HPV 101

If it had been Hancanera, he would’ve kept that look of mine—all dazed and lost in it—just for himself. He would’ve been the only one to see me like that.

“Did the high priest or anyone else probe him and confirm anything?”

No, not even that. No one ever reas Hancanera’s mind.

Suddenly, Banwes felt more mature than me. To be fair, I really was ten years younger than him…

“What happened to him now?”

I asked as if seeking confirmation.

“He’s dead.”

The man nodded. Then he showed me the hand he’d been hiding behind his back the whole time.

It was still mottled—he hadn’t fully returned to his human form.

“Yeah. I killed him. With my own hands, I ended your cursed bond, and I was glad. For the first time in my life, I was grateful to spill a monster’s blood.”

I gently touched the back of his hand. My fingers caught against the jutting knuckles as I ran along the thick veins beneath the skin.

To think I made Banwes stain his hands with blood. A part of me felt regret and guilt.

But the fact that he had erased the one who introduced me to an inescapable hell—it made me purely happy.

What I had experienced had finally found its place—by being told to Banwes.

He knew I had been possessed by a demon, and still, he kissed me. He treated me kindly.

I get it now. He simply replaced the word ‘demon’ with ‘Hancanera.’ He hasn’t changed. He thinks of me the same. Looks at me the same.

No matter what, he…

My heart pounded violently. To cast off the fear and obsession—the foundation of who I had been until now—I had to breathe for a long while.

Sensing something serious in the air, Banwes waited silently. His gentle red gaze finally opened up the words that had been stuck in my throat.

“I… I’ve never eaten anything but moldy bread from the cult.”

I’d revised the words again and again before saying them. Right up until I spoke, I still wasn’t sure I could.

But once the floodgates opened, the black rotting fog lifted clean away. I finally faced the old me.

“I forgot what sunlight looked like. I forgot colors like green and blue. So… I thought Hancanera was the brightest light. But that light hated me. It called me trash… so I really thought I was trash.”

Just recalling that time—when I truly believed I’d never escape—made my body shake uncontrollably. I couldn’t tell if it was really me speaking or if the darkness I’d bottled up was just spilling out on its own.

“I was so hungry I ate rats. I ate bugs… you tried to fix the way I curled up in my sleep, but… I’m sorry, I didn’t do a good job… I could only sleep when I curled up…”

The words dragged downward as I choked back sobs. Scalding droplets fell heavily. The palm catching my tears was trembling violently.

“I wanted to end it all by dying. I never once thought I wanted to keep living…”

I clung to Banwes, sobbing loudly. I wanted to crumble in his arms, completely.

As if sensing that, Banwes held me tighter than he ever had before.

Though his arms were so strong, his hands fumbled awkwardly over my head, gently petting, as if to say, It’s okay to cry. You can let it all out.

Banwes seems to be misunderstanding something.

“So… hic, I know, okay… I ate rats and bugs just to survive, and even when those were gone, I felt like my stomach was sticking to my spine… And sure, I wasn’t beaten to the brink of death, and Hancanera wouldn’t let me die, so I wouldn’t have really died… but still, to me, it really felt like my life was in danger…”

At last, his hand stopped. Not just that—his breathing did too. Frozen like a statue, he took in my tear-choked confession.

“You… Banwes, hic, the life you lived hurts more than mine. Mine feels like nothing compared to yours…”

That’s why I never meant to talk about my past. I was really okay not saying it at all…

Maybe—I just wanted to be comforted.

Banwes finally moved. His hand lifted my chin, wet with tears. A kiss touched my forehead.

“Everything… you said—it was everything I wanted to say.”

His tears fell quietly, trailing down my neck.

“Your pain was so great, it made my past feel like nothing. I know that feeling too… You always said you were just a burden. But because of me, you suffered a lot too. You probably wanted to go where you pleased, but with a monster like me, all you got were cruel words.”

That hopeless thought—claiming blame for something that wasn’t your fault just because it harmed someone you cared about.

Looking at Banwes, I finally understood what that was. It was a feeling I couldn’t help but know. Because he… was me.

We were the same.

I thought we were so different, but from one to ten, we were exactly the same.

***

Riarun cried himself to sleep, his eyes red and raw from purging his sorrow.

Though too weak to even lift a finger, his thin arms clung tightly to the man. Even the fingers curled around part of his back gripped with a pitiful desperation.

Once Riarun’s tears stopped, it was the man’s that wouldn’t.

Banwes didn’t even think to find it strange. He soaked Riarun’s collar through with his own tears.

How could anyone do that to a child?

Where could they even hit, to beat someone so small? How… how could they?

Is that something a human being couldn’t do—or something only a human could?

He had no idea. He chose not to know. For a very long time, he really believed this child had grown up cherished, like a noble young master.

Riarun always tried to handle everything on his own. But deep down, he must have wanted someone he could lean on.

Even he, truthfully, always longed for a place to rest and lived in constant sorrow. How much worse must it have been for him?

To be so consumed by misery that he couldn’t even speak it aloud. Not because he chose not to, but because the cult leader sealed his lips so tightly he couldn’t say a word even if he wanted to—how bleak that must have been, he can’t begin to imagine.

He was dragged back to that cult leader. Tormented until his mind was shattered.

He, too, had once wanted to end his life because of a curse branded too deeply into his mind.

But Riarun… Riarun tried to escape. He crawled until his knees were torn open, kept going even when his fingernails broke.

You kept your promise to live.

You must have tried to keep that promise and come back to me—but I was too late, and you were already at death’s door.

The one in his arms was so beautiful, so noble, so pitiful, so precious—he couldn’t just stand by. Banwes pressed a kiss to his teary eyes and whispered a blessing that soaked even his own heart.

I’ll protect you. I’ll give you anything you want.

My brave, precious… love.

***

Completely drained of strength, I slept a long, long sleep. And every time I woke to see Banwes’s face, I cried.

Everything I hadn’t been able to cry before—all that had built up—came pouring out.

He looked down at me calmly, tightening his arms around me. The redness around his eyes made it clear that seeing me cry hurt him. But there was also a trace of relief.

Once I realized crying led to more beatings, I stopped crying. And only after I’d grown up did I meet someone who let me cry—so I sobbed my heart out. Banwes kissed the corners of my eyes and wiped away the tears with his lips.

His warmth pressed close to me, keeping me from curling up, from falling into nightmares.

I drifted somewhere between dream and reality. Every time I opened my eyes, he was looking at me—until his face entered my dreams too. The nightmares receded into the back of my mind. Banwes’s face was always there, watching me.

Day and night blurred together as I ate, slept, and cried under his gentle care, until one moment, my mind cleared.

As I tried to open my eyes, something cool blocked my eyelids. I flinched, and Banwes removed the cool cloth from over my eyes.

After sleeping and waking tangled in the same bed for so long, it felt like our bodies had become one. His thick, strong limbs felt like mine. We were wrapped around each other like vines from the same tree, completely intertwined.

We locked eyes and stared quietly for a while. Banwes waited patiently, but no more tears came from my eyes.

“Is it okay to stop crying now?”

Too weak to speak, I gave a small nod.

Then, rarely, he spoke again with that sly tone from the old days. His lips curved into a faint crescent.

“If I’d drunk all your tears, I’d have drowned.”

I answered his jab with a short laugh and fired back with a line of my own.

“You’re acting all calm now, but you asked the High Priest if something was wrong with me while I was sleeping, didn’t you?”

It was a strange feeling. Where the tears had dried up, laughter now bloomed.

Banwes gave a sheepish smile, copying mine. I smiled a little wider and stroked his hair.

As he quietly accepted my touch, he leaned his head into my palm. I stared at him in shock—but he was perfectly calm.

The way his head filled my hand. The way his coarse hair slid between my fingers.

And in that moment—I realized what I truly wanted.

“Banwes. Marry me.”