Chapter 48 – Xing Baichuan – Extra 1

When summer truly arrived, Li Jiangluo and I visited Bolin at the cemetery in the southern part of town.

Yes, we were cowardly, delaying our confrontation with him.

On a weekend morning, Mother and Father left together to walk the dog. After breakfast, Li Jiangluo and I had nothing to do. He leaned on my shoulder, rubbing his belly, and suddenly said, “Brother, let’s go see Bolin.”

I glanced out the window; the sky was a clear blue, sunny and pleasant, the entire world clean and beautiful.

We each changed into fresh clothes in our respective rooms. When we came out of our bedrooms, we found that we had both, by some unspoken agreement, chosen to wear white shirts.

Perhaps, just like me, he felt that this meeting with Bolin held extraordinary significance.

I seldom visited this cemetery in the southern part of town.

At first, I dared not come here, for the mere thought that my younger brother was dead, leaving behind only a cold tombstone to look upon, filled me with sorrow.

Later, perhaps due to guilt, I fell in love with the person he loved.

I still believed that Bolin loved Jiangluo, but he had simply gone about it the wrong way and taken the wrong path.

When it came to my younger brother, I still felt a sense of shame, as if I had stolen his treasure.

Li Jiangluo didn’t speak much on the way either, looking preoccupied.

“When around the summer solstice, let’s visit the Arctic Village again,” I suggested.

“Huh?” He turned to look at me, his expression dazed and adorable.

“The last time we went for New Year’s Eve, we didn’t get to see the Northern Lights. The tour guide said they’re more likely to occur around the summer solstice.” We reached the cemetery parking lot, parked the car, and walked together towards the nearby florist.

“What month is the summer solstice?” Li Jiangluo quietly moved closer to me; our hands brushed against each other as we walked.

I took his hand without hesitation. After some thought, I said, “Late June, it should be less busy then.”

“That sounds good.” Li Jiangluo clasped my hand firmly, while his other hand reached into his pocket for his phone. “I’ll check the dates; booking flights early would be cheaper. Are Mother and Father coming with us?”

I smiled at him, leaning in to whisper in his ear, “Not bringing them along, we’re going on our honeymoon.”

Li Jiangluo shrank back, letting go of my hand and darted into the florist.

We each bought a bouquet of white lilies, then maintained a distance of half a meter as we approached Bolin.

The cemetery in the southern part of town was surrounded by greenery, vast rows of poplar trees enclosing the gravestones in their midst.

Perhaps it was psychological, but I felt as though the temperature here was lower than in the city.

We stood before Bolin, bending down to place the flowers.

He looked at us through the photograph, wearing an innocent smile.

He was so young, so handsome, his youth and beauty preserved forever. When Li Jiangluo and I were old and decrepit, he would still be a vibrant young man.

Li Jiangluo and I gazed silently at him, as if engaged in a contest to see who would break the silence first.

I glanced at him, slowly moving closer until our arms lightly touched. Our exposed forearms brushed against each other, bared to the air by our rolled-up sleeves.

He shivered, and I interlocked our fingers.

“Bolin,” I said, “Li Jiangluo and I are together now.”

I imagined Bolin’s reaction upon hearing these words, probably furious and lashing out at me.

Suddenly, it felt as though Bolin was standing right before me, and I hurried to explain, “I’m sorry, but we truly love each other.”

This sounded somewhat excessive. I had taken his lover and then inflicted further pain with such words.

I gripped Li Jiangluo’s hand tightly, as if terrified someone would snatch him away from me.

Li Jiangluo spoke up, “Bolin, long time no see, we miss you.”

Another silence ensued, interrupted by a breeze. A butterfly landed on Bolin’s tombstone.

The butterfly fluttered its pale yellow wings twice before stopping, as if waiting patiently for us to continue speaking.

“We should have come earlier,” I said. “But we were afraid you wouldn’t be happy, so we put it off until now. I know you’ll be angry with me, and I apologize. From now on, I’ll take good care of Jiangluo and also take care of Mother and Father. Now we live together, renting a house, but we’ve been keeping an eye out for properties. We want to buy a place by the end of this year. After all, living in a rented home isn’t ideal.”

I felt awkward, unsure of what else to say.

The butterfly flew away, apparently bored with our mundane conversation.

Li Jiangluo continued, “Right after you left, I really did hate you.”

I looked at him; his face was flushed from the intense sunlight, beads of sweat forming on the tip of his nose.

“Just thinking about how you kept abandoning me caused me great pain.” His gaze remained fixed on Bolin’s tombstone. “But I still loved you, wondering every day why we had become like this. It wasn’t until later that Brother Baichuan provided me with the answer.”

I was surprised, as Li Jiangluo and I had never discussed this issue.

Regarding Bolin, regarding his tragic relationship with Bolin, we had always avoided the topic.

We could face many things together, but this past was something we couldn’t confront.

“Because we made a mistake from the very beginning.” He choked up, and I wanted to reach out and comfort him, but Li Jiangluo refused to release my hand. “If we could have been like Brother Baichuan and me from the start, none of what happened later would have occurred. Bolin, we were both too fond of running away.”

I understood his meaning, yet I felt ashamed for thinking that it was precisely because of their avoidance that I had Li Jiangluo today.

I couldn’t bear to look at Bolin’s photograph anymore. That despicable thought just now, I knew he must have heard it.

“You left, but I’m doing better now.” Li Jiangluo raised his other hand to wipe his eyes. “Still, I need to thank you. You didn’t take me away, instead pushing a better person towards me.”

Leaving the cemetery in the southern part of town, we headed to the northern cemetery.

Li Jiangluo told me that his mother was buried there.

Li Jiangluo often visited his mother. I had once secretly followed him here, although at that time, we hadn’t dared to acknowledge our feelings.

As usual, we bought flowers after getting out of the car. He chose a bunch of carnations, while I picked a bouquet of red roses.

“You’re sending these to my mom?” Li Jiangluo stared wide-eyed.

I smiled without saying a word, guiding him outside.

Li Jiangluo bore a striking resemblance to his mother. Even in her black-and-white photograph, the young woman exuded a certain ethereal charm, her delicate features reminiscent of a celestial being.

“I wonder what my mother was thinking when she passed away,” he said, his voice tinged with melancholy. “Back then, I didn’t fully understand love and affection. I just felt that it wasn’t worth it for her to suffer so much for a man like my father. After her mental health deteriorated, she rarely talked to me. It wasn’t until after her death, when I was sorting through her belongings, that I found her diary. She wrote it before her complete breakdown. She blamed herself for being blind, hating that man for defying morality…”

He furrowed his brows, taking a moment before continuing, “So at first, I was disgusted with my own sexual orientation. I never imagined that I would inherit that trait from that man.”

I understood his pain but didn’t know how to console him.

“It seems life is filled with numerous hurdles. Pass one, and another awaits. Some people get stuck at a particular obstacle, unable to move forward. Others are fortunate, guided all the way to a smooth path.” Li Jiangluo took a deep breath, then rubbed his temples, turning to smile at me. “I’m the lucky one. It seems all the difficult obstacles are behind me. You’ll walk alongside me from now on, won’t you?”

His trust filled me with joy. I turned to face him, then slowly knelt on one knee, offering him the bouquet of roses.

He clearly hadn’t anticipated this gesture, staring at me in shock.

“I’m declaring my love to you,” I said, my heart pounding. Confessing my love in a cemetery to the person I loved—perhaps I was the only one who’d ever done this.

“Why…?” He was speechless, accepting the flowers.

“What do you think?” I remained kneeling, looking up at him. “Take a look inside the flowers.”

He lowered his eyes to search carefully, finding the ring I had hidden among the petals.

“Although it might be cliché, I still want to make it official.” The sun was glaring, making it hard to open my eyes, but I desperately wanted to see Li Jiangluo’s expression at this moment.

He stood there, stunned, holding the flowers to his chest and clutching the ring I had given him.

He turned to address the tombstone, saying, “Mom, is this guy proposing to me?”

The summer noonday sun was scorching.

I knelt on one knee amidst the sea of tombstones, looking somewhat foolish.

Mr. Li Jiangluo slipped the ring onto his finger himself, then pulled out a flower to hand to me. “I didn’t prepare anything else, so this will have to serve as a token of our love. My mother…she would probably…agree for us to be together.”