Chapter 36 – Xing Baichuan 1.7

I never expected to lose my temper with Jiangluo, but I had to admit, I was indeed furious.

But precisely at what, I couldn’t articulate.

Was I angry that he decided to move out without consulting me? Angry that he took it upon himself to rent that apartment? Angry that he broke our agreement by telling my mom about his plans to leave? Or was I just upset that he wanted to distance himself from me?

I felt a sense of shame, attempting to control the course of Jiangluo’s life.

Truthfully, I didn’t want him to go, wishing instead to be with him every waking hour.

Having such thoughts about him seemed rather excessive.

I never considered myself someone with an overwhelming possessiveness, but this time, Jiangluo had awakened that dormant trait within me. I wanted to protect him, to take care of him.

When he mentioned leaving, I began to panic.

I told Yi Li that I treated Jiangluo as a substitute for Bolin, but in reality, I was utterly confused.

I wasn’t sure if I was treating him as a stand-in for Bolin, which is why I wanted to be good to him, or if I wanted to replace Bolin and make up for past wrongs to Jiangluo, or perhaps there were other reasons entirely.

Regardless, I wanted him by my side.

But I couldn’t bring myself to say it, fearing that doing so would trigger some unforeseeable catastrophe. So, I could only watch helplessly as Jiangluo plunged into a new life.

A life without me, without my parents.

I thought, perhaps I should see a psychologist too.

During lunch break, I skipped eating, once again experiencing a lack of appetite.

Earlier, when I saw Jiangluo on the phone walking away without inviting me to eat together, it bothered me.

So, like a deranged voyeur, I pressed against the glass window of my office, looking down, but all I saw was a tiny version of Jiangluo entering the restaurant across the street, still unaware of what he ate or who he dined with.

I couldn’t bear being this way, finally deciding to seek advice from “relationship expert” Yi Li.

However, after sending him a message, he didn’t respond promptly.

Jiangluo returned with an odd expression on his face, running away as soon as he saw me.

I followed him to his office, wanting to ask what was wrong and also discuss his moving out, to apologize, as losing my temper on him was indeed my fault.

But just as I pushed open the glass door to his office, Yi Li’s call came through.

Jiangluo and I locked eyes; he looked at me, like a frightened fawn.

I stepped back and answered Yi Li’s call.

“What are you up to?” His tone was casual, lighthearted, lacking seriousness.

“I’m at work.”

“Of course, I know you’re at work,” Yi Li said impatiently. “What I meant is, what are you doing at work?”

I glanced back at Jiangluo’s office; he stood there flipping through documents.

Today, he wore a light blue shirt, the cuffs rolled up to his forearms, making his skin appear even more fair.

In recent days, his health had significantly improved, appearing much healthier and more vibrant than when I first met him. From my vantage point, he was truly captivating.

At that thought, my heart raced twice, prompting me to quickly avert my gaze.

“You disconnected?” Yi Li muttered quietly on the other end of the line. “Hello?”

“I’m here,” I hastily replied.

“What were you thinking about?” He sounded even more impatient. “Me or Jiangluo?”

After his comment, he burst into laughter, infuriatingly.

“Do you need something from me?” I dared not sneak another peek at Jiangluo, heading towards my own office.

“Weren’t you the one who contacted me first?”

I remembered, it was indeed I who reached out first.

“Sorry, I forgot.” I closed the door, checked to ensure no one was outside, then said to Yi Li, “When are you available? I’d like to talk to you.”

As he hesitated, I added, “I can pay you.”

Upon hearing this, he started laughing again, saying repeatedly, “That’s great, since you’re willing to pay, I’m available anytime.”

We agreed to meet after work tonight, at the coffee shop downstairs from our building.

“Alright, I won’t venture far then. Are there any interesting places around here?”

“You’re near my company?” I asked.

“Yeah, I had lunch with Xiaojiangjiang today. Didn’t he tell you?”

Once again, I was left speechless.

“You figure out your own spot to hang out,” I told him. “I’ll find you at the coffee shop at six. See you then, no backing out.”

After hanging up, I still couldn’t focus on work.

My mind was consumed by thoughts of Jiangluo and Yi Li, wondering what they might discuss together.

I realized that all my recent restlessness stemmed from Jiangluo, quite intriguing, reminding me of a term.

“A beauty causing disaster.”

Thinking about it, I couldn’t help but chuckle. If Jiangluo knew I described him using this phrase, he’d likely be too embarrassed to speak to me.

As the workday drew to a close, my mother called, informing me she and my father were visiting an old friend and would return late. They had taken Zai Zai with them.

After hanging up, I checked the time and dialed Jiangluo using the company’s internal line.

“Mr. Xing,” his clean voice softly uttered these two words, making my ears tingle.

He wouldn’t call me “Brother” at work, instead addressing me as “Mr. Xing” like everyone else, a formality I initially found odd but now appreciated as a subtle seasoning to our ordinary life.

“Go home after work. Mom and Dad are out. Did you remember to bring your keys?”

“Huh?” He hesitated before asking, “You’re not going home?”

“I have plans tonight with Yi Li,” I added, “to discuss something serious, right at the coffee shop downstairs.”

“That…” He seemed hesitant.

“What’s wrong?”

“I forgot to bring my keys when I left this morning.”

Glancing at the keys on my desk, I sighed inwardly.

I usually didn’t carry the house keys, a habit formed since living with Jiangluo. Most of the time, my parents were home, and when they weren’t, Jiangluo was with me, carrying the keys.

“I left in a hurry this morning…” He paused. “I’ll wait in the security room for Uncle and Auntie when they return. Then I’ll call you…”

“Why don’t we go out for dinner tonight?” I blurted out without hesitation. “We can meet Yi Li any other time. Think about where you’d like to eat.”

After saying this, I hung up and picked up my phone, preparing to call Yi Li.

Before I could come up with a reasonable excuse that wouldn’t be mocked, Jiangluo knocked on my office door.

“Is something up?” I asked Jiangluo.

Standing at the doorway, he puffed out his cheeks, saying, “You’ve already made plans for tonight, canceling suddenly isn’t ideal. Besides, I have some work to do and can stay late.”

I looked up at Jiangluo. He was a terrible liar, his anxious appearance resembling a fawn in the forest even more.

“Why don’t you join me?” I suggested. “There’s nothing critical between Yi Li and me. We can all go together.”

“No, really,” he waved his hands frantically. “I’ll work first, and we can connect later.”

With that, he ran out, leaving no room for further discussion.

The moment the workday ended, I left early. The receptionist, Xiao Chen, was surprised, asking, “Mr. Xing, aren’t you leaving with Jiangluo?”

Taken aback, I glanced at Jiangluo’s office, the door wide open, clearly unoccupied.

“I have something to attend to tonight.” As the elevator arrived, I waved goodbye to Xiao Chen and entered.

When I reached the coffee shop, Yi Li had already finished a cup of coffee, the empty vessel sitting beside him, while in front of him was a glass of dark beer.

“Drinking alcohol in a coffee shop, that’s quite something.” I sat across from him, checking the time. Due to my concern for Jiangluo, I wanted to wrap things up quickly.

“What’s with you!” Yi Li cradled his drink, asking me. “You just sat down and you’re already timing us? I haven’t even started the clock yet!”

“It’s not like that,” I explained. “Jiangluo forgot his keys…”

“Oh.” Yi Li propped his face in his hand, smiling broadly as he looked at me. “You want to talk about Jiangluo, right? Let me tell you, morning wood actually…”

“It’s about me,” I interrupted him, the first time I was this candid. “I think… there’s something wrong with my mental health.”

Yi Li burst into laughter, right there in the coffee shop.

This made me feel he was incredibly rude.

I tapped the table, lowering my voice. “Control yourself a bit. Can you stop laughing?”

His laughter brought tears to his eyes, nodding repeatedly. “You’ve finally realized you’re sick, huh?”

I was considering giving up on talking to him further. Listening to his laughter was less tolerable than taking Jiangluo out for a meal.

I picked up my phone and messaged Jiangluo, asking if he ordered food.

“I’m done laughing.” Yi Li wiped away his tears, restraining himself to ask, “Tell me, what’s wrong? Given your self-awareness today, I won’t charge you. You can just settle the bill later.”

Jiangluo quickly replied, saying he had already ordered delivery, working while waiting for it to arrive.

I doubted Jiangluo’s words somewhat. Without my supervision, he surely wouldn’t properly eat dinner. I wanted to call him, but I also eagerly awaited Yi Li’s analysis of my situation.

“Stop playing with your phone.” Yi Li placed his hand over my phone, asking me, “What exactly is bothering you?”

I fell silent for a moment, organizing my thoughts. Then, cautiously and carefully, I described my state over the past few days, fearful of misrepresenting my feelings for Jiangluo.

Yi Li squinted at me, after a pause, saying, “I had lunch with Jiangluo today. Do you know what I told him?”

Recalling Jiangluo’s panicked reaction after lunch, I curiously asked, “What did you say?”

He took a sip of his drink, then laughed, saying, “I told him you’re in love with him.”