WP Chapter 61

The psychologist, Dr. Liu, was someone Si Shaorong had arranged through a personal connection. In this industry, it was common for people to carry some level of psychological strain. Those who were financially stable and cared enough about their mental state would seek professional counseling regularly. It wasn’t that difficult. They simply sat for two or three hours, talked, drank some tea, and it became a way to let off steam.

People were strange sometimes. There were things they couldn’t say to those closest to them, but the moment they were faced with a professional “emotional dumpster,” they suddenly wanted to pour everything out. Dr. Liu was known to have a solid reputation in the circle. Tight-lipped, professional, and very trustworthy. But his rates weren’t cheap. Consultations were billed by the hour, and for long-term regular sessions, it made more sense to purchase a year-long package.

At first, Si Shaorong felt awkward bringing it up to Jiang Yibai. He was afraid Jiang Yibai would think he saw him as mentally unstable. Psychological illness could be big or small depending on how you looked at it, and in truth, everyone carried something. Most people were just unaware or unwilling to accept it, instinctively rejecting the idea.

He had already confirmed the appointment with the doctor and set the time, but he kept putting off telling Jiang Yibai. It wasn’t until the night before the scheduled session that he finally brought it up, cautiously testing the waters as he held his boyfriend in his arms, fully prepared to get scolded or slapped for it.

To his surprise, Jiang Yibai took it even better than he had imagined. The moment he heard what it was about, he agreed without hesitation. That single nod of agreement made Si Shaorong let out a long sigh of relief.

The next day, they took a cab to the clinic. Si Shaorong waited outside, watching as his boyfriend walked through the revolving glass doors, unable to stop the anxiety building in his chest. He was afraid that once Jiang Yibai became aware of the label of “mental illness,” it would only make things worse.

Si Shaorong frowned and eventually walked over to the supermarket next door to buy a pack of cigarettes. He coughed harshly after his first drag, but still finished the entire thing, brow furrowed and jaw clenched.

The first session was meant for the patient and doctor to get a feel for each other, to chat casually and begin building trust.

So after less than an hour, Jiang Yibai came back out. Si Shaorong quickly stubbed out his cigarette and walked up to him, only to get a frown and a light punch to the chest.

“You’re smoking again? Give it.”

The moment his boyfriend scolded him, Si Shaorong caved. He handed over the cigarette pack, and Jiang Yibai stuffed it into his coat pocket without a second thought.

Si Shaorong studied his face carefully. Seeing that there was no trace of discomfort, he finally felt the heavy stone in his heart fall back into place.

Jiang Yibai found it funny. How could he not know what his baby was thinking?

He took Si Shaorong’s hand and said, “What are you afraid of? You think Dr. Liu is going to eat me alive?”

Si Shaorong licked his lips. Now that his worry had eased, he became aware of the unpleasant taste of smoke in his mouth and frowned. “I was just afraid you’d overthink it. So how do you feel? What did the doctor say?”

“Nothing major,” Jiang Yibai replied, not wanting to make him worry. He gave his hand a squeeze. “No medication needed. Just regular sessions. He said my willpower is strong, and I’ve already got healthy ways to let things out and decompress. I should be fine in no time.”

Si Shaorong thought back to what had happened in the past and said to himself, he had never met anyone stronger than Jiang Yibai. Back then, Jiang Yibai might not have realized that he was already sick, but through sheer willpower, he pulled himself back up. It took him a year, but he did it. He got back up, and he was doing well.

Still, there were things Si Shaorong couldn’t quite understand. Seeing that Jiang Yibai didn’t seem uncomfortable, he asked, “I thought you’d be triggered by things like the car crash or hospitals. Why was it Zheng Yu?”

Why was it that everything had been fine until Zheng Yu appeared? Why was he the one who lit the fuse?

Jiang Yibai fell silent for a moment before replying slowly, “According to Dr. Liu, I subconsciously tied all the knots back to the moment I met Zheng Yu. Of course, the bigger problem was in me. I refused to come to terms with any of it. I buried everything inside and never let it out. If I had screamed and cried back then, maybe it would’ve been a lot better. Negative emotions are no different from positive ones. They’re both forms of self-protection. When you’re overwhelmed by something, you can’t just bottle it up. You have to vent it through a healthy channel.”

Then, as if changing the subject deliberately, Jiang Yibai added, “Dr. Liu’s actually pretty young. And good-looking too.”

Si Shaorong stared at him in silence.

Any lingering heaviness in the air was gone in an instant. Whatever worry or emotional weight he had felt was completely scattered by that one line.

Of course he knew Jiang Yibai had said it to keep him from overthinking. Maybe there were things he hadn’t mentioned at all. But since he didn’t want to talk about it, Si Shaorong wasn’t going to pry. He sighed softly, then gently scratched the inside of his boyfriend’s palm and played along with a faint smile. “Is he better looking than me?”

“Eugh.” Jiang Yibai drew out the sound with a grin. “I can’t believe the Male God is acting vain now.”

And just like that, weekly therapy became part of Jiang Yibai’s routine.

Si Shaorong didn’t ask about it much, but he paid close attention. As the months passed and the year drew to a close, Jiang Yibai still laughed and joked as usual. But Si Shaorong could sense a shift.

It was hard to describe. Jiang Yibai had always been a bright, open person. In Si Shaorong’s eyes, he had always been a radiant sun. But now, that sun no longer felt blinding. That didn’t mean something was lost. On the contrary, it felt warmer, calmer, more at ease. He no longer tried to show or prove that he was happy. He simply was.

His laughter was no longer as exaggerated as before, but it was more genuine. His smiles were less frequent, but each one came from deep within, warm and unguarded. He was still just as spirited, still occasionally cocky and shameless when teasing others, but there was now a focus in his gaze that hadn’t been there before. He no longer looked lost or aimless.

Sometimes, Si Shaorong would find himself wondering, maybe this was the real Jiang Yibai.

The pride and recklessness that had once clung to his youth had slowly been worn down by the passage of time. But that wasn’t a bad thing. He had become steadier, more reserved. He was kind, and gentle. He was still brave and straightforward, still loved fiercely and hated clearly, but now he had also learned how to forgive, how to let go.

The cold wind howled as Jiang Yibai emerged from the glass doors, scarf wrapped tightly around his neck, and dove straight into Si Shaorong’s arms.

“Why are you waiting out here again?” Jiang Yibai grumbled. “There’s a waiting room inside. Are you stupid?”

“I just came out,” Si Shaorong replied, fingers lacing tightly with his. He smiled. “It was too warm inside. I needed some air.”

Jiang Yibai looped his arm through his boyfriend’s, and like every other week, the two of them walked side by side down the quiet street.

Dr. Liu’s practice was located in an old part of town, surrounded by aging storefronts. It was neither lively nor noisy. A few shared bicycles leaned crookedly against the bare trunks of the winter trees. Around the corner was a meat pie stall with a rich, fragrant smell. Every week, the two of them would stop to buy a pair, munching as they wandered their way home.

They always took a cab to the appointment, then walked three blocks afterward before catching the bus back.

That was their weekly routine.

“The filling’s off today,” Jiang Yibai commented, speaking with a casual familiarity that came from experience. “Hey, I just thought of a new story idea.”

Si Shaorong responded with a hum. “What is it?”

“A psychologist and a meat pie vendor,” Jiang Yibai said, grinning mischievously. “The psychologist’s the bottom. What do you think?”

Si Shaorong: “…”

He thought long and hard. “Why the meat pie vendor?”

“Apron with nothing underneath,” Jiang Yibai said confidently. “The psychologist is the refined type. Graduated from a top university. Has a head full of knowledge. Dresses meticulously every day, always buttons his collar all the way to the top. Cold and repressed. The meat pie vendor’s built, full of muscle, works bare-chested in just his apron, sweat pouring off him while he flips pies. Wait, I meant topless, not fully naked. His face is sharp and cold, and there’s a scar at his temple. Symbol of his wild youth. What do you think about a backstory where he went to prison? Reformed, found purpose again, but has PTSD…”

Si Shaorong: “…”

Si Shaorong sighed. “Let’s not even talk about the setup. But a guy drenched in sweat flipping meat pies… I don’t think I’d want to buy from him. Are you sure his business would be any good?”

Jiang Yibai fell silent.

He muttered inwardly, why was it that both Nian Gao and Si Shaorong were like this? Always so fixated on these bizarre, irrelevant details?

They continued walking and chatting about nonsense as they chewed on their meat pies. Just as they were nearing the bus stop, Jiang Yibai suddenly noticed a small boutique with a carefully decorated storefront.

The shop sold mostly women’s clothing, but also shoes and silk scarves. Jiang Yibai stopped at the window and looked inside. His eyes were drawn to a silk scarf draped around the neck of a mannequin in the display.

He hesitated for a moment, then nudged his boyfriend with his elbow. “Should I bring something when I visit your parents? Do you think your mom likes scarves? This color looks pretty versatile, and the texture seems nice…”

Si Shaorong followed the direction of his gaze and glanced at the price tag. He frowned. “You don’t need to make it complicated. Just bring some fruit or tea.”

Jiang Yibai had seen the price too. He rubbed his chin. “Maybe I overthought it. We should probably go to a mall instead. The packaging will look better too.”

Si Shaorong sighed, took his hand, and gently pulled him away. “That’s not what I meant. The mall would be even more expensive. It’s not worth it.”

Jiang Yibai laughed. “How can you judge a gift by whether it’s worth it or not?”

“Trust me on this,” Si Shaorong said. “They don’t care about that kind of thing. A fancy package doesn’t matter. Something practical would be better. My family’s always been pragmatic.”

Jiang Yibai made a small sound of agreement, but his eyes were still darting around, clearly distracted by his own thoughts. Si Shaorong gave him a little push onto the bus and suddenly said, “Let’s buy a car.”

“Huh?” Jiang Yibai blinked. “What for? We barely even go out… now you’re the one not being pragmatic?”

“We could use it for traveling. It’d be easier to drive you around too.”

“We can borrow Li Xun’s car,” Jiang Yibai replied. “He’s got more than he needs anyway. It’s practically doing him a favor. It keeps the engine running, so there’s no need to stand on ceremony.”

He spoke with such earnest conviction, as if borrowing someone else’s car was doing them a kindness. Si Shaorong couldn’t help laughing.

“There was a time I didn’t really want to go anywhere. If I had to travel for research, Zhen Zhen would book the car, the flights, and the hotel. It always felt more like a business trip than a vacation. I’ve never actually traveled for real. But now, it’s different. I want to go to all kinds of places. With you.”

Jiang Yibai’s heart warmed at those words. “Alright, then let’s buy one. We’ll go together.”

Si Shaorong didn’t argue. He smiled and nodded.

Then he rubbed his nose and said, “There’s one more thing…”

Jiang Yibai clicked his tongue, already catching on. His boyfriend had been full of little schemes lately. Still indulgent, still helpless, he said, “If you’ve got something to say, just say it all at once.”

“My own place… I already had Zhen Zhen give notice to the tenant. Their lease ends next spring and we won’t be renewing it,” Si Shaorong said. “I want to renovate it. Let’s move in.”

Jiang Yibai was a little surprised. “Why? Is it uncomfortable living here with me?”

“No, not at all.” Si Shaorong shook his head immediately. “But this place is old, and the layout isn’t ideal. My apartment has more space. I was thinking we could convert one of the rooms into a dedicated classroom for you. If we do some proper soundproofing, it’ll be more convenient for your lessons.”

Jiang Yibai hadn’t expected Si Shaorong to be thinking about that. He had been teaching out of this old apartment for years and had built up his own reputation and clientele. Moving didn’t bother him much. And what Si Shaorong said was true. He had always taught in the living room. Piano, violin, guitar, there simply wasn’t enough space, and he was constantly worried about disturbing the neighbors.

He had done some soundproofing when he renovated the place a second time, but the building was old, and most of the neighbors in the complex were elderly. They stayed home during the day, so there was no way to avoid overlapping with his teaching schedule.

His busiest periods were during the summer and winter holidays, which was exactly when many of those neighbors would have their grandchildren over to play. Classes inevitably got noisy, and it was hard not to disrupt others.

The fact that Si Shaorong had thought of all this ahead of time moved him deeply. He agreed without much hesitation.

In the end, as long as they were together, anywhere could be home.

Time flew by, and New Year’s Eve was right around the corner.

Si Shaorong had already called his parents in advance and explained that his boyfriend would be visiting with him this year. His parents were surprised, but they didn’t say much and agreed without issue.

Even though Si Shaorong had long said that his parents were open-minded and wouldn’t interfere in his life, Jiang Yibai still couldn’t help feeling nervous. Seeing how easily Si Shaorong confirmed the plans and how calmly his parents reacted, he was completely thrown off. What followed was a wave of intense anxiety. He became fidgety, restless, like an ant on a hot pan, and his temper started to flare.

“I need to buy more!” Jiang Yibai had already bought a whole pile of things over the past few days, including drinks, snacks, and daily supplies, but he still wanted to keep shopping. When Si Shaorong tried to stop him, he became furious and nearly burst out shouting. “Si Shaorong! You don’t love me anymore!”

Si Shaorong: “???”

Jiang Yibai lost his temper. “Are you trying to make me embarrass myself in front of your parents?”

Si Shaorong looked pitiful and helpless. “I’m not. I didn’t…”

“It never hurts to be extra polite. Haven’t you heard that?” Jiang Yibai yelled. “Better to bring too much than too little! What if your parents don’t like me? What then? They’re so kind…”

He paused, looking miserable. “They’re so kind, and they’re not even against us being together. I’m really grateful for that. So what if I bring too much? They’re your parents.”

Si Shaorong immediately felt guilty. He realized he had miscalculated and reached out to pull his boyfriend into a hug. “Alright. Whatever you say, I’ll go along with it.”

Only then did Jiang Yibai give a little snort and pick up his phone again. While browsing, he said, “What about a massage chair? Didn’t you say your parents are always busy? They could use a good massage.”

Si Shaorong fell silent.

After a long sigh, he said, “As long as you’re happy.”