MY 22

A few typos occurred due to my fast typing, but I didn’t care. Unlike the aggressive content of his messages, Won Wooje was nothing but anxious.

Han Seolwoo, who was doing things he never used to do, was currently in an unpredictable state. If left like this, there was no telling where he might bounce off to. In a fit of impulse, he might turn on some strange app, bring over some filthy male bastard…

Mid-thought, he ground his teeth together. Putting strength into his eyes, Won Wooje called again while lying on the floor. Persistent and obsessive calls continued incessantly. Just as Won Wooje, who had his eyes closed with the phone in his hand, was about to nearly give up, the call finally connected. It was Won Wooje’s victory.

—…

The surroundings were quiet. Only the sound of quiet breathing could be heard over the receiver. Won Wooje, slowly opening his eyes, narrowed his brows.

“…Did you get home?”

He didn’t press him about why he had only just now picked up the phone. A faint sound of a sigh was heard in response to his question. After hesitating for a moment, Han Seolwoo muttered softly.

—…Yeah. I’m in my room.

“Okay.”

—…

Won Wooje cleared his throat at the silence that followed, which was unlike the usual atmosphere between the two. He turned his body to the side for no reason and lay on his side.

“Tomorrow.”

—…

“Let’s go to school together tomorrow.”

—…

“Don’t think about running off first. You’re dead.”

He knew Han Seolwoo’s personality too well. That was why he intended to keep making the first move. He planned to tie him down securely before he could slip away and bolt anywhere. There was no other way but this.

Silence followed once again. Won Wooje, with his eyes closed, swept his palm down his face.

“I’ll come pick you up by eight o’clock.”

“…”

“I said I’m coming to pick you up. Or do you want to come over and sleep here?”

He said it once more with persistence. After a short while, Han Seolwoo, who let out another sigh, replied quietly.

—…No, okay.

Hearing that shrunken voice, even his expression came vividly to mind. It was likely that both of them found the situation equally absurd and beyond imagination.

“Yeah, sleep well.”

Won Wooje started to let out the jokes he usually did countless times, like “sweetheart” or “honey,” but he held back. He hated the awkward situation, but it was because he remembered Han Seolwoo’s face turning red and blue when he told him not to joke around. Thinking of him with eyes that looked as if he had lost the whole world, he had to be careful for now.

“I said sleep well. Aren’t you going to answer?”

—…Yeah, sleep well.

“Okay.”

Even after answering, he didn’t hang up the phone and hesitated. He thought about adding something, then scratched the back of his neck irritably. No sharp solution came to mind.

In the silence, the call continued without breaking. 10 seconds, 15 seconds, 20 seconds, 30 seconds… The moment he snapped to his senses, Won Wooje looked at the screen to check if the call had been cut off. At that instant, the call went click and disconnected.

Ha. Won Wooje, having dropped his phone with a thud, let out a sigh. A bewildered, hollow laugh escaped him.

Suddenly, words his dad once said passed through his mind.

‘Wooje, you wait until you’re my age. All sorts of things happen.’

They say life becomes spectacular as you get older, and it seems he really is getting older. It felt as if a massive wave had crashed over his calm daily life.

Won Wooje woke up much earlier than usual. Even though he had tossed and turned until dawn last night, his mind was clear and sharp. His eyes opened even before the alarm rang.

He took a longer shower than usual and spread his lotion on meticulously, which he used to apply roughly as if washing his face. He spent twice as much time as usual doing his hair. His style was always a neat pomade, swept back. It was a style he stuck to every day, no matter how much the teachers bitched about it.

After taking out and putting on a new school uniform, Won Wooje paced in front of the mirror for a long time again. After finishing a scan from head to toe and checking the clock, it was still only seven twenty.

Regardless, he just went out to the front door and shoved his feet into his sneakers. Rather than being stuck in a corner of his room, he wanted to get some fresh air.

His steps toward the Castle were neither light nor heavy. He just felt a bit nervous. It felt strangely like his stomach was churning, and he felt tense; it was weird.

Climbing the hill, Won Wooje slightly lifted his head. While scanning the area in front of the main gate, he jerked his eyebrows up in surprise. Han Seolwoo was already out in front of the wall. Seven thirty. It was a time that still had thirty minutes left until the appointed time.

Han Seolwoo, with his head dropped, was looking at the ground. His face was blank, as if lost in some thought. It also looked a bit swollen.

Won Wooje walked up to him with a thud-thud. It wasn’t as if he had particularly killed the sound of his presence, but the other didn’t notice that he had arrived.

“What are you thinking about?”

Won Wooje naturally put his arm around his shoulder. Han Seolwoo, startled, lifted his head.

Han Seolwoo’s gaze wavered as he awkwardly looked down. Won Wooje, squinting one eye, tilted his head. Then he looked up at Han Seolwoo as if peering into him.

“What’s with that face, like you chewed on shit?”

And then he pulled up the corners of his mouth and smirked.

The years he had known Han Seolwoo totaled eighteen. It didn’t suit them to keep their distance and save face just because something like that had happened. He decided to act perfectly as if nothing were wrong, just like usual.

“…It’s nothing.”

“Uh-huh. Let’s go.”

Won Wooje gestured with his chin as if to say let’s go. As Han Seolwoo took a step, he naturally grabbed his arm for him. It was an action that had naturally become ingrained in him while he had been attending to his needs lately.

“…You don’t have to hold me anymore, it doesn’t hurt.”

Han Seolwoo whispered quietly. Then he slowly slid his arm out. His face, glimpsed briefly, clearly had the four characters for “I am uncomfortable” written all over it.

Won Wooje, staring at him for a moment, toyed with the hair on the back of his head. He looked at him with a dissatisfied gaze as he acted stiffly to anyone’s eyes.

“Are you trying to be formal with me?”

“…”

“…Never mind, just don’t talk. I’m fucking tired right now, I couldn’t even sleep properly yesterday.”

Won Wooje shrugged his shoulders. Then he moved his feet first. Han Seolwoo followed behind him a step late.

Upon entering the classroom, the kids welcomed Won Wooje. They made a fuss, asking what he had been doing instead of coming to school. Won Wooje waved his hand, saying he’d just been hanging out. He even kicked the butt of Park Seongbin, who was overacting.

Han Seolwoo took out his textbooks with a rigid posture inside that noisy classroom. He sat with his back straight and gripped his pen. He acted like a jointed robot that had just had its batteries replaced.

The bell rang and the first period began. Won Wooje, resting his chin on his hand and looking out the window, glanced sideways. Han Seolwoo was looking at the blackboard with a face much more focused than usual.

…Can this bastard even study in the midst of this?

It seemed he could. It seemed he could do it very well. He took notes densely and enthusiastically, as if his intention was to transcribe every single word the teacher said without missing any.

Won Wooje lay face down on his desk, leaving him to run wild like a racehorse. Lying on his side with one arm as a pillow, he quietly looked up at Han Seolwoo. His face, exceptionally pale and glowing, was sparkling. It was fascinating that his face hadn’t changed at all since they were young.

Even though his gaze should have returned, Han Seolwoo desperately did not look toward his side. A certain stubbornness arose in Won Wooje as he looked at him mindlessly.

He tapped Han Seolwoo’s thigh with his knee. Han Seolwoo flinched much more noticeably than usual. Only then did his gaze return to him.

“Is it fun?”

Won Wooje asked in a low voice. Han Seolwoo, his eyes narrowed, shook his head.

The gaze was withdrawn in an instant. Han Seolwoo focused on the class again. He wanted to talk about the things they couldn’t finish yesterday as soon as possible, but the other seemed to have no intention of doing so at all.

Well, I guess this bastard has to study. Let’s talk later, later.

Chewing over the thought, he closed his eyes.

Won Wooje’s expectation was off the mark. This was because he couldn’t even make eye contact, let alone have a conversation, with Han Seolwoo during break time, lunch time, or dinner time. It was because of Han Seolwoo, who blatantly avoided talking to him.

He ran out following the teacher as soon as the bell rang, and he also stayed stuck in the staff room throughout the break times. During lunch, he held onto Kim Chanju and Bae Junhyeok to talk about random things, and because of that, he sat separately two seats away when eating school meals. It was absurd when he suddenly said he would go to the snack bar with Park Seongbin, but Won Wooje just left him alone, thinking he’d see how far he would go.

The day flowed by quickly. It became the time for night self-study. The patience of the quick-tempered Won Wooje also hit rock bottom. There was a limit to pretending not to notice and pretending everything was fine while holding it in. He couldn’t wait any longer.

“Hey, come out for a second.”

Won Wooje, standing up from his seat, grabbed his arm.

“Let’s talk.”

the kids’ gazes gathered. Whether because there was no more way to avoid it, Han Seolwoo stood up hesitatingly.

Won Wooje walked ahead first. He passed through the hallway and came outside. After stopping for a moment near the incinerator where no one was around, he pulled him again toward a bench next to a flower bed in a corner of the playground.

Won Wooje, having stopped in his tracks, looked at Han Seolwoo with his hands tucked in his pockets. Because there was only a few centimeters’ difference in height, their eye levels were similar. The orange streetlight glowed down on them.

“Don’t you have anything to say?”

Won Wooje asked. Han Seolwoo blinked. His face was seemingly tense.

“What kind of words…”

“The bombshell remark that side of you dropped yesterday.”

“…”