Chapter 102 – Waiting for the Light

Shen Fubai and Jiang Heng had met each other’s parents, obtaining the approval of their elders, and then they proceeded to officially get engaged.

Father Jiang and Mother Jiang gifted Yang Yingying and Shen Fubai several valuable presents, and they also announced the news of their sons’ engagements on the same day within Beijing’s upper social circles.

This engagement banquet invited all the prominent figures in Jing Circle, demonstrating the Jiang family’s influence. The Jiang family’s ancestral home was in Ningxia, truly a land of “loess plateau.” In his early years, Father Jiang came to Beijing to establish himself, and after years of hard work, he had become a significant figure in the business world, someone everyone would show respect to.

Some people in these circles looked down on celebrities who married into wealthy families, thinking that they were merely climbing up the social ladder and wouldn’t last long. But the Jiang family proved with this most grand banquet how much they valued their two new family members, earning Yang Yingying and Shen Fubai additional respect from other celebrities and prompting them to reassess their attitudes towards the pair.

On the day of the banquet, Yang Yingying wore a rose-red strapless backless dress, her figure slender and her appearance charming, dazzling many men at the scene with her radiant beauty. Shen Fubai, dressed in a well-tailored white suit, his exquisite features illuminated by the lights, became the center of attention the moment he descended the staircase.

As expected of the entertainment industry, his good looks were truly indisputable.

The Jiang family’s two sons wore identical black suits and came down the stairs together. They had lived as a tragic contrast to each other since childhood, but now they were both extremely tall and handsome young men.

Lina and Ethan couldn’t make it this time because Ethan’s father was slightly ill, nothing serious. They promised that when Shen Fubai officially got married, they would definitely fly over.

This banquet, gathering many prominent figures, had a certain level of confidentiality, with excellent security measures in place to prevent any media from sneaking in. Father Jiang and Mother Jiang solemnly introduced Yang Yingying and Shen Fubai to the guests, and after the applause from the entire hall, the two couples started dancing.

Shen Fubai had a dance background, and even an ordinary opening dance became exceptionally beautiful under his feet. His palms would touch and separate from Jiang Heng’s, their eyes meeting as if they could see a thousand years in a single glance.

After the opening dance, the guests present also took their male or female companions and glided onto the dance floor to dance. After each dance, they would switch partners with those around them.

This was a social dance. After the initial fixed dance partners finished a dance, every time a new song played, people would exchange partners with those nearby, making it highly random.

During the dance, they had the time of one song to chat. If they felt they had similar interests, they could exchange contact information.

No wonder so many people wanted to sneak into these celebrity banquets, hoping for a chance to latch onto a golden opportunity.

Muran Jinhuan and Lu Yunqian also attended. Lu Yunqian had gained recognition among the audience through his role as Pear Blossoms in “Pear Blossoms,” and with Muran Jinhuan’s support, he was no longer just a small-time extra, now with a promising future ahead of him. That he and Muran Jinhuan were together wasn’t much of a surprise to Jiang Heng and Shen Fubai.

Muran Jinhuan and Ye Lin didn’t bring dance partners. They had come with their younger brothers, but Muran Jinhuan teamed up with Lu Yunqian, and Ye Ziran went to find Xiao Ye to play at the Xiao family’s side right away. Left alone, Muran Jinhuan and Ye Lin danced together as a makeshift couple.

When a dance ended, everyone switched partners. Shen Fubai also swapped dance partners with Yang Yingying.

It didn’t really feel different. They looked exactly the same, with identical faces, and switching felt like it made no difference.

But there was a difference. For example, Jiang Yuan was very reserved when touching Shen Fubai’s hand, and Jiang Heng barely touched Yang Yingying’s waist.

Shen Fubai was quite relaxed about it. Dancers often have physical contact with their partners, and he never thought too much about it.

As figures moved across the dance floor, switching partners, Shen Fubai, feeling tired from dancing, apologized to his current partner and left the dance floor to grab a glass of juice.

Seeing Shen Fubai leave, Jiang Heng also wanted to go out. He had been paired with Lu Yunqian for this dance, and just as he said goodbye, Muran Jinhuan, who had been watching this whole time, walked over. “Brother, shall we dance?”

Jiang Heng: “…” Why are you joining in?

Wouldn’t Muran Jinhuan be jealous that he danced with Lu Yunqian and want to step on his toes as a chance to retaliate?

Clearly, Muran Jinhuan wasn’t that low, gently instructing his little boyfriend to rest on the sofa for a while and placing his hand on Jiang Heng’s shoulder. “Come on, I’m ready.”

Jiang Heng felt utterly perplexed.

What was Muran Jinhuan up to?

Soon he found out. After only a few steps, Muran Jinhuan turned to search for Shen Fubai, seeing that he wasn’t paying attention to them, and whispered to Jiang Heng, “Let’s go to the restroom; I have something to tell you.”

A hint of confusion flashed in Jiang Heng’s eyes, but he still followed Muran Jinhuan out of the hall under the cover of the crowd.

Meanwhile, Shen Fubai had just drained a glass of juice, completely unaware of—

In the restroom.

Jiang Heng asked, “What’s the matter?”

Muran Jinhuan smiled. “Congratulations to you and Shen Fubai for achieving success in your relationship.”

Jiang Heng responded politely, “And congratulations to you and Lu Yunqian.”

“The drama ‘Pear Blossoms’ was indeed a good series; it brought us two pairs together.” Muran Jinhuan sighed, “Who would have thought it possible?”

“Anyone could have thought it,” Jiang Heng reminded him, “You were pretty obvious.”

Lu Yunqian ran to Muran Jinhuan’s room every night; the entire production crew knew about it.

“That was a misunderstanding! I just wanted him to tell me a story! To treat my insomnia!” Muran Jinhuan leaned against the door frame and said deeply, “My biological father died early, of illness. When I was young, I had a decent relationship with my father; my mother was a strong woman, and it was my father who spent time with me, telling me bedtime stories. But when someone falls ill, everything seems to disappear; ever since then, I’ve had trouble sleeping, waking up crying from dreams about my father. No amount of psychological therapy has helped.”

Jiang Heng thought for a moment. “That’s terrible.”

He didn’t know how to comfort the man. Nothing he said would help; it was something the other person had experienced.

Moreover, what Muran Jinhuan truly wanted to say probably wasn’t this.

“I’m not here to complain to you. After meeting Yunqian, my insomnia improved significantly, and during my most recent visit, the doctor told me that I was completely fine.” Muran Jinhuan said.

Jiang Heng: “…Congratulations.” So you’re not here to complain, you’re here to flaunt your relationship.

“But that’s not the point. Do you know what I saw at the psychologist’s office?” Muran Jinhuan stared at him, word by word, “I saw Shen Fubai’s medical records.”

Jiang Heng’s expression changed. “What happened to him?”

“Didn’t he tell you?” murmured Muran Jinhuan, “He probably didn’t want to worry you… but I still think you should know.”

“He… according to the records, severe insomnia, moderate depression, attempted suicide twice… his medical records started at seventeen, and those two years until nineteen were quite severe… but don’t worry too much. I saw what the doctor wrote; when he was twenty, his condition improved, apparently finding some kind of spiritual support.”

Shen Fubai’s twentieth year.

It was precisely the year Jiang Heng debuted.

Seventeen-year-old Shen Fubai, who had already experienced the evils of the world. His father’s death was like the heaviest blow, and online bullying was the final straw that broke him.

He suffered from insomnia and depression.

Smiling radiantly in front of the camera, yet becoming increasingly silent behind the scenes.

Until he met twenty-two-year-old Jiang Heng, who had just debuted in a film.

The movie was about a child from a restructured family, who had an unfortunate upbringing, neglected by his family, bullied at school. After working, he became an excellent designer, but was berated by his superiors, had his designs stolen by colleagues, and was accused of plagiarism, facing public condemnation.

Such a life was truly awful, as if all the darkness favored him but no sliver of light cared to grace him.

Yet he grew into a gentle and upright person, never compromising, never invaded by darkness, never becoming self-pitying.

In the end, he naturally had a great outcome.

Jiang Heng hadn’t experienced such hardships, but he had exceptional talent, portraying the character vividly and impressively, leaving a deep impression. Relying on this film directed by Director Xu called “Waiting for the Light,” he won the Best Actor award upon debut, thus embarking on a smooth career path.

And he saved Shen Fubai’s entire life.

From then on, Jiang Heng was his god.

Before Shen Fubai’s notes mentioned Jiang Heng, they were filled with a heavy gloom. At that time, he was taking antidepressants, the side effects of which severely affected his memory, relying on notes to remember things.

April 4, 2014

Father died at home, undiscovered for seven whole days. I was busy with performances and training out of province, and when I returned, I saw him lying on the ground, cold and stiff.

I prepared his body for burial.

I seem to be truly alone now.

Yeah, I’m 17, not yet an adult, lucky enough to have become an orphan.

June 9, 2014

I suddenly felt very sad for no reason, crying while dancing. My teacher told me not to stress, but I don’t think I have much pressure; I just feel a bit empty inside.

July 12, 2014

My state has been poor recently, and my teacher suggested I see a psychologist. The diagnosis was depression.

It hurt deeply.

I went home and smashed the bathroom mirror with a punch, glass cutting my hand, blood everywhere.

It hurt so much.

But then my heart didn’t hurt anymore.

August 8, 2014

Sister Li just called me to help her with something tomorrow. I said okay, hung up, and immediately forgot—what did Sister Li ask me to help with again?

Shen Fubai, you really are drugged out of your mind.

October 1, 2014

What’s worth remembering? As if anyone would remember your birthday?

Yes, I remember, happy birthday to you.

Huh, look at you, being dramatic again.

February 28, 2015

Your favorite clothes are in the third compartment of the wardrobe, ice cream in the bottom layer of the fridge, keys under the second vase on the windowsill.

I’ll say, your memory’s been pretty bad lately.

April 5, 2015

I cut my wrist; it hurts.

Today is Qingming Festival, only a day before my father’s anniversary, a perfect date selected from thousands.

Everyone would be upset.

…Actually, no. How long can people mourn the dead? Now when I think of my father, I feel nothing.

April 6, 2015

Someone found me. The company told me not to be melodramatic and focus on preparing for the upcoming concert.

Why am I still alive?

May 8, 2015

So tired, I can’t eat, not even the strength to write.

January 1, 2016

Many people die in their teens or twenties but aren’t buried until they’re old and decrepit. Terrifying.

May 25, 2016

I feel like I lack the emotions that normal people should have; it’s a terrible feeling.

Even worse, the me typing these words doesn’t feel the emotion of “terrible.”

…

There was a long period after that with no records. Then some scattered fragments, none of them happy.

Until one day, a name finally appeared in this lonely notebook.

April 5, 2017

I gave Big Bear a new name, Heng Heng.

I watched a movie today, and the actor playing the protagonist had this name.

I fell in love with him.

Ever since then, every note of his was a shadow of Heng Heng—

Muran Jinhuan looked at Jiang Heng, who was silent with his head hanging, somewhat worriedly. “Hey, are you okay?”

“I’m fine.” Jiang Heng smiled. “Do you have a cigarette? Give me one.”

Muran Jinhuan pulled out a pack of cigarettes from his pocket, about to take one out.

Jiang Heng: “Give me the whole pack.”

“…” Muran Jinhuan held back a sentence, “Smoking is harmful to your health.”

But he still handed the entire pack of cigarettes to Jiang Heng, understanding that sometimes cigarettes could help calm someone’s mood faster. He said, “I’ve said what needed to be said. I’m not comfortable leaving Yunqian alone, so I’ll be going now.”

Jiang Heng nodded, his expression unchanged.

As soon as Muran Jinhuan left, a cloud of gloom settled over Jiang Heng’s face. He pursed his lips, saying nothing.

He lit a cigarette and leaned against the wall, recalling Muran Jinhuan’s words in a self-torturing manner.

“He… according to the records, severe insomnia, moderate depression, attempted suicide twice… his medical records started at seventeen, and those two years until nineteen were quite severe… but don’t worry too much. I saw what the doctor wrote; when he was twenty, his condition improved, apparently finding some kind of spiritual support.”

Jiang Heng took a deep breath—

After drinking the juice, Shen Fubai saw Jiang Heng walking over.

Noticing that there was no one else around, Shen Fubai seductively reclined on the sofa, holding up a glass of champagne on the table and cooing, “Brother, come sit here.”

—Ever since Jiang Heng and Shen Fubai’s intimacy reached 999, they often teased each other in this manner.

…Perhaps it was a form of flirtation.

A hint of hesitation flashed in Jiang Heng’s eyes, but he still sat down next to him.

Shen Fubai tried to sit on his lap, but Jiang Heng quickly shifted aside, causing Shen Fubai to fall back onto the sofa.

Shen Fubai refused to give up and tried again.

Jiang Heng shifted again.

Again.

Again.

After a few rounds, Shen Fubai lost patience. “You fucking stay still!”

Jiang Heng was startled and didn’t dare move.

Satisfied, Shen Fubai raised the glass to his lips, his eyes filled with affection. “Come, Brother, drink a cup with me.”

His appearance could rival that of Pan Jinlian.

And the brother he spoke of, fixed his gaze on him for three seconds before slowly speaking, “My surname is Jiang, and my given name is simply Yuan.”

Shen Fubai: “…”

Awkward.

Aaaaaaaaah!!!

Shen Fubai’s face flushed red as he quickly put three meters between himself and Jiang Yuan. “Apologies, apologies, I mistook you for someone else!”

He had taken the initiative to approach him, thinking it was Heng Heng… aaaaaaah, what foolish thing had he done!

Jiang Yuan said meaningfully, “You and my brother… quite playful in private.”

Shen Fubai chuckled dryly. “Actors… must have the ability to get into character anytime, anywhere. I need to use the restroom, feel free to do as you please, I’ll be off!”

Forget explaining, it was embarrassing.

He had to wash his face and calm down in the restroom—

Arriving near the restroom, Shen Fubai caught a whiff of smoke before entering.

Someone was smoking inside.

He frowned. He disliked the smell of smoke, and Heng Heng didn’t smoke either, keeping their home’s air fresh. Suddenly smelling the tobacco scent made him somewhat uncomfortable.

Anyway, it was a stranger, so Shen Fubai didn’t pay much attention and walked straight in.

…Then he saw the man leaning against the sink, head lowered, lighting a cigarette, his expression unclear in the smoky haze, like a man with a story.

Shen Fubai glanced at the trash can; there were quite a few cigarette butts.

Impressive.

Looking again at the face revealed as the smoke dissipated.

Holy shit?!

Shen Fubai suspected he was being fooled.

Actually, the one outside earlier was Heng Heng, and this was Jiang Yuan? The two brothers were playing tricks on him together?

How could Heng Heng smoke?

Uncertain, Shen Fubai called out, “…Heng Heng?”

Jiang Heng lifted his head, immediately extinguishing the cigarette in his hand and throwing it into the trash bin. Without a word, he stepped forward to embrace Shen Fubai.

He seemed to want to kiss him but remembered the taste of smoke on his breath and decided to just hug him tightly instead.

“Jiang Heng Heng, you’re capable now? You learned to smoke secretly? And you knew to hide it from me? We haven’t even gotten married, and you’re picking up bad habits, spoiled rotten…” Shen Fubai’s voice faded as he felt a dampness on his shoulder.

Heng Heng… was crying?

“What’s wrong, Heng Heng?” Shen Fubai’s voice softened. “Did someone give you a hard time? Did someone bully you?! Watch me beat them to a pulp!”

Jiang Heng released him, his expression having returned to normal. “No. I’m just angry at those who bullied you, whom I didn’t get to punish.”

He was also angry at himself. During the time he idolized young Shen Fubai, he didn’t realize the immense pressure Shen Fubai was under.

“It’s a thing of the past, why mention it now?” Shen Fubai glanced at the wet patch on his shoulder. “You didn’t drool on me, did you?”

“Yes.” Jiang Heng looked at him and smiled. “You make me salivate.”

“Salivate your sister, go rinse your mouth and get rid of the smoke smell.” Shen Fubai was thoroughly disgusted.

Jiang Heng complied with everything. “Alright, alright, whatever you say.”

In the future, he’d listen to you about everything.