YCHW Ch 67

Originally, he was the pillar of the So family. Not only had he learned to read earlier than others, but from a young age, he was gifted in various fields and carried the expectations of the entire household. He was the one and only rising star who could fulfill the lingering regrets and ambitions of the So family, which had held official posts for generations but had never secured a crucial key position.

However, after Yoonso bloomed, his father began to revere this son as if he were the hero who would save the So family. Even when he himself passed the state examination, his father merely considered it an expected result and simply waited impatiently for Yoonso to flower.

What was so great about being empress material? On the contrary, becoming an in-law of the imperial family would surely invite checks and restraints from all sides. The high-ranking officials would keep a sharp eye out to prevent a Yeongchunhwa from wielding the Dragon’s Scion using their guardian star as a weapon, and above all, the current emperor was absolutely not a man who would be swayed by a Yeongchunhwa to empower his in-laws. If anything, he would be more likely to suppress them.

But why his father harbored such a foolish delusion was beyond him. Ever since Yoonso bloomed, his father, eager to expand the Yeongchunhwa’s authority, had not offered a single piece of counsel against the emperor’s state management, acting as if he would lick the emperor’s very feet. It was a shameful sight, like a dog wagging its tail.

Afterward, when * he ascended, his father considered Yoonso the very rope that would pull the So family to the highest place, but Wongyeong was convinced that his own slow ascension was all Yoonso’s fault. It was plain to see that his immediate superiors and colleagues were keeping him in check, so on whose shoulders did the So family truly stand?

“I know well that Father is looking out for this unworthy son, but I worry that the public’s gaze will not be so kind. Therefore, I believe it would be more beneficial to our family if you, my wise hyung-nim, were to remind Father of the proper course of action.”

“To get straight to the point, you are telling me to tell Father to exercise self-restraint.”

Yoonso did not answer readily, but neither did he deny it. To think this punk now saw him as an errand boy—it was astounding. When rage boiled and boiled and reached its peak, it turned into its opposite, a coldness, and Wongyeong’s face grew chilly.

“Why not deliver the message yourself?”

“That is…”

“Your Majesty ought to have at least one thing you can do for yourself.”

Wongyeong trembled at the injustice bestowed upon this world. What in the world had the Yongrin and Yeongchunhwa gained through their own power? They had made no effort whatsoever.

Those who have never shed their own blood, toiling day and night in their studies to rise higher, those who were merely “chosen” by chance, now hold in their hands, as if it were their right, a greater glory than what should be earned by those who have actually honed themselves.

And he doesn’t even know how to be grateful for it. He’s the one who ran away, willing to risk the necks of his family members, and what? He’s afraid of the public’s gaze? He’s just afraid his own reputation will hit rock bottom.

Candid and cunning foxes were better. Better than this one, who wears the mask of a gentle sheep and tries to keep even a single speck of dust from soiling himself.

“If that is all you have to say, I will take my leave now.”

Wongyeong did not listen further, rising from his seat, bowing his head, and turning away. He was just about to take a step.

“Hyung-nim. Why do you hate me so much?”

When he looked back, Yoonso was looking at him with the eyes of an abandoned child. Overlaid on that image was the face of the child from the past who, whenever he was treated dismissively out of annoyance, would remain by his side, dejected but persistent.

“I have never hated Your Majesty. You speak of things that are not befitting.”

Who in the world hates a pebble lying in a garden? This naive selfishness, which cast himself as the unconditional victim and shifted the blame to the other party, was simply infuriating.

Having spoken firmly, Wongyeong moved his feet quickly, lest he be held back again. It was only when he had completely exited the inner palace and familiar buildings came into view that he could finally catch his breath.

The more he replayed the conversation with Yoonso, the more his official robes felt uncomfortable, as if his neck were being choked. If it hadn’t been the Jiseo Palace, he would have shot back a remark to bring him to his senses; the fact that he no longer had that chance was regrettable.

Wongyeong was hurrying his steps, breathing out angry puffs of air, when a figure blocked his path. Wongyeong, who raised his head in irritation, saw his eyes widen.

𓇢𓆸

“Yeondeok…”

Yoonso, who had been about to call for Yeondeok out of habit, stopped. Today was Yeondeok’s day off. He had deliberately summoned Wongyeong on her day off to prevent Yeondeok from running into him. Although Wongyeong didn’t treat Yeondeok rudely, there was no need for Yeondeok to receive his scornful gaze as well.

Realizing Yeondeok’s absence, his body felt even more drained. Yoonso stared blankly into the air, like someone standing at a crossroads with no destination, before finally collecting himself.

“Is Wan here?”

“Yes, Your Majesty!”

The moment he called, Wan came scurrying in like a squirrel, and a smile formed on his lips without any effort.

“I am thinking of doing some writing. Could you prepare things for me?”

“Yes, I understand.”

Wan moved diligently to arrange the four treasures of the study. She stood beside him and ground the inkstick without being asked, so Yoonso pulled up a chair for her to sit on.

“Here, sit and do it.”

“Ah, if you do this…”

“No one is here, so what does it matter?”

When Yoonso urged her in an undignified tone, Wan glanced at his face before sitting down carefully. Only then did he feel at ease, and Yoonso picked up his brush.

Practicing calligraphy was a great help in calming a noisy mind. Yoonso pondered what characters to write, and thinking that he had not heard his own name recently, he wrote the characters of his name.

「倫瑞」

His father had been so delighted when he was born that he gave him a name using the characters for ethics and auspiciousness, meaning only that he should abide by his principles. Yoonso looked down at the characters written on the paper with a sense of emptiness and bitterness. Even if his birth had been a joyous moment, it seemed that was not enough. I suppose so, of course.

To escape the emotions that grabbed at his ankles and tried to pull him down, he thought about writing Hwi’s name this time, but he stopped, as he could not carelessly write the emperor’s given name. Yoonso gazed endlessly at the empty space on the paper before writing different characters.

「塗 途 涂」

The character Do, which he had thought was Hwi’s surname. Looking at it like this, it resembled Hwi’s real surname, Seo 徐, and the thought that Hwi had either used a character that came to mind in the moment as his surname, or had been mocking him for not recognizing the emperor right before his eyes, seized Yoonso.

“Your Majesty. Are you feeling unwell?”

Just as a drop of ink hanging precariously from the tip of the brush fell with a plop and soaked the paper, Wan casually posed the question. Only then did Yoonso realize he had been trapped in malicious thoughts and shook his head.

“Does it seem that way?”

“No matter that Head Secretary So is Your Majesty’s brother, he should not be allowed to disturb Your Majesty’s peace of mind.”

At Wan’s resolute declaration, Yoonso simply smiled and asked.

“Wan, do you have siblings?”

“Yes, I do.”

“I think you would have been a good sibling. You must have entered the palace, leaving your family behind. Are you facing any difficulties?”

“Although I miss my family, thinking of them helps me endure palace life well. There is nothing I would not do for my family.”

Yoonso’s hand, which was about to dip the brush in ink, paused. Yoonso glanced at Wan, then moved his hand again and dipped the brush in the inkwell.

“Your devotion to your family is commendable, and while I may not know your circumstances well, Wan, I hope that you think of yourself as much as you think of them.”

“May I ask what you mean by that?”

“You are still young… and you have your own life. This might just sound like the words of someone who has it easy, but I hope you can have at least one thing that you desire.”

This time, he wrote down ordinary characters. Characters like Do 道 (way), Hui 喜 (joy), In 仁 (benevolence), and Won 願 (wish).

All the while, Wan was silent. She might have had something she wanted to refute but couldn’t to her superior, or she might not have understood the meaning yet, or she might have understood but was contemplating a reality that could not be changed.

He wondered if he had said something unnecessary, but he wanted Wan not to be overly crushed by the weight on her shoulders in the future. Perhaps this, too, was his own selfish desire. Not for Wan’s sake, but for his own.

After reflecting on his inner self like that, he felt sorry for having been meddlesome. Turning his eyes while changing the paper, Yoonso noticed she was tracing her thumbnail with her index finger, then flicking it with a tap, tap. The gesture seemed somewhat anxious, and Yoonso spoke.

“Do you have something to say?”

“Pardon?”

“You cannot keep your hands still.”

When Yoonso pointed it out with a hint of a smile, Wan belatedly noticed her own action and quickly hid her hands behind her back.

“Ah, it is not that… The truth is, I do not know how to write well, so I cannot even write my own name.”

A different topic came up unexpectedly, and Yoonso turned to Wan amiably.

“Your Majesty’s handwriting is so very beautiful, so if you would write my name for me, I would like to carry it with me and memorize it. If Your Majesty would bestow your writing upon me, it would be an honor for my family as well.”

Wan’s face, as she stared intently down at the paper, bore an uncharacteristically stiff expression, as if she were shy. Yoonso smiled, saying that honor was too grand a word, and neatened his brush.

“If you ask, of course I should write it for you. What characters do you use?”

“Uhm… This…”

As if she did not even know the meaning of the characters in her name, Wan tilted her head and haltingly traced a character on the table. Yoonso watched the lost gesture intently before writing a character on the paper.

“This one?”

“Yes! That is right!”

“Here, take it. I will write it for you anytime, so do not think of it as an honor.”

“How could I not consider an honor an honor?”

Seeing Wan so happy over a single character, the turmoil that had been stirred up by his conversation with Wongyeong seemed to slowly fill and settle. His own flesh and blood grows distant, while those with whom he shares not a drop of blood fill the space by his side and comfort him. Perhaps this too was a blessing not easily obtained. Yoonso gazed at the characters he had written with a distinctly softer look in his eyes.