Chapter 37 – Li Jiangluo 1.8

It seems when luck deserts you, nothing goes right.

Brother Baichuan had arranged to meet Yi Li, and with Uncle and Auntie out, I rushed out in the morning and forgot my keys. To avoid troubling them, I pretended to work overtime and hid at the company.

However, the company unexpectedly lost power.

The entire building plunged into darkness as all the lights suddenly went out.

I’m not particularly timid, but this sudden darkness still gave me a start.

I sat in my seat, taking a whole minute to adjust to the darkness. I picked up my phone, intending to turn on the flashlight function, only to find it had inconveniently powered off by itself.

I suddenly felt utterly defeated, thinking that perhaps this was heaven’s way of hinting that I was the extra piece.

But even so, I had to leave the company first, and descend the stairs in the dark.

Due to the unexpected power failure, I wasn’t sure if there were any computers or other electronic devices still on in the company. So, before I left, I took advantage of the faint light from outside to check all the power sources at everyone’s workstation. Once I confirmed everything was alright, I gathered my things, locked the door, and entered the stairwell.

There were emergency lights in the corridor, yet it remained dim.

With each step I took, the sound of my footsteps echoed around me. It wasn’t that scary normally, but it was so quiet that the thought of walking down nearly twenty flights of stairs in such conditions made me feel overwhelmed.

My vision might have been failing me recently. Looking down at the stairs while walking made me feel dizzy.

As I walked, I stopped to catch my breath, pressing the power button on my phone again in a last-ditch effort, but it remained unresponsive.

It had power when I replied to Brother Baichuan’s message; I didn’t know when it decided to sleep on me.

I looked up, realizing I’d only reached the eleventh floor, and I still had more to go.

I guessed that Brother Baichuan would worry when he couldn’t contact me. I should head straight down to the B1 level and wait by his car.

When I reached the ninth floor, I suddenly heard footsteps—ones that weren’t mine, coming up from below. The person seemed to be running, accompanied by heavy breathing.

Suddenly, I felt nervous, my heart pounding. For some reason, I thought it would be Brother Baichuan.

Perhaps being overly hopeful is also a kind of illness. Maybe next time I see Yi Li for therapy, I should bring it up and ask him to help me fix this flaw.

I scoffed at myself, then continued descending.

I think, perhaps, heaven isn’t too cruel to me after all. Because the person who suddenly appeared in front of me was none other than Brother Baichuan.

His suit jacket was nowhere to be seen, his tie hanging loosely around his neck. He stood on the stair below me, mouth agape, panting heavily, looking up at me.

I was too surprised to speak, standing there, staring blankly at him.

The orange-yellow emergency lights in the corridor were like the color of the sunset, reddening my face.

Did he run all the way up here?

To come back and look for me?

I couldn’t believe it. The closer he got, the more I backed away.

I didn’t know why I was dodging him, slowly leaning against the door behind me.

The doorknob pressed against my waist. I looked at him, sweating nervously.

Brother Baichuan approached me, frowning, staring into my eyes without saying a word.

He raised both hands, and I thought he was going to hug me.

I even started wondering whether I should return the embrace or push him away with all my might.

But no embrace came. Instead, he gently caressed my face with one hand, while wiping the sweat from my forehead with the other.

“Scared?” He relaxed his furrowed brows, his eyes slightly curved.

For some reason, I felt relieved but also somewhat disappointed.

I couldn’t deny that in that moment, I yearned for his embrace.

I was too shameless; this thought made me feel utterly embarrassed.

I shook my head, avoiding eye contact.

“What about Yi Li?” I asked.

“…He might still be sitting there.”

The coffee shop where they were on a date was in the same building as our office, which must now be pitch black.

“You left him there?” I asked in surprise.

He seemed a bit awkward, rubbing his nose and saying, “He might have already left.”

I didn’t know what else to say, feeling even more shamefully happy.

He was on a date with Yi Li, yet after the power failure, he came looking for me regardless.

Yes, I added the phrase “regardless” in my mind, making his actions seem even more appealing.

I could no longer deceive myself. The moment I saw him running up, I knew I couldn’t pretend anymore.

I was moved. Falling in love with someone for the second time, and it was the older brother of my deceased lover.

They had incredibly similar appearances and completely different personalities. One would hold my hand and take me on a rollercoaster, shouting my name at the most thrilling moments, declaring his love. The other never showed much, but in the midst of darkness, he brought light and ran toward me.

Both deserved my genuine affection, but with the lesson learned, I was truly afraid this time.

My courage and moral boundaries were warning me not to proceed further, yet my heart still wanted to draw closer.

Is it always like this for people? They don’t know to turn back until they’re battered and bruised.

Yet, I’d already been battered and bruised once. Why did I still not learn my lesson?

“What’s wrong?” Brother Baichuan suddenly called out to me.

I snapped back to reality, realizing how I had spaced out. I tried to cover it up, but it was too late.

He asked me, “What are you thinking about?”

I still didn’t dare look at him, turning my eyes to the side and saying, “Nothing.”

I raised my hand to push him away, but my wrist was caught.

“Let’s go home.” I frowned slightly, speaking softly.

He held my wrist tightly. I believed it must have turned red by now.

I felt he had something to say, so I waited anxiously.

My peripheral vision caught his face; he kept staring at me, his expression inscrutable.

“Jiangluo.” He finally spoke. “Are you really moving out?”

As soon as these words left his mouth, my nose tingled.

I didn’t want to move out. I wanted to be with him every day, saying goodnight to him as the last thing before sleeping and greeting him with a good morning as the first thing upon waking.

I wanted to learn more breakfast recipes to cook for him, to go home with him every day after work.

But what was this?

Living with the family of my deceased boyfriend. What was this?

I was moved, indulging in Brother Baichuan’s gentleness and care. His meticulous concern and companionship captivated me. But then what? Could I really rely on him for the rest of my life?

Obviously not.

I shouldn’t like him, and he wouldn’t like me either.

This was what he said himself. I could guarantee that what I accidentally overheard that day was him saying that he could never like me.

The path of love is indeed hard to walk. Giving up is much easier than persisting.

I nodded, struggling to suppress the urge to cry. “Yeah, I’ve already rented a place. I’ll move this weekend.”

He let go of my hand, saying nothing, and descended the stairs ahead of me.

Watching his back, I desperately wanted to run over and grab him, but in the end, I merely followed silently behind him, descending the stairs.

Brother Baichuan had left his suit jacket at the coffee shop. It was only when Yi Li called him that he remembered.

He didn’t retrieve it, asking Yi Li to keep it for him, and drove me home instead.

Throughout the journey, I didn’t know what to say. It seemed anything I said would be awkward.

I was afraid that I might accidentally reveal my true feelings. If that happened, perhaps we would have fewer chances to meet in the future. After all, I didn’t want him to feel too uncomfortable.

When we arrived home, Uncle and Auntie hadn’t returned yet. It started raining outside, and Brother Baichuan, worried, called Auntie.

“Mum, it’s raining. I’ll come pick you guys up.”

Neither of us had eaten dinner. I was cooking instant noodles in the kitchen, straining my ears to eavesdrop on his call.

“Don’t inconvenience others!”

I stole a glance at him, just in time to see him pull off his tie and toss it onto the sofa.

I had to admit, this man was truly charming when doing this action. Or rather, beauty is in the eye of the beholder. At this moment, Brother Baichuan was extremely charming in my eyes, no matter what he did.

I averted my gaze, watching the noodle block rolling in boiling water, feeling utterly shameless for harboring such thoughts about Brother Baichuan.

I sighed deeply, my mood unbearably troubled.

Brother Baichuan entered the kitchen and told me at the doorway, “Mom and Dad won’t be coming back. They said it’s raining, so they’re staying at someone else’s house.”

“Huh?” My first reaction wasn’t about whether Uncle and Auntie would be comfortable staying at someone else’s house. Rather, I realized that tonight, it would just be Brother Baichuan and me.

We weren’t strangers to being alone together. In fact, since the day we met, we had been alone together. However, everything was different now. I had demons lurking in my heart.

It wasn’t until my hand was scalded by hot water that I snapped back to reality. Brother Baichuan hurriedly turned off the induction cooker and grabbed my hand, examining the burnt area anxiously.

“It’s fine…” I was genuinely fine. A splash of boiling water from the pot didn’t amount to much.

But he wouldn’t let it go, pulling me into the living room and scrutinizing it under the light.

“I told you it’s nothing.” I felt a little embarrassed, wanting to mock him for making a big deal out of nothing.

The burnt spot was merely red, probably healing soon.

I pulled my hand back and said, “The instant noodles aren’t cooked yet. I haven’t added the poached egg.”

“I’ll do it.” Brother Baichuan held me back, more accurately, hugged me from behind.

Behind me, his arms wrapped around my waist, turning me around and lowering me down. Before I could regain my senses, he had already entered the kitchen.

This gesture was too intimate, leaving me standing there, unable to calm down for a long time.

This instant noodle meal was probably the ugliest-looking one I’ve ever eaten. My beloved poached egg was broken by Brother Baichuan, mixed in the soup and noodles, pitifully.

But I still found it delicious. Even lying in bed later that night, I could recall the taste of those noodles.

Just like how I could close my eyes and recall that embrace-like hug from Brother Baichuan.

I thought, I really should move out as soon as possible. Otherwise, continuing like this, I would hate myself even more.