TSBDRA 26: You’re Such a Straight Man

When he received that message from Xu Xishuang, Yan Yushan suddenly felt a twinge of regret.

He had been angry just now—angry that Xu Xishuang secretly joined the show without telling him. He didn’t want to fight with him, so he followed along and joined the shoot. That way, if anything happened to Xu Xishuang, he could protect him right away.

He suddenly remembered that Xu Xishuang hated him now—hated him so much that just being near him too long made him feel like coughing up blood.

What if Xu Xishuang actually did cough up blood on camera? Should he leave now and just watch from afar?

Before Yan Yushan could make a decision, the director clapped his hands and addressed the guests. “The regular contestants are all in place, and their side is starting the livestream connection. Everyone, get ready.”

Hearing this, Xu Xishuang put down his phone. He was wearing a loose, off-white sweatshirt and jeans that hid his slightly rounded belly, softening his cold features and making him seem more approachable. Yan Yushan also took off his studded jacket, revealing a black T-shirt underneath, which barely passed for fitting the vibe of a romance show.

The other regular cast members on the couch put down their phones as well and turned their attention to the screen.

The eight contestants’ love-life recordings were being filmed at a resort. There was a separate director team over there capturing their interactions live and streaming them to the celebrity panel, who would watch and comment.

Later, the editing team in the studio would cut and stitch together footage from both sides to produce the final episode for viewers.

Technically, before watching the contestant livestream, the show was supposed to introduce the “guest stars” and warm up the vibe with some relationship-themed questions but when the director glanced at the famously icy Xu Xishuang and the so-called “big bad wolf” Yan Yushan—neither of whom had said much since arriving—he decided to spare himself the trouble and just skipped straight to the stream.

Inwardly, the director prayed that Yan Yushan and Xu Xishuang would at least say a few words this episode, or else the entire conversation would be left to Bai Keke and Tang Min. He could already imagine how disastrous that episode would turn out.

On the opposite couch, Xu Xishuang focused intently on the screen, mentally reviewing the contestant profiles he had studied.

To help him remember, Xu Xishuang had used a method rumored to be favored by playboys online—labeling each contestant with nicknames and notes. For example, one male contestant was a chef, and Xu Xishuang noted him down like this: Xiao Li, 181cm, chef, good temper.

It sounded a bit unserious, but it was really effective. The names felt familiar and were easier to recall than their full names. Xu Xishuang quickly reviewed each face and confirmed their identities, then zoomed in on two in particular.

These two were the dance instructor Xiao Chen and the orthopedic doctor Xiao Ji. Xu Xishuang remembered them clearly from the novel—the original story briefly mentioned them, and they ended up together, even dating seriously after the show and eventually getting married. They were the author’s canon couple.

Xu Xishuang knew he was terrible at understanding anything romantic. When listening to gossip, his cousin could guess the whole story from just the beginning, but even after hearing the ending, he’d still be confused—who got together with who, and why? Why did they break up?

So now, he decided to just follow the book’s plot and keep his eyes on the real endgame couple.

As he watched the screen, he began to question that “correct answer.”

Xiao Chen the dancer and Xiao Ji the doctor had zero interaction. Xiao Chen was chatting with the painter girl, even making plans to go upstairs later to hang out. He could dance and she could paint, a whole artsy romantic vibe.

Meanwhile, Xiao Ji was cooking with Xiao Li the chef. The two worked in perfect harmony, their dishes coming together one by one, so appetizing the aroma practically wafted through the screen. It was a very pleasant sight.

Faced with this dilemma, Xu Xishuang fell into deep thought.

The studio had been silent for over ten minutes. The director was sweating bullets and shooting desperate looks at Bai Keke. She wanted to keep up her image in front of Yan Yushan, but it was clear that wouldn’t fly.

So Bai Keke took the initiative and asked Xu Xishuang, “Xishuang, it’s your first time on our show. Which pair do you think has the best chance of ending up together?”

Xu Xishuang wanted to say the couple from the book, but given the current situation, that would sound like nonsense. So he played it safe, “I need to observe a bit more.”

Bai Keke nodded and turned to Yan Yushan, hesitating: “Then Yan… Yan-ge, what do you think?”

“Xiao Chen and Xiao Ji,” Yan Yushan replied after thinking. “I think they’re interested in each other.”

Xu Xishuang: ? How do you know the correct answer?

Yan Yushan’s words shocked everyone. Even the usually eloquent Bai Keke stuttered, “Wh-Why do you think that?”

Those two had been avoiding each other from the start and had almost no interaction!

“Just a guess,” Yan Yushan answered modestly. “They haven’t interacted much, but when Xiao Chen invited Xiao Yu the painter upstairs, he could’ve talked to her in the garden behind the villa. Instead, he chose to speak near the kitchen and glanced several times at Xiao Ji, who was chopping vegetables.”

Xu Xishuang couldn’t help but interject. “But there’s also an open space near the kitchen, maybe he just randomly picked a spot?”

Before Bai Keke could speak, Tang Min jumped in to get a word. “And I think Xiao Chen wasn’t purposely looking at Doctor Xiao Ji—he was just shy talking to Xiao Yu and looked away to ease the tension, right?”

Yan Yushan nodded. “It’s all just speculation but after that, when Xiao Ji heard Xiao Chen’s voice, she stopped cutting vegetables and asked Xiao Li to take over, then went to fry dishes on the other side—away from them.”

“Then, when Xiao Chen left, and Xiao Li was making omelet rice, Doctor Xiao Ji specifically told him not to put green onions in Xiao Chen’s portion,” Yan Yushan added. “If she didn’t care, why would she notice such a tiny food preference?”

Xu Xishuang: …

That’s so detailed.

Yan Yushan shouldn’t be on a romance show—he should be on a crime investigation program.

Bai Keke had a sudden epiphany. “Ah, if you put it like that, Xiao Chen’s nitpicking of Xiao Li’s cooking makes more sense! I thought he was just picky because he’s a dancer and wants to maintain his figure but now it seems he was jealous! Jealous that Xiao Ji and Xiao Li were cooking together!”

Tang Min chimed in, “He’s never nitpicked anything Doctor Xiao Ji made.”

As they all got into a lively discussion, even Tang Min and Yan Yushan seemed to be hitting it off, but Xu Xishuang still found it all a bit ridiculous. He felt an oddly petty frustration that Yan Yushan had guessed the correct answer before him. So he switched his focus to observing Xiao Chen and Xiao Yu, hoping to prove they were the ones with the romantic vibe.

The more he watched, the more confused he became.

He turned to the most approachable one—Bai Keke—and asked, “Keke-jie, why did Xiao Yu say she didn’t have the strength to carry the water bucket and asked Xiao Chen to help?”

“She just carried a whole easel and a heavy bag of paints upstairs by herself,” Xu Xishuang said, clearly puzzled. “Why would she suddenly have no strength?”

The room went dead silent.

Bai Keke opened and closed her mouth several times before finally saying, with a pained expression, “Xishuang… you are the straightest man I’ve ever met.”

Xu Xishuang: ?

He wasn’t straight. He’d always liked men.

Hearing Bai Keke’s comment, Yan Yushan glanced at Xu Xishuang discreetly. Seeing that he didn’t refute it, his heart sank.

If Xu Xishuang really was straight, then what he had done to him that night… it would make sense for Xu Xishuang to hate him and even loathe him.

Xu Xishuang didn’t notice Yan Yushan’s covert look. He just blinked his eyes, full of curiosity, and waited for Bai Keke’s explanation.

Realizing he was genuinely confused and not pretending, Bai Keke felt extremely conflicted. She had always thought Xu Xishuang, like the rumors said, was a cold and untouchable fairy boy who had admirers of every gender, someone who saw through all the games of love.

Now? Xu Xishuang was a clueless straight baby who couldn’t detect even the most basic romantic tactics. The contrast was too adorable.

“She was trying to act delicate—to make Xiao Chen feel protective,” Bai Keke explained. “and that way, she could get him to go with her to the pond, so they’d have more screen time together.”

Xu Xishuang’s brows relaxed. “Oh, I see.”

He turned his head and suddenly locked eyes with Yan Yao, whose cheeks were flushed, as if she were imagining something unairable. Seeing Xu Xishuang looking at her, she quickly ducked her head and returned to her usual “invisible person” state.

Xu Xishuang: ?

He didn’t think much of it and went back to watching the lovebirds on screen. This time, he focused on Doctor Xiao Ji and Chef Xiao Li, but an unexpected third party entered the scene—a rich second-gen athlete walked into the kitchen and approached Doctor Xiao Ji, offering to help.

Xu Xishuang thought this was normal and was about to say that maybe Doctor Xiao Ji and the athlete had a spark, but Bai Keke cut in sharply, her tone full of disdain. “Does he seriously think just because he’s an athlete his body is god-tier? Showing off like that and stripping in front of a woman he’s not even dating yet? That’s basically harassment.”

“Total turn-off,” Bai Keke said. “Didn’t you see how Doctor Xiao Ji’s eyebrows scrunched up? She shoved a plate of food at him to make him leave because she didn’t want him cluttering the kitchen. Hmph, to her, that guy doesn’t even measure up to the plate.”

Yan Yushan casually added, “She’s an orthopedic doctor. A body like that probably isn’t as attractive to her as a well-structured skeleton.”

Bai Keke burst out laughing, and so did Tang Min and Yan Yao. Behind the camera, the director smacked his leg in joy, almost in tears—he no longer had to worry about this episode flopping. Yan Yushan was truly a professional.

As she laughed, Bai Keke thought, No wonder he’s my idol—the man can roast like no one else. She was still relishing the time he served as a mentor on that boy group survival show and roasted a useless pretty-boy trainee so hard the guy quit on the spot

Casually turning her head, Bai Keke caught sight of the one person who wasn’t laughing—Xu Xishuang, looking confused. She froze, even more stunned than he was, then opened her mouth and asked, “Wait… don’t tell me you didn’t notice?”

Xu Xishuang: “…No.”

He had thought the kitchen was just too hot, and the athlete wanted to cool off. The guy did look very muscular, probably prone to overheating but yeah, stripping right there wasn’t a great look.

Bai Keke immediately felt protective. This clueless little love-idiot was so precious. Who called Xu Xishuang a cold, wooden beauty? A block of wood wouldn’t be this cute.

Determined to keep him from being tricked by some scumbag, Bai Keke decided right then and there to give him a proper love lesson—using the current group of contestants as her teaching materials.