SLC 75

Mok Seongha sat on a bench in his human form, contrary to the expectation that he would be lying in the garden as a panther.

It was a relief. At the very least, they could talk.

“Seongha-ssi.”

Kim Jinkyung called out to him. However, Mok Seongha didn’t even pretend to hear him.

“Aren’t you cold?”

It was raining. While his body would be covered in fur if he changed into a panther, that was not the case right now.

“It looks like the rain will keep falling….”

Rainwater pattered against the ceiling of the glass garden. Kim Jinkyung thought it was a miracle that he had not transformed even in this situation.

“Seongha-ssi, excuse me….”

“Go.”

Mok Seongha spoke curtly. Kim Jinkyung asked, “What?”

“I said go.”

“…To where?”

“Anywhere.”

Kim Jinkyung thought for a moment and then asked, “Are you telling me to leave this house?” Mok Seongha replied that he was.

“…Why?”

Mok Seongha, who had been staring at the rainy garden until then, turned his gaze towards Kim Jinkyung’s hand. The latter realized what that meant and quickly tore the gauze off.

“The gauze is just large, but the wound is not that serious.”

Red marks from the claw scratches had risen on his skin.

“There was only a little blood, and…..!”

Kim Jinkyung gasped. The claws of a beast gripped his neck. A chill ran through his body.

“I can hear the sound of the artery beating here, even from a meter away.”

“…….”

“Do you know why that is?”

When Kim Jinkyung hesitated and could not answer, Mok Seongha laughed and replied.

“Because I have to tear that spot in one breath. …I was born that way.”

Mok Seongha withdrew his hand. A thin red line appeared on Kim Jinkyung’s neck.

“You should have left back then.”

Mok Seongha covered his face with both hands and continued his words.

“…It is only by luck that you are alive.”

Kim Jinkyung knew exactly which moment he was referring to.

“No. Back then, Seongha-ssi….”

“Teacher.”

Mok Seongha called Kim Jinkyung. His voice was not the usual sweet tone; it was cold.

“I like you, Teacher.”

Kim Jinkyung couldn’t reply that he felt the same. Mok Seongha looked in too much pain as he said those words.

“…Just looking at you makes me like you more and more. I like you so much. Sometimes I like you so much that I can’t think of anything… I will end up killing you.”

“No….”

“My mother probably thought so too.”

Mok Seongha turned his head. His eyes were bloodshot.

“…My mother must have believed that, too. Otherwise… there is no way she would have given birth to the child of that bastard.”

Mok Seongha covered his face with both hands again.

“Please, leave….”

Mok Seongha stayed like that for a long time with his face covered. Kim Jinkyung sat beside him without a word.

It rained all night.

The next day and the day after that, Mok Seongha sat in the glass garden and did not budge. It was the same whether Kim Jinkyung or Secretary Kang visited him.

It would have been better if he had turned into a panther and protested by burying his head between his forepaws. Secretary Kang also did not know what to do at the sight of the young master, who was acting differently than usual.

“…What should we do?”

Secretary Kang asked as he looked at the garden, unable to hide his worry.

“Has he ever been like this before?”

“This is the first time in that form. Usually, even if he was angry, he would feel better if the Chairman went and comforted him….”

Now, the Chairman who could soothe that anger was gone, and Mok Seongha refused to let Kim Jinkyung come near him. Yesterday, when Kim Jinkyung grabbed his hand to try and drag him inside by force, Mok Seongha gagged and threw up stomach acid.

‘Don’t touch me, it’s dangerous!’

The moment Mok Seongha said that, Kim Jinkyung realized that an irrational defense mechanism had taken root in his mind. He tried to fix it, but it was useless. Mok Seongha rejected Kim Jinkyung’s touch with his whole being.

The thought that he might fail to recognize and might even harm someone precious if he lost his reason, just as his father had, had pierced through his mind.

The timing was terrible.

After his grandfather passed away, Mok Seongha finished the funeral with unexpected calm. He seemed better than expected.

…But there was no way that was true.

His axis had collapsed. A tiny crack was enough for the floor to cave in.

Kim Jinkyung sighed, he had opened Pandora’s box. Why did that have to be there along with the photos….

Then, something suddenly occurred to Kim Jinkyung.

“Secretary Kang. I know this is an intrusive question, but did the Chairman finish the will and the organization of assets before he passed away?”

“Ah, yes. That is correct. He finished everything.”

He had prepared everything meticulously for his young grandson. He had even specified the type of shroud and the funeral urn.

Kim Jinkyung stood up from his seat.

“May I go back in there?”

“Where are you referring to?”

“The Chairman’s study.”

“Yes. But why?”

“I feel like there might be something more left inside the box….”

“Pardon?”

“I will tell you after I check first.”

At Kim Jinkyung’s words, Secretary Kang led him to the study. The door, which had been locked since that day, opened. Kim Jinkyung entered the study and pointed to a safe built into one side of the wall.

“May I open this?”

“Only the Chairman and the young master know the password….”

Kim Jinkyung entered the eight-digit password he had heard back then. Secretary Kang stared at him with a look of disbelief.

“The Chairman told me. I won’t touch anything else.”

“It doesn’t matter even if you do touch things. In any case, the Chairman….”

Kim Jinkyung turned his head. Secretary Kang continued, “No, it is nothing.”

“Then please find what you need. I will go check on the young master.”

“Yes.”

After Secretary Kang left, Kim Jinkyung began to search the safe. Once he moved the gold bars filling the safe to one side, a small box appeared.

Kim Jinkyung pulled out the box and opened the lid. Photos, letters, and dense records were contained inside. He sat on the sofa and began to read them one by one, without leaving anything out.

‎

‎

‎

He heard footsteps. Mok Seongha knew whose they were. Kim Jinkyung’s gait was upright. A normal person’s center of gravity usually tilts to one side, but he was not like that.

A walk with an established center always gave off an orderly resonance. Even in the moments when Mok Seongha listened to the sound of him walking from afar while waiting for tutoring, he always felt that way.

A pleasant sound.

However, it was not like that now. The moment he heard the footsteps he liked, his whole body tensed up.

…I feel sick.

Mok Seongha frowned and took slow breaths.

He wanted to see him, but he didn’t want to see him. He wanted to hold him and kiss him, but he couldn’t. …He must not. Because it would become dangerous.

Sometimes, his grandfather looked at him with pained eyes. He thought it was because he reminded him of his mother, who died in an accident. He believed the reason his grandfather hated his father was that his resentment transferred to him after the accident followed an opposed marriage.

But it wasn’t for such an emotional reason. There was a very distinct and clear reason.

A reason to loathe and find that bloodline horrific.

Mok Seongha held his face in his hands. It was almost a wonder that his grandfather had not shot him dead. He could not forget the hand that stroked him while apologizing.

He shouldn’t have touched me. He should have just killed me…. A beast…, he shouldn’t have searched for me. He shouldn’t have called my name…I shouldn’t have followed….

“Seongha-ssi.”

Mok Seongha grew wary when he heard the kind voice calling his name. Kim Jinkyung breathed out and called him again, he had run all the way here.

“Seongha-ssi. I have something to tell you.”

“….I told you to go.”

Mok Seongha replied without even lifting his head. He didn’t want to see Kim Jinkyung’s eyes. If he saw those kind eyes, he would want to cling to him. He would make him pity his situation to bind him by his side, hold him, and eventually….

“I will go.”

Kim Jinkyung said as he looked at Mok Seongha.

“I will read this and then go. I’ll go, so please listen.”

Kim Jinkyung’s voice was low and heavy, unlike usual. Before Mok Seongha could even answer, he sat on the bench. Then, he opened the box he brought and took something out.

“I won’t touch you, Seongha-ssi. You can just listen from there.”

Kim Jinkyung opened a small notebook.

“October 31st. I found that child. I read Suhyeon’s letter. No matter how many times I read it, I cannot believe it. Why, for what reason, such a thing….”

“Hey.”

Mok Seongha called Kim Jinkyung in a low voice.

“What do you think you’re doing right now?”

“I am reading the Chairman’s diary.”

Mok Seongha looked at Kim Jinkyung as if he could not believe it, and let out a cynical laugh.

“Just how much do you want to tell me?”

“…….”

“Do you want to tell me how much the Chairman must have loathed my bloodline deep down? ..You don’t have to. I already know without you needing to tell me.”

“Do you know about Schrödinger’s cat experiment?”

“What?”

Mok Seongha asked.

“It is an experiment designed by a scientist named Schrödinger to criticize the incompleteness of quantum mechanics….”

“Fuck.”

Mok Seongha cursed and stood up from his seat.

“You don’t have to tutor me. I have no intention of collecting your debt. So leave.”

“I am not trying to tutor you. Please, just listen.”

“…….”

“If your thoughts don’t change even after you listen, or if you hate me being next to you, I will leave. So, please listen to my story just this once.”

Kim Jinkyung spoke to Mok Seongha in a determined voice that was unlike him. Mok Seongha sat back down with a pale face, as he knew that a person who usually sways easily never backs down once he becomes stubborn.

“To criticize the scholars who tried to express quantum mechanics as a probability, a man named Schrödinger proposed a thought experiment. If you assume a cat and poison are put in a box and a device is set so that the poison might break or not after an hour, the cat could be alive or dead before you open the box. This is called superposition.”

“Fuck, what the….”

“It means that two states can exist simultaneously before an observer see it. ‘Observation’ determines the ‘state.’ Whether it is dead or alive.” Kim Jinkyung continued as he looked at Mok Seongha.

“…..I didn’t want to open it for a long time.”

Kim Jinkyung believed that Mok Seongha couldn’t possibly like him. Therefore, he wanted to leave the relationship between the two in that state of superposition, neither alive nor dead. He was afraid to confirm the state.

“But observation is not simply looking. Reality does not change just by watching. …Observation ruins uncertainty through interaction with the outside world and confirms the state.”

“So.”

“Open it and see for yourself. Whether the cat is alive or dead, that is not your fault, Seongha-ssi.”

“……..”

“I will keep reading.”

Kim Jinkyung read down the diary again.

“November 4th. They say he continues to refuse to eat. Uicheol visited several times to talk. He said it was strange. I told him to call a doctor. November 6th. He ate the food I gave him. He refuses everything else.”

The text noted that he only ate food given by those he considered family or those designated by him. A brief description on that followed.

“November 12th. The autopsy finished, and we held the funeral. The mortician preparing the body held my hand and pleaded. He told me not to come in. He said it would be for the best. I had to see the last of my child. I brushed aside his restraint and watched my child’s final moments. She did not look peaceful, nor did she look like she was dreaming of eternal rest. That was not the child I knew. It was a lump of meat. That thing, stitched together from gathered scraps of flesh, failing to even hold a proper form, was not my daughter. It couldn’t be. I told them to bring Suhyeon to me. I couldn’t believe a piece of paper with DNA results. If only I could see that child just one last time….”

The old man’s desperate emotions continued after that. Mok Seongha endured those stories with his fists clenched.

“November 15th. I received the autopsy results for that thing. It was written that my child’s DNA was found in the bloodstains remaining in its stomach and around its mouth. I only regret that it was shot dead on the spot. I should have killed it with my own hands. If only I could, I would have killed it many times over. Many times. My only grudge is that I could not kill the beast that treated my child like a lump of meat.”

“…Teacher.”

Mok Seongha called Kim Jinkyung in a low voice. Then he asked, “Can’t you stop now?” It was content he had already read. It was a chapter he had read repeatedly while standing in the study.

“You can stop now. I don’t care about some cat, whether it’s alive or not.”

“November 21st.”

“Hey.”

“Yes.”

Kim Jinkyung replied while looking at Mok Seongha.

“I said stop.”

“Uicheol came to find me. That child….”

Mok Seongha grabbed Kim Jinkyung by the collar. His bright golden burned with rage.

“Stop reading.”

“That child changed. At first, I couldn’t believe it, ugh….”

Mok Seongha tightened his grip on his collar.

“I told you to stop reading! Are you doing this on purpose? Do you also want to tell me… how you hate me?”

“No.”

Kim Jinkyung answered calmly while looking into the bright pupils glaring at him. When his emotions peaked, Mok Seongha’s panther characteristics emerged. Sharp fangs, golden eyes that grew exceptionally deep in color, and pupils that narrowed into long ovals.

A person freezes when a predator is right in front of them. It is a form of survival instinct engraved in DNA. If the predator is too close to escape, the body stops in its tracks to deceive the opponent by appearing dead.

When Mok Seongha revealed the predator inside him, Kim Jinkyung’s body instinctively froze for a moment. However, he had now learned how to break free from that.

He slowly took a deep breath and stared at Mok Seongha. He recognized who the person he liked was and didn’t avoid his gaze, blood began to circulate from his head again.

“Seongha-ssi. I don’t hate you, and you aren’t scary. That is why I want to read this to you.”

“Fuck, read what!”

Mok Seongha snatched the small notebook from Kim Jinkyung’s hand and threw it to the floor.

“Did you not read what is written there? Did you not see what Grandfather wrote! You say you don’t hate me or find me scary, so why do you read that….”

The area under Mok Seongha’s eyes turned red. He quickly wiped his eyes with the back of his hand and continued.

“…Why to me…. Why are you doing this to me?”

“Because I like you.”

Kim Jinkyung grabbed the hem of Mok Seongha’s clothes. Fearing that he might throw up again if his hand touched him, Kim Jinkyung continued while only holding the edge of the fabric.

“It’s because I like you, Seongha-ssi. There is no other reason.”

Mok Seongha looked down at Kim Jinkyung.

Those kind eyes, with a clear boundary between the black and white, revealed his sincerity. He had never once committed a harmful act. Even though he said there was a reason this time too, it was only agonizing for Mok Seongha.

“…You can stop reading. I read all of it.”

Mok Seongha spoke in a low voice, as if he were confessing a misdeed.

The fact that he had gone to his grandfather’s study after suddenly thinking of the photos while looking down at the sleeping Kim Jinkyung that day was an impulse for his own sake. He wanted to show off by giving the photos to Kim Jinkyung, but he also wanted to see with his own eyes where his photos were kept inside the large safe.

He already knew the password.

07080913. It was a combination of his and his mother’s birthdays. Mok Seongha entered the password and found the file Kim Jinkyung mentioned inside the safe.

The white file. He said it was in a white file. Found it.

Just as Kim Jinkyung said, the file was deeper inside than the gold bars and diamonds. Mok Seongha’s mood improved. Then, the moment he reached out thinking he should bring two photos as a reward, the notebook got caught on his sleeve and came out.

He didn’t want to read it. He was just about to check what it was. He briefly smiled upon recognizing his grandfather’s handwriting, but after reading one page, turning another, and reading another, he only realized what it was after reading the entire notebook while standing right there.

“I know, because I read it all. I know what Grandfather thinks of me, and what that beast bastard did to my mother….”

“Seongha-ssi.”

Kim Jinkyung took a piece of paper out of his pocket and handed it over.

“Did you read this?”

“What is this?”

“It is a letter your mother wrote to your grandfather. It was found among her belongings.”

Mok Seongha took the letter with trembling hands and read it. Words asking after his father’s well-being, the unique nature of her husband who turned into a panther, how she first met him, various unbelievable abilities, and stories about her son, Seongha were written in the letter in mature handwriting.

“What changes after reading this?” Mok Seongha repressed his surging emotions and asked in a cold voice.

“Don’t you know the Chairman’s personality? Why do you think he would just leave this behind?”

“Fuck, do I have to think about that reason right now?”

“…I didn’t see the Chairman many times, but.”

When he first saw the old man in the hospital room, Kim Jinkyung saw Mok Seongha in his piercing gaze.

If he hadn’t heard that Mok Seongha’s characteristics did not come from his mother’s side, he would have thought he inherited them from his grandfather, the two were so similar.

Mok Seongha was young, clumsy, and immature, but the old man was skillful, flawless, and meticulous. So, every time they had a conversation, he became so nervous that his palm would start sweating.

“The Chairman is not the kind of person who would forget or leave out something important.”

“…….”

“Think about the reason why the Chairman did not discard the diary and left it in the safe.”

Moreover, he left it in a spot deeper than the gold bars, bonds, or diamonds. He placed it together with the file containing photos of the grandson he cherished.

“He probably left it for me to read.”

Mok Seongha replied as if the idea was absurd.

“I think so, too.”

“What?”

“I mean he left it for you to read. It is certain he left it there because he thought you, Seongha-ssi, needed to read this.”

At first, Kim Jinkyung thought it was just terrible luck. Why did it have to get caught on the clothes, and why did he end up reading it instead of just putting it back? …Why did he even offer to go find the photos? However, the more he thought about it, the more he realized it was not simple misfortune.

“…The Chairman did that on purpose… so I would read it…?”

The moment he heard that his misfortune was his grandfather’s intention, Mok Seongha felt as if a bucket of cold water had been dumped over him. Just as reason was about to vanish from his eyes, Kim Jinkyung grabbed his hand.

“Seongha-ssi.”

“I told you not to touch me!”

Mok Seongha swatted his hand. Kim Jinkyung, who normally would have stepped back in fear, took Mok Seongha’s hand again.

“Don’t touch me, fuck, please, I said don’t touch me….”

Mok Seongha shouted at the top of his lungs. His stomach twisted. He felt as if someone had plugged an electric cord into his brain and started a generator. A numbing pain pierced through his entire body. It’s dangerous…. Dangerous. Danger….

Mok Seongha twisted his body and retched, gagging on what was inside. But since he had not eaten anything lately, only black and yellow bile surged up his throat.

“It is not dangerous.”

Kim Jinkyung said while holding onto Mok Seongha.

“It is not dangerous. To me…for me, you are not dangerous, Seongha-ssi, so… it’s okay.”

Kim Jinkyung continued to comfort him while holding him.

“I know it is hard for you to read this. But read it. The Chairman left it behind because you must. …Because there are things you need to know.”

“What are those things….”

His eyes were blurred with tears,.

“What are they, Teacher? Why do I have to know those things?”

He resented his grandfather for leaving behind foul things as the truth, even if they were facts he needed to know. He resented and missed the man so much, the man who took in a beast with such horrific blood as his grandson and both hated and loved him….

“Because it is in your memory, Seongha-ssi.”

“What…?”

“You were there at the scene of the accident that day. The Chairman knew that, too.”

“What does that matter? I don’t even remember it.”

“What if you remember it someday?”

“What…?”

“What will you do if you recover your memory one day?”

“How should I know a thing like that?”

“No one knows exactly what happened at the scene of the accident that day. Circumstantial facts remain, but those are just guesses. The only person who knows is you, Seongha-ssi.”

It was unlike the old man to leave the diary there without disposing of it, even while knowing his cherished grandson would be hurt. Furthermore, he showed the photos and even gave away the password to the safe. Everything was unlike him.

“Whatever memory you find, what the Chairman wants you to know is not its authenticity.”

Kim Jinkyung opened the lid of the box he brought. Then, he poured out the numerous notebooks inside in front of Mok Seongha.

“Read them all.”

“Is this all….”

“These are the diaries written by the Chairman. I looked for them because I thought he wouldn’t have written just that one volume. I found them in the deepest part of the safe.”

The box was filled with old notebooks. Kim Jinkyung sorted the notebooks in order, and read every single page.

“I read them all. Except for this one volume.”

Kim Jinkyung took a notebook out of his pocket and handed it to Mok Seongha.

“This is the one he wrote most recently.”

Mok Seongha took the notebook with a trembling hand.

“You might recover your memory one day, or you might not. …Or you might find out the truth in another way.”

Inside the box was also a scrap of a newspaper article covering the accident from that day. There was a short article stating that an unidentified beast of unknown origin was shot dead while mutilating a body at the scene of a traffic accident.

The old man kept in mind that, in some way, Mok Seongha would find out about the events of that day.

His diary was a preparation for his grandson. It was a confession to his grandson, containing his own ugly and honest inner thoughts in their entirety.

“There is no way he only hated you for all that time.”

“I….”

“You know it. You know that the Chairman worried for you and cared for you, Seongha-ssi.”

‘Don’t drink cold water when you wake up in the morning; drink lukewarm water first. It is bad for your stomach.’

Mok Seongha recalled the nagging his grandfather gave him before he died.

To think that his final words were to drink lukewarm water instead of cold water.

“Read it. I will read it to you if it is too hard. …Or I will stay by your side, so …you must read it.”

Kim Jinkyung said while holding onto the hem of Mok Seongha’s clothes.

“Teacher, I…. I….”

“Reading that will not change what happened that day, but …at least you will find out with what heart the Chairman raised you, Seongha-ssi.”

Only then did Mok Seongha realize the meaning of the Schrödinger’s cat experiment Kim Jinkyung had mentioned to him.

Reading the diary does not affect the reality that has already occurred. Whether his father lost his reason and harmed his mother, or did not, was something that happened in the past. However, if he didn’t read the diary, he would never understand his grandfather, who raised him for twenty years even while knowing that situation.

He would have guessed, misunderstood, and despaired.

…Just like now.

In the end, the ‘observation’ (reading the diary) and enduring that entire process collapsed the misunderstandings. What it confirmed was not the truth of that day, but the grandfather’s feelings toward his grandson.

You must read it.

He felt he understood the reason why Kim Jinkyung looked at him and said those words.

Because he wanted to tell you that he cherished and loved you in spite of everything…. Because he wanted to say that he came to care for you while passing through those difficult times….

Tears fell from Mok Seongha’s eyes. The cries he had managed to hold back even during the funeral finally spiraled out of control.

He hugged Kim Jinkyung while crying like a child.

“Teacher…. I…what do I do…. I… Grandfather…is dead….”

Tears also ran down from Kim Jinkyung’s face. He couldn’t say that ‘it’s okay’. There was no way it was okay. It was bound to be painful.

“Teacher…. Teacher…. Ah..hng…. Huu….Ugh.”

Kim Jinkyung hugged Mok Seongha without saying anything. That was all he could do for him.

“…You did well.”

Kim Jinkyung whispered in a small voice.

‘If that happens, I can’t go this time either. Not to the hospital, not to the funeral hall…. A beast can’t go to places like that.’

“You endured well. …It is okay now….”

Before anyone knew it, the panther revealed his pitch-black form and shed tears while held by Kim Jinkyung. The latter knew how much he must have endured to keep his place without transforming, so as not to disappoint his grandfather.

Tears fell incessantly from the beast’s eyes. The cries of the animal filled the inside of the glass garden.

Kim Jinkyung hugged the large beast with all his might.

The sound of rain surrounded the garden. In the garden where the smell of wet soil and the scent of flowers intertwined, the two held each other for a long time.