TTDOTO 2.3

Bursting out of the house, Jae-an ran without stopping until he reached an unfamiliar neighborhood. The soft indoor slippers stabbed pain into his soles with every pebble.

Escaping the upscale villa district, he entered a bustling area with old apartments and shops. Each gasping breath tasted of blood, but the thought of Jae-rim watching the CCTV kept him from pausing.

‘The station.’

Spotting a subway entrance, Jae-an dashed down the stairs. He needed a crowded, bright place to catch his breath—somewhere safe, where Jae-rim couldn’t abduct him with so many witnesses.

Clashing against the crowd ascending, he blended into the station and collapsed onto a nearby bench.

Panting to the point of nausea, he clenched and unclenched his fists, scanning the station. His oversized pajamas and slippers drew fleeting glances, but people quickly looked away. No suspicious figures stood out. He wiped his sweat-soaked face with his palm.

As his breath steadied, he stood abruptly. Lingering was risky. Unable to sprint as before, he moved mechanically, aiming to get as far from Jae-rim’s house as possible.

The station buzzed with hurried footsteps. Jae-an, fleeing for his life, wondered where these people were rushing to.

His darting gaze caught a station clock. Only then did he realize he’d lost track of days in captivity.

Weekday, 12:25 p.m. Snippets of conversation reached him.

“The side dishes there are great.”

“Right? But we left late, so we might not get a seat…”

“What about the clam kalguksu place next door?”

“Sounds good.”

Mostly office workers, debating lunch. Once, Jae-an would’ve been eating school lunch at this hour, listening to students’ chatter on the field, sipping warm coffee.

Watching their purposeful strides, faint envy stirred. Ignoring their lively voices, he widened his steps, only to falter at a large wooden mirror in the station’s center.

He couldn’t look away.

The thin gray T-shirt and white sweatpants hung like a child in adult clothes. His light brown hair, grown longer, covered his eyebrows, and his exposed skin bore violence’s marks.

His gaze, now more a glare, made him bite his lip and turn away. Shaking his head to dismiss his haggard reflection, he hurried on.

Climbing the exit stairs two at a time, he entered an unknown alley, running even when certain no one followed.

Self-loathing hit. He’d tried suicide to give up on life, yet here he was, desperately fleeing.

But being trapped in Jae-rim’s house, neither living nor dead, was worse than death. He had to end this madness.

Unable to run further, his dragging steps halted as he grabbed a lamppost to avoid collapsing.

“Ugh.”

Leaning against it, he retched, shoulders heaving. Overexertion churned his stomach, but only clear saliva dripped. He sank to the ground, hating the filthy pavement but too weak to stand, fearing he’d faint.

“Haa… Haa…”

No matter how deeply he breathed, his lungs wouldn’t calm. Glancing around, he saw only a cat darting over a wall—no one else.

“Haa…”

He’d escaped the house, at least. By now, Jae-rim must’ve noticed and started the chase.

He needed to leave Seoul, but escape required money. He had no wallet, phone, or even a single bill. If only he’d grabbed one of Jae-rim’s watches from the dressing room…

Sighing wearily, he scanned his surroundings, alert. A faded shop window caught his eye, and he stood abruptly.

“Labor · Construction · Demolition · Same-Day Payment Guaranteed”

‘Same-day payment…’

The green window’s peeling sign seemed to beckon. Jae-an ran toward it.

Reaching the shop, he pushed open the glass door of the old building, which creaked with each breeze. Estimating the window’s location, he climbed the stairs quickly.

“Future Labor Agency”

Confirming the crude sign on the metal door, Jae-an clenched his fist and knocked. No answer. He pushed cautiously, and the unlocked door screeched open.

A middle-aged man smoking heavily glared at him brusquely. Jae-an, hesitating, met his eyes. The man scowled.

“What do you want?”

“I… I’m looking for work.”

Exhaling smoke through his nose, the agency head raised an eyebrow, incredulous.

“No jobs left.”

“Anything small?”

“Even at dawn, jobs are scarce. You kidding me?”

Muttering as if Jae-an were clueless, the man clicked his tongue. Jae-an bowed and left.

Stumbling through alleys, he found more labor agencies nearby. Visiting each, the late hour meant rejections all around.

The last agency’s head looked younger. Smiling kindly at the disheartened Jae-an, he filled a kettle and pressed the heat button, explaining the labor scene.

“You gotta come at 4 a.m. It’s tough times—people line up before we open.”

Compared to the curt rejections, he was warm. Pouring boiling water into a paper cup, he mixed instant coffee and offered it.

“No luck today. Have a drink.”

“…I’m fine.”

Jae-an knew not to take drinks from strangers. Declining with a lie about avoiding coffee, the man asked if he smoked. Nodding, Jae-an watched him shake a cigarette pack.

“You look rough. Have one.”

Unable to resist, Jae-an took a cigarette, bowing. The man opened a drawer, handing him a lighter with the agency’s number. Hesitating, Jae-an saw him wrinkle his nose.

“Take it. I’ve got hundreds.”

Bowing repeatedly, Jae-an turned to leave when the man called after him.

“If you’re desperate, there’s a job with an advance.”

“An advance?”

Turning, Jae-an’s eyebrows shot up. Noticing his interest, the man gestured outside.

“A friend runs a bar nearby. They’re short on male waiters.”

“Oh… Okay.”

“Serving food, pouring drinks sometimes. It’s not too hard, just flips your schedule.”

Eyeing Jae-an, the man wrinkled his nose again.

“You’re good-looking. Bet you’d get good tips.”

‘Three hundred thousand won a day?’ The specific sum, paired with the man’s stare, clarified the job’s nature. Jae-an swallowed dryly, his expression complex. Silent, the man pursed his lips, sensing his hesitation.

“Still picky, huh?”

“I’ll think about it.”

Pointing to the lighter, the man nodded.

“Call that number.”

“Thanks.”

“It’s just a pity for a young guy in bad shape. Construction’s iffy even at dawn, but that job’s available tonight.”

Smiling awkwardly, Jae-an nodded, clutching the cigarette and neon-green lighter as he left.

The alley’s cold breeze made him hunch his shoulders. His worn slippers teetered on cracked pavement, the long white pants’ hem stained dark from dragging.

Searching for a place to smoke, he spotted a tall building. Tilting his head, he stared at its top, the light fading from his eyes. He trudged toward it.

Fiddling with the lighter, he read the bar’s name—Bar, Cocktails, Party—and sighed softly.

A waiter job with tips based on looks wasn’t wholesome. Yet, the mention of three hundred thousand won tempted him.

A self-deprecating laugh escaped. He’d attempted suicide blaming Jang Han-seong, yet here he was, considering this job voluntarily, disgusted by himself.

Taking the elevator, he got off at a random floor and climbed the emergency stairs. His thighs burned as he ascended relentlessly. The rooftop door’s handle differed from others.

Sliding the flimsy lock, he pushed it open. A fierce wind rushed through. His hair whipped, and thin clothes clung to his body. Dragging his slippers, he stepped onto the open rooftop. The door shut behind him.

The rooftop held only dusty air conditioners. Leaning his forearms on the yellowish-painted railing, he lit the cigarette, shielding it from the wind.

Holding it between his fingers, he gazed at Seoul’s skyline. From here, it seemed he could reach far, but running showed even a short distance was exhausting.

Staring at the dense buildings, he smoked slowly until the cigarette burned out. Dropping the butt, he crushed the ember with his slipper, exhaling the last smoke with a weary sigh.

Looking down, he saw parked cars but no people. He stared below for a long time. It was high enough to kill.

‘Will it hurt?’

‘If I pass out before hitting the ground, that’d be nice.’

‘It’s cold.’

‘Hope I don’t hit anyone.’

‘I’m scared.’

‘This height should kill me, right?’

‘Better to die than be half-crippled.’

As thoughts spiraled, his heart raced, mouth was dry. Leaning on the railing, he imagined falling.

“Planning to jump?”

A cold voice pierced his ear. Goosebumps prickled his spine as he whipped his head around.

Unnoticed, Jae-rim stood leaning on the railing, propping his chin, meeting Jae-an’s eyes at an angle. His lips curled, voice sunny yet chilling.

“Our hyung. You’re full of surprises.”

Startled, Jae-an stumbled back, but Jae-rim’s shoe swiftly kicked his leg.

“Ah!”

His knee buckled, and he fell, tailbone slamming the hard floor, nose stinging. Gasping, he pushed against the asphalt with his slippered feet, trying to retreat, but his back hit the cold railing. Terrified, he stammered,

“How… How’d you know I was here?”

“Asking to piss me off?”

“…”

“So you did run.”

Jae-rim’s shoes thudded heavily on the rooftop. Jae-an drew his legs in, dodging the polished tips closing in.

When no space remained, Jae-rim raised his foot, stomping hard on Jae-an’s thigh. A scream escaped.

“Ah, it hurts…!”

Struggling against the unbearable pain, Jae-an tried to pull his leg away, but Jae-rim pressed harder, the shoe’s sole digging through thin pants.

“Scared of pain but not death?”

“Ah, ugh…”

“Breaking your leg hurts less than smashing your head jumping.”

Unable to bear it, Jae-an pushed at Jae-rim’s calf with both hands. Instead of relenting, Jae-rim twisted his foot, grinding Jae-an’s thin thigh, the bone catching under the sole.

“Ah! Hh, ugh…”

Jae-rim stopped when Jae-an’s trembling hands faltered. Tears fell beneath his bowed head, sobs mixing with whimpers.

“Crying again.”

With a hollow laugh, Jae-rim lifted his foot and knelt on one knee before Jae-an. Reaching out, he lifted Jae-an’s chin. The once-angelic face was stained with sweat and tears.

“Scared?”

“…”

“So scared, yet you think of dying?”

His concerned tone was pure mockery. Jae-an, chin held, let out a faint sigh. How could he explain this crushing burden to make Jae-rim understand?

“…I want to die because I’m scared.”

He was a coward. As a child, he had dreams, thought becoming a great adult was easier than eating spicy food without water. How he’d become such a wreck, he didn’t know.

His mother’s cruel words and beatings made breathing feel sinful. His vow to live like his father was shattered when his father broke it himself, leaving him terrified, unsure what to believe or live for.

He didn’t want more pain, so his walls grew higher. Living normally demanded courage—far more than others needed. Fear of tomorrow shadowed his everyday.

“When others feel a pinprick, it’s a knife to me.”

“…”

“Tripping on a shoelace makes me want to die. A splash of rainwater feels like someone dumped mud on me, ruining my day.”

Jae-rim’s eyebrow twitched faintly at the trembling voice.

“You’re brave, so life’s not hard for you. I’m terrified of what I’ll face waking up tomorrow, so I want to die.”

Jae-an gripped the cold hand holding his face, eyes red, pleading desperately.

“So just kill me, damn it. Stop scaring me and just kill me!”

Jae-rim, unflinching through Jae-an’s cries, dropped his chin.

“Done with your tantrum?”

Dismissing his anguished plea with a single word, Jae-rim opened his jacket.

Jae-an’s eyes shook violently at what he pulled from the inner pocket. In Jae-rim’s long fingers was the ring Jae-an had thrown away. It evoked a horror movie’s cursed doll, refusing to die.

Jae-rim clasped Jae-an’s cold hand, sliding the gleaming ring onto his ring finger. Kneeling, slipping it on, he looked like a grotesque proposal.

Pushing the ring to the base, Jae-rim lifted his gaze, meeting Jae-an’s eyes.

“I’m curious about something.”

“…”

“In all those terrifying days, were there any with me?”

Fingering the ring firmly, he asked again.

“When we were together… was every day that unhappy for you, Lee Jae-an?”

Unable to answer, Jae-an watched as Jae-rim slowly released his hand.

“Guess I was the only one living in a fucking flower garden.”

With a small, bitter laugh, Jae-rim twisted his wrist, cracking his joints. His perfect lips parted slowly, a voice cold as frost spilling out.

“Bite down hard. This one’s real.”

Jae-an, gasping, clenched his teeth. As Jae-rim raised his hand, Jae-an flinched, but the blow landed before he could block. A brutal hit to his jaw spun his vision.

Pain didn’t even register. His sight darkened instantly, the sky with white clouds turning night-black. Collapsing into Jae-rim’s arms was the last thing he remembered.