WP Chapter 20

The four of them had late-night barbecue at a spot downstairs. By day, the place was just a typical homestyle restaurant, but come nightfall, they’d set up an ice chest and charcoal grill out front to sell skewers. After getting teased by Sun Ying, Sun Chen didn’t want to sit with her, so Si Shaorong stayed by her side at the table while Sun Chen and Jiang Yibai went to pick out food.

Jiang Yibai brought over a tray and asked, “What do you want to eat?”

Sun Ying was determined. She shook her head. “I’m not eating. I’ll gain weight. You guys go ahead.”

Jiang Yibai didn’t push. He said he’d get her a bottle of sour plum juice instead, and this time she didn’t refuse.

He then looked at Si Shaorong. Si Shaorong glanced at the ice chest and said, “I’ll have whatever you’re having.”

It was just after the start of summer break, and the night air was thick and muggy. It clung to the skin like a fine spiderweb, a persistent, inescapable stickiness.

Outside the old courtyard, elderly men and women had pulled out bamboo chairs and were chatting under the streetlights, each with a palm fan in hand. Some were pushing baby strollers, each one draped in a mesh netting to keep out mosquitoes, with the adults gently fanning from the side.

The alleys in this old neighborhood were narrow, with no real plazas to speak of, so the folks who organized square dancing had chosen the slightly wider storefronts as their stage. At night, the shops closed their shutters, and out came the uncles and aunties dressed in bright, mismatched colors to dance. The music wasn’t loud, not at all disruptive. Instead, it blended seamlessly with the murmur of conversations nearby, weaving together the unmistakable atmosphere of a summer evening in an old neighborhood.

The barbecue joint wasn’t the only one around. Just a street over, two other shops were just as busy. The smoky scent of grilled meat drifted through the air, but even that couldn’t fully cover the familiar summer smells of mosquito coils, medicated balm, and floral cologne.

There was a mosquito coil burning under their table as well. Sun Ying had propped her violin case beside the table, glancing at the man across from her from time to time, as if something were on her mind.

Si Shaorong had already noticed her odd glances. Now that it was just the two of them, he asked, “What is it?”

Sun Ying had been studying with Jiang Yibai for a full semester already. This was her second term. Normally, she only came on weekends, but now that it was summer break, she came three times a week. There was a graded exam at the end of the year, and the girl played quite well. Jiang Yibai had high hopes for her.

She was younger than Sun Chen, still in junior high, but she was sharp for her age. Her eyes held more than they revealed. After thinking it over, she figured that since she knew Teacher Jiang so well, she was qualified to help vet this “boyfriend” of his. Sitting up straight, she said seriously, “I think the way you and Teacher Jiang interact is weird.”

Si Shaorong nearly spat out his tea. He couldn’t help but laugh. “What?”

“You two don’t seem like you’re in a relationship,” Sun Ying said. “Do you really like Teacher Jiang?”

It felt strange discussing this kind of topic with a kid. Si Shaorong wasn’t as comfortable joking around as Jiang Yibai, so he kept quiet and just kept drinking his tea.

Seeing that he didn’t answer, Sun Ying looked a bit nervous, as if her suspicion had been confirmed. Of course, it was a misunderstanding, but she didn’t think that far ahead. She simply felt that she had hit the mark. Her face turned stern. “If you don’t like Teacher Jiang, then don’t waste his time.”

Si Shaorong almost laughed. He found it amusing how well Jiang Yibai got along with his students. He set down his cup and asked, “Are you all really this okay with it now?” He gestured at himself, then at Jiang Yibai in the distance.

“What’s the big deal?” Sun Ying took a sip of tea, frowning at him. “Do you care?”

Si Shaorong thought about it. He hadn’t really examined that question before. He’d never read danmei, but he had some idea of what it was and never thought of himself as biased. He had always written traditional male-protagonist webnovels, where any romance was naturally between a man and a woman. He’d never considered writing emotional dynamics between two men beyond friendship.

When Zhen Zhen had mentioned researching romance plots, they had only discussed the idea of getting a girlfriend. If Jiang Yibai hadn’t gotten involved, he probably never would have considered being with another man.

And when he agreed to give it a try with Jiang Yibai, everything had seemed perfectly reasonable, mostly because Jiang Yibai had already laid out all the justifications. But thinking about it now, could he really say he accepted the idea of being with a man just because it had been “reasoned out”? That felt… off.

His brows drew together. His thoughts were tangled. He remembered the question Jiang Yibai had asked him earlier. Maybe he really didn’t understand his own orientation at all?

A knock on the table broke his train of thought. Sun Ying was glaring at him, clearly annoyed. “Why would you even care about that? I’ve seen couples like you guys all the time. People love selling CPs these days. How is that any different from gossiping about straight couples?”

She had some pretty firm opinions on the matter. “When it’s a straight scandal or ambiguous flirting, no one says it’s ‘misleading young people.’ The worst they do is call someone a scumbag or a homewrecker. But when it’s two guys, suddenly everyone’s screaming about bad role models. Total double standard.”

But Si Shaorong wasn’t paying attention to her argument. He was still stuck on something she’d said. He blinked and asked, “You’ve seen couples like us a lot? Where? You and your friends…”

“There are couples like that at school,” Sun Ying said, looking at him like he was making a big fuss over nothing. “Two top students from the class next door are practically inseparable. One of my friends had a stomachache and skipped P.E. Once, she accidentally walked in on them making out in a corner of the bathroom.”

Si Shaorong: “…”

He was a little traumatized.

“You kids should be focusing on your studies…”

Sun Ying rolled her eyes. “Their grades are excellent. They don’t need adults like you worrying for them.”

Si Shaorong: “…”

He really felt like there was no way to have a proper conversation with these kids. Then he heard Sun Ying say again, “So do you like Teacher Jiang or not? He’s a really good guy. If you’re not serious, you should break things off cleanly.”

Si Shaorong didn’t want to talk about this kind of thing with a child, but Sun Ying just kept pestering him, insisting he give a clear answer, looking at him like he was some jerk playing with someone’s feelings.

It gave him a major headache.

“You two just don’t look right,” Sun Ying said. “You don’t act like a couple.”

Si Shaorong was helpless. “Then how are couples supposed to act?”

“Just not like you guys. You’re way too polite with each other,” Sun Ying thought about it for a long time but couldn’t quite describe it. “Like the kind of politeness between a host and a guest. Maybe a bit closer than that, but that’s about it. Even friends who get along well act more intimate than you two.”

As they were talking, Jiang Yibai and Sun Chen returned carrying the food.

It was late, so they didn’t bring much meat. Most of it was vegetables, and Jiang Yibai also opened two bottles of beer.

Sun Chen and Sun Ying drank their sour plum juice. Sun Ying no longer brought up the topic of Jiang Yibai and Si Shaorong. The four of them chatted idly. Jiang Yibai casually asked Sun Chen about which high school he got into, how his grades were, and other such details. Sun Chen, in turn, was curious about what Jiang Yibai had studied and why he’d become a teacher.

Si Shaorong quietly pricked up his ears to listen in.

Jiang Yibai said, “I didn’t major in this, but I liked it, so I studied on my own.”

He started talking about how he used to be in a band, which left Sun Chen stunned. Sun Ying already knew about it and smugly added, “I told you, Teacher Jiang is a jack-of-all-trades. He writes lyrics, composes, and sings.”

Sun Chen was surprised. “Then why didn’t you sign with an agency? You’re good-looking too. You might’ve gotten famous. There aren’t many famous bands in China anyway…”

“My ambitions weren’t there. What would be the point of signing?” Jiang Yibai said. “If I had that time, I’d rather spend it doing things I enjoy. Watering plants, cooking, taking pictures, teaching students, playing piano when I’m in a good mood. Living like a landowner.”

Jiang Yibai laughed and added, “No grand ambitions. That’s me. But don’t follow my example, alright?”

Sun Ying and Sun Chen burst out laughing.

In the midst of the laughter, Si Shaorong keenly sensed that something was off. But the thought passed too quickly, before he could really grasp it.

Jiang Yibai raised his glass toward him.
“Ge, you’ve had a hard day too. Barely stepped out of your room. Did we disturb you out here?”

“No, it was fine. The soundproofing is decent,” Si Shaorong replied. “Besides, I had headphones on. Didn’t bother me.”

The two clinked glasses and drank. As Si Shaorong set his glass down, he caught Sun Ying’s gaze again. That look on her face clearly said, See what I mean? What kind of couple acts so polite with each other?

Si Shaorong: “…”

It’s not like he could just turn around and announce, Yes, we’re a couple, this is just how we interact, so what?

He had no choice but to pretend he hadn’t noticed and lowered his head to eat.

Since they were all from the same old neighborhood, the two kids lived nearby. Jiang Yibai and Si Shaorong took it as a stroll and walked them home, then circled around to walk back.

As the street grew quieter, Jiang Yibai looked around and said, “Not many surveillance cameras around here.”

Si Shaorong was caught off guard. “Huh?”

Jiang Yibai leaned in and took his hand. The instant their hands touched, a wave of heat rushed up Si Shaorong’s arm from his palm, spreading to his face and all the way to his chest. His heart began to race.

They walked on in silence, hand in hand, side by side. The streetlights cast long shadows of their bodies on the ground.

Soon a car came up from behind. Jiang Yibai started to let go, but before Si Shaorong could even think, he held on tight and laced their fingers together.

By the time he realized what he had done, Jiang Yibai was already grinning from ear to ear.

Si Shaorong couldn’t help finding it a little funny too. His expression softened as he looked at him. “What are you smiling at?”

“I’m smiling because you’re contradicting yourself,” Jiang Yibai said. “Just admit it, Great Master. You actually like men, don’t you?”

Si Shaorong didn’t respond, because right now, even he wasn’t so sure anymore.

Jiang Yibai continued, “It’s not that strange. Some people are just slow to realize these things. If you’ve never met someone you like, and you’ve been in a certain environment your whole life, it’s totally possible to reach this age and only then figure out your orientation.”

Si Shaorong asked, “You said you figured it out in middle school?”

“Yeah.”

“How’d you know?”

“Obviously because I fell for a cute guy,” Jiang Yibai said with a nostalgic smile. “One night I had a dirty dream about him, and after that, I couldn’t stop thinking about him. I had no interest in girls. The most embarrassing thing was during summer break. Our whole class went swimming, and when I saw him changing into his swim trunks in the locker room, I just… yeah. Instantly got hard. That was mortifying.”

Si Shaorong tried to picture a flustered, young Jiang Yibai, but couldn’t quite manage it. Something inside him tightened as he listened to this piece of Jiang Yibai’s past, one he had no part in. The odd feeling left him with a faint sense of regret.

He stared at Jiang Yibai’s profile for a moment and asked, “Did you… ever have a boyfriend before?”

Jiang Yibai gave a lopsided, roguish grin.

Si Shaorong’s heart skipped a beat. He thought, That expression is completely different from how he looks when he’s teaching. But for some reason, whether Jiang Yibai was being serious or not, both versions of him had this strange pull on him, like a kind of magic that made it impossible to look away.

Jiang Yibai leaned in a little closer and tightened his grip on Si Shaorong’s hand. “Come on, don’t joke with me. I’m twenty-five, you really think I’ve never had a boyfriend?”

Si Shaorong was only three years older than Jiang Yibai. They were about the same height, their builds weren’t far off either, but with Jiang Yibai’s baby face, he looked noticeably younger.

Si Shaorong’s throat moved slightly as he swallowed, about to say something when Jiang Yibai added, “You’re not jealous hearing that?”

Si Shaorong: “…”

Jealous or not? For a moment, Si Shaorong didn’t even know how to answer.

Jiang Yibai saw the look on his face and broke into laughter. He started gently tracing his fingertips along Si Shaorong’s wrist, a barely-there touch full of teasing intimacy. “This is when you’re supposed to say you’re jealous. That way I know you actually care.”

Si Shaorong replied stiffly, “But if I say I’m jealous when I’m not, isn’t that lying to you? I don’t think it’s important. That’s all in the past. I respect all the choices you made before. I think approaching things like this rationally is healthier for a relationship…”

Before he could finish, Jiang Yibai was already laughing so hard he nearly doubled over.

Si Shaorong: “…”

Great. He’d said the wrong thing again.

Si Shaorong thought he never seemed to say the right thing at the right time.

Even when he knew what he should say, he always ended up doing the opposite.

He glanced at Jiang Yibai, who was laughing so hard his eyes were tearing up. That made it hard not to smile himself. “That’s not what I meant, I…”

“I know, I know, it’s fine,” Jiang Yibai wiped at his eyes, still catching his breath between laughs. “I kind of like you this way.”

The words had barely landed when Jiang Yibai suddenly froze, his smile vanishing. He fell silent.

Si Shaorong felt a quiet firework go off in his chest. He looked at him and asked, “You like…?”

“Yeah.” Jiang Yibai licked his lips. “I mean, I think it’s nice. You know exactly what you want, and you come off as really dependable. Sure, you’re not the most romantic guy or anything… but real life’s not about candlelight and roses every day, right?”

Si Shaorong gave a small sound of acknowledgment, though he wasn’t sure what to say. His thoughts were all over the place, and he felt light on his feet, like the ground under him wasn’t quite solid.

Jiang Yibai likes me.

If only I could hear him say it a few more times.