TTDOTO 3.2

By late evening, the unlit room was shrouded in darkness. Jae-an, dozing against the wall, lifted his eyelids at the sound of the door lock disengaging. It was time for Jae-rim to return.

Jae-rim flung the door open and flicked on the light. The sudden brightness flooded the dim space, making Jae-an wince and shield his face.

“Startled?”

Dressed in a suit, Jae-rim walked toward Jae-an, who was slumped against the wall.

“Had to rush to see you, hyung.”

Despite his leisurely steps, Jae-rim shed his jacket hastily, tossing it aside, and yanked off his tie, letting it fall. Reaching Jae-an, he undid two top buttons.

“Watching you on the screen kills my focus. That’s why I’m late.”

Reciting his excuse in a soft voice, Jae-rim knelt on one knee to meet Jae-an’s eyes.

Jae-an listened silently, unresponsive. Concerned, Jae-rim reached out, touching his forehead, then his cheek and neck. The cold hand withdrew, muttering, “No fever.”

“Why’re you ignoring me…?”

A faint growl from Jae-an’s stomach interrupted. Avoiding Jae-rim’s gaze, he lowered his head slightly. Jae-rim’s icy expression softened, eyebrows lifting.

“Oh, you’re hungry. I’ll get dinner ready.”

Speaking like a servant, Jae-rim hurried out, leaving the door open. The house was so large that the kitchen sounds barely carried.

Soon, Jae-rim returned with a wooden tray. Jae-an stared blankly as a neat meal was placed before him—soft egg custard, stir-fried bok choy, various pickled sides, bulgogi, and steaming seaweed clam soup. The aroma and warmth triggered saliva in his parched mouth.

Noticing Jae-an’s quickened breathing, Jae-rim handed him a cup of warm water. After sipping, Jae-an grabbed a spoon. Starved all day, hunger surged at the sight of food. Scooping a large bite, he ate beside Jae-rim, who sat casually.

“Must be starving. Never seen you eat so greedily, hyung.”

“….”

“Slow down. Don’t rush.”

Ignoring Jae-rim, Jae-an shoveled rice silently.

He hadn’t drunk properly since his escape attempt, and the cleaners’ visit had left him exhausted. Eating relentlessly, hunger gnawed.

In under ten minutes, Jae-an devoured everything. Jae-rim, touching his crown, gently stroked it.

“Seeing you eat well feels good.”

“….”

“You get it now? Running means suffering.”

Serving food on time, stroking his hair—like tending livestock. Jae-an ducked his head and pushed the tray away.

Jae-rim’s lips twisted silently. He took the tray out, returning to stand before Jae-an, now in a hoodie and sweatpants.

Not kneeling this time, his shadow loomed over Jae-an.

“Hey.”

“….”

“There’s something I want to hear from you.”

The calm voice carried a chill, hinting at irritation with Jae-an’s silence. Tilting his head back, Jae-an stared at Jae-rim’s lips.

Finely drawn, like painted with a fine brush, they parted, whispering like a snake.

“‘Save me.’”

“….”

“Say you want to be saved.”

“….”

“I want to see you want to live, somehow.”

Jae-an, meeting his bland smile, sighed shortly.

Jae-rim likely wanted this because he’d found him on that rooftop, staring down as if ready to jump.

Glancing at the chain trailing on the floor, Jae-an thought that saying he wanted to live might soften Jae-rim’s mood. Adding apologies or promises to stay might even loosen the collar.

But Jae-an still wanted to die. He refused to say what Jae-rim wanted just to please him. Instead, he muttered what he’d been wanting to say.

“I want to wash.”

Jae-rim’s brow furrowed at Jae-an’s stubbornness but nodded lightly.

“Alright. Go wash.”

Standing awkwardly, Jae-an, eyes fixed on the chain, spoke.

“Just while I wash… take it off.”

He wondered if he could push further, but after sweating coldly for hours, he craved a thorough wash.

Without a word, Jae-rim reached out, gently grasping the collar. His cold fingers brushed Jae-an’s neck, raising goosebumps, but the touch wasn’t rough.

“I know you didn’t take it off.”

“….”

“Didn’t talk to the cleaner either.”

“….”

“Good behavior. That’s why I’m letting it go.”

Relief flooded as the collar dropped.

Jae-an swallowed dryly. As expected, Jae-rim had watched everything. Had he removed the loose band or begged the cleaner for help… the thought of consequences made his heart lurch. He’d narrowly avoided Jae-rim’s traps.

“Manage your face. It’s too obvious.”

Chuckling as if finding it cute, Jae-rim stroked his hair again. When Jae-an dodged, Jae-rim grabbed it, yanking painfully.

Jae-an’s eyes flinched. Jae-rim asked flatly,

“You know you’re on thin ice, right?”

“….”

“Think before you act or speak.”

“….”

“My patience is nearly gone.”

Jae-an stayed silent. Silence was his only rebellion and compliance. Jae-rim laughed brightly, as if impressed by his stubbornness.

Releasing his hair, Jae-rim let Jae-an flee to the bathroom to wash.

Emerging, Jae-rim pocketed his phone, looking up. He’d likely watched the shower via camera.

Disgusted but heeding the “manage your face” warning, Jae-an smoothed his brow. Quietly returning to the corner, he put the collar back on and sank down. The wall and floor felt colder against his freshly washed skin, wet hair dripping down his neck and chest. Wiping the water with his palm, goosebumps rose.

Jae-rim knelt before him. Unsure why he approached, Jae-an averted his eyes, head bowed.

“Hyung.”

Ignoring him, Jae-an’s wet hair was grabbed, yanked back, scalp stinging.

“Ow… why do you keep pulling my hair…?”

Scared, he looked up at Jae-rim. His expression was odd—not angry but faintly gleeful, eyes half-lidded.

Jae-an sensed something was wrong too late.

His vision darkened as their noses brushed. Soft lips sucked his dry ones, and his limp body stiffened.

“What, mmph, what’re you doing…!”

Shocked, Jae-an turned his head, struggling. Jae-rim grabbed his cheeks, pinning him, kissing until saliva pooled messily.

“Nn, mmph, no…!”

Squirming back, Jae-rim leaned closer, pressing his weight. Following Jae-an’s dodging head, he braced a hand on the wall.

Trapped between Jae-rim’s stone-like body and the wall, Jae-an couldn’t escape. Jae-rim’s rough kisses continued, his sharp tongue licking lips, jaw, teeth, even probing his ear.

Saliva coated him. Beyond sudden, the kiss felt filthy. Unable to bear it, Jae-an shoved Jae-rim’s shoulder.

“Hey, you crazy…?”

Jae-rim’s casual violence and harm were shocking, but this animalistic lust was on another level. Pale, Jae-an stared.

“Are you sane…?”

Jae-rim pushed back, stared back, lips twisting.

“Why act like it’s your first kiss?”

“What…?”

“You did it with Song Ji-young, Kim Kyu-bi.”

His golden irises gleamed eerily, naming Jae-an’s ex-girlfriends.

“You’re the same as them?”

“What’s different?”

Speechless, Jae-an panted, confused.

“If I did something wrong, tell me. Why’re you suddenly…!”

“Because you’re pretty.”

Jae-an’s eyes trembled. His breath caught. Not because of a mistake, but because he was pretty. Despair filled his brown eyes.

“What?”

“Your obedience, your defiance, your stubborn sulking—it’s all pretty.”

“….”

“Not punishment. I just couldn’t hold back seeing you so wet.”

Jae-an shook his head at the shocking words.

“No.”

This was wrong. They were men, brothers for eighteen years.

Their fathers’ vile affair drove a woman to death, and then they died irresponsibly themselves. Others could love men; they couldn’t repeat this madness.

Words tangled, but only “no” escaped.

“No, no, this is really wrong. Snap out of it, Jae-rim.”

“From your hair to your toenails, you’re pretty.”

No reasoning reached Jae-rim’s crazed eyes. Jae-an said “no”; Jae-rim said “pretty.” His hand touched Jae-an’s flat chest.

Beneath, a fist-sized heart raced. Savoring proof of life, Jae-rim’s fingers grazed it.

“You know this spot’s color is really pretty?”

Like a kitten’s nose. Muttering, Jae-rim circled the nipple. The sexual touch made Jae-an plead, half-crying.

“Please, stop…”

Jae-rim, intrigued by the hardening nipple, whispered,

“Even with age, it doesn’t darken.”

His long fingers toyed with it, watching it stiffen, rise under pressure. His golden eyes studied it.

“…So that’s the texture.”

“Stop…!”

A sharp sensation sparked in Jae-an’s chest. Revolted, he curled sideways to escape.

Undeterred, Jae-rim fondled the nipple, then leaned for another kiss.

“No…!”

Jae-an screamed, voice breaking. Jae-rim paused at the near-scream, lips twisting coldly.

“You stripped first, so why act like this?”

Jae-an’s nose stung, eyes drooping as he panted.

“You told me not to wear clothes…!”

“Did I?”

The victim’s desperation met Jae-rim’s playful tone. Fury flared in Jae-an’s eyes.

Jae-rim, still teasing, flicked his soft, warm earlobe. Jae-an’s defiance only looked like a bristling kitten.

“You obey that so well, but not ‘stay still’?”

“You know that’s not what I meant! Are you drunk? High? Why’re you doing this…?”

Anguish rose, but his anger faded. His crumbling voice broke into tears.

“Don’t… hic, ugh… sob…”

Unlike his suppressed sobs, Jae-an wailed like a child.

“What, you’re really crying?”

Staring at the sobbing Jae-an, Jae-rim frowned, incredulous, then covered his mouth, tilting his head back.

Laughing throatily, he kissed Jae-an’s cheek. “So damn cute,” his murmur vibrated against pale skin.

Unable to endure his deranged reaction, Jae-an tried pushing his solid chest. Jae-rim easily pinned both wrists down. Jae-an struggled, twisting, but Jae-rim used his legs to bind him.

“No! Let go…!”

“Enough with ‘no.’ I’m tired of it.”

Jae-an swallowed the word “no.” Jae-rim’s voice lacked its earlier leniency.

Binding him with hands and legs, Jae-rim tilted his head again.

“Hic, mmph…”

Kissing the tear- and snot-streaked Jae-an, Jae-rim’s excitement grew, low growls escaping. The lustful moans made Jae-an feel he was sinning against his mother.

Sucking until his lips swelled red, Jae-rim slowly lifted his head.

Golden eyes met resigned brown ones. Excitement clashed with despair’s chill. A lukewarm silence hung between them. Staring, Jae-rim tilted his head slightly.

“You hate me that much, hyung?”

“It’s not hate…”

“Then why cry like that? I didn’t hit you…”

“It’s really, really wrong.”

Jae-rim chewed on the desperate words. A strange relationship. Harsh, but not inaccurate. When did it go wrong? Eighteen years flashed through his mind.

The first time he got hard seeing angelic Jae-an?

Washing soaked underwear after dreaming of him?

Stealing love letters to Jae-an from his drawer?

Kissing a drunken Jae-an in secret?

Having him followed?

Cutting his arm to get Jae-an’s attention, luring him to the ER with a “kitchen accident” excuse?

No, it wasn’t strange then. Jae-an strayed but always returned; Jae-rim was his priority.

Sure, Jae-an’s indifference and selfishness hurt sometimes. Work relieved that—cutting unnecessarily, savaging minor issues to vent.

On days drenched in blood, head throbbing, he’d call Jae-an. Hearing his tired voice recite his day revived the ticklish feelings buried under blood’s stench.

Pure joy, desire to touch, excitement, tenderness—a primal, irreplaceable urge. If only Jae-an existed, everything would be fine.

But this peaceful life turned “strange” the day Jae-an abandoned him, sprawled pale on a car seat, that damned day.

As if reading his thoughts, Jae-an, crushed against the wall, scrambled to his knees.

“I’m sorry for trying to die. I was wrong.”