TOW 24

Xu Fei booked the earliest flight back to Pinghai. When he arrived at the airport, Liang Xuan sent him a message asking, “Are you home?” Xu Fei didn’t reply.

That evening, Liang Xuan called him. Xu Fei didn’t answer. He left the phone next to him and let it ring again and again.

Then another message came. “What’s wrong?”

Half an hour later, another one followed. “Xu Fei?”

By the time it was eleven, Xu Fei was getting ready for bed. Liang Xuan was still messaging him.

“Can we talk?” he wrote.

Xu Fei turned off his phone, set the air conditioning to warm, and slept straight through to noon the next day.

After Lunar New Year, Xu Fei’s birthday came quickly. February twenty-first. He turned thirty-four. When he got up that morning, it happened to be raining. He opened the balcony window, lit a cigarette, took a few puffs, and let the raindrops hit his fingers and the tip of the cigarette.

His phone rang. It was his mother.

“Are you coming home for dinner tonight?”

She made a whole spread of his favorite dishes. Pork ribs, chicken wings, stir-fried beef with green peppers, blueberry yam salad. At the end, she even brought out a chocolate cake. Xu Fei’s face went red from embarrassment.

“Mom,” he said. “I’m thirty-four.”

“Still your birthday. And birthdays still need cake,” she said, sticking candles into it and telling him to make a wish. Xu Fei thought for a moment, then said, “I want to settle down.”

Both his parents looked at him in surprise. Xu Fei shrugged and asked, “What?”

His mother reached out to her network and introduced him to a few potential matches. One of the girls in particular shared a lot of his interests. She liked singing and painting, and she could even team up with Xu Fei to play DOTA. She was pretty too, with almond-shaped eyes and a delicate face like the young models in magazines.

Xu Fei spent over a month seeing her. One night, after walking her home, she stopped at the door, leaned in toward his face, and tried to kiss him. Xu Fei realized then that he didn’t feel the slightest bit interested.

“Sorry,” he said.

Fu Zichuan called him pretentious.

“If you’re just looking to settle down, then don’t expect some grand romance,” he said. “You’re just finding someone to get through life with. Being safe and steady is the most important thing.”

Xu Fei replied, “Thanks for the advice, relationship expert.”

Fu Zichuan glanced at him. His lips moved slightly, like he was about to say something but stopped himself. After a long pause, he finally asked, “Why are you suddenly so set on finding someone?”

Xu Fei pulled a face. “Getting older,” he said. “Maybe it’s just a psychological need. I guess I’m feeling a little lonely.”

Fu Zichuan still looked at him with suspicion. Xu Fei ignored it and sat in place rehearsing his lines. They had another performance coming up soon. When the assistant came in to tell them they had ten minutes until showtime, Fu Zichuan let out a sigh and asked, “Xu Fei, are you okay?”

Xu Fei glanced at him. “I’m fine.” Then he pointed at Fu Zichuan’s collar. “Your collar’s crooked.”

By mid-April, Xu Fei had already met more than ten people. His parents were starting to get a little scared by how efficient he was. His father, in particular, pulled him aside one day and quietly asked, “Son, you don’t have some kind of terminal illness, do you?”

Xu Fei could only respond with a face full of exasperation.

His mother smacked the back of his father’s head. “At your age, you still talk nonsense like that.” She turned to gently touch Xu Fei’s cheek. “What’s going on? You look even thinner these past couple of months.”

“It’s nothing,” Xu Fei said. “The troupe has been filming again lately. Probably just been a little too busy.”

“Why don’t you come home for dinner tonight?” his mother offered. “Better than being alone, eating instant noodles or takeout. None of that’s healthy.”

Xu Fei smiled and said, “I’ll think about it.” Then he stayed for dinner.

That evening, his father went upstairs to trade stocks while Xu Fei curled up in the living room to watch TV. His mother brought over a plate of apples, sat down beside him, and after hesitating for a moment, said, “You don’t really need to rush… I’m not pressuring you.”

Xu Fei glanced at her, and after a moment he realized she was talking about the blind dates.

“Oh,” he said. “I’m not in a hurry.”

His mother gave a helpless smile but didn’t call him out on such an obvious lie.

They sat shoulder to shoulder and finished watching an episode of a drama together. When it ended, Xu Fei stood up and said, “I should get going. I have to be at the theater tomorrow morning.”

“Alright,” his mother said, watching him walk to the door.

Xu Fei put on his shoes and opened the door to leave, but then his mother called out to him.

“Son.”

Xu Fei turned around.

His mother pressed her lips together. After a long pause, she finally asked, “Are you really okay?”

Xu Fei smiled. “What could be wrong with me?”

He pulled his coat tighter and said, “I’m off. Good night.”

Then he closed the door behind him.

A few days later, the payment for his previous film arrived at the agency. Xu Fei went to the finance office to collect it. On his way past Lao Pang’s office, he was called in.

“Director Hou Yuan has a role he wants you to audition for.” Lao Pang waved him in, had him sit down, and rummaged through a stack of documents before pulling out a script. He tossed it across the desk to Xu Fei. “He saw you in Grey Wall and thinks you’d be a good fit. It’s for a serialized drama on the Alliance network.”

Xu Fei took the script and immediately saw the title on the cover: The Mist. His fingers paused, holding the edge of the first page without flipping it open.

“You’ve heard of this series, right?” Lao Pang asked. “It’s the one Liang Xuan shot last year. Your crews even crossed paths, didn’t they? They’re prepping for season two now.”

Xu Fei said nothing.

Lao Pang didn’t seem to notice and kept talking. “Take the script home and give it a look. It’s a supporting role, but it’s got plenty of screen time. The audition’s scheduled for early June…”

Xu Fei stood up and placed the script back on Lao Pang’s desk.

“I don’t want the role.”

Lao Pang paused and looked up at him.

“What’s the matter?” he asked.

Xu Fei said nothing. Lao Pang went on.
“This is a show backed by the Alliance network. Director Hou specifically asked for you. I skimmed the character, it’s actually really interesting. You’ll probably like it once you read it. Plus, Liang Xuan is in it. It’ll be your first time working together again since Southbound. Plenty of press angles to spin off that. And Deep Sea is set to release around the same time…”

Xu Fei lowered his eyes and looked at the blocky title on the cover. The edges were curled and the paper inside wrinkled, worn from being handled. Probably by Lao Pang, who always took his job seriously. Xu Fei, on the other hand, felt like a petulant child.

“I’m kidding.” He picked up the script again, cutting Lao Pang off. “Let me know when the audition is.”

Lao Pang shut his mouth. He glanced at Xu Fei again, then said, “If you really don’t..”

“I’m going.” Xu Fei waved him off, then paused at the door. “Make sure to let me know.”

Lao Pang gave a quick “Alright.”

In early June, Xu Fei went to Xinjing to audition for the second season of The Mist.

His role was a small-town thug. The type who bullied men and harassed women, hated by everyone. When the mist came, he joined the protagonist’s group just to survive. Later, during a mission outside, he was torn to pieces by a monster while trying to protect a young girl.

Director Hou Yuan was present in the audition room. He wasn’t particularly old, but he was known for his expertise in action scenes and had already directed three full-length dramas. Xu Fei greeted him politely with a handshake.

“I’ve seen your work,” Hou Yuan said with a smile. “Casting you in this is honestly overkill.”

Xu Fei responded with a modest smile. He performed a few variations of the character in different emotional contexts for the camera. After a short while, Hou Yuan called it.

“Come back this afternoon for the styling test.”

“Liang Xuan’s coming this afternoon too,” Hou Yuan added. “This’ll be the first time you two work together again in seven years, right?”

“Yeah,” Xu Fei replied. They chatted a little more, but by the time he turned to leave, a dull ache was pulsing in his head. Lao Pang noticed his pale face and asked, “Want to go lie down for a bit?” Xu Fei gave it some thought and returned to the car, pulled a blanket over himself, and dozed off until a little past one in the afternoon.

Lao Pang knocked on the window. “Time for makeup.”

The dressing room wasn’t crowded. When Xu Fei walked in, a young guy had just taken off his T-shirt, exposing a firm upper body. A makeup artist was drawing scars across his chest. The guy was tall, stood straight, and had a pair of flirtatious eyes that blinked slowly as he looked Xu Fei’s way. It felt like he was trying to flirt.

Xu Fei gave him a nod.

“Xu Fei… Senior Xu Fei, right?” the young guy said easily. “I’m Yu Yukuan. We’re in the same squad in the show.”

“Just call me Xu Fei,” he replied and sat in front of the mirror. Another makeup artist came over to fix his hair and started smearing something random on his face. Yu Yukuan, now done with his scars, dragged over a stool and sat beside him with a grin.

“I’m actually your junior. I go to Pinghai University too. Still in my third year.”

That finally caught Xu Fei’s attention. He glanced at the man. Yu Yukuan did look young, tight skin, full of energy.

“You’re acting while still in your third year?”

Yu Yukuan laughed. “Didn’t you start a band in your junior year and play at nightclubs? The school auditorium still has your band’s poster up.”

That caught Xu Fei off guard. “Seriously?” He had always assumed he was the embarrassment of Pinghai University.

Yu Yukuan nodded like mad. “I’ve heard your songs. Both of your bands, actually.”

His eyes sparkled, like he was meeting an idol. Xu Fei found it hard to stay calm under the gaze of those peach blossom eyes. Feeling a bit uneasy, he turned his face away and happened to see Liang Xuan walk through the door.

He was dressed all in black. His expression was cool, his hair cropped short, and he gave off a quiet but intense pressure. Yu Yukuan noticed him too and immediately stood up straight, greeting him respectfully.

“Xuan-ge.”

Liang Xuan glanced over. His gaze passed over Yu Yukuan and settled on Xu Fei’s face.

Xu Fei met his eyes. The dull headache that had faded hours ago started to creep back again. But he had spent more than a month preparing for this, and there was no reason to lose control or show weakness now. No matter what, he was still an actor.

“Liang Xuan.” He stood up and greeted him. “It’s been a while, hasn’t it?”

Liang Xuan stayed silent for two seconds. Just two seconds, no more.

“Yeah.” He nodded. “You’re here too? Director Hou mentioned it to me before.”

Xu Fei said, “Of course. Looks like we’re working together again. Be nice to me, will you?”

His tone was light, his face full of smiles, just like every other D-list actor trying to get close to Liang Xuan.

Liang Xuan pressed his lips together, looked at him for a moment, then nodded. “No problem.”

Liang Xuan’s assistant walked in. “They designed a new weapon for your character,” he said, handing over a blueprint.

Xu Fei sat back down and let the makeup artist continue working on his styling.

More actors came in one after another. A while later, Hou Yuan and the producer arrived at the makeup room as well. About ten of them had their looks finalized, and one by one, they were sent next door to perform short test scenes in costume. A few clips were recorded.

Xu Fei’s turn came later. By the time he returned to the makeup room, it was empty again. He clumsily started removing his makeup, rubbing his face with cotton pads in random motions. No matter how much he wiped, it still felt like something was left behind.

Just then, Yu Yukuan returned. Xu Fei pointed to his own neck. “Is there still something here?”

Yu Yukuan leaned closer to take a look.

“Yeah, still a bit,” he said, pointing to the side of Xu Fei’s neck. “There’s some redness here.”

Xu Fei reached out to wipe it himself. After a couple of swipes, Yu Yukuan said, “Ah, let me do it. Let me take care of this for my senior.” He took a cotton pad and carefully helped Xu Fei clean up.

Xu Fei sat there lazily, tilting his head to let Yu Yukuan do the work. The younger man leaned in close, his breath brushing behind Xu Fei’s ear in warm waves. It tickled, and Xu Fei turned his face slightly, right into a view of those long eyelashes.

He really is good-looking, Xu Fei thought to himself. No wonder he landed a role in a drama from Alliance TV.

Suddenly, someone else appeared at the door. A shadow fell over them, blocking the light from the hallway.

Yu Yukuan muttered, “Hey, I can’t see.” He turned his head to look.

Liang Xuan was standing at the entrance, his gaze sweeping over the two of them. Without a word, he stepped in, changed into a different jacket, and walked right back out.

He moved quickly. His shoes hit the floor with firm, steady steps.

Yu Yukuan turned back and muttered, “Jeez, he looks kind of scary.” He stood up straight and tossed the cotton pad into the bin.

“All clean now.”

Xu Fei glanced in the mirror. “Thanks.”

He changed his clothes, then said, “I’m going to the restroom,” before turning to Yu Yukuan.

“You’re not leaving yet, right?”

“Nope. Gotta let the scar makeup dry a little longer,” Yu Yukuan replied, pointing to his chest.

Xu Fei wandered down the hallway toward the restroom at the far end. Just as he stepped inside, one of the stalls made a loud clack as the door swung open. Liang Xuan came out, and they came face to face.

Xu Fei froze. He wasn’t sure whether he should casually greet him or just turn around and walk away. The second option felt a bit too dramatic.

He scratched his head and finally said, “Uh… still here?”

“About to leave,” Liang Xuan replied.

But he stood there without making any move to go.

The silence made Xu Fei feel awkward. There was no way he could unzip and pee in front of Liang Xuan.

“Then I…” he gestured toward the stall, hoping Liang Xuan would get the message.

But Liang Xuan called his name.

“Xu Fei.”

Xu Fei’s heart skipped a beat. He immediately felt a wave of self-loathing. He couldn’t understand why just hearing Liang Xuan say his name could make him this flustered.

It had been half a year, he reminded himself.

No, not just half a year.

Seven years had passed.

“I just…” Liang Xuan closed his eyes for a moment. After a long pause, he finally said, “You were right. We shouldn’t have… we never should have continued in the first place.”

His voice was quiet, but so pleasant to the ear, like an elegant violin. Xu Fei had lost count of how many times he’d heard that voice in his dreams. Whispering beside his ear, brushing a kiss against the corner of his lips.

Xu Fei smiled. “I shouldn’t have teased you from the start.”

Liang Xuan gave a small nod, then shook his head. “It was me…” But the word “me” fell to the ground, unfinished and never picked up again.

Xu Fei’s phone buzzed. It was a message from Lao Pang.

“Are you done yet?”

He cursed under his breath and said, “I have to go.”

Liang Xuan didn’t move.

Xu Fei stepped around him, went into the stall to relieve himself, then came out to wash his hands. He dried them carefully.

Liang Xuan was still watching him.

“Xu Fei,” he asked, “Did I let you down?”

Xu Fei didn’t answer.