TVDC 63: Hug

A trace of surprise flashed in He Zhiyuan’s eyes. He obviously hadn’t expected that he would be so honest and say it out loud.

Qiu Xuning’s cheeks flushed slightly, feeling a little embarrassed. “I–I was mainly thinking about my ge.”

He took a breath. The night air at the mountaintop was thin and light along with the faint dry scent released by plants scorched by sunlight. Breathing it in felt as if his whole body was floating lightly.

“I feel like it’s my fault. If it weren’t for me, my ge wouldn’t have had to leave home and live far away,” Qiu Xuning said softly.

It’s true that he didn’t like Qiu Shouhai, but Qiu Shouhai actually got along quite well with the previous ‘Qiu Xuning.’ The two brothers did have some brotherly bond and could normally hang out together.

Those discs that Qiu Shouhai had sent him—the previous ‘Qiu Xuning’ would probably have liked them.

Now that Qiu Shouhai had been sent away, Qiu Xuning felt that something was a little off.

From his perspective, Qiu Shouhai made him feel annoyed and repulsive. From Qiu Shouhai’s perspective, this younger brother of his had become shy and fussy, then also cried easily, which was rather annoying.

Qiu Xuning thought so much that he slowly felt some unspoken guilt and also a sense of shame. He lightly cleared his throat and said in a somewhat hoarse voice, “We actually had a good relationship before; it’s me who changed.”

He Zhiyuan heard this and impassively stared at Qiu Xuning’s profile.

At this time, the lighting wasn’t very bright. He Zhiyuan was standing in a special delicate spot, and the expression on his face was even more obscure and hard to read. As for Qiu Xuning, he was facing the light. His clear beautiful face was fully visible and even his eyelashes could be seen clearly.

“I changed too quickly. He is still the same as before, and he definitely feels uncomfortable about those changes in me,” Qiu Xuning’s voice sank, and he gently sighed.

He Zhiyuan spoke, his voice somewhat hoarse. If Qiu Xuning were a little sensitive, he could actually feel the tension in it. “If you really can’t let go of your gege, you can change back. Go back to how you were before.”

Qiu Xuning said in a discouraged tone, “I can’t go back anymore. Besides, if I did go back, you would definitely hate me.”

He Zhiyuan said in a low voice, “Then stay like this. Don’t change.”

Qiu Xuning straightened his back a little and his eyelashes trembled. He carefully glanced at He Zhiyuan, tried to curl his lips into a smile, and said, “People can’t not change, you know? Human cells replace themselves every seven years. Maybe seven years from now, I’ll be someone else entirely.”

He Zhiyuan also laughed along, and said with an unreadable meaning, “You believe that?”

Qiu Xuning gave a light cough, covering the nervousness in his voice. “I believe it.”

He Zhiyuan smiled, lowered his gaze to look at him, and said hoarsely, “Then I’ll believe it too.”

Qiu Xuning looked guilty like a thief and turned his gaze away.

After a while, He Zhiyuan said, “Wait for another four months. You’ll be living with me then, and at that point, whether your ge leaves or not won’t matter. So you don’t need to feel guilty.”

That’s what he said, but how could Qiu Xuning possibly completely control his own emotions?

“You said you thought about me. What exactly were you thinking about?” He Zhiyuan seemed even more interested in this. He leaned forward slightly and turned his head to look at Qiu Xuning’s expression.

He Zhiyuan’s back was on the light and Qiu Xuning couldn’t see his expression very clearly but he could feel that focused gaze of his.

Qiu Xuning suddenly grew nervous.

He Zhiyuan didn’t rush him. He just looked at him like that, waiting for his answer.

After a long moment, Qiu Xuning finally said, “I was thinking… if I were living with you, would there be conflicts?”

“That’s it?”

“…Mm, that’s it,” Qiu Xuning said softly.

He Zhiyuan didn’t say anything, he just looked at Qiu Xuning. Qiu Xuning couldn’t bear the weight of his gaze, so while pretending to look at the scenery, he shifted his gaze elsewhere.

Not long after looking, Qiu Xuning suddenly felt a warm breath on his neck. He turned his head and saw He Zhiyuan’s face extremely close. He was startled, trying to step back, but was pressed by He Zhiyuan holding the back of his head. He was instead pressed even closer to him.

Their faces were almost touching—their noses touched, warm breaths intertwined, eyes locked on each other. Qiu Xuning’s whole body tensed up. “What are you doing?”

He Zhiyuan slightly squinted his eyes and said in a low voice, “I want to hold you.”

Qiu Xuning’s face flushed red, and he felt the temperature of his whole body rise a few degrees.

“Is it okay?” He Zhiyuan asked.

Qiu Xuning stammered, “No!”

He Zhiyuan paused for a moment. The hand resting on the back of Qiu Xuning’s head slowly moved downward, pressing Qiu Xuning into his arms.

Qiu Xuning was pressed into his arms, only separated by two thin layers of fabric. He could feel He Zhiyuan’s warm body temperature.

That warmth was like fire, gnawing at his skin. The heat quickly penetrated his flesh, burning through his internal organs and making his hands and feet go weak.

Qiu Xuning’s whole body temperature suddenly rose a lot. His heart was beating violently, and he had a strange urge to cry.

When Qiu Shouhai treated him like that, he felt both fear and disgust. Yet when it was He Zhiyuan like this, he could feel the excitement and joy flowing in his heart.

He Zhiyuan whispered in his ear, “If you don’t like it, you can push me away.”

Qiu Xuning heard this and reached out to push, but He Zhiyuan held him even tighter. The force Qiu Xuning used to push was soft and weak. There was no way he could push him away.

He pushed a few times but couldn’t push him away. He Zhiyuan then laughed, his laughter low and extremely magnetic. “Looks like you like it.”

Qiu Xuning was speechless, but obviously very embarrassed. When He Zhiyuan wanted to hold him, he lowered his head and refused to raise it.

He Zhiyuan held him, gently resting his chin on Qiu Xuning’s small shoulder, and whispered, “I’ve always wanted to hold you, for a long time.”

Qiu Xuning said in a muffled voice, “You’ve already held me… you can let go of me now.”

He Zhiyuan said with complete confidence, “No.”

Qiu Xuning didn’t say anything.

He Zhiyuan’s hands slid down, and his two hands pinched Qiu Xuning’s waist with a moderate pressure. He whispered, “You’re really thin.”

Qiu Xuning shivered slightly and muttered, “It tickles.”

He Zhiyuan let out a low laugh, and after laughing, he said, “I know you didn’t tell the truth.”

Qiu Xuning didn’t speak, staying in He Zhiyuan’s embrace. The feeling of their bodies touching made his heart beat like a drum and made him feel very uneasy. He had very, very rarely been held like this by anyone. He instinctively wanted to struggle, but at the same time, he didn’t want to let go.

His emotions were very complicated, and hearing He Zhiyuan’s words made him feel even more complicated inside. The anxiety that had been lingering in his mind before made him finally unable to hold back and speak, “I… I want to ask you a question.”

He Zhiyuan lightly brushed against his cheek and said, “Ask.”

His movement exuded an incredibly natural intimacy which gave Qiu Xuning courage. His heart was beating violently and his full lips were slightly trembling. “You… have you liked anyone before?”

He Zhiyuan thought for a few seconds and said, “Yes.”

Qiu Xuning grew nervous. “Who?”

He Zhiyuan lightly stroked his back. This posture made it so that they couldn’t see each other’s facial expressions. Qiu Xuning didn’t know either that He Zhiyuan was now wearing a slight smile on his face, which seemed a bit mischievous. He lowered his voice and whispered into Qiu Xuning’s ear, “Sally… Her name is Sally. She’s very smart and very pretty.”

Qiu Xuning’s throat felt like it was blocked by a lump of burning coal—burning, scorching, and rough. “Is… is she your classmate?”

He Zhiyuan replied, “She’s my dog, a German Shepherd.”

“…” Qiu Xuning was slightly annoyed. The meaning of his question was obviously very clear yet He Zhiyuan still pretended to be confused. He exhaled a breath to calm himself down. “Where is that person? Have you ever liked anyone?”

Afraid He Zhiyuan would pretend to be clueless again, Qiu Xuning added, “It’s that kind of liking… the kind, towards a lover.”

After he asked, he held his breath and focused, waiting for He Zhiyuan’s answer.

He Zhiyuan thought for a moment, then said, “I don’t have before, but now…”

His voice grew low and deep. “Now, I do.”

Qiu Xuning’s mouth went dry, as if he had a premonition he didn’t even dare to believe. “…Who is it?”

He Zhiyuan held his hand a little tighter, his voice slightly hoarse. “In my arms.”

Qiu Xuning once again felt that fleeting and unreal sensation. The sound of his heartbeat grew louder in his ears, and He Zhiyuan’s voice seemed to drift into his ears from very far away, very unreal.

His breathing became slightly rapid. The warmth on his cheeks seemed to spread to his breath, making the air he exhaled hot and burning. “It’s… it’s who?”

He Zhiyuan didn’t answer.

Qiu Xuning reached out and gently pushed him. “Say it!”

He Zhiyuan said, “Even when you do exercises, would you have someone directly tell you the answer?”

Qiu Xuning held his breath, then quickly exhaled, and said softly, “You’re my cousin.”

He Zhiyuan smiled. He lowered his voice, and said in Qiu Xuning’s ear, “So you didn’t know?”

Qiu Xuning asked blankly, “Know what?”

He Zhiyuan said in a low voice, “I’m not your cousin. Your Dad and my Dad also have no relation. It’s just that the genealogy was written together.”

It was only now that Qiu Xuning realized that counting three generations up, He Zhiyuan and the Qiu family have no relation. It’s just that He Zhiyuan’s grandfather was bought by Qiu Shunming’s great-grandfather from human traffickers to be a son, and by a twist of fate, there were some connections.

He Zhiyuan didn’t say more about his grandfather. Thinking about it probably isn’t very pleasant.

Qiu Xuning learned the truth of this matter, and for a moment couldn’t process it. His heartbeat grew even stronger, and he repeatedly asked, “You’re not my ge?”

He Zhiyuan responded, “No.”

Qiu Xuning immediately couldn’t speak. He suddenly realized that if He Zhiyuan isn’t even his cousin, then… then he…

Qiu Xuning swallowed, his eyes betraying his excitement.

He Zhiyuan let go of him, stepped back a few steps, and smiled at him. “If you feel guilty about your ge, it’s unnecessary. Wait for another four months—I’ll move out and you go with me. That house will be left to your ge, let him live freely.”

Qiu Xuning’s cheeks were red as if bleeding. His mood rose and fell drastically, yet he still tried hard to suppress his feelings so as not to appear too silly. Even after hearing so much from He Zhiyuan, he only pressed his throat and softly said, “mm.”

He Zhiyuan lowered his head to look at him and said softly, “So silly.”

He laughed, his brows and eyes relaxed. Even though only his back was lit by the light, Qiu Xuning could feel that his eyes became very bright like the starry sky behind him.

Qiu Xuning stared at him blankly and also smiled foolishly along with him.