuang had included him in the same circle—on the same side. He couldn’t help but smile slightly. Then he asked, “You’re not going to tell your agent?”

“Not for now,” Xu Xishuang rubbed his eyes. He was feeling sleepy. “and no one else either. The fewer people who know, the better.”

He wasn’t very close with his agent, Zhao-jie, and didn’t know what kind of person she really was. He wasn’t ready to trust her with something like this.

Yan Yushan had originally planned to hire a prenatal care team to take care of him during filming. Pay them well, bind them with contracts—discreet and professional but Xu Xishuang didn’t want anyone else to know, even under legal protection.

He tried to discuss it, but as expected, was firmly shut down.

“You bring in a whole care team and what, want the whole crew to know I’m pregnant?” Xu Xishuang raised an eyebrow. “Xiao Wang’s cooking suits me just fine. Let him keep doing it. I’m not even showing yet so it’s not inconvenient. We’ll talk after filming wraps.”

Xu Xishuang figured they were already “fully honest” with each other, and they’d be stuck together for the next nine months anyway. He didn’t bother keeping up the ice-queen persona. He wasn’t that kind of person to begin with, and he stopped being polite with Yan Yushan.

It was the first time Yan Yushan had seen this version of Xu Xishuang—brows raised, with a vivid, spirited expression that was so different from his usual cool allure. It made him feel more alive, more real. Not so untouchable. Yet, it sparked a stronger impulse in him—to reach out, to shatter that icy shell completely, to see him smile without reservation.

Maybe even Xu Xishuang himself didn’t realize it, but there was a faint note of complaint and command in his voice. Yet it didn’t come across as unpleasant—it felt more like a spoiled child who grew up doted on, asking for what he wanted with the confidence of someone who always got it. Someone meant to be cared for.

If anyone else had spoken to him like that, Yan Yushan would’ve gotten up and left but with Xu Xishuang, instead of anger, he found himself instinctively nodding. “Mm, my fault.”

Hearing how quickly and smoothly he admitted it, Xu Xishuang raised his brows again, staring at him like he’d seen a ghost.

Was this really the same Yan Yushan the novel had portrayed like some kind of final boss?

Maybe he transmigrated too?

The important conversations were more or less finished. Xu Xishuang didn’t plan to stay longer. He stood to leave.

Yan Yushan followed closely behind, his hands subtly positioned at Xu Xishuang’s sides as if ready to catch him if he stumbled.

Xu Xishuang, however, had absolutely no sense of being pregnant. He walked at his usual pace and posture. At his hotel room door, he paused, then closed it in Yan Yushan’s face without inviting him in.

Yan Yushan stood at the door for a moment. When the lawyer he’d contacted arrived upstairs, he gave him a look, then turned to knock on Xiao Wang’s door.

Ten minutes later, Xiao Wang, still in a daze, escorted Yan Yushan and the lawyer out. In his hands was a thick stack of contracts and a nutrition plan.

Not until the two had disappeared from view did Xiao Wang snap out of it. His jaw dropped, then he clutched his head, smacked it against the wall twice to clear his mind, and finally, with hands trembling, headed to the kitchen to make a bowl of milk soup for Xu Xishuang.

While Xiao Wang was busy in the kitchen, Chi Siyuan arrived outside Xu Xishuang’s room, just as he did every day, and knocked on the door.

Xu Xishuang opened it, rubbing his eyes. “Sorry, Siyuan, I’ve been really sleepy lately. I want to turn in early, so I might not be able to go over lines with you for a while.”

The drowsiness was partly true, but mostly, he didn’t want to be alone with Chi Siyuan. The real reason was that he was now pregnant with Yan Yushan’s child and he knew Chi Siyuan was the one the plot had designated for Yan Yushan. Being alone with him just felt wrong, like he was violating something. It made his skin crawl.

“That’s alright, Senior Xu. Your health comes first,” Chi Siyuan said quickly. His eyes sparkled like a puppy’s. “Then I won’t disturb you. Please rest well.”

Xu Xishuang nodded. Chi Siyuan reluctantly watched him close the door, then slowly wandered down the hallway, recalling the scene where Yan Yushan had just exited Xiao Wang’s room.

His feet turned as he followed Xiao Wang’s trail to the kitchen.

Xiao Wang was preparing nutrition supplements for Xu Xishuang inside. Seeing Chi Siyuan arrive, he politely asked if he’d like a bowl too—only to be firmly declined.

Chi Siyuan leaned in and whispered, “Did Yan Yushan make a deal with you in private? Is he trying to make you monitor Senior Xu?”

That damn Yan Yushan! So this was how he planned to completely control Xu Xishuang—by buying out his assistant!

Xiao Wang’s hands shook. He nearly dropped the bowl. “How… how do you know that?!”

How did Chi Siyuan know that Yan Yushan had just made him sign a contract, ordering him to supervise Xu Xishuang’s meals and make sure he took all his supplements and exercised on schedule without slacking off?

Hearing this, Chi Siyuan felt a sharp pang in his heart. He hadn’t realized things had gotten this dire for Senior Xu and he was powerless. For now, all he could do was quietly gather evidence. It hurts to think how much Xu Xishuang must be enduring!

Xiao Wang watched Chi Siyuan’s shifting expressions with rising dread. “I—I can’t say anything about the contract. I’m not allowed to. If I do, I’ll have to pay a penalty.”

Chi Siyuan’s heart twisted again. Just look at that—he had finally found someone who might testify, only to realize the guy had already been corrupted by money. He wouldn’t stick up for Senior Xu at all.

What kind of world was this?

Xiao Wang had no idea what was going through Chi Siyuan’s mind, but seeing the kid’s expression grow increasingly grim, he decided not to stick around. He grabbed the finished milk soup and slipped away to Xu Xishuang’s room.

Taking the soup, Xu Xishuang sat on the bed and glanced at the trembling Xiao Wang. “Yan Yushan didn’t do anything to you, did he?”

Why did he look so scared?

Xiao Wang looked dazed. “He threw five million at me. I’ve never seen that much money in my life.”

Xu Xishuang: …

After Xiao Wang left, Xu Xishuang fell into a dreamless sleep.

…

The next morning, on set, Xu Xishuang noticed dark circles under Yan Yushan’s eyes. The man clearly hadn’t slept. He smiled to himself, a little vindictively.

Maybe it was some kind of radar between them, but at that exact moment, Yan Yushan turned around and caught his gaze then smiled back.

Xu Xishuang averted his eyes awkwardly, rubbed his ear, and looked at the day’s shooting schedule.

The crew was progressing quickly. Today’s scenes covered the part of the story where Yu Xiang and Xia Qinglang were about to part ways. Under pressure from his parents to transfer schools, Xia Qinglang tried to resist but failed.

Maybe Chi Siyuan had hit a breakthrough today—or maybe he’d been provoked—but his performance was unusually intense. The moment someone said he’d have to part from Yu Xiang, he looked like a furious little lion.

Chi Siyuan thought, full of grief and indignation—he had to protect Senior Xu!

Yan Yushan? Who knew what he was on today. Not only was the filming schedule already fast, he pushed it even harder, moving scenes up while still keeping things within a reasonable pace. No one was overworked, but the air was undeniably tense.

Yan Yushan looked over his plan with satisfaction. At this rate, filming would wrap in less than two weeks. Xu Xishuang could leave the set early and start focusing on his pregnancy.

After Chi Siyuan finished his scenes and took a break, Xu Xishuang stepped in to shoot the scene where Xia Qinglang confessed to Yu Xiang that he was leaving, that he couldn’t keep their promise to study and go to university together.

There was no dramatic rain in the script, but the weather seemed to cooperate. It was dark, overcast skies loomed above, as if mourning in silence.