TTDOTO 8.4

They arrived at a nearby animal hospital. The veterinarian startled upon seeing the blood-matted puppy cradled in Jae-an’s arms.

Emergency treatment began immediately. Seo Jae-rim caught Jae-an’s hand, which was nervously fidgeting with his thigh, and held it down. Unlike his usual way of subtly withdrawing, Jae-an kept his hand clasped, saying nothing.

Some time later, the veterinarian announced the surgery was complete and led them into the examination room. Pulling up X-ray images, the doctor began explaining.

The puppy was estimated to be around 4-6 months old. Jae-an had thought it looked young, but it was even younger than expected. Looking at the wounds, the doctor said it was likely hit by something moving at high speed—a car or motorcycle.

During surgery, they found that fortunately only the skin was deeply torn; there were no broken bones or signs of major internal injury. More dangerous than the contusions were the malnutrition, dehydration, and hypoglycemia symptoms from not eating properly for a long time.

Whether it had been wandering this area since birth, the puppy’s white fur had taken on a grayish tint. The veterinarian said if the dog hadn’t come to the hospital, it would have died today. Jae-an’s chest sank.

They decided on a two-day hospital stay to monitor the puppy’s recovery. When asked to name the dog for admission, Jae-an hesitantly said he didn’t know the dog, then simply answered “Baekgu.”¹ The veterinarian asked if they’d like to see Baekgu in the recovery room.

Baekgu was lying asleep in a transparent cage. The fur was so matted that Jae-an felt sorry for naming it Baekgu, and the IV needle in its small paw looked burdensome for such a tiny creature.

Jae-an took in the sight of the exhausted puppy lying on its side one more time, then shifted only his eyes to look at Seo Jae-rim. Seo Jae-rim maintained an expressionless face throughout.

Seo Jae-rim had saved him twice. Having been saved from death and unable to die, now finding himself in the position of saving something dying felt strange. When confronted with a strange puppy bleeding and collapsed, his chest had sank—he wondered what Jae-rim must have felt each time discovering him dying.

After Seo Jae-rim paid the hospital bill and received his card, Jae-an glanced at the discarded receipt. The treatment fee was substantial, but what surprised him was that Jae-rim had readily followed his stubbornness. As Jae-an lengthened his stride to follow Seo Jae-rim walking ahead, he spoke to his back.

“Th-Thank you.”

“…….”

“I can’t repay you, but… I’ll do well.”

Turning his head, Seo Jae-rim lifted the corner of his mouth with interest. Thanks to one dying dog, he’d heard Jae-an say all sorts of things. Taking advantage of Jae-an’s softened state, Seo Jae-rim spoke.

“We have some time before dinner. Should we go buy puppy supplies?”

“Shouldn’t you go back to work?”

The way he asked made it seem like he was carefully trying to create distance again, so Seo Jae-rim narrowed his eyes.

“Are you throwing me away now that business is taken care of?”

“No, it’s just that you came out from work, so I was asking….”

“Let’s go on a date while we’re out. I’m getting a bit tired of just staying home.”

At the word date, Jae-an stiffened. Seo Jae-rim tilted his head.

“You need to respond. You were saying ‘I love you’ so easily just now.”

“…Yeah.”

Today, Jae-an wanted to comply with whatever request Seo Jae-rim made. He’d recklessly climbed out the window, shouted loudly, and insisted on taking the puppy without thinking of consequences, yet Seo Jae-rim had only pulled his hair a little—he hadn’t actually lost his temper.

A date…

It was an expression that created discomfort, but he should be grateful they could gloss over it like this.

Jae-an got into Seo Jae-rim’s car. As he was fastening his seatbelt, he hesitated. The loungewear he was wearing was a mess. Seeing Jae-an fussing with the dirt and blood-caked clothes, Seo Jae-rim pulled a t-shirt from the back seat.

“Change into this.”

“…Yeah. Do you carry clothes around?”

“I get dirty often too.”

Jae-an didn’t want to know what made him get dirty. He quietly removed his top and put on Seo Jae-rim’s t-shirt. The black short-sleeved shirt was oversized—the shoulder seams came down to his forearms and the hem fell to his thighs—but it was far cleaner than the loungewear he’d been wearing. Jae-an roughly folded the discarded clothes, placed them at his feet, and fastened his seatbelt.

The two headed to a nearby megamart and found the pet supplies section. Standing in front of the display shelves, Jae-an saw many necessary items. While Jae-an hesitated, Seo Jae-rim indiscriminately threw puppy pads, food and water bowls, and a leash into the cart.

Unlike Seo Jae-rim, Jae-an carefully examined each necessary item one by one and stopped before a display of dog cushions. He pressed his palm against the plush-looking cushion, testing its firmness.

“Hyung. That one looks less sturdy than this one?”

“Really?”

As Jae-an turned to go to the display where Seo Jae-rim was, something caught the corner of his eye. He turned his head sharply and, with anxious eyes, peered between the shelves before suddenly looking down with a start.

“What’s wrong?”

Even at Seo Jae-rim’s question, Jae-an’s face had gone pale white and his eyes could only blink. Immediately recognizing this as a seizure symptom, Seo Jae-rim approached and wrapped a hand around his thin shoulder.

“There’s nothing here.”

“…….”

“Trust me. Really, there’s nothing.”

Even as he gently coaxed and rubbed Jae-an’s shoulder, Jae-an only breathed irregularly, as if his breath might stop at any moment.

He was certain he’d seen something dark creeping out from between the shelves. Even with his eyes closed, he felt it gradually approaching his feet.

Terrified, Jae-an tried to lean into Seo Jae-rim. But the hand wrapped around his shoulder withdrew, and he felt him moving away.

‘Don’t go.‘

He wanted to chase after him, but his limbs were bound like frozen—he couldn’t move. With stiff hands, he could only pitifully cling to his own thighs. His trimmed nails dug in deeply, threatening to pierce the fabric.

The distant Seo Jae-rim walked deliberately toward the display where Jae-an’s gaze had landed. He immediately began pushing the displayed items aside, and bags of dog treats, chew toys, and other snacks scattered across the floor.

As items tumbled down, people looked on with confusion or wonder, some whispering.

Ignoring the attention entirely, Seo Jae-rim cleared one entire section of the shelf, pressing his palm against the empty space as he spoke.

“See? There’s nothing here.”

“Yeah. There, there’s nothing….”

Jae-an answered with effort without even looking at the display, and Seo Jae-rim grabbed his forearm, pulling him over and cupping his cheek to force him to take in the empty space.

“Look directly and tell me.”

Jae-an’s eyelids fluttered as he examined inside the display. There was no dark shape that had risen like heat shimmer from between the items.

“Th-there’s nothing.”

Having barely answered, Jae-an hurried to bend down and begin collecting the scattered items from the floor. The action of picking up everything he’d just thrown and putting items back on the display seemed so odd that people stared at him even more strangely than before.

Chased by uncomfortable gazes, Jae-an quickly organized all the fallen items and pushed the cart, fleeing like he was escaping. Seo Jae-rim, following behind, roughly grabbed the cart to stop it and growled.

“What are you doing.”

“…I want to go home.”

“This is how you end a date?”

“I feel sick. My head hurts and my ankle’s throbbing….”

“I see. Hyung, your body’s in this state—how are you going to raise a dog? We should just have it euthanized.”

It was a cruel thing to say, harsh enough to make something rise in his throat, yet Jae-an couldn’t argue back. Though his expression was rough, the words weren’t wrong. With his head bowed, Jae-an muttered.

“Am I really going crazy…?”

“What?”

Jae-an lifted his head. His eyes, shiny with tears, showed fine red capillaries like spider webs. The area around his eyes, which he’d rubbed raw seeing hallucinations, was even redder from holding back tears.

“What do you think?”

“…….”

“Do I seem crazy to you?”

Upon hearing the question, Seo Jae-rim fell silent for a moment, seemingly thinking. Then he slowly opened his mouth.

“Not really. I’d say you’re not exactly normal.”

Jae-an finally wiped his eyes with the back of his hand. Seo Jae-rim’s eyebrows lowered as he approached Jae-an. Bending forward to meet his eyes level, he gazed at the weeping face and wiped away the moisture hanging at the corners with his thumb.

“Did you have a specific answer in mind? Then I’ll give it to you.”

“No, no….”

Whether Seo Jae-rim said he wasn’t going crazy, Jae-an would have still been sad. He would have accused him of treating him like an idiot and cried again. As Seo Jae-rim wiped the streaming tears and groaned softly.

“I wish you wouldn’t be so upset.”

“But I’m losing my mind…. How can I not be upset…?”

“Hyung is still Lee Jae-an, that hasn’t changed. What does it matter.”

“…….”

“I like you no matter what state you’re in.”

Seo Jae-rim spoke in a gentle voice, gently holding Jae-an’s thin forearms. But when Jae-an didn’t stop his tears easily, he clicked his tongue low.

“You don’t believe me?”

With the question, large hands grabbed and pulled Jae-an’s arm. He was dragged along helplessly and suddenly felt his lips meeting his.

The sound of people’s sharp intakes of breath seemed distant. Startled, Jae-an twisted his head, but Seo Jae-rim cupped his face with both hands and pressed his lips in more roughly.

The kiss lasted only seconds, but felt like minutes to Jae-an. During that time, he neither yielded nor resisted—just stiffened awkwardly. The moment the hot lips withdrew, Jae-an, now deathly pale, screamed.

“Why are you doing this in public…!”

Parents with children hastily fled the area, and a few witnesses formed curse words with their mouths. Just as Jae-an was about to sputter more, Seo Jae-rim asked as if reading his mind.

“Only you seems to be going crazy?”

“…….”

“Do I look sane to you?”

The guilt that pushed him to start seeing illusions. And Seo Jae-rim, kissing him without hesitation in the middle of a mart—a cripple. There was no hierarchy. They were both insane.

“…….”

As Jae-an slowly shook his head, Seo Jae-rim seemed pleased with the answer and laughed breezily while simultaneously furrowing his brow. Immediately, large hands cupped both wet cheeks. Seo Jae-rim forced eye contact and whispered in a low voice.

“So let’s stop pretending to be noble.”

“…….”

“Everyone goes a little crazy living, anyway.”

The presence of murmuring people faded, and only Seo Jae-rim filled his vision. Strangely, everything Seo Jae-rim said sounded right. “Everyone goes a little crazy….” Jae-an repeated the words in a small voice.

“Should we go?”

With his thumb gently brushing Jae-an’s cheek, Seo Jae-rim wrapped an arm around his occasionally trembling shoulders and pushed the cart with his other hand.

Many people still glanced over, finding it interesting—two men throwing things on the floor, screaming, then suddenly kissing in the middle of chaos. The moment Seo Jae-rim stopped in his stride, he cast a sharp gaze at them.

He was exceptionally tall, and without smiling, his impression was only cold. Moreover, having just had an intense encounter with Jae-an, he was pushed to the limit of sensitivity. With an expression that was less fierce than murderous, the startled people coughed nervously and moved away.

The two didn’t speak as they paid for items and got into the car. Dispirited, Jae-an simply stared out the window.

Seo Jae-rim didn’t want the already weakened Jae-an to eat uncomfortably and get indigestion. He cancelled the restaurant reservation and turned the car toward home. By the time they arrived, the sun had already set completely.

As September passed like this, the days would grow shorter, and the air pooling in the garden cloaked in darkness would become even colder. Jae-an ran a hand over the forearms exposed beneath the short sleeves.

After that commotion at the mart, they spent the evening eating dinner together as if nothing had happened and played console games. In the dice game, Jae-an was fortunate enough to reach the item space several times. His character raised its arms high and bounced excitedly in place.

“Hyung, you’re lucky.”

What good was being lucky in a virtual world? Jae-an stared blankly at the dice that kept rolling high numbers and button-mashed the controller. Another bonus round opened. Knowing it was utterly useless, he desperately gathered the game coins. It was better to be lucky somewhere than to be unlucky in both reality and games.

Just before eating the last coin, his excitedly running character suddenly collapsed. Seeing the controller in Seo Jae-rim’s hands, Jae-an belatedly understood the situation and let out a soft sigh. It meant they’d stop playing and have sex now.

The two controllers clattered to the floor as a cold hand slipped under his t-shirt. A hot tongue licked his neck and something thick pressed heavily against his thighs.

“I was almost… winning.”

It was obvious this round wouldn’t end. So out of stubbornness, he said he’d won. Seo Jae-rim laughed with a deflating sound.

“Yes. I can never beat you.”

The heated tongue sucked hard across his chest. He couldn’t explain why he’d suddenly get horny after such a childish game.

“You’re… really crazy, you know.”

Seo Jae-rim laughed at the sudden curse, not angry but amused.

‘Only you seems to be going crazy?‘

Yeah, I’m crazy, and you’re crazy too. Thinking about how he was deteriorating alongside someone who had seemed perfectly fine somehow felt liberating.