Chapter 20

“Sorry, what did you say?” Felix pulled down his headphones and asked.

“Dinner’s ready,” Erik said. “What were you doing? I knocked on the door for a long time outside.”

“I didn’t know you needed to knock to enter your own bedroom,” Felix said with a smile.

“I was listening to music,” he showed him the phone screen. “Luke Faulkner’s piano pieces. Want to listen together?”

“Of course.”

“We can listen while eating,” Felix said, standing up.

They walked to the living room and sat down at the dining table. In the middle of a dozen bright tea candles was a glass bowl piled high with black mussels. Two deep plates held steaming pasta, soaked in fish broth, garnished with parsley, shallots, and diced tomatoes. A stack of round spoons and forks pressed down on pale green napkins.

“Thank you,” Felix said. “It looks beautiful.”

He switched his phone to speaker mode and placed it on the side of the table.

They ate the mussels and pasta in silence. The flowing piano music filled the quiet.

Erik glanced at the phone screen; the current piece was “Daydreaming.”

He looked at Felix across the table. Now he was wearing a light gray and maroon plaid shirt, half-bowed as he twirled pasta with his fork. A few strands of golden hair fell in front of him, shimmering in the candlelight.

…Felix’s long, curved eyelashes fluttered slightly, then lifted. Erik realized he was looking at him and quickly lowered his eyes; he didn’t want to drown in those clear, enchanting eyes again.

“The next pieces are ‘Ballade’ and ‘New Beginning,'” he heard Felix say. “Then ‘I Giorni,’ followed by ‘Nuvole Bianche.'”

The piano music ended. Only the flickering candlelight remained before them.

“Thank you for dinner,” Felix put down his napkin. “It was delicious.”

“Thank you for the music,” Erik replied.

“So now we’re even?”

“Yeah.”

“Faulkner’s piano collection is my favorite music—for now,” Felix said.

Erik couldn’t help but look up and meet his gaze.

“I like his Chopin and Mozart too, but I prefer his own compositions and Ludovico Einaudi’s works. Listening to them helps me relax and calm down.”

Erik gazed at him. Felix now seemed so calm and natural, with no trace of the earlier conflict or distress.

Felix picked up his phone, clicked on the artist profile on Spotify, and turned the screen toward Erik. “Faulkner is a British pianist and composer, not even thirty yet, and not many people know about him. I really hope he becomes famous someday.”

Erik looked at the young man on the screen for a while.

“I envy him.”

Felix smiled. “Erik, you’re much better-looking than him.”

“I envy him for being able to relax you,” Erik said.

“And you make me happy.”

Erik’s heart raced. Do I make you happy? He bit back the question that almost slipped out.

Felix seemed to follow the thought in his mind: “This weekend at your place has made me very happy, Erik. Thank you so much for your hospitality and everything you’ve done for me.” He looked at him with a smile.

Erik’s heart sank. This wasn’t the answer he wanted.

That polite, courteous gratitude was what you’d say to a hospitable host after staying at a friend’s house, he thought. You shouldn’t say that to me. You know what we have is completely different.

…But maybe I’m the only one who feels that way.

“You’re welcome,” he replied.

They stood up to clear the table and clean up. Then Erik walked to the fireplace.

He swept out the ashes, poured them into a metal bucket, took out the logs from the felt basket, and stacked them one by one in the hearth, adding kindling. Once again, he watched the bright, warm flames rise, dispelling the chill in the room.

He returned to the couch and sat down. Shortly after, Felix came over and lay down beside him, naturally resting his head on Erik’s lap.

“Want to listen to more music?” he whispered.

He nodded. Felix opened Spotify on his phone and pulled up a playlist. Erik glanced down and saw the playlist was named “Erik.” He was surprised, both flustered and happy.

The familiar and beloved melodies began to play.

“I don’t know, I ask myself: How did you find me? One in eighty million.” —Max Giesinger.

“Every time it’s time to leave, I always miss the moment; the heart says stay, the mind says leave; the heart is above the mind.” —JORIS.

“Because it never disappears, that ancient fever; it always comes back, every time we’re together.” —Die Toten Hosen.

“So give me more of what you call love; even if it’s not love, I love it.” —BAUSA.

—Damn it. Why does every song sound like it’s about Felix? Erik thought. Every song was originally familiar to him, but now they felt strangely unfamiliar: as if the lyrics had suddenly taken on special meaning at this moment.

Then came Namika. She sang sweetly and lightly:

“Je ne parle pas français (I don’t speak French), but please keep talking: everything you say sounds wonderful;

“Let time stand still like this, I wish I could understand you; Je ne parle pas français (I don’t speak French), but please keep talking.”

Erik couldn’t help but shift on the couch.

“What’s wrong?”

“Nothing,” Erik said. “Just… well, I don’t speak French either.”

Felix lifted his face and looked at him, smiling. His bright green eyes and the curve of his lips made Erik momentarily forget to breathe.

“Would you like to hear me say something wonderful?”

“Yes.”

“Erik, tu es mon plus beau rêve. J’aimerais pouvoir rester avec toi pour toujours. Tu es l’amant que j’ai tant désiré. Je ne puis demeurer loin de toi plus longtemps.**”

“What does that mean?”

“Erik, your eyes are the sweetest and warmest things in the world. In the sunlight, they look like transparent, flowing maple syrup; and at times like this, they’re like half-melted chocolate.”

“…Oh.” Erik blushed.

Felix sat up. They began to kiss. First gently, sweet and tender, then gradually becoming fervent, wet, and desperate.

“…Bedroom?” Erik gasped out the word.

“Bedroom!”

They ran into the room one after the other. Felix jumped onto the bed first, then knelt up, hooked his arms around Erik’s neck, and tilted his face up to continue the kiss. Erik kissed him while unbuttoning his shirt, then remembered something.

“I haven’t changed the sheets.”

Felix bit his lip hard. “If you dare stop to get the sheets, I’ll kill you.”

Erik didn’t stop: he fumbled to take off Felix’s and his own clothes, while feeling the other’s nimble fingers quickly undo his jeans belt, open the button, and pull down the zipper. His cock was already trembling in his underwear.

He pulled off the other’s shirt, then Felix took off his underwear and licked his cock—a long, wet, and teasing lick that made Erik’s cock instantly stand at attention, thrusting forward a few times.

Erik gasped heavily and pinned Felix to the bed. Thank God I have a double bed, he thought. He pushed the blanket aside with one hand and with the other, he urgently tugged at Felix’s pants, then his underwear.

…Now it was finally done. Both of them were completely naked, their bodies pressed tightly together, the feeling was wonderful—wonderful and maddening. He leaned down to kiss Felix, kissing him while starting to thrust against him with his cock. “Wait,” Felix stopped him. “We need lube. …And preparation.” He said, slightly out of breath. “Last time I prepared myself in the bathroom, but now you’ll have to wait a bit.”

Erik reached for the lube on the bedside table, poured some on his hand, and applied it to Felix’s entrance, then slowly inserted his fingers into his body. Felix gasped sharply. At a certain point, he flinched, then relaxed.

“That’s it,” he said with a dazed expression. His green eyes were wet, his face flushed, and his lips slightly parted. Erik was driven wild by this expression, wanting to immediately pull out the finger in his body and replace it with something else.—He barely controlled himself, only leaning down to kiss Felix’s lips, then added another finger.

He slowly moved his fingers in and out of him. Felix moaned softly, biting his lip—the color of his lips was so vivid and intense, completely captivating. Erik was almost losing his mind, staring at those lips—they glistened wetly, occasionally letting out a gasp or two—wondering if he might fall apart before even entering Felix.

“…It’s okay, I think,” Felix whispered. Erik, as if pardoned, quickly grabbed a condom and tore open the package.

He put on the condom and leaned down to kiss those full, soft lips again—they seemed to have a magical power, feeling like every touch made him harder, even when he thought he couldn’t get any harder. He pressed against Felix, his painfully hard cock pressing against his entrance. Just as he entered a little, the person beneath him gasped in pain.

“Did I hurt you?” Erik asked nervously. He didn’t get an immediate answer, so he pulled out.

Felix exhaled, turning his back to him. “It’s fine, lie next to me, come in from behind… it’ll be easier.”

Erik lay down beside him. He hugged Felix’s back from behind, kissing his shoulders and neck. He kept caressing the slender, beautiful body in front of him, from the chest, abdomen, waist, to the inner thighs… then grasped there. As his fingers moved, Felix’s breathing quickened, his body trembling slightly; he leaned back, pressing his legs tightly against Erik’s sturdy thighs, rubbing.

Erik felt Felix’s body relax, gradually accepting him. He pressed his body a bit more to have more room to move, while continuing to pleasure him with his fingers. He listened to Felix’s gasps, interspersed with quick breaths, occasional swallows, and moans… he felt those sounds were more stimulating than anything else. He desperately wanted to satisfy Felix, bring him to the peak, hear him cry out; he wanted him to lose all control, go wild from the pleasure he gave him, completely collapse.

Felix gasped heavily, grabbing his arm. “You need to slow down,” he said. “Or I’ll come right away.”

Erik’s hand holding him tightened. Then he used his other arm to prop himself up, pressing more against him, entering deeper. He still thrust slowly, but his hand moved faster.

“Erik, stop…” Felix gasped. “If you still want… I… oh…”

His words were cut off. Erik was sucking his neck, licking his earlobe, making him tremble all over, unable to continue. At the same time, he felt Erik speed up the thrusting behind him—fast, yet not rough, not bringing any pain, each thrust just right, adding to the growing pleasure, making him let out a sound close to a whimper.

Felix cried out uncontrollably. Like a tower of layers stacking to the top, then collapsing. His body convulsed, some warm liquid spurting out, even landing on his own face. Erik continued to fuck him from behind in the dizzying climax. Even in this mind-blowing moment, Felix still instinctively realized that Erik wasn’t finishing his own final thrust—he seemed to still be a bit away—the thrusting was restrained and deliberate, only to give him more stimulation. Almost at the same time as realizing this, he had an even more intense ejaculation, so strong that his vision went blank. The collapse continued endlessly, burying him completely. The world became silent.

…Felix finally came to his senses, reality returning to his consciousness. His legs were weak, knees still trembling, as if he had just recovered from a fever. Erik’s arm was around his waist—he vaguely remembered almost falling off the bed earlier, if Erik hadn’t caught him in time. He didn’t know how much time had passed.

He turned to Erik, looking into his deep brown eyes. Those eyes were complex, seemingly hungry, satisfied, and confused.

“You haven’t come yet,” Felix said.

He tried to get up, but immediately fell back. His legs were so weak they didn’t seem to belong to him. “Fuck,” he cursed softly.

Erik smiled, pulling him over to kiss him passionately, until both were a bit dizzy. Felix felt his hard cock thrusting against him, rubbing between his legs, feeling close… he reached out to touch it, but Erik grabbed his hand.

“Don’t move,” Erik said.

He swallowed. “I want to come on you, is that okay?”

Felix looked at him in surprise. Soon he smiled. “Sure.”

Erik got up, kneeling beside Felix. “Are you sure?” he asked uncertainly.

Felix touched his face. “I’m already dirty from my own stuff,” he said lightly. “Don’t mind adding yours.”

Erik pulled off the condom and tossed it to the floor, then grabbed his cock, stroking quickly. Felix watched him for a while without moving; then he moved closer, sticking out his tongue to lick the tip of Erik’s cock.

Erik let out a low moan. He came, several streams of liquid splashing onto Felix’s face and body. Felix didn’t shy away, accepting them.

They looked at each other for a few seconds. Then Erik pounced on him to kiss him. He lifted Felix up, pressing him to his chest. The droplets were pressed between their bodies, flowing on their tightly pressed skin, dripping. Erik used one hand to messily smear some liquid—couldn’t tell whose—onto Felix’s face and neck, rubbing it into his hair.

“You’re terrifying when you go crazy,” Felix wiped his face after they finally separated. “What was that? Marking your territory?”

Erik couldn’t answer. He didn’t even know why he did that.—Now that he was clearer-headed, he just felt ashamed: his behavior just now was downright perverted.

“…Sorry,” he whispered.

Felix laughed. “It’s fine. I feel more at ease when you act like this. Otherwise, you’re way too proper: you don’t smoke or drink, don’t swear, your home is as clean as a showroom, it almost makes me suspect you’re one of those meticulously neat but deeply twisted serial killers.”

Erik suddenly stood up, scooping Felix up from the bed and hoisting him over his shoulder.

“Hey hey, what’s this now?”

“Taking you to the bathroom to clean you up,” Erik said.