Chapter 108 – Extra 2

Hello everyone, my name is Heng Heng.

The Heng Heng from Xiong Heng Heng.

My production date was April 1st, 1997, and this year I turned 24, making me an old bear.

I think the reason I’ve managed to grow up safely and haven’t been thrown into the trash is all thanks to Wine’s meticulous care. Even though there are times when I wish I could jump up and punch him, he truly has been the best to me.

In my 24 years as a bear, all I’ve seen is that little world right in front of me, it’s just one Wine. My world revolves around him. So, I’ll tell you Wine’s story.

You all know Wine’s story quite well already. Would you be willing to hear it again from the perspective of a toy bear?

I’m about to start—

I was produced in a Chinese toy factory, branded with the “made in China” label upon birth, and flew across the ocean to America, becoming an imported teddy bear.

A loving couple took a fancy to me and gave me as a birthday gift for their son’s first birthday.

That couple seemed truly loving at the time. A beautiful and elegant Chinese woman, a romantic and gentle Chinese man, they had a very pretty baby. This was a truly happy family of three.

When I saw that little baby, carved from jade, black-haired and black-eyed. A tiny bundle lying beside me, no thicker than my arm, not even as tall as my belly.

He was so adorable.

From the child’s mother, I learned that the baby was named Madeira, the name of a type of wine. I’ll call him Wine then.

I spent day and night accompanying this little baby, watching him roll over and toss in his sleep, crawl, and blow bubbles. Oh, sometimes he would wet the bed too.

Occasionally, when rolling over, he would tumble onto me, giggling as he lay on my fluffy stomach. His black eyes were like gemstones, incredibly beautiful.

What a warm and loving family.

We even took a family photo together. Yes, I was in it too. In the photo was a family with black hair and black eyes, Wine’s father holding Wine in one hand and me in the other. Everyone was smiling brightly.

But good times didn’t last, the man and woman of the house began to argue. The man wanted to return to his home country, while the woman was unwilling to leave her familiar hometown and reluctant to abandon her career. Neither side would give in.

They got divorced.

Wine became a baby in a single-parent family.

Wine’s mother was an opera singer, she cared deeply about her career and was often out, leaving the child in the care of his grandmother.

When Wine was four or five years old, he loved to run into his grandmother’s room to listen to her stories. He enjoyed hugging me along to listen to the stories, believing that I, who had grown up with him, had a soul.

Back then, he was so small, barely a meter tall, clumsily carrying me, stumbling as he walked.

I was an 1.8-meter-tall super-sized plushie.

But he insisted on holding me.

“Bear needs to hear stories too,” said Wine, “otherwise, if we always leave him in the room, he’ll get lonely.”

Sigh, it wasn’t me who was lonely, it was you—

At six years old, Wine’s mother remarried a blonde blue-eyed American man, and soon after, they had another child named Ethan.

Again a happy family of three, but with two different people as the main characters.

Wine was now the extra.

His mother clearly paid more attention to her new husband and the other child, neglecting this older son. Wine only had his grandmother’s love.

This household was wealthy, never lacking in material provisions for Wine. There was a pile of new plushies on Wine’s bed, but he liked to sleep hugging me the most.

Perhaps I was the only thing that could still connect him to that once warm family of three. Wine could only learn what his biological father looked like and that he once had a happy family from that single group photo. And I had witnessed it all.

I was different.

Wine loved looking at that photo so much. Every time Ethan’s family was having fun together, Wine would watch silently and then quietly go look at that family photo, comforting himself that he once had a home too.

But one day, Lena tore up that only photo and threw it away. Because she felt it wasn’t good to have a photo with her ex-husband in the new family.

When Wine came home from school and couldn’t find the photo, he cried very sadly for the first time. Lena lied to him, saying the wind blew the photo away, so Wine secretly went outside with a lantern to look for it, searching for a long time, unable to find the photo blown away by the wind.

How I wished I could say to him: Wine, stop looking, that photo has already been torn up.

But I couldn’t say anything, I was just a stuffed bear.

That evening, Wine climbed into bed, hugged me, and sobbed into my chest.

He said, “Bear, I only have you left.”

Alright, if it’s just me, then it’s just me, I’ll be with you—

Wine was growing up slowly, as thick as my arm and as tall as my belly.

But his personality became increasingly quiet and reticent, rarely laughing. Especially after his grandmother passed away, he didn’t speak for days on end. Only when Ethan asked him to play would he manage a smile.

I started to dislike Lena a bit.

She would blame Wine without any reason.

It was clear they both went out to play, yet Lena would say Wine intended to harm Ethan.

Wine was upset, curling up in bed crying, how I wished I could hug him, but I couldn’t move.

I was just a stuffed bear.

Fortunately, Ethan crawled through the window to wish him a happy birthday.

Wine was very happy, that night he hugged me and said, “Bear, look, someone in this family still remembers my birthday.”

I remember too.

I whispered in my heart.

Happy birthday, Wine—

At ten years old, as a stuffed bear, I was already very old.

The cotton inside me had rotted away, my entire body shriveled like an elderly person on their last breath. Wine had many newer plushies, I was too out of place among them.

One time when Lena was cleaning the room, she threw me into the trash heap, and that time I almost got destroyed. As the garbage truck was about to arrive in the dark, Wine panted as he ran in front of me, picking me up from the trash heap.

He carefully washed me clean and stuffed new cotton into my belly. For this, he ignored Lena for three days.

We both disliked her—

Wine would often act out scenes with me, assigning me different identities.

Sometimes I was dad, sometimes mom, sometimes a non-existent friend that only belonged to Wine.

I had countless names.

Wine would also frequently tell me about what happened at school.

“They bully me. Those white kids are terrible, they splash ink on my clothes, put nails on my chair. Because I’m yellow-skinned.” Wine said gloomily, “But the Chinese people in school don’t welcome me either, because I can’t speak Chinese.”

“They’re so mean,” Wine said softly.

Yes, they’re so mean.

I agreed in my heart.

Unfortunately, I wasn’t a real strong bear, unable to protect Wine.

I was just…a stuffed bear—

One day, Wine excitedly ran back to his room, jumped on the bed hugging me, “Bear Bear, you wouldn’t believe how cool my mom was today! She stormed into the principal’s office and warned those brats! No one dares to bully me anymore, they all envy me for having a cool mom.”

I was nearly suffocated by him.

But since he was so happy, I’ll forgive him.

And forgive Lena a little too.

Just a little—

It turns out some people don’t deserve forgiveness.

“I’m going to China. I could tell she wanted me to go,” Wine didn’t cry, he calmly looked at me, no disappointment, only the indifference of habit, “She wants to get rid of me.”

That wicked woman, Lena!

I cursed her many times in my heart.

But Wine only gently stroked my head, “It’s alright, even if I have to leave, I will definitely take you with me.”

On the day he left for China, besides the essential luggage, he indeed only brought me along.

Perhaps in his heart, apart from me, there was nothing worth lingering over in this family.

…Actually, that’s not entirely true, there was still Ethan.

Ethan chased after him crying for a long time, eventually having to be pulled away by Lena.

Wine said, “Ethan, goodbye.”

Then he turned around and boarded the plane, not looking back—

In China, Wine met his biological father. He worked hard practicing Chinese, learning dance, adapting quickly to the new environment.

He would make video calls with his American family, smiling easily in front of the screen, but as soon as the call ended, the smile would fade.

Hugging me, he said softly, “So annoying.”

“Saying they miss me when they don’t even like me.”—

For the next five years, Wine studied dance at a specialized college, squeezing me onto the small dorm bed.

I occupied most of the bed, he could only squeeze into the tiny corner. The teenager was already as tall as my shoulders. He liked sleeping on the inside hugging me, as if I shielded him from the whole outside world, giving him a sense of security.

Wine’s roommate teased him, “Fubai, how can you still sleep with a stuffed toy? Like a girl.”

“This teddy bear looks so old. Can’t you get a new one?”

Wine said, “I won’t change, I want to sleep hugging it.”

It touched me deeply.

At fifteen, I was really tattered. One glass eye had fallen out, my seams had come undone, revealing the cotton inside.

Wine replaced the cotton, sewed my body back together with a needle, and even put in a new glass eye.

I started limping along again, barely surviving on a sliver of life—

Wine’s father got hooked on drugs.

During that period, debt collectors frequently visited the house.

They surrounded the man, beating him up, he didn’t protect his head, instead protecting his legs, muttering, “Don’t hit my legs, I need them to dance, don’t hit my legs…”

Upon hearing this, those people immediately crippled Wine’s father’s legs.

What Wine saw when he came home was precisely this scene.

The child whom I watched grow up, obedient and soft-spoken, quiet, seemed to explode in an instant. He grabbed a chair and knocked down the whole group, smashing heads and causing blood to flow, the ferocity in his eyes alarming.

I felt so sorry for him.

I don’t want to recall this part, let’s skip it.

Anyway, during those days…such things happened frequently.

Eventually, Wine became numb.

A sixteen-year-old boy, still young and inexperienced, had seemingly experienced the majority of life’s hardships. Yet fate told him it wasn’t enough.

Your suffering isn’t enough yet.

When Wine was sixteen, he was scouted and debuted. With such outstanding looks, he desperately needed money, always being groped at banquets.

Every time he returned, he would take multiple showers, almost scrubbing off a layer of skin, climbing into bed and picking me up, “That old man touched my leg again today, and one pinched my face. I don’t like them, they’re not as clean as you.”

Yet he still had to deal with all sorts of people every day.

Until one day he returned, with two palm prints on his face, he didn’t go take a shower, only sat down quietly staring at me. Then he wordlessly climbed into bed, hugging me.

“Don’t despise me for being dirty…I’m too tired, I don’t want to take a shower tonight.” He said to me, “Sorry, Bear.”

Idiot, I don’t despise you.

Who wronged you? Who beat you like this?

If I were a real bear, strong and large, I could protect him—

Later, Wine ran home in disarray.

“I can’t wash clean anymore.” Lying beside me, Wine stared at the pristine ceiling, “I’ve become the person I hate the most. I attempted to sleep with our CEO Han. I’ve also taken the shortcut of using connections to advance.”

He covered his face and laughed self-mockingly.

“But he didn’t touch me, he even gave me opportunities.” Wine’s voice calmed down, “I don’t regret it.”

Wine got resources and started rushing activities and promotional events all over the country.

He couldn’t always bring me along, so I was left at home, staying with Wine’s father.

Wine’s father died suddenly in this empty house.

A talented dancer, dying alone, no one knowing, with only a stuffed bear silently lying on the couch.

I watched all of this quietly.

Wine, hurry back.

I called out in my heart.

If you don’t return soon, your father’s body will rot.

But then again.

Wine, don’t come back.

It’s too cruel for you—

Wine did return, however.

As soon as he walked in the door, he saw his father lying on the ground, slightly decomposed remains, and froze.

The teenager lowered his gaze, calmly calling the funeral home.

Throughout the funeral arrangements, Wine remained calm, so calm that the funeral home staff couldn’t help but be shocked by the teenager’s indifference to his father’s death.

But he cried so miserably in my arms that night.

Crying until he couldn’t utter a word.

Wine is actually a very emotional person who fears pain, he should have been pampered and grown up like a splendid and luxurious flower of wealth.

But he endured too much pain, so much that he couldn’t cry, he grew up struggling in this world, with no one to shield him from the storms of life.

I feel so sorry for him.

I wish I could transform into a human capable of movement, I want to hug him—

Right after Wine’s father passed away, it was the peak of his career. Due to various misfortunes, he was obviously not in the right state. No one knew the story behind this teenager, the pressure he bore. He never talked about his background on shows or interviews, anyway, if he did, people would say he was just seeking sympathy.

He had seen too much malice, bristling with thorns, rejecting anyone’s approach.

He was so handsome, danced so well, popularity was naturally deserved. But where there’s praise, there’s also defamation, where there’s popularity, there are also haters. Those who saw him as a threat, his competitors and seniors, all came forward, and Wine faced a wave of online hate.

A seventeen-year-old boy, who had just lost his father, suffered from cyberbullying for half a month.

Those words were too vicious. How could someone harbor such intense malice towards a stranger they’d never met?

Humans are too evil.

Wine became very irritable, smashing everything breakable in the house in a fit of rage. He punched a mirror, shards piercing his hand, blood dripping steadily.

Stop torturing yourself, smash me, smash me. My body is soft, it won’t hurt.

But you’ll hurt.

I screamed in my heart.

Wine finally noticed me, amidst the wreckage, I was the only thing untouched.

He walked over, grabbing me off the sofa.

I waited calmly to be smashed.

If it could make Wine happy, I wouldn’t mind taking a beating.

But he only hugged me carefully.

I saw the torn-up depression diagnosis.

Why would he smash me?

He only had me—

The following three years were heavy and oppressive, or rather, Wine’s first twenty years had never been easy.

He suffered from insomnia night after night, even I couldn’t make him sleep peacefully.

On the Qingming Festival of his eighteenth year, Wine slit his wrists at home. Lying in the bathtub, he cut a deep gash on his wrist, placing it in the water, the blood staining the bathwater red.

Like a rose blooming luxuriously in the Garden of Eden, coming to the world for a visit, discovering it wasn’t suitable for him, withering quietly in the water.

Help! Save him!

Who will save him!

I urgently cried out, but no one heard my voice.

Why…am I just a stuffed bear?

I couldn’t even save him—

Fortunately, Sister Li came to see him for something, seeing this scene, she was terrified and rushed him to the hospital.

Then chaos ensued.

Wine disdainfully questioned himself, “Why am I still alive?”

I couldn’t answer him.

Later, I could tell him, you must live, you’ll meet a person named Jiang Heng, he’ll love you for a lifetime, you’ll have a happy life—

At 20 years old, both Wine and I were 20.

Wine was as tall as me now, even taller due to my age-induced deterioration.

The baby that once lay beside me, rolling over and blowing bubbles, had grown up.

That year, I got a new name, Heng Heng.

That year he told me, “You’ll be called Heng Heng from now on. I watched a movie today, the protagonist had this name.”

“I fell in love with him.”

…Alright, Heng Heng it is then.

I was used to him calling me Bear, but one can’t always live in the past, bears can’t either.

Heng Heng, a new beginning—

Wine became a crazy fan of Jiang Heng for two years, viewing him as a spiritual support, following his movies, interviews, variety shows, gradually becoming more cheerful and optimistic.

He had become strong enough to remain composed, top-tier in the industry, his former rivals trampled underfoot, nothing could knock him down anymore.

He transformed into a clown, but we all knew he understood everything inside.

That’s great.

At 22, he met Jiang Heng on the set of “Pear Blossoms.”

Pretending to be serious on the surface, he turned around and ran back to the room, jumping on the bed and hugging me, screaming, “AAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH!!!”

I almost went deaf during that time.

“Heng Heng, I met Heng Heng today. Not you, the real Heng Heng.” He shook my old arms.

I silently watched him.

He rubbed my head, “What are you staring at? Your eyes are empty, nowhere near as handsome as Heng Heng.”

I felt like hitting him.

This fickle fellow.

Jiang Heng is the idol you chased for two years, Laozi was your sleep buddy for twenty years!

Still, I was glad to see Wine so energetic.

Compared to his constant gloominess and silence, I could tolerate his prairie dog screams—

I felt abandoned.

Their progress was too fast, they were already sleeping in the same bed. Although they were just chatting under the covers.

Jiang Heng had a great sleep-inducing effect on Wine, far better than me.

Jealous. Humph.

But as long as Wine sleeps well, it’s fine—

On July 25th, 2019, they started dating.

“Heng Heng, I have bad news for you, you can retire now.” Wine sat cross-legged on the bed, grabbing my arms, speaking seriously to me.

Me: “…”

“It’s no use protesting. I’ve gotten the real deal.” Wine announced mercilessly, “You’re banished to the cold palace.”

Me: “…”

“Aiya, tonight.” Wine buried his face in my fluff, rubbing against me constantly, “So embarrassing. Why am I crying again. Haven’t cried in ages, the few times I did were all in front of Heng Heng. He won’t think I’m weak, will he?”

I looked indifferent.

Tsk, haven’t cried in ages? You forgot how terribly you cried as a kid, even smearing snot and bubbles on me.

Wine lifted his head, staring at me haughtily, “Right, forgot I can’t kiss you anymore, Heng Heng will get jealous. I won’t sleep hugging you anymore, I’ll sleep hugging him.”

Me: “…”

You big bastard!!!

—

Then, Jiang Heng, in his little dinosaur pajamas, came in.

“What’s this?” Jiang Heng saw me on the bed.

“Ahh, it’s just a stuffed bear, been with me for quite a while.” Wine picked me up, “I like to sleep hugging something, otherwise, I can’t sleep well. When I first arrived at the hotel, I had trouble adjusting to the bed, but hugging it helped me sleep soundly.”

Jiang Heng asked, “Does it have a name?”

Of course, I was called Big Bear for the first twenty years of my bear life, part-time dad, mom, friend A, B, C, these past two years I’ve had a fixed name, Heng Heng.

“Yeah, it’s called—Big White!” Wine immediately said, “Look, this bear is big and white, doesn’t the name fit perfectly?”

Me: “…”

Fine, I’m just a soulless stuffed toy. I have no bear rights.

Jiang Heng paused, “Good name.”

Jiang Heng also said, “I’m really envious of it.”

—It’s been with you for so long, while I’ve only come into your life now.

Wine said embarrassedly, “If you mind, I won’t hug it anymore…”

He whispered, “I’ll hug you from now on.”

Jiang Heng: “…Okay, alright.”

Both of them blushed for a minute.

Then,

Jiang Heng: “Let’s not wait for later, tonight then.”

Wine: “Alright.”

Me: “…”

These two are shameless.

Should I excuse myself?

Look at this bright light bulb, my two glass eyes are round and blind—

These two are truly shameless!

Actually performing erotic acts in front of me!

Although Wine always carefully covered my eyes and plugged my ears, whispering not to listen, you’re fooling yourself!! Why don’t you just move me to another room!!

Forced to listen to live erotica every night, I felt my bear life was bleak.

Wine is too embarrassing, always crying in bed, completely dominated by Jiang Heng. If I could come to life, I’d mercilessly ridicule him.

…But I can’t come to life.

I’m about to die—

Wine received all the happiness, love, freedom, and indulgence he hadn’t received in the first half of his life from Jiang Heng.

Wine became increasingly sunny, the wind dispersing the gloom of the past, no longer showing any trace of past sadness.

He lived a very happy life.

I’m too old, nearing the end of my lifespan. The cotton inside me has been replaced countless times, the two glass eyes aren’t the original ones, my body has been patched up, and finally, I was given a new furry coat, my entire body underwent a major renewal.

Looking brand new on the surface, but in reality, I was already in ruins.

Am I still the original Big Bear?

Have you heard of Theseus’ ship?

A ship named Theseus, as its wood decays, people replace it with new wood. As the nails loosen, people use new nails to secure them.

Eventually, every piece of wood and every nail on the ship has been replaced, even the sail is no longer the original one. Is this ship still Theseus’ ship? If it is, but it doesn’t have a single piece of the original wood. If not, then when did it cease to be?

Creepy when you think about it.

But that’s not important.

I’m about to die. Before I die, I just want to tell you a story.

Jiang Heng, you have to take care of him for me. I accompanied Wine for the first half of his life, you have to accompany him for the rest of his life—

In fact, stuffed toys don’t have souls.

But any life or inanimate object that is loved will gain a soul due to being loved.

The soul of life is long-lasting, perhaps able to transform into a human.

The soul of an inanimate object is fragile.

Fragile to the point where after telling this story, I’m about to disappear.

Goodbye, Wine.

Happy 24th birthday.

I’ve been with you for so many years, watching you learn to speak, take your first steps, watching your lonely childhood, your bumpy adolescence, watching you fall into the abyss, unable to extricate yourself, watching you reach the peak again, finding the one meant for you.

Also thank you, for being with me for so many years.