Chapter 27 – Li Jiangluo 1.3

Sometimes, I find myself repeatedly pondering what kind of life awaits me in the future.

Will it get better, or will I sink deeper into the mire?

I’ve thought about suicide, especially after Bolin died.

However, people are inherently cowardly; unless they’re at their most desperate point, they probably won’t want to die.

So perhaps I should thank my own cowardice and avoidance, for it has pushed me along through life up until now.

Brother Baichuan asked me if I wanted to try therapy; it was a question I had never considered.

It wasn’t until he asked that I realized I had truly been wrong.

If I had been braver when I was with Bolin, maybe none of what happened later would have occurred.

At this point, there’s nothing worse that can happen; my life has already hit rock bottom, and I have nothing left to lose.

So I told Brother Baichuan that I was willing to give it a try—the worst outcome would simply be maintaining the status quo.

Brother Baichuan invited a friend of his, and we arranged to meet in a private room at a coffee shop.

This surprised me—I had assumed it would be in his office or at his home.

The doctor didn’t quite match my expectations either—he seemed young, wearing round glasses, shorter than me, and carrying a backpack, looking more like a college student.

“I’ve been waiting for you,” said the man as soon as he entered.

I stood up too, greeting him politely, “Hello, my name is Li Jiangluo.”

He had a cute appearance, his fair, blushing face probably from rushing over.

“Hello, hello,” he smiled at me. “I’m Yi Li.”

As he grinned at me, he took off his backpack. Brother Baichuan naturally reached out to take it, setting it aside for him.

They must have been very close, perhaps old friends for many years.

Brother Baichuan called over a waiter and ordered him a coffee. We chatted casually.

“Jiangluo is even more handsome than I imagined!” Yi Li commented, sizing me up. “Do you have a boyfriend?”

Feeling somewhat embarrassed, I quickly looked towards Brother Baichuan.

Brother Baichuan snapped his fingers in front of him and teased, “Behave yourself, you’re scaring our Jiangluo.”

“Our?” Yi Li’s smile carried a hidden meaning.

“You should rein in your imagination,” Brother Baichuan retorted. Just then, the waiter brought the coffee. After he left, the atmosphere between us finally settled down.

Yi Li asked me, “Did you come here willingly, or did Xing Baichuan drag you here?”

I glanced at Brother Baichuan, still feeling uneasy. “I came willingly.”

He nodded, pointing at the door and saying to Brother Baichuan, “I want to talk to Jiangluo alone, why don’t you go outside?”

Now I was even more flustered, hurriedly reaching out to tug at Brother Baichuan’s sleeve.

He gently patted my hand, whispering, “I’ll be right outside at that table, don’t worry.”

He left, leaving me alone with Yi Li, whom I had just met.

“Do you feel nervous?” Yi Li cradled the coffee cup in both hands, smiling warmly.

His eyes were also adorable, curving into crescents when he smiled.

Such a smile could easily infect others around him. Looking into his eyes, I slowly relaxed.

“There’s no need to be nervous, today we’re just chatting casually,” Yi Li leaned closer, whispering, “To be honest, you really have a lot of influence—Xing Baichuan hasn’t bothered me for two years, but he actually contacted me for you.”

Not understanding his meaning, I asked, “Did you guys have an argument?”

“It was a breakup!” Yi Li said with a suppressed laugh. “Can’t you tell? I was his ex-boyfriend.”

My heart skipped a beat, unsure why.

Yi Li laughed again, taking a sip of his coffee before saying, “We were together for several years, but things became increasingly dull. I enjoy excitement, while he’s so boring, so in the end, we broke up.”

I didn’t offer any opinion, but inwardly, I disagreed with him calling Brother Baichuan boring.

Of course, it was possible that I was just as boring as Brother Baichuan.

“Do you want to hear about my story?” He looked at me, drawing my wandering mind back.

I nodded, though I wasn’t particularly interested.

“When I was little, my mother sold me,” he blurted out, surprising me as I stared at him in disbelief.

“Really, I think I was ten years old then,” Yi Li said nonchalantly. “The person who bought me was a pervert, and he tormented me terribly. Later, when I was twelve, he got hit by a car and died—wasn’t that karma?”

I felt sympathy for him and suddenly realized that in this world, I wasn’t the only one suffering. There were far more terrible things happening continuously, far worse than what I had experienced.

“But he did have some conscience, from the day I arrived at his house, he made a will. When he died, all the money was mine,” Yi Li took another sip of coffee and shrugged. “But there wasn’t much money.”

“So what happened next?” I asked.

Seeing I was interested, he moved to sit beside me. “Later on, I became a psychologist using my intelligence and hard work!”

I didn’t know how to respond to his words, only staring at him blankly.

He collapsed onto the couch laughing, nudging me and saying, “Jiangluo, you’re so cute!”

Looking at the man laughing on the sofa, it was hard to imagine that he was already thirty years old, a year older than Brother Baichuan. I couldn’t picture what they would have been like together, one quietly reading documents while the other might be seeking company to play games, unable to bear the loneliness.

“Jiangluo.” He stopped laughing, suddenly serious. “What I’m trying to say is, when you decide to lift your foot, all the seemingly insurmountable obstacles become easier to overcome. What’s scary isn’t the obstacle in front of you, but rather the fact that you lack the courage to topple it. Do you agree?”

Our eyes met, and although I doubted his professionalism, I had to admit that he was right.

Chatting with Yi Li, one might initially be uncomfortable with his boisterous personality, but it was undeniable that he was indeed charming.

Brother Baichuan and I bid him farewell. Brother Baichuan asked, “Where are you going next? Do you want me to drive you?”

“No need.” Yi Li, with his backpack slung over his shoulder, kept texting. “I’m going to the library, it’s close by, it won’t take long to walk there.”

“Alright, then we won’t bother you. Let’s catch up later,” Brother Baichuan called me over, and we drove away.

On the way home, Brother Baichuan asked me, “What did you guys talk about? I could hear him laughing from outside.”

I was in the mood to tease him, so I said, “We were talking about you, reminiscing about your past relationship.”

“Huh?” Brother Baichuan was taken aback, then immediately laughed. “He didn’t speak ill of me, did he?”

“He said you haven’t talked to him for the past two years.” I was genuinely curious. Even someone like Brother Baichuan, who would presumably remain gentlemanly and send messages during holidays despite a breakup, hadn’t contacted Yi Li. Could it be that he had feelings too deep for Yi Li, leading him to sever ties completely?

“…He really spoke ill of me,” Brother Baichuan looked helpless. “It wasn’t that I ignored him. After we broke up, he was busy with work and busy chasing men; he had no time to bother with me!”

I looked at him and chuckled, suddenly feeling envious of them.

Although they had broken up, they could still talk about each other so freely, meeting as if they were old friends.

I couldn’t help but wonder what our ending would have been if Bolin hadn’t committed suicide. If I had found out about his affair, what would have happened?

If he hadn’t gotten sick, we would have definitely broken up.

But since he contracted AIDS, I might have stayed by his side, resenting him yet still taking care of him.

Just as Yi Li said, our meeting today was just casual chatter. I didn’t know if it was a common practice among psychologists to create such suspense, or perhaps it was a way to open up a patient’s mind.

In the days that followed, Yi Li often sent me WeChat messages, telling me where he had gone, interesting people he had met, and events that had occurred. I started to willingly engage with him because he seemed genuinely sincere.

Brother Baichuan noticed me constantly replying to messages on my phone and curiously asked if I had been particularly busy lately.

Seeing his guilty expression, I found it amusing.

“Not busy,” I said. “I’m chatting with Yi Li. He invited me to hang out sometime.”

“…Just the two of you?” Brother Baichuan’s gaze shifted from the laptop screen to my face. It was rare to see this man look so astonished.

Like a child whose prank had succeeded, I nodded. “Yes, just the two of us.”

Brother Baichuan fell silent for a moment, then said, “I don’t have anything planned for the coming period. I’ll join you guys.”

“But Yi Li said it was just the two of us…”

“He’s unreliable,” Brother Baichuan pulled out a cigarette, hesitating to light it. “I’m afraid he might sell you out.”

Of course, we wouldn’t go out to play together. I wasn’t at the point where I could travel with a man I had only met once.

During the time I chatted with Yi Li, most of the conversation was him talking and me listening.

And his topics mostly revolved around Brother Baichuan—sometimes ridiculing Brother Baichuan for being too serious, sometimes complaining that he lacked romance. Occasionally, I would interject a word or two, and he would ask me, “Could it be that you like him?”

“Of course not,” I explained. “Brother Baichuan is like a real brother to me. He’s not as…boring as you say.”

“Hmm,” Yi Li hummed twice. “Well, the person I invited is here. I won’t chat with you anymore, see you tomorrow.”

He hung up the call quickly, before I could even say goodbye to him.

We had arranged to meet at his temporary office the next day. The reason I called it “temporary” was because Yi Li was temporarily assigned to this area for an exchange program.

He would return to Vancouver after a period of time.

He told me that he had met a man at a bar a few days ago, who had captivated his heart, and recently they were inseparable.

I had no interest in hearing about other men. It seemed that after breaking up with Brother Baichuan, he hadn’t had a serious relationship.

I didn’t like such a lifestyle, but it was his business, and I couldn’t interfere.