TTDOTO 7.2.2

As he turned the front doorknob, the sight of a house in disarray met his eyes.

A musty smell, clothes piled up haphazardly, and a dining table layered with wrappers from half-eaten instant food.

It was a familiar sight. After putting down his bag, Jae-an opened the window to ventilate the room, gathered the trash into bags to tie them up, and put the objects strewn across the floor back in their places. After putting clothes and towels into the washing machine to run, he took out a cleaning wipe and scrubbed the living room floor.

Despite the bustling noise he must have made, his mother didn’t budge from her room. Having finished cleaning, Jae-an paced in front of the master bedroom while holding a notebook. After hesitating several times, he cautiously placed his hand on the doorknob and opened the door.

He had a homework assignment to help with housework and get a signature as proof. Since he was the one who did the housework anyway, he only needed the signature, but the young Jae-an lacked the flexibility to mimic his mother’s handwriting.

“Mom…”

He felt anxious even as he tried to wake his mother, who was lying on the bed with her back turned to him. Perhaps he had called out to her even though he knew she would hate it. Back then, Jae-an possessed a hunger that couldn’t be satisfied even by eating. The young Jae-an repeatedly fell for the false hope that a single word from his mother would fill that void.

“Mom. The teacher said to get a signature for this.”

“…….”

“It’s homework.”

Only after calling her several times did his mother sigh and push herself up from the bed to sign the notebook without even properly looking at it. It’s not that box… A line like a scribble was drawn in a completely different box, but Jae-an couldn’t bring himself to say anything. He gathered his notebook and stood up.

“Um… thanks.”

In his excitement at having spoken to his mother, he fumbled and accidentally stepped on a coffee cup she had left on the floor. The cup didn’t break, but with a loud clatter, cold, sticky instant mix coffee spilled over the linoleum. He saw his mother’s face contort sharply.

“You really are…”

His heart beat rapidly, thump-thump. His mother, rising with a sigh full of irritation, directed a sharp gaze toward the coffee spilled on the floor and then toward the fallen Jae-an. Jae-an scrambled up and grabbed the tissue box first. Just as he was about to say he would wipe it up, his body lurched as his mother grabbed him.

His mother struck his back and head repeatedly with stinging force. Jae-an’s eyes quickly grew hot with tears.

“Mom, I’m sorry…”

“How could you do this to me, Jae-an?”

“No… I didn’t do it on purpose.”

“You know who made me like this!”

“…….”

“Knowing all that, how could you!!”

His mother shrieked with a voice so loud it felt like it would tear a hole in her throat. Jae-an slumped to the floor. His body had already grown into that of an adult, but he could only tremble like a child in the face of the terror before him. He wanted to run away, but his feet wouldn’t move.

Flailing with a feeling of suffocation, Jae-an opened his eyes.

“Gasp!”

Having nearly fallen off the sofa because he woke up with a start, Jae-an barely managed to right himself. The blanket that had been covering him up to his neck slid down.

“Haa, haa…”

Panting, Jae-an drifted between the nightmare and reality in his dazed mind. Tracing back his last memory, he pressed his hand to his head and let out a sigh. It was a dream. A dream where his mother from the past resented the current version of him. It was a lingering nightmare just to think about it.

Leaving the “Game Over” screen visible on the tablet that had been face-down on his chest, he set it down and slowly stepped onto the floor. His back felt stiff from lying down so long. He limped out toward the living room.

The empty house was so silent that it seemed to spit back the sound of Jae-an’s irregular footsteps. Even though he had come out, there was nothing to do. Jae-an stood idly in the living room and then headed toward the sofa table to find the remote to watch TV.

However, a strange card was sitting next to the remote.

He approached slowly, picked up the card, and examined it. Seeing that the color and logo were the same as the card Seo Jae-rim had tested on the door lock after they returned from eating lacquer chicken, it was clearly a master key for the door.

The cleaners must have come by while he was sleeping. Apparently, one of them had forgotten the card used to open the door and left it behind. Jae-an placed the card back where it had been so the owner could find it and then turned on the TV.

He watched a variety show, but it wasn’t interesting, so he brought the tablet over to focus on the game again. Soon reaching the level he had previously cleared, he purchased game items without hesitation. Using the most expensive paid items allowed him to easily clear levels that he had failed to conquer multiple times.

After playing for a long time, the battery ran out and the tablet turned off. Jae-an put the tablet on its charger and looked out the window. He felt the flow of the seasons as he saw the sunset gradually becoming later. It was past six o’clock, yet the sun hadn’t fully set. The colors of the sunset created by the summer sun looked quite beautiful, and his gaze lingered for a while, but his appreciation didn’t last long.

“Ah…”

A black silhouette appeared in a corner of the terrace, growing and undulating. Jae-an shut his eyes tight and dropped his head.

Unable to bear the fear, Jae-an raised his hands and slapped his own cheeks with a sharp crack. Red handprints remained on his white skin. As the stinging pain spread, the blurry shape vanished.

“Fuck, seriously.”

Cursing under his breath, Jae-an immediately headed toward the living room shelf. His heart raced as his leg in the full cast refused to cooperate. Nearly dragging his leg, he reached the phone and hurriedly dialed the eleven-digit number. He knew Seo Jae-rim’s clock-out times were irregular, but once he started seeing that, he couldn’t be alone.

The call connected quickly. Jae-an lowered the fingernail he had been gnawing on and asked,

“When are you coming?”

[I’m actually on my way right now.]

“I see.”

[Do you want me to get there quickly?]

“…Yes.”

The sound of laughter came through the receiver, but Jae-an’s face remained parched and dull. Only after receiving confirmation that he would be home soon did he hang up. Jae-an buried his face in a sofa cushion and lay face-down. After an eternity of waiting, he felt the sign of the door opening, accompanied by the sound of the two door locks being released.

Only then did Jae-an lift his buried head and trace Seo Jae-rim’s movements with hollow eyes. Reaching the sofa in an instant, Seo Jae-rim pulled on Jae-an’s arms to stand him up and then hugged him tightly. The scent of faint cigarette smoke and the temperature of the outside air radiated from Seo Jae-rim. His breathing was slightly disordered, as if he had run from the garage.

Because his chest was being squeezed so hard it felt like it would burst, Jae-an let out a hacking cough. Seo Jae-rim buried his lips in the nape of Jae-an’s neck and took a deep breath of his scent.

“I can’t… breathe…”

Jae-an pushed at Seo Jae-rim’s hands as if trying to tear them away. Seo Jae-rim loosened his arms as if being pushed away, then grabbed Jae-an’s wrists.

“You told me to come home quickly.”

“…Yes, I did.”

Seo Jae-rim stared at him with a strange smile. Facing those golden eyes that felt like they would pull him in made him shrink back instinctively, even though he hadn’t committed a crime. When he tried to avoid his gaze due to the pressure, Seo Jae-rim bent down and stubbornly met his eyes. After meeting his gaze with an expression like he was swallowing something bitter, Jae-an finally spoke first.

“Do you… have something to say?”

“Do you know what that card is?”

Jae-an’s eyes landed on the table behind Seo Jae-rim. He knew it was a master key, but he hadn’t had any bad thoughts. He had only touched it because he didn’t know what it was, but he wondered if Jae-rim had seen him doing so on the CCTV. Not wanting to be misunderstood, Jae-an quickly told the truth.

“I only touched it.”

Upon hearing his explanation, Seo Jae-rim’s eyes crinkled as he laughed. It was a smile as beautiful as a painting, no matter when he saw it. However, it felt so out of place that he couldn’t tell if the man was angry or in a good mood.

“That’s a master key.”

A voice as smooth as a snake’s burrowed into his ear as if whispering a secret. Jae-an looked at Seo Jae-rim, who was willingly revealing its purpose, with some confusion.

“I know.”

“You knew?”

“…Yeah. I saw you using an identical card earlier.”

“You knew?”

A look of doubt appeared on Seo Jae-rim’s face as he asked for the second time. Feeling wronged, Jae-an explained even more desperately.

“I only looked at it because it was something I hadn’t seen before. I didn’t have any other thoughts while touching it. Truly.”

As if gauging Jae-an’s reaction, Seo Jae-rim didn’t blink once. After observing him quietly like that, he finally gave a slow nod after a long while.

“Actually, I received a report about two hours ago. They said one of the cleaners left a master key behind.”

Perhaps thinking about it made him irritated, as Seo Jae-rim’s grip on Jae-an’s arm grew strangely tighter.

“I was watching the CCTV, debating whether to come home right away or send someone, and I saw Lee Jae-an happened to be fiddling with that very thing. But then, not long after, you left it alone and played games.”

Seo Jae-rim continued speaking, smiling so that his even teeth were visible.

“It was amusing. To think that fool Lee Jae-an didn’t even know what it was, even with the key right in front of his eyes.”

Jae-an endured the tight pain squeezing his wrist, hoping Seo Jae-rim wouldn’t go as far as breaking his arm. However, rather than being angry, Seo Jae-rim appeared to be in a strangely elated state for some reason. His eyes sparkled and his cheeks were flushed pink, revealing an emotion elevated by satisfaction.

“But you were staying put even while knowing what it was? You even called first to ask when I was coming.”

Looking at him now, it seemed he was feeling a thrill from the fact that Jae-an had behaved so obediently even with the keycard right before his eyes. Exactly how many times did he have to speak for the man to believe him? A dejected voice flowed out naturally from his hollow feelings.

“I told you I wouldn’t run away.”

The Jae-an who said that had a history of slitting his own wrist as soon as he was saved and fleeing while wearing slippers on the day the CCTV was installed just to spite him. Yet, suddenly, he was acting like a loyal dog who kept his place even when his leash was torn. A glint of interest deepened in Seo Jae-rim’s eyes as one corner of his mouth quirked upward.

“Hyung. Did you do something wrong to me?”

“What…?”

“There’s no way you’d be this obedient for no reason.”

“…….”

“You’re not watching my reaction because you caused some trouble, are you?”

But as if he were a criminal being interrogated, Jae-an’s pupils shook unstablely. Seeing him stick his hand into his loungewear pocket as if in a predicament, Seo Jae-rim’s expression began to harden. I knew it, he thought, but in that moment, Jae-an finally squeezed out a terrified voice.

“Actually.”

“…….”

“I stole your cigarettes.”

When he pulled his trembling hand from his pocket and opened it, two crumpled cigarettes appeared. Jae-an had found a half-finished pack of cigarettes in a gap in the drawer while plugging in the tablet charger just now. Seo Jae-rim had never given him a single cigarette since he suffered from pneumonia, and being faced with them after not smoking for so long made it hard to resist the urge.

In the end, he had impulsively taken two and put them in his pocket. He had been confident it was a perfect crime, but he ultimately couldn’t hide it to the end under Seo Jae-rim’s pressure. Jae-an watched his reaction like a dog that needed to go outside and added a small excuse.

“I wanted to smoke so badly…”

After a short silence, Seo Jae-rim turned his head and burst into laughter like a child.

“Puhaha!”

“I—I was wrong. I won’t smoke them.”

While the terrified Jae-an apologized, Seo Jae-rim couldn’t stop laughing.

He had thought Jae-an might have planned an escape since the key was right there. Or maybe he had disabled the CCTV or stolen money. But to think it was just cigarettes. Moreover, seeing him confess while deathly pale as if he were about to burst into tears from fear was so absurdly cute.

Seo Jae-rim pinned Jae-an down and immediately joined their lips. In the sudden kiss, their teeth collided painfully and his nose stung. The kiss was so desperate that there was no room to breathe. Jae-an’s face turned bright red, and Seo Jae-rim was busy groaning and whimpering with their lips pressed together.

“Mph, ngh.”

“Haa……”

After sharing their mouths for nearly forty minutes and rubbing his lower half against Jae-an’s thigh, Seo Jae-rim finally pulled his lips away. Both of their lips were swollen and red.

“…Are you angry?”

Jae-an asked with a confused expression, unable to distinguish whether the painfully obsessive kiss was a reward or a punishment.

“Stealing things is a bad thing to do.”

Coming from a man who had committed countless acts far worse than stealing cigarettes, it somehow sounded hateful.

“Still, since your effort in stealing them was commendable, I’ll let you smoke those two.”

However, Jae-an realized from Seo Jae-rim’s softened voice and the faint smile that he was in a good mood. In that case, the kiss was likely a reward. He didn’t quite understand why putting the master key back was such a praiseworthy act that it covered the wrong of stealing cigarettes, but at any rate, he was relieved just to have not provoked his temper.

“Keep playing your game. I’ll make dinner.”

Seo Jae-rim prepared a dinner with much more care than usual. Hearing the call that it was ready, Jae-an limped to the table and froze for a moment at the sight of the food filling the large table.

“Eat up.”

From braised short ribs to clear radish soup, cabbage pancakes, and even sorbet made with seasonal fruits. The table was set with a feast that could be mistaken for a traditional Korean restaurant.

Jae-an began to eat with a somewhat reluctant face. However, before he had eaten much, a feeling of discomfort welled up. But because of the effort put into the meal, he couldn’t leave it and forced the food down.

Having finished his meal first, Seo Jae-rim waited until the sluggish Jae-an finished all his rice. He managed to force down the rice, but plenty of half-eaten side dishes remained on his plate. Jae-an looked back and forth between the remaining food and Seo Jae-rim and added an excuse in a small voice.

“The portion was a bit much…”

“Yes. I guess I was a bit excited because Hyung was acting so pretty.”

Fortunately, Seo Jae-rim seemed to still be in a good mood, as he smiled and let it slide coolly. But in that moment, a blurry silhouette appeared faintly in a corner of the dining room. Startled, Jae-an dropped the spoon in his hand and curled his body inward.

A sharp clink echoed. Overlapping that ear-piercing sound, he heard the sound of the teacup spilling onto the linoleum. Soon, the sticky instant coffee flowing out as if vomiting, and the bloodshot eyes of his mother glaring at him in resentment, came to mind one after another. Jae-an’s breathing hitched instantly.

“Ah. Ah…”

Jae-an hurriedly left the table while covering his mouth. Going to the bathroom while limping, he turned on the water and threw up exactly what he had eaten into the toilet. After his back had heaved for a long time, Jae-an leaned against the counter and limped to the sink, repeatedly rinsing his mouth, which held a bitter taste.

When he finished washing his face and looked up, he saw Seo Jae-rim standing behind him. His expression, which had been generous until just a moment ago, had darkened strangely. Since he had just thrown up the food Jae-rim had put effort into, it was understandable that his feelings would be hurt. But it truly hadn’t been intentional.

“My stomach… didn’t feel good. I’m sorry.”

As he murmured his apology, Jae-an suddenly shuddered with a look of terror on his face. Seo Jae-rim’s eyes narrowed as he leaned against the bathroom door and stared at Jae-an. Just now, Lee Jae-an hadn’t been looking at him, but at an empty space.

At the dining table, and just now. Jae-an would often be startled as if in a panic while looking at empty spaces. It was a reaction that had appeared after the day he suffered from the high fever. What on earth was he seeing? Seo Jae-rim first scanned the bathroom wall where Jae-an’s gaze had just landed.

“There’s nothing there.”

“Yeah. Uh, there isn’t. I saw wrong.”

Jae-an brushed his hand over his deathly pale face and repeated the words over and over. Closing his eyes and muttering “There’s nothing” made it look exactly as if he were praying that there truly wasn’t.

Seo Jae-rim grabbed his trembling, thin hand.

“Hyung. Look at me.”

Jae-an slowly opened his eyes, and his shaking pupils hesitantly met Seo Jae-rim’s.

“I don’t know what on earth you’re afraid of, but.”

“…….”

“I told you that you don’t need to be afraid of anything except me, didn’t I?”

Jae-an shut his bloodshot eyes tight and then nodded. Seo Jae-rim pulled his hand and trapped Jae-an in his embrace. Although he was being pulled in helplessly, Jae-an didn’t resist his strength.

Seo Jae-rim’s large, firm hands slowly stroked down from his shoulders to his spine. Resting his chin on the crown of Jae-an’s head, Seo Jae-rim’s low voice echoed in the bathroom.

“It’s okay.”

“…….”

“You’ll get used to it slowly.”

What did he mean he would get used to?

To those hallucinations?

To the fear of Seo Jae-rim?

To himself, who was being broken more and more?

Fuck, look at you talking as if it’s so easy.

In an instant, heat rose in Jae-an’s eyes. Overwhelmed with emotion, Jae-an grimaced and tried to pull away from the embrace, but Seo Jae-rim used his strength to pin down his struggling body so he couldn’t move.

Incompatible emotions of terror and murderous intent surged precariously. Staining the corners of his eyes bright red with self-loathing, Jae-an dropped his head with a confused face.

Ironically, while this madness was going on, the black silhouette had already vanished. And Seo Jae-rim’s embrace was, annoyingly, comfortable.