WP 21

On the way home, neither of them said a word. They each had their own thoughts, but their hands remained clasped together the whole time, as if both had suddenly gone senile and forgotten to let go.

It wasn’t until they reached the door and Jiang Yibai reached for the key that Si Shaorong finally released his hand. Their palms were both a little sticky with sweat. Even Jiang Yibai, who usually had no shame, found himself feeling awkward in the face of Si Shaorong’s quiet tenderness. He rubbed his nose and pushed open the door. “Get some rest.”

“Mm.” Si Shaorong gave a soft reply. Neither of them looked at the other as they went off to wash up.

There was only one bathroom, but the sink was spacious enough. Standing side by side in front of the mirror, they brushed their teeth. The white toothbrush was Si Shaorong’s. The black one was Jiang Yibai’s. Two different brands of electric toothbrushes buzzed in unison, and in the mirror, both of their faces wore the same dumb expression.

Jiang Yibai was thinking, Why the hell did I say I liked him so naturally? When he was trying to flirt with Si Shaorong before, he’d gone out of his way to make up some righteous excuse. But tonight, it had just slipped out. Now he was worried Si Shaorong would be put off, that he couldn’t accept it.

Meanwhile, Si Shaorong was thinking, Did Jiang Yibai say he liked me and then get embarrassed? Could this be another lesson he wanted to teach me? It made him feel delighted, yet uneasy. His heart was happy and dazed all at once. He didn’t know how to describe this faint, shifting emotion. It was like all his senses had been amplified, every little thing Jiang Yibai did suddenly crisp and clear, impossible to ignore.

Caught in his thoughts, inspiration struck Si Shaorong again. He quickly rinsed his mouth, splashed his face, and hastily wiped himself down with a towel. “I need to revise my draft. You go to bed early. Good night.”

“Huh?” Jiang Yibai was lost in his own head, and the unease still lingered. When he heard Si Shaorong say he was going to revise his draft, he blinked. “I–It’s so late. You should sleep. Staying up like this all the time isn’t good. You’ve been writing all day…”

But Si Shaorong didn’t respond. He simply closed the bedroom door behind him.

Jiang Yibai stood dazed at the bathroom door, suddenly feeling like one of those ridiculous reaction memes come to life.
Si Shaorong’s mind was clearly wrapped up in the plot, while he was here worrying all on his own. Of course it was just him overthinking things, making something out of nothing.

He let out a quiet sigh of relief, glad he hadn’t made Si Shaorong uncomfortable. But at the same time, there was a faint, unnameable disappointment.

After slowly washing his face, he returned to his room and saw his phone screen still lit up. It was a message from Nian Gao.

“My mom just set me up with someone. Take a look at this guy.”

She had sent a few photos, along with the dating site profile her mom had found.

Jiang Yibai barely scrolled halfway before laughing. “Is he looking for a girlfriend or a live-in maid?”

Nian Gao replied with a “heh” emoji.

Jiang Yibai gave it some thought and decided to call her directly. “Why are you still up at this hour? What happened to your beauty sleep?”

“Beauty my ass,” Nian Gao snapped. She was clearly still fuming. “I just don’t get it. My parents worked so hard to raise me, and now they want to pawn me off for cheap?”

Jiang Yibai laughed. “So what did you say?”

“I told her I’ve been too busy to go. What else could I say? I can’t start a fight with my mom.” Nian Gao let out a long sigh. “I get where she’s coming from. She’s worried I’ll be all alone with no one to look after me. But she never stops to think about how I feel. I studied so hard, got this far in life, just so I can cook and clean and pop out kids for someone? What am I, a goddamn factory?”

“Who doesn’t want a partner who actually treasures them, who holds them close? It’s not like I want to be alone. But I need to meet someone who’s actually worth it, right?” Her voice grew softer the more she spoke, eventually tapering into a murmur. “Forget it. Let’s not talk about this. Tell me something funny. I need to laugh.”

Jiang Yibai said, “You’re already doing great. I’m not gonna try and sweet-talk your parents either. You know them better than I do. There’s always gonna be a generational gap between us and the people who raised us. We just don’t see the world the same way. Hell, even random strangers on Weibo will come at you for having ‘flawed values.’ Parents are human too.”

Nian Gao snorted. “Yeah, people love accusing you of having messed-up values.”

Jiang Yibai had no problem making fun of himself. He teased, “Someone told me the other day that I must be miserable in real life. Otherwise, how could I come up with so many twisted ideas? Hey, do you think I’m actually a bit messed up? I’ve read so many comments like that, I’m starting to wonder if maybe something is wrong with me.”

Nian Gao gave a loud pfft. “And you believe that crap from a stranger? Then let me tell you this. You don’t have a damn thing wrong with you. Do you believe that?”

“I do,” Jiang Yibai replied immediately, with full conviction. “No outsider knows me like you do.”

Nian Gao swore at him affectionately, then launched into gossip about Li Xun, the owner of the bar Silver Axis. She and Jiang Yibai often went there. Jiang Yibai had known Li Xun for years, and through him, Nian Gao had become familiar with him too.

At first, she had actually been into Li Xun. Thought he was totally her type. But once she found out he was gay, all she could do was doubt her own taste in men.

“You think something’s wrong with my vibes?” she said. “Back when I didn’t know what you wrote, I thought you and I really clicked, and turns out you’re gay. Then I got a crush on Li Xun, and he’s gay too. Seriously, what the hell.”

Jiang Yibai struggled not to laugh. “Next time you find a boyfriend, make sure to run him by me and Li Xun first. We’ll check if he’s secretly looking to scam a wife.”

“You little shit. Are you cursing me?!”

While they were talking about Li Xun, Nian Gao asked, “Hey, I heard he sent that kid over to your place. Is that true?”

“It’s true. The kid’s already been to one of my classes.”

“He really that much younger?”

“Yeah.”

Nian Gao hesitated. “Wait, I thought Li Xun was always the bottom? That kid…”

“Who told you top and bottom gets decided by age?” Jiang Yibai cracked up. “That kid looks skinny, but under the clothes he’s solid. Works in auto repair, probably pretty good in bed too…”

As he spoke, Jiang Yibai suddenly burst out laughing. “What the hell am I doing talking to you about this in the middle of the night? You little pervert!”

“No big deal, I’ve never thought of you as a real man anyway,” Nian Gao cackled, her earlier gloom completely wiped away. “Hey, how are things going with the Great Master?”

Jiang Yibai hadn’t told her what had happened since. Now, after a brief hesitation, he confessed everything honestly.

By the time she finished listening, Nian Gao was dumbfounded. “You’re telling me you two are dating? Did I hear that right? Wait, does the Great Master even know what dating means?”

“Don’t make him sound like he’s mentally challenged,” Jiang Yibai said, exasperated. “He’s… actually pretty cute.”

There was a slight shift in his tone as he said that, and Nian Gao caught it right away. “Hold up. What’s going on with you? Something’s off. With news like this, shouldn’t you be shouting it from the rooftops, banging drums and setting off fireworks? Why have you been keeping it all to yourself?”

Jiang Yibai rubbed his nose and hesitated. “I just feel like… I didn’t handle this right.”

Nian Gao: “?”

Jiang Yibai said, “He’s completely blank when it comes to relationships. I used to think those rumors were exaggerated. Like, how could someone go their whole life without once falling for anyone? But now I believe it.”

Nian Gao knew him too well. She didn’t even need the full explanation to catch on. “Shit. You’re scared that once he’s done gathering material, the thing between you two will be over, and you won’t be able to take it.”

Then she frowned. “But didn’t you plan to chase him from the start? You thought about what might happen if it didn’t work out, right? Remember what you told me before? That you didn’t care about the outcome, as long as you didn’t regret it?”

Don’t care about forever, just be grateful for what you had.

Jiang Yibai seriously wanted to slap himself.

Back then, it was easy to say he didn’t care, because he hadn’t really fallen yet. Deep down, he had still been holding something back. It wasn’t just for fun, not by a long shot, but he had always been mentally prepared for the idea that this won’t last.

But now that he actually cared, he was scared of losing it.

All that talk about “just collecting material,” about “being able to stop anytime”—Jiang Yibai now felt like a total fraud.

“These past few days, I’ve been watching him work on the plot. He’s really serious about it,” Jiang Yibai said, leaning back against the headboard, eyes half closed. “I think he might’ve gotten a little too into the character. From someone who’s never been in love, to someone learning how to fall, learning how to care about someone… You didn’t see it, but when inspiration hits him, he won’t budge from the computer for a whole day. I can’t even sit that long. I’m scared that when he finishes this book, and he pulls himself out of the character…”

Will we go back to just being friends? Or just landlord and tenant?

Either way, Jiang Yibai wasn’t sure he could handle it.

Si Shaorong was far more lovable than he had ever imagined. The way he focused so intently. The way he fumbled through feelings with that wooden, straight-guy cluelessness. His awkwardness. His sincere efforts.

That moment when Si Shaorong had reached out to hold him, Jiang Yibai had barely managed to restrain the urge to kiss him.

He’d been holding back every step of the way, keeping himself in check around Si Shaorong, tamping down the need to kiss him, touch him, fuck him.

He didn’t want to scare him. He wanted to show him, bit by bit, what love could feel like.

But now that Si Shaorong had gotten a small taste of it, and Jiang Yibai had gotten a little sweetness in return, he was afraid.

He had never felt so conflicted in his life.

Nian Gao was silent for a long time before saying, “I told you from the start this approach was a bad idea, but you wouldn’t listen. The way a relationship begins does matter. If you get the start wrong, how’s the rest supposed to go? You hid your real feelings from the beginning, using a fake setup to get close to him. That’s not fair.”

Jiang Yibai let out a long sigh. He’d been feeling down, but the moment he started talking about Si Shaorong again, something stirred in him, and it was obvious. He awkwardly tugged at the waistband of his pants and muttered, “Just him walking around in front of me all day, completely unaware, is enough to drive me insane.”

Nian Gao burst out laughing, gleeful and unsympathetic. “Serves you right!”

But Nian Gao was still a good bestie. After laughing at him, she offered a bit of advice.

“Your last novel’s been done for over two months now, right? Time to start a new one. Why don’t you channel all those urges and impulses straight into the story?”

The suggestion lit Jiang Yibai up. He shot upright in bed. “Brilliant idea!”

Nian Gao jumped at the sudden yell. “It’s the middle of the night! At least wait until tomorrow—”

“I’m wide awake. Had a drink tonight too,” Jiang Yibai said, recounting the evening. “You have no idea. He held my hand the entire way home. My poor heart couldn’t take it. I’m getting too old for this.”

Nian Gao, who was one year older, immediately spat, “Speak for yourself.”

The moment they hung up, Jiang Yibai powered on his computer and started brainstorming. Nian Gao had a point. Might as well pour all that daydream fuel into something productive. What was wrong with satisfying himself a little?

So he opened a new project and gave it the title: “A Few Things About Me and My Male God.” First-person POV. No concern for style or form. He was going to write however he damn well pleased.

Jiang Yibai was still standing, blood surging with pent-up desire. He didn’t bother with any buildup. Fingers flying over the keyboard, he dove straight in.

The summer night wind was strong, but I could still smell the faint sweat on his skin. It wasn’t unpleasant.

When I reached out to touch him, his whole body trembled. It was his first time. I knew that. I wanted to love him as tenderly as I could, to let him taste the sweetness of being cherished. And once he got used to it, I’d fuck him until he cried, just to show him how deep love could go.

His features were sharp and striking, with a touch of coldness. Not unfeeling, exactly, just someone who was born indifferent. That quiet detachment pulled me in like nothing else.

I kissed the corner of his mouth. He didn’t show much expression, but he was obedient. He would part his lips and let me take what I wanted. Our tongues and chins were soaked with spit we didn’t have time to swallow. I panted his name, and he answered me. I was so overwhelmed I could hardly breathe. Just feeling his warmth had me completely drunk.

I tugged up his shirt, kissed his chest, his collarbone…

Jiang Yibai was trembling with excitement. He was typing at lightning speed and leaving a trail of typos in his wake.

The entire first chapter was just smut. The two leads were only halfway through fucking, but the descriptions were already so detailed that it was impossible to post it on any platform. So he simply dumped it all into a long Weibo post.

After taking a deep breath, he dove into the rest of it. The second half came out in one go. Altogether, the two chapters added up to nearly five thousand words. By then, it was already 2 a.m.

When he went to post the second part, he noticed the first post had already blown up. Insomniacs had flooded the comments with likes, flower emojis, and drooling reactions. Someone had even slid into his DMs, left a social handle, and tried to hook up for sex.

As usual, Jiang Yibai blocked the person on sight, then cleaned up a bunch of spam in the comments. Even so, the heat building inside him had been somewhat released through the writing. Still buzzing, he ended up jerking off, then crawled into bed, exhausted.

What he didn’t know was that in the room next door, another night owl was also still awake.

After finishing his revisions, Si Shaorong finally clicked open the email his editor had sent, only to find himself staring at Jiang Yibai’s newest, utterly nosebleed-inducing smut.

This stuff was banned on regular platforms. The raw, unfiltered hunger in the writing hit like a net thrown straight over his head, pulling him in without warning.

He’d thought the previous things he’d seen were already outrageous. But compared to this, they were child’s play.

The descriptions were so detailed, it was impossible not to visualize every second of it.

It didn’t leave anything to the imagination. It was just there, right in front of your eyes.

You could honestly call it full-on porn, and it wouldn’t be an exaggeration. Only now did Si Shaorong understand why people constantly used this to drag Jiang Yibai.

He read both chapters. Each one clocked in between three and five thousand characters.

The darkness of night seemed to make anything unfit for the daytime feel just a little safer. Under that illusion of safety, Si Shaorong found his mind wandering. He started projecting Jiang Yibai into the role of the protagonist.

And slowly, he began to react.

His cheeks flushed with heat. He looked back at the bedroom door. It was still shut, but the unease lingered. Quietly, he got up and walked over to lock it.

Then he grabbed a tissue, sat back down at his desk, and turned to the screen.