NUTMEG 36

“…going to,” Minje murmured, his face flushing as his words trailed off. The heartfelt word, which he had never intended to utter out loud, struck his heart fiercely.

“What if… I’m continuously exposed to alpha pheromones like this? Could my loop get messed up?”

“That’s what makes it so dangerous, because I can’t tell you exactly what will happen. Each individual’s pheromone system is different, and the other person’s pheromones will also be different, so there are countless possibilities. We can only predict that the resulting side effects are infinite. That’s also why we’re conducting clinical trials right now, to gather various samples.”

“I see…”

Just as Minje nodded weakly, the landline phone next to the monitor began to ring. While the conversation paused for the doctor to answer the phone, Minje lowered his gaze to his own knees and fidgeted with his fingers. The call ended quickly. Just as he felt the doctor’s gaze on him sharpen slightly, she spoke.

“Mr. Cheon Minje, it would be best for you to be admitted today.”

“Pardon?”

“The lab just called. Your internal pheromone levels are abnormally high. At this level, even a little physical strain in your daily life could be extremely dangerous. Since you’re already at the hospital, it would be best to stay admitted until your levels return to normal. When you signed the contract, you also signed the clause related to insurance, so…”

Minje’s eyes widened. He had to be admitted right now? He still had some filming left, and also….

Minje stammered out a small protest.

“Ah, um. Do I really have to be admitted? Can’t I just… get outpatient care or medication…?”

“This isn’t a matter of choice. It’s not a recommendation or a suggestion, either. At least, not if you care about your own body. We can’t force you to be admitted, but since you’re under a clinical trial contract, we do have a duty to take responsibility for your health.”

Faced with the doctor’s firm words, Minje had no choice but to finally relent.

The procedures were completed quickly, and Minje found himself occupying a bed in the general ward on the third floor of the center.

“How long will I be hospitalized?” he asked, but the doctor only replied with an expressionless face, “Well, that depends on how quickly you recover.” Suddenly scared, Minje explained that he needed to know in advance how much time it would take because of the work he was doing. Only then was he finally able to get an answer: his levels would typically normalize in two weeks at the longest, or as quickly as five days.

Through the thin tube connected to his left arm, a clear medication that was said to stabilize his internal pheromone levels was flowing into his bloodstream.

He should have expected this situation, having helped him with his rut even after hearing the doctor’s warning. As he recalled the cases of side effects the doctor had mentioned earlier, it seemed like a miracle he hadn’t ended up in an even more serious state.

The worst-case scenario would have been if something had truly gone wrong and his loop had come undone on the film set. He would have been outed as an omega on the spot. Minje first thought of Wonoh’s gentle face. And then that face changed into the one he had seen in his past life. At that, his heart felt like it had dropped with a thud.

Minje dragged the IV pole with the hanging bag and approached a nurse at the station in the middle of the hallway.

“Um… what should I do to recover quickly…?”

At Minje’s question, the gathered nurses let out small bursts of laughter. Then, in a gently coaxing tone, they said that if he ate well and rested well, his body would be healthy, absorb the medicine quickly, and he would get better fast. Their tone, as if they were dealing with a small child, made Minje feel so embarrassed that he could only scratch the back of his head and walk away.

Returning to his bed, Minje picked up his phone. Whether it was for five days or two weeks, he had to give them a heads-up since he would suddenly be absent from filming. Minje deliberated between Section Chief Shin from his agency and Director Im’s numbers, but in the end, he sent a message to the assistant director. He vaguely concealed the name of his condition and added a request not to tell Wonoh, as he didn’t want to worry him.

Once he had taken care of the matter that weighed most heavily on his mind, a long sigh of relief escaped him. He then took in the large, six-person hospital room.

The room was only half-full, so it was quite comfortable. Across from him, a man with a sallow face had been sleeping since earlier, and the other patient was an elderly woman who had given Minje a pile of beautifully cut apples and pears before leaving. He couldn’t just let the fruit she had kindly given him sit uneaten, so he put a slice of apple that had started to turn brown into his mouth. The flesh broke with a crunch, tasting sweet and sour. Minje tapped his fingers a couple of times, looking at the chat window where the “1” had yet to disappear.

After the day of the rut, Wonoh’s visits to the film set had gradually become less frequent, and he had apparently begun preparing for his third album in earnest. He was spending more time in Seoul instead of the dorm in Paju, and because he was pulling all-nighters in the recording studio or dedicating himself to choreography practice in the dance studio, they naturally saw each other and contacted each other less.

He’d said he was at the dance studio until late last night, so he might still be sleeping. Minje swiped up on the chat window where the “1” hadn’t disappeared several times to refresh it. It was just a slightly delayed reply, so why couldn’t he wait patiently, and why did he keep feeling so anxious? Should I send another message asking if he’s still sleeping? No, there are already two messages piled up, so sending another would seem a bit weird.

‘I hope we can be like real best friends while filming the movie.’

Lately, Minje had developed a habit of retracing his memories of Wonoh and the things he had said, one by one. What would happen to Wonoh and me after the filming ends? Even if it weren’t for what he said before filming started, looking at the current situation, it felt like we would just fade out and lose contact like this. Once the album preparations were over and promotions began, Wonoh would be incredibly busy. Thinking about it like that made these days stuck in the hospital feel like an agonizing waste.

Just then, the phone in his hand vibrated. The assistant director’s name appeared on the screen. Minje hid his disappointed voice as he answered the call. The assistant director, surprised by the news of his sudden hospitalization, had called to ask about his condition.

—What on earth is wrong that you had to be hospitalized so suddenly?

At the incredulous tone, Minje’s eyes quickly darted around. The words were likely spoken out of concern, but to the guilt-ridden Minje, it felt like an interrogation. Anxiously stalling with an, “Uh, what was it again…,” Minje suddenly remembered the diagnosis he’d heard the doctor mention to the man across from him and quickly said it.

“M-my liver function values are really bad, they said.”

He was worried the assistant director wouldn’t believe him, but he immediately just said, “Ah. Oh dear. No wonder you couldn’t hold your liquor. What are we going to do with our Minje,” in a worried tone. Scratching the back of his head, Minje added that he was sorry before hanging up. A notification for a new message was on the screen.

[Choi Wonoh:
(Video)
(Video)
Our new choreography.] 12:12 P.M.

[Choi Wonoh:
Was working on this yesterday, got home in the morning
Choreo’s insane, right?] 12:13 P.M.

The corners of Minje’s lips relaxed on their own. Right, it’s still okay. Wonoh still needs me. It didn’t matter if it was just pretending to be friends, a colleague he could talk to easily, or even a friend he could have sex with. No, the last one wouldn’t work anymore, though.

Minje tried to push his gloomy feelings aside and put his earphones in his ears. Leaning against the stark white hospital bed, he played the video, and a familiar song began to play.

🍊

Life in the hospital was monotonous. After breakfast, he would have a short discussion with the doctor on his rounds about his levels and condition, and after maybe taking a walk around the hospital grounds, there was nothing else to do.

Just as the nurse had said, he ate well and rested well, and the sudden fevers and chills subsided, and his levels were dropping smoothly. With nothing to do, he just read the script over and over again. After memorizing the stage directions, which he already knew almost by heart down to every last comma, he grew tired of even that and ended up picking up his phone.

It was only natural that such a Minje would start looking up Choi Wonoh’s social media accounts or Uncontrol’s videos. His worry that Wonoh would find it strange that he wasn’t showing up to the film set was, as expected, a delusion of his own making. Wonoh had gotten busier, and their contact had become even more infrequent.

In the dead of night when everyone was asleep, Minje, unable to sleep, opened his phone and looked at a photo Wonoh had posted 30 minutes ago. It was a single photo tagged #studio, and below it were tons of excited comments speculating that it was a spoiler for their comeback. Lying in bed, Minje read the fans’ comments one by one. They all missed Wonoh.

Just then, a live notification suddenly popped up at the top of the screen. Minje quickly scanned the dark, quiet hospital room, drew the curtain, and fumbled for his earphones to plug them in. On the screen, Shotgun, wearing a black bucket hat pulled down low, abruptly stuck his face into the frame.

—It’s the middle of the night, what’s everyone doing up?

—Huh? Did you turn this on with my account?

—Yeah.

The owner of the hand that had been touching the mouse next to him glanced at the screen before looking back up. It was Wonoh’s face, for the first time in a while.

The two seemed to have started the live stream from their phone in the studio, as the small room from the social media post was visible in the background. Wonoh, bare-faced and wearing a white boxy t-shirt, kept looking at the monitor above the live screen. His long fingers clicked the mouse, and his eyes moved with each click.

Leaving Wonoh to his work, Shotgun was the only one actively running the live stream. Minje, without realizing it, found himself staring intently at just the corner of the screen. I wish he would move just a little more into the frame. Or if he would just move the phone a little to the left.

After talking about his recent activities by himself for a while, Shotgun finally nudged Wonoh and spoke.

—Wonoh-nim, they’re asking you to show your face for a second.

—Ah. Sorry. Geon-hyung suddenly turned on the live stream.

Wonoh made eye contact with the screen for a moment and smiled. Along with the rapidly scrolling chat, Minje’s heart also began to beat fast. He hadn’t made direct eye contact with him, but it felt as if he had, and his mouth went so dry he could only manage to wet his lips with his tongue.

“Hold on,” Wonoh said, getting up. As he tried to organize something off-screen, his elbow hit Shotgun’s hat. “Ah!” Shotgun exclaimed, covering the top of his hat. With a surprised expression, Wonoh placed his large hand over Shotgun’s.

—Ah, sorry. I did that on purpose.

And then he smiled playfully. Something was so funny that both of them started laughing, their shoulders shaking in succession.

@roselee811 : You two look really close

@19882927 : So nice to see ♡♡

@gugaship : why am I grinning like a perv

@TkfEjr : yo you too? yo me too

@peppermintcool : I guess you two are participating a lot in the 3rd album ㅠㅠㅠ oh my gosh I’m so excited ㅠㅠ

@ilove15 : Wonoh what were you doing?

@foreveruncon : Kim Geon is so damn cute

—They say you and I look really close, hyung.

—Ugh.

—That’s what they say. I like Geon-hyung, though.

—What’s with him today?

—The song we worked on today came out really well. We were listening to it over and over, and then we turned on the live stream.

Wonoh said, looking at the screen with a languid smile. Next to him, Shotgun grumbled, “This brat only says he likes me when he’s happy with a song,” but he couldn’t hide his expression and was grinning from ear to ear.

The conversation then shifted to their recent practices and preparations for the third album. Naturally, it was all news to Minje.

The things Minje was curious about were asked by fans who rushed to post them in the chat window. Wonoh would then give simple answers to only the most innocuous questions that caught his eye. Just that was enough to make the fan whose question was answered beside herself with joy.

Suddenly, Minje felt that he and these countless fans were similar. Blindly waiting to be chosen by him, and trembling with joy if they happened to receive a response.

The live stream, which lasted for about 30 minutes, ended with the two of them waving goodbye.

Minje stared blankly at the dark, dead screen. Now that the work and the live stream were over, he secretly hoped he might get a message from Wonoh, but even after a long while, no new notification came.

The place where Wonoh was felt incredibly far away. This distance was probably the distance that had always existed between him and Wonoh. It was strange that it suddenly felt so far.

He went on the radio with him before, so he must be pretty close to Shotgun. Of course. He’s a real colleague, someone he’s known for much longer than the mere three months Minje has known him. Yet, he was surprised anew.

The playful smile he often showed him, the habit of not holding back praise and saying he liked something when it pleased him. Choi Wonoh had never said he did those things only for him, but Minje had unconsciously been under the delusion that he only did them in front of him. He was embarrassed that he had secretly thought it was a side of him that he didn’t show Jeong Danbi, a side that only he knew.

Minje frowned at the childish and blatant emotions rising in his heart.

I wish I were the only one Wonoh is closest to, the only one he smiles and jokes with.

It’s all because Choi Wonoh is the only one on his mind. Since he had only one person he could call a friend, only one person he liked, his possessiveness and jealousy were tangled up like a messy knot, becoming a dark lump that showed no signs of unraveling.

What kind of expression would Choi Wonoh make if he knew Minje was thinking such things? Would he be dumbfounded, or would he look troubled? If these pathetic feelings were what it meant to like someone, he truly wanted to stop.

🍊

On the fifth day of his hospitalization, Minje couldn’t hide his disappointment when he heard his levels from the doctor who came on her routine morning rounds. He had been hopeful, as she had said he might be discharged in as little as five days. Minje sighed, watching the back of the doctor who left the room after saying they should monitor him a little longer.

Feeling dejected, Minje was trudging along the hospital grounds, dragging his IV pole, when he ran into the woman from the diagonal bed.

“Minje-student. Someone came to visit you, you know?”