SLC 78

Mok Seongha answered.

The very idea that his memories would return if he found the greenhouse where he had been holed up was irrational. Secretary Kang, who had given him the address, must have known that too. The reason Secretary Kang sent him off without a single word of nagging was probably consideration for him, since his mental state was unstable.

“If you think of anywhere else you want to go, please tell me. I’ll take you there.”

Mok Seongha wrapped Kim Jinkyung’s slightly curly hair around his finger and fiddled with it for a moment before answering.

“I had a dream.”

“What kind of dream?”

“A dream with a black panther in it. A conception dream, maybe.”

“Ahaha… haha.”

Kim Jinkyung laughed awkwardly and then looked at Mok Seongha through the mirror.

“That’s not possible, right?”

His eyes, filled with fear, made it obvious what he was asking. Mok Seongha burst out laughing.

“Hahaha. I told you it isn’t. How would I get you pregnant?”

“…That’s a relief.”

Mok Seongha’s insides churned slightly when he saw the look of relief on Kim Jinkyung’s face. Was that really something to be relieved about?

…Was it really that unpleasant?

“But what kind of panther was it?” Kim Jinkyung asked, glancing at Mok Seongha.

“It looked exactly like me.”

Mok Seongha pressed down on the hair wrapped around his finger with his thumb and continued.

“I was very young, and he was looking at me. That’s all.”

Mok Seongha pulled his hand back and muttered in a self-deprecating voice.

“I’m dreaming all kinds of crap.”

“No.”

Kim Jinkyung answered.

“It wasn’t a meaningful dream. They say dreams are originally combinations of thoughts or memories from the subconscious.”

Mok Seongha looked at Kim Jinkyung. He was waiting for his words.

“…I thought it might be a memory.”

“My memory?”

“Yes. You said you lived together with your parents when you were young, so… a really old memory.”

Mok Seongha tried to recall things other than the black panther he saw in the dream, but everything was blurred except for the golden eyes that had been looking at him.

“I sometimes dream about picking apples too. No matter how many apples I pick, the apple trees that still need picking never decrease, so I just keep picking. Haha.”

Whenever he felt stressed or went through something difficult, apple trees appeared in his dreams without fail. When he talked about it to people around him the first few times, several acquaintances said it sounded like a conception dream and offered to buy the dream.¹

“Isn’t that a conception dream too?”

“So I sold the dream a few times.”

Kim Jinkyung answered with a playful smile. He only sold it when he picked especially big and pretty apples. Once to his maternal uncle, once to his cousin. Coincidentally, both of them really did give birth to very pretty and cute daughters.

“Don’t sell it.”

Mok Seongha spoke irritably.

“Huh? Why?”

“Why would you give your own thing to someone else. Don’t give it away. It annoys me. Don’t sell it even if it’s a meaningless dream. I hate it even more if it’s a conception dream.”

“…Okay.”

It was unreasonable and made no sense, but Kim Jinkyung agreed. Mok Seongha leaned back against the car window again.

After they drove for a while, he suddenly spoke.

“Do you really think that was my memory?”

“Was it a good dream?”

“It was just… a dream.”

A black panther appeared and looked at him, and he reached out and touched it. That was all. Even so, when he woke up from the dream, he was crying. It was embarrassing.

Kim Jinkyung smiled and said,

“Then either way is fine. Whether it was just a dream, or a memory.”

The wind scattered Kim Jinkyung’s hair. Mok Seongha slowly engraved that sight into his eyes. Kim Jinkyung felt his gaze and asked, “Why are you looking at me?”

“I don’t get it.”

“What don’t you get?”

“Why someone like you likes me.”

Kim Jinkyung thought he had misheard.

“Me… someone like me? What did I… even do?”

“Your face don’t hurt my eyes, and your voice is calm…”

Mok Seongha stopped there, straightened up, nuzzle Kim Jinkyung’s neck, and added, “You smell nice too.”

Blood rushed from Kim Jinkyung’s neck to his face in an instant. He covered his neck with his palm and muttered, “Don’t joke like that.”

“It’s not a joke. You’re even good at sex. Is sex some kind of talent too? Why are you good at everything?”

Kim Jinkyung’s face turned red to the point it looked pitiful.

“That’s why I don’t understand why someone like you likes me. I don’t even have any real qualities.”

Mok Seongha knew exactly what strengths he had.

His looks attracted attention, and he had more money than he could ever spend. But neither of those mattered to Kim Jinkyung. He wasn’t the type to like someone just because of money, and his taste in men was awful.

“Why would you say you don’t have qualities. Seongha-ssi has a lot of qualities.”

“There are more reasons you shouldn’t like me than reasons you should.”

And every one of them was fatal. A man who turned into a black panther at the drop of a hat. If it were him, he wouldn’t be able to like something like that.

“There’s nothing like that.”

Kim Jinkyung fervently defended his lover. Mok Seongha watched him, then called out, “Hey.”

“Yes.”

“If I have another episode, leave me behind next time.”

“…What?”

“Don’t stay like an idiot thinking you’re doing it for me. That isn’t for my sake.”

If a day ever came when he hurt Kim Jinkyung, he wouldn’t be able to live. No, there wouldn’t even be a reason to live. He didn’t want to live.

“I don’t want that.”

The unexpected answer made Mok Seongha snap his eyes open.

“What?”

“It might be dangerous, but… it isn’t that dangerous.”

“How would you know that!”

“We were together that day.”

“……”

“I was with you that day, Seongha-ssi. So I know. It isn’t that dangerous… I might get scratched a little, but.”

“You…”

Mok Seongha tried to say something, then gave up and sighed.

“Fuck, you’re stubborn.”

“Ha ha….”

Kim Jinkyung laughed awkwardly. That stupid laugh made all of Mok Seongha’s worries feel meaningless. He touched Kim Jinkyung’s cheek.

“Teacher.”

“Yes?”

“Should I give you all my money?”

“…What?”

Kim Jinkyung flinched and reflexively looked to the side, then turned back.

“What are you even talking about?”

“…My looks won’t work on you, and all I have is money. If you need it, I’ll give you everything. So…”

Kim Jinkyung turned on the hazard lights and pulled the car over to the shoulder.

“I think you’re misunderstanding something.”

“What misunderstanding?”

“Me liking you doesn’t change just because you give me money, Seongha-ssi.”

“I know.”

Mok Seongha answered in a slightly deflated voice.

He knew. But that was the only thing he could think of to give. The more he looked at Kim Jinkyung, the more he wanted him. Pretty, kind, smart, good at sex. The moment he went outside, ugly bastards would definitely line up behind him. Anyone with eyes, a brain, and a penis couldn’t help but like Kim Jinkyung.

“I… I like your voice, Seongha-ssi.”

“Huh?”

“It’s low and grave. I like the way you call me with that slightly teasing tone. And the way you try so hard, too. Oh, right. I thought it was amazing when you tied a pen to your tail and solved problems. And…”

Kim Jinkyung continued explaining everything he liked about Mok Seongha.

“It’s amazing how you studied all on your own, your hands are handsome, and also…”

Kim Jinkyung’s gaze reached Mok Seongha’s eyes.

“Your eyes…”

Mok Seongha’s breath hitched.

“When I see them at night, they look like stars…”

He had heard that before.

‘His eyes are golden, so they shine even during the day, and they shine even more at night. Like stars…’

“I just like them when I look at them. Just like looking up at the stars makes you feel good, Seongha-ssi is like that too. So I think I keep looking without realizing it sometimes.”

Mok Seongha sighed and rubbed his face.

“What’s wrong? Are you sick?”

“…No.”

“Then why…”

“Because I really like you too much.”

Mok Seongha covered his face with his hands and confessed.

“I like you so much that I feel like I’m really going crazy.”

“…I feel the same.”

Kim Jinkyung murmured softly and took Mok Seongha’s hand. Mok Seongha laced his fingers with Kim Jinkyung’s and held on.

“If you keep this up, you’re really going to get buried alive with me.”

“……”

“If you don’t like that, let’s die on the same day.”

“I want to die naturally, though….”

He wanted to avoid deaths like the ones on the news no matter what.

“Then let’s both die naturally on the same day.”

“…I’ll try.”

Kim Jinkyung didn’t know whether he should try for a short life or a long one, but he decided to stay by Mok Seongha’s side for now.

“Let’s go already.”

Mok Seongha tapped the steering wheel.

“I want to hurry up, wash up, and have sex with you.”

“…You’re in mourning.”

“It’s fine. Grandpa will understand and support us.”

…There was no way that was true.

But Kim Jinkyung agreed that he wanted to get back to Seoul quickly. He had dried himself with a dryer, but his clothes still felt unpleasant, and he wanted to lie down on a wide, comfortable bed as soon as possible. He wanted to do nothing and sleep like he was dead for 8 hours.

Kim Jinkyung started the engine again to pull out. The engine just made a whirring sound as it spun, then went dead with a weak click.

“What’s wrong with it?”

“I don’t know.”

Kim Jinkyung pressed the start button again. It was the same this time. The engine even sounded worse than before.

A short sound rang out, then stopped.

“Can you fix it?”

Kim Jinkyung answered Mok Seongha’s question with a startled voice. “No?”

“So there are things you don’t know either.”

“Of course. How would I fix this?”

It wasn’t even a common model. Kim Jinkyung took his phone out of his pocket. The screen was completely dead.

“Huh, what’s wrong with it?”

He couldn’t understand it. It had definitely been charged to over 90% before they left. He had barely used it, so why on earth…

Kim Jinkyung recalled something. Early yesterday morning, he had turned on the phone flashlight and wandered around looking for the greenhouse. Then he heard Mok Seongha’s voice, shoved the phone into his pocket without turning it off, and the two of them went up to the motel…

“Haa.”

Kim Jinkyung grabbed his forehead and sighed. He had wondered why Secretary Kang hadn’t even made one phone call. It wasn’t that he hadn’t called, he couldn’t.

“…You didn’t bring your phone, right?”

“Yeah.”

“Please stay in the car for now. I’ll try to flag down a passing car at least.”

It was a relief that they had pulled over to the shoulder. If the car had stopped while driving, Mok Seongha’s wish to be buried together might have come true far too quickly.

“It’s fine. I’ll stop one.”

“No. You’re tired, so stay in the car.”

Kim Jinkyung got out of the driver’s seat. Mok Seongha followed right after. Kim Jinkyung told him to go back in several times, but he stuck right next to him and didn’t move. In the end, the two of them stood side by side and waved at passing cars.

There wasn’t many cars to begin with, and with two adult men standing there waving, even the ones that looked like they might stop just passed by.

“…Seongha-ssi.”

“What?”

“Could you hide somewhere so you’re not visible?”

“Fuck, why?”

Mok Seongha was tall. He had always been tall, but he seemed to have grown another half span recently, as if he was hitting a growth spurt. Up close, that face paired with his height would be an advantage, but to people in cars, Mok Seongha’s height could only look threatening.

“Two men standing there looks kind of scary.”

“So you want to stand here alone?”

“I want to get back quickly too.”

Kim Jinkyung honestly admitted.

“…I want to hurry up, wash, and sleep.”

Mok Seongha ignored the first part and only registered ‘sleep.’ His eyes lit up.

“Don’t change your words later.”

“Huh? Ah, okay.”

“Is it fine if I stand over there?”

Mok Seongha pointed at a tree near the shoulder. Kim Jinkyung quickly nodded, afraid he might change his mind. Mok Seongha walked over and stood behind the tree. His large frame wasn’t completely hidden, but it wasn’t obvious enough to be noticed by cars driving past.

Kim Jinkyung stood by the back of the car and waited. Mok Seongha stood behind the tree and peeked at him like a large cat watching its prey.

“Hey.”

He called out from behind.

“What is it?”

“I can talk to you, right?”

“…Yes.”

“Will you marry me?”

“What?”

Kim Jinkyung thought he had misheard because of the distance. He frowned and turned his head.

Mok Seongha stuck only his face out from behind the tree and continued talking while looking at Kim Jinkyung.

“Men can do it too, right?”

“They can’t. As far as I know, not in our country.”

“Is it possible in other countries?”

“There are countries where it is possi…let’s stop a car first.”

Was he out of his mind? Talking about that in the middle of the road, in a situation like this… haa.

The fact that part of him felt happy about it meant something was wrong with his head too.

“You will, right?”

Mok Seongha asked, peeking his head out from behind the tree.

Cute. Annoyingly cute.

Kim Jinkyung deliberately didn’t answer and waved at passing cars . A black sedan rushed past him.

“Hey. Move back. That’s dangerous, that bastard.”

“…Okay.”

Kim Jinkyung stepped back. A white SUV approached from far away. Kim Jinkyung waved again, but the white SUV didn’t slow down and sped past.

“Are we going to sleep on the road today?”

“Ha ha.”

It sounded ominous, but he couldn’t completely rule it out.

“Should we abandon the car and walk? We can find a nearby rest stop.”

“Let’s try as much as we can first.”

A large truck approached from far away. The vehicle was tall, so Kim Jinkyung thought the driver might see him better. He jumped in place and waved his hand high. The truck seemed to notice and turned toward them.

Mok Seongha laughed.

“Hey, you really are…”

He was about to scold him for being that cute and still having gone through the military.

Before he realized that the vibration of the road from the approaching truck was stronger than before.

…Why?

Mok Seongha lifted his head and checked the truck driver. His body moved before he even realized it.

“Kim Jinkyung!”

Mok Seongha shouted and ran. Kim Jinkyung turned around. His pale face burned itself into Mok Seongha’s eyes.

Mok Seongha felt like his heart had stopped beating.

The massive truck tore through the air and slid across the asphalt. The headlights swallowed Kim Jinkyung’s shadow, and the hunk of metal roared as it surged forward.

Everything happened in an instant.

‎

‎

The call came in the late afternoon.

‘Hello. This is the traffic division at the police station. Are you …’s family member by any chance? It’s just that…’

1. means letting someone else claim your dream as their conception dream. ↩︎