FMT 48

Chapter 48 Prayer

Liandan clung tightly to the man on the bed. He felt like he was holding a skeleton. He closed his eyes, tears streaming down, repeating over and over, “I am not afraid of you, I am not afraid… At Lingyun Temple I already saw you like this, I am not afraid… not afraid…”

The man in his arms stayed silent for a long time, until the tears soaked through his clothes, burning his skin that held almost no warmth, like a corpse.

He sighed. The hoarse, strange voice said weakly, “If you want to stay, then stay.”

From that day on, Liandan could enter the room each day for a while, to talk with Chen Shuangning. But Chen Shuangning still refused to eat, and he would not let Shuangruo in to treat him.

Liandan secretly counted the fasting pills at his bedside. Sometimes, even after two days, not a single pill was missing.

When Shuangruo boiled medicine and asked Liandan to carry it inside, Chen Shuangning refused it all. At those times, he treated Liandan with special coldness, not saying a word.

His temper grew worse, irritable and angry, suspicious and sensitive.

Liandan stopped carrying medicine in, afraid that one day he too would be barred from entering.

Liandan asked about Chen Shuangning’s illness many times, but Shuangruo always avoided answering. Only when she learned her brother had stopped taking even the fasting pills did she finally break down and say, “His condition is very bad.”

“Four years ago, before the Sect Leader died, he set a deadly poison on him. He used his inner strength to keep the poison sealed in his meridians and bones. But every time he used his power, the poison sank deeper into his body. That night at Lingyun Temple, he fell into Left Protector’s ambush. He overused his strength, which triggered the poison and caused the withered bones form you saw.”

“Back then, with my medicine and months of closed-door healing, he recovered. But this time…”

“This time what?”

Shuangruo lowered her eyes to hide her trembling pupils. “This time, after fighting Left Protector, his strength was drained too much. I fear he will need even longer.”

Liandan took in a deep breath. “As long as he can recover, no matter how long it takes, it’s fine.”

“What else does the withered bones form do besides changing his appearance?”

“Not only does the person look like a rotting corpse, even the inside of the body becomes like one. Still alive, yet forced to endure the process of rotting and perishing.”

Clang. Liandan knocked over the teapot. Tea spilled on his clothes and shoes.

“There is no antidote?” His eyes were red as he asked.

Shuangruo said, “My medicine can only restore his appearance and rebuild his flesh. But… I cannot stop the pain of the poison.”

“You mean, even when he looks normal, when the poison isn’t flaring, he is still suffering that pain every moment?”

Shuangruo nodded, eyes red. “Yes.”

Liandan turned his face aside, scrubbing at it with his sleeve again and again.

Shuangruo stared blankly into space. “If my master were alive, maybe there would be a way. But four years ago, when the sect fell into chaos, he disappeared. We searched everywhere, never found a trace. He likely already died somewhere unknown.”

“My brother endured years of this torment, only to kill the two Protectors. To avenge our parents, and to remove danger for everyone. Now that it’s done, he…” Shuangruo’s voice broke, “he no longer has the will to live.”

“Shuangruo, boil one more bowl of medicine.” Liandan suddenly said.

Shuangruo looked at him in surprise. Liandan said, “Try one last time.”

Shuangruo bit her lip and nodded.

By evening, the medicine was ready. Liandan carried it on a tray into Chen Shuangning’s room.

He set the tray on the table by the bed, then sat on the edge, using a cloth just washed in warm water to wipe the face of the man lying with eyes closed.

Afterward, he set the cloth aside, lifted the bowl of medicine, and tasted a sip himself to test the heat. Then he stirred it gently with the spoon and said, “Get up and drink the medicine.”

The man on the bed suddenly opened his eyes. Bloodshot lines filled the bulging whites, and his angry look made him seem like a ghost crawling from hell.

“I told you, I won’t drink it…!”

Chen Shuangning reached out, ready to snatch the bowl and smash it.

Just as his fingers touched the rim, Liandan suddenly said, “I am pregnant.”

Chen Shuanning froze.

Liandan went on, “More than two months.”

“When I first came, I didn’t throw up because I was afraid of you or hated you. It was because I was pregnant. That was morning sickness.”

The two bulging eyes stared at the thin person in front of him, looking him over inch by inch, lingering especially long on his stomach.

The last time between the two of them was the night before Liandan left. The next day, he had gone back on the road. He hadn’t drunk the decoction he always drank afterward.

“Chen Shuangruo,” the hoarse strange voice roared, “get in here!”

The door creaked open. The beautiful girl rushed inside. She had clearly been listening outside all along.

She came straight to Liandan, crouched down, and placed her hand on his wrist.

After a moment, Shuangruo’s face changed. She looked toward the man on the bed and nodded.

Bang, Chen Shuangning smashed the bedpost. “You let him ride a horse for two days and nights while pregnant!”

Liandan shook his head. “I hid it from her on purpose.” He lowered his head. “I didn’t know if I should let you know.”

Chen Shuangning didn’t speak. The room was quiet.

Shuangruo wrung out a cloth and handed it to Liandan.

Liandan took it, sat on the edge of the bed, lifted Chen Shuangning’s bloody hand onto his lap, and carefully wiped the blood away, pulling out the wooden splinters stuck inside.

Shuangruo silently left gauze and medicine behind, then slipped out and closed the door.

After Liandan cleaned the wound, he sprinkled powder on it and wrapped it, clumsily but firmly.

Then he turned the injured palm toward himself and pressed it through the man’s clothes against his own belly, while his other hand cupped it gently from outside.

He looked at Chen Shuanning and said, “Shuangruo must have told you. These days I went to Xinglong Treasure Pavilion every day to wait for news of you…”

The hand pressed against him moved slightly. The hoarse strange voice asked quietly, “Why?”

Tears streamed down Liandan’s face. “After leaving here, I was restless. From then on, I thought I had to figure out what I felt. But when I saw you, I became even more restless.”

The chest of the man on the bed rose and fell faster, as if he was holding something back.

“If you can’t figure it out, then don’t think about it.” Chen Shuangning’s voice was cold.

Liandan raised his head to look at him. “But I… now, I have figured it out. I want… I… I lo—”

The two bulging eyes locked on him. The fingers of the hand at his side trembled slightly. The look in his eyes was expectant. But just when Liandan was about to speak the word, he suddenly shouted, “Enough!” cutting him off. He turned over, saying coldly, “Get out. I want to rest.”

Liandan looked downcast, but he didn’t leave. He sat silently on the bed edge for a while. Then he carefully avoided Chen Shuangning’s injured hand, climbed from the foot of the bed, and lay down facing him.

Chen Shuangning turned his head away on instinct, not wanting him to see his twisted face.

But Liandan pressed his palm to his cheek, not letting him turn away. The two of them lay face to face, very close.

“You don’t like hearing it, so I won’t say it.” Tears slid from Liandan’s eyes. His gaze stayed fixed on that terrible face. “Father and mother don’t want me. Sister has her own family. In this world, besides the child, you are the closest person to me.”

“Shuangning.” Liandan called his name. “I beg you…”

At the sound of his name, the frightening man trembled lightly. His voice shook as he answered, “What?”

Liandan’s tears wouldn’t stop. “I know you are in pain. I am selfish for this. But if you live, maybe there will be a way. If you die, there is no hope at all. I beg you, don’t die.”

Chen Shuangning stared at him. The exposed white teeth moved slightly. In a low voice, he answered, “Alright.”

….

Chen Shuangning let Shuangruo check his pulse each day and take medicine.

Liandan took away his fasting pills, not allowing him to eat them. Since his appetite was poor, Liandan cooked five or six small meals a day, light and easy to digest, different each time. Even if he only ate a little, Liandan was not discouraged. As long as he ate, it was good.

After meals, Liandan dressed him warmly and wheeled him into the courtyard to walk and sit in the sun.

It was early June. Outside was hot, but in the valley, the temperature stayed mild.

Before sleep, Liandan massaged his body gently to ease pain. He used cloths for hot compresses too. These were methods Shuangruo had taught him, and he learned them carefully.

Liandan cared for him in every detail. The only thing Chen Shuangning disliked was being wiped down. Each time, Liandan prepared everything. But since he couldn’t stand steadily, he refused to let Liandan leave. Liandan had to stay nearby, only with his back turned.

When Shuangning finished and called him, Liandan turned to help him back to bed, then cleaned the things away.

One time, Chen Shuangning fell heavily. Liandan was startled and almost turned to look, but the hoarse voice barked in anger, “Don’t turn around!”

Though worried, Liandan didn’t want to anger him. He held back and only listened to the struggling sounds behind him. Not until the man, panting, said “Alright” with effort, did he turn quickly to check if he was hurt.

After examining him and helping him back to bed, Liandan climbed onto the bed with a thick soft towel, knelt behind him, and carefully dried his long hair.

“You… don’t want me to see your body?” Liandan hesitated but asked.

The man in front was silent for a long time. When Liandan thought he wouldn’t answer, the hoarse strange voice spoke: “Yes. I don’t want you to see.” He paused, then added softly, “It is ugly.”