NUTMEG 37

“Pardon? There’s no one who would come visit me…”

His eyes widened at the word “visit.” The woman gestured uncertainly with her hand held high up, as if trying to gauge the person’s height, and spoke.

“He was this much taller than you, student, and incredibly handsome, you know?”

At those words, he felt sweat bead in the hand gripping the IV pole.

It couldn’t be. Of course, it wasn’t him, but just in case.

Minje walked so fast down the hallway he was almost running, earning a warning from a nurse. Where he apologized, there was a glass door polished like a mirror. His reflection in the glass looked haggard, so he needlessly wiped his face with his palm and neatened his hair.

Then, he cautiously stepped inside the hospital room. Just as the woman had said, a very tall man wearing jeans and a jacket was standing in front of Minje’s empty bed. The man turned around as if sensing his presence, and Minje just blinked a few times at his face.

“Oh. Minje.”

“Ah… Director Im.”

He almost didn’t recognize him for a moment, so his greeting was a little late. Minje bowed his head and approached the bed. He could feel the director’s gaze sweep over his hospital gown and IV pole, so he didn’t forget to put on a smile that tried to look okay.

He had hoped it might be Wonoh. But he had specifically asked the assistant director not to tell him, and from the occasional messages he received, Wonoh didn’t seem to know he was hospitalized, so of course, it couldn’t have been him. Minje secretly sighed, looking at the man standing before him, looking unrecognizably neat.

“I almost didn’t recognize you.”

“Huh? Why? Ah.”

Director Im looked down at himself and scratched the back of his neck, abashed. The shaggy hair that always covered his neck was neatly trimmed, revealing a well-tanned, thick neck that stretched straight. He wasn’t wearing his usual gray t-shirt and sweatpants either. Without the thick, horn-rimmed glasses, his prominent nose bridge and sharp eyes were revealed, making him look completely different from his usual gentle-looking impression. It was only then that he remembered Director Im had always been dressed like this at the awards ceremonies he had seen in his past life.

“Heard your liver’s not doing well. Are you okay?”

“Ah. I think I can return to filming next week. I’m so sorry for being such a burden…”

“Not that. I’m asking if you, Minje, are okay.”

At those words, he felt his cheeks grow warm. Minje bit his lower lip and barely managed to answer.

“…I’m much, much better. Thank you.”

“I wanted to come see you sooner, but we’re in the final stages of filming, so I couldn’t find the time.”

As Minje nodded, Kihwan added that the assistant director had been very worried too, and asked back, “You got a lot of messages, right?” Just as Kihwan said, he had often received messages from the assistant director in the morning and evening. They were always asking how he was, so he had only given formal replies, but now he felt embarrassed, thinking he must have really worried him.

“…You didn’t have to come. Wasn’t it far?”

“I had some business in Seoul. Came by on my way. It was pretty far, though.”

As if reading Minje’s mind, who had been feeling uncomfortable about making him travel such a long way, Director Im raised the corners of his mouth and spoke lightly. His words put Minje’s mind at ease, and he smiled back.

Sitting on a small stool that was far too small for his large frame, Director Im looked around the room and rambled on for a while with trivial comments, like how the bed was too small and must be uncomfortable, or how the TV was too small. Then, he suddenly cleared his throat with a “ahem.”

“Minje. You know that you and Choi Wonoh are like real nephews to me, and I really care about you, right?”

“Huh? Yes…”

It was just as he handed Kihwan a bottle of orange juice. This, too, was something the woman across the way had shared.

“By any chance. Just by any chance, okay? It’s not like Choi Wonoh did anything bad to you, is it?”

“Something bad…?”

Kihwan scratched the back of his head roughly as if frustrated, then finally confessed as if he had made up his mind.

“Well, um. You’re a beta so you wouldn’t know, but sometimes I can smell Choi Wonoh’s pheromones on you.”

“Ah…”

The rims of Minje’s ears turned bright red. He realized what Kihwan was talking about. Minje, who was naturally insensitive to others’ pheromones, hadn’t even known that Wonoh’s pheromones were on him.

Since when? And since when had Director Im known? A flush started from the nape of Minje’s neck and spread to his cheeks. Im Kihwan quickly added.

“No, I mean, really, really raaarely. It’s just that I live with him, so I recognize Choi Wonoh’s pheromones. He also tries his damnest not to let his pheromones leak out anywhere else. Other people wouldn’t know. I’m the only secondary gender on the film set anyway. Well, whatever.”

Minje, like someone being scolded, lowered his gaze to his knees and just fidgeted with his fingers.

“You’re both adults, so, well. I tried not to worry, thinking you’d handle things yourselves, but then last time Choi Wonoh said he was in rut, you two were nowhere to be seen, and then right after that you suddenly get sick, Minje. And you’re even hospitalized, how could I possibly not worry?”

“…I’m sorry.”

“No, you have nothing to be sorry for. Choi Wonoh’s personality is a bit weird, you know. Sometimes when he doesn’t act like a human being…”

Director Im, who was speaking, suddenly stopped and stared intently at Minje’s face. When Minje lifted his head, their eyes met, shining sharply, and he flinched without realizing it. He felt as if his innermost thoughts had been completely exposed. After a moment of silence, Director Im suddenly gulped down the orange juice in front of him and set it down on the table with a clack.

“This juice is good.”

At his words, “You should have some too,” Minje hesitantly took a sip of his own juice. Seeing him carefully put down the almost-full juice bottle, Director Im placed a small box on the table.

“This. It’s really delicious, and it would be good with the juice. Let’s eat together, Minje.”

Then, without waiting for an answer, he swiftly untied the pink ribbon, opened the lid, and held it out.

It was a box filled with colorful macarons. Director Im picked up a vanilla-colored macaron, popped it into his mouth in one bite, and chewed noisily. “Delicious. You try one too,” he said, pushing the box towards him, and Minje, taken aback, picked up a pink macaron and put it in his mouth.

The moment it touched his teeth, the shell broke with a crisp sound, and the cloud-like, thick filling and soft cream touched his tongue. The sweeter the taste spread in his mouth, the warmer the corners of his eyes strangely seemed to get.

“You know what, Minje? When I was your age, I got dumped and drank nothing but straight soju for a week, and ended up in the emergency room with cirrhosis. But your heart just doesn’t do what you want it to. There’s nothing you can do in times like that. You just gotta do some ridiculously embarrassing stuff. I think I’ve done pretty much everything short of running around naked. Can’t do anything that’ll get you arrested. No, anyway.”

It seemed Im Kihwan thought that Minje had been dumped by Choi Wonoh, started chugging alcohol, and ended up with cirrhosis. It was so funny he wanted to laugh, but contrary to that, the corners of his eyes gradually grew hot. When he dropped his head, Director Im placed another, light-blue macaron in Minje’s hand.

“Once you do what your heart tells you to, you feel relieved. Because you tried everything. You might regret it because it’s embarrassing, but you don’t regret it because you didn’t do it. And if it still doesn’t work out even after all that, then you can accept that it just wasn’t meant to be and move on.”

Minje felt his vision blurring as he held the macaron in his hand.

“The macarons are so good they make you cry, huh?”

Kihwan patted Minje’s shoulder, thud thud, with his thick hand. With the vibration, a tear dripped, splat, onto his knee. He pretended not to notice, simply saying, “You’ve got something here,” as he pulled out a tissue and handed it to Minje.

Director Im stayed silently by his side until Minje stopped crying. Only after a long while did he get up, saying he had to go. Minje, with slightly swollen eyes, walked Kihwan to the front of the elevator. It was because he had insisted there was no need to see him off so far. Minje waited for the elevator with him and offered a small word of thanks.

“Thank you, Director…”

“For what?”

Im Kihwan asked with a mischievous smile.

“…For the macarons.”

At his answer, Director Im, who had been laughing heartily, placed the pink paper bag he was holding into Minje’s hands.

“Since you like them this much, I can’t just leave. I’ll have to give my husband’s share to our Minje too.”

“No, I’m okay… huh?”

Minje looked down at the cute paper bag he had absentmindedly accepted, then looked up in surprise at the unfamiliar word. Husband? He had never heard even a similar mention from Wonoh or the assistant director, who were close to him. So naturally, he had thought he was single. Staring blankly at him, Minje asked.

“You’re married, Director…?”

Just then, the elevator doors opened, and Director Im slipped inside.

“It’s a secret.”

And he smiled, playfully raising his index finger to his lips. Then he pressed the close button and shut the door. Minje stood there blankly for a moment, then slowly realized his intention and smiled softly.

Director Im must have told Minje his own secret as a way of saying he would keep his. Although, since he said it like a joke, there was no way of knowing if it was true or not.

Minje’s heart, which had been a mess like a tangled skein of yarn, felt much more at ease, as if a path had been cleared. And after receiving such mature and skillful comfort, he was ashamed to realize how ridiculous his own attempt to comfort Wonoh had been.

Minje opened the new box as well. It was filled only with pink macarons. Probably the same color as Director Im’s heart. And the same color as Minje’s heart, too.

‘Once you do what your heart tells you to, you feel relieved.’

Minje picked up one of those pink macarons and put it in his mouth.

It was fluffy like a cloud and gentle like a dream, but it tasted bitter.

“Your levels have returned to normal, but it’s best to be careful for the time being. If you experience any physical abnormalities, no matter how small, please come back to the hospital. A pheromone system that has been disrupted once can easily be thrown off again. From now on, you must never have relations during a rut. And avoid exposure to alpha pheromones as well. Otherwise, you’ll have to remove your loop.”

By now, Minje knew that “exposure to pheromones” was an implicit reference to sexual contact. He had been expecting this, so he quietly nodded his head.

“Yes.”

“You’ve been through a lot.”

Minje ended up spending a full ten days in the hospital before being discharged. Just like when he arrived, he only had one light bag, so his discharge preparations were finished in no time. As he was packing his simple belongings, the woman who had shared the room with him took his hand and congratulated him, telling him to take good care of himself after leaving. Minje smiled and said he would.

His levels had returned to normal, and the pregnancy test he had taken just in case was also negative. Lastly, he was prescribed an emergency medication that temporarily lowers internal pheromone levels, and he bowed his head deeply to the doctor as well.

“It’s your own body, so you’re the only one who can protect it. If you need help, please contact us anytime.”

“Ah… thank you.”

As Minje turned to leave, the doctor added in a rather gentle tone. He was just one of many patients, but he was grateful for this small show of concern.

Time in the hospital had passed very slowly, which finally gave Minje the leisure to look around at the good people around him, like the woman, the doctor, and Kihwan. What would it have been like if there had been people like this in his past life? No, perhaps they had always been there, but he had been too overwhelmed with his own affairs to have the luxury of looking around.

Minje briefly entertained the useless hypothetical before shaking his head and leaving the hospital.

It was his first time back on the film set in a long while. In the place that had become quite dear to him after being away for a week, Minje’s eyes followed the back of the person he had wanted to see.

Following Director Im’s advice, Minje decided to face his feelings head-on. Minje himself knew best that this one-sided love was unlikely to ever be reciprocated. That was partly because Minje was an omega, but also because he was Cheon Minje. Minje still found it difficult to believe that there was someone who could truly love him. He just decided to listen to what his heart told him to do, and not to do anything he might regret.

It was his own heart, so looking at it squarely should have been easy, but it was surprisingly difficult. First, he had to acknowledge the childish and pathetic thoughts that naturally followed whenever he thought of Wonoh. And the conflict between wanting to hide his feelings and remain friends, and wanting to just confess, get rejected, and sort out his feelings cleanly, swung back and forth dozens of times a day. Still, he decided to at least acknowledge his own feelings for Wonoh. Because if he didn’t, no one else would ever look into that heart.

At the sound of “Cut!”, Teacher Yeonja’s smile was dazzling as she received a lush bouquet of flowers prepared by the production team. Wonoh had prepared an even larger flower basket and presented it to her. The sight of her, still in her makeup, hugging Wonoh tightly looked so much like a real grandmother and grandson that everyone on the film team, including Minje, watched with warm hearts.

He had been notified in advance that Wonoh would be stopping by the set today. It was to celebrate Teacher Yeonja’s last day of filming. For Minje, who had completely forgotten while in the hospital, being discharged today was good timing in many ways.

Director Im, with a deeply moved expression, exaggeratedly wiped at the corners of his eyes and added in a loud voice.

“Wow, Choi Wonoh. I thought you’d forgotten all about us by now. I’m so damn touched.”

“Aw, I might forget you, Kihwan-hyung, but I’d never forget Teacher.”